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Facebook and uploading dating pics


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As some of you may know, I've been dating a woman the past couple of months. When we first started going out, I would sometimes take pictures of her and pick ones to upload to FB and tag her.

 

She really seemed to be into it, got a lot of "Likes" and "Who's the new man" inquiries from FB co-workers at her workplace.

 

There's probably only 1 that I posted way back when I had a waitress take a pic of the the both of us and yesterday I had a man take a picture of us (2nd pic of us together).

 

Lately though, she's been kind of weird about having her pictures taken. We were out at a dock over a lake, and I saw a pretty good photo moment to take of her, and she was like, "Okay, you can take a pic, but keep it for yourself, but not on FB."

 

I think she was humoring me in the beginning, but now I think she's actually uncomfortable with it.

 

I asked her "What's up with you and your pics being taken?" And she said she's not really one to have her pics taken and stuff, kind of photo shy....I did notice that MOST of her photos on Facebook were "Tagged" photos (pics taken and uploaded by friends, but she has VERY little pics she's actually uploaded herself.)

 

Though, I didn't upload the photo in question per her request, I did upload a picture of us together and tagged her in it ( thought it turned out nice ).

 

I don't know if I'm thinking this is "telling" of something (underlying issue) or she is just simply camera shy? Is she modest and/or the type of person that simply doesn't like drawing attention to herself? Perhaps she needs to be in the mood. Perhaps she doesn't feel pretty at the time?

 

When I asked her what was up with all that, she did apologize, hug me and kiss me, but she told me she's not really one to like her pictures being taken...at least to a certain extent. Like I said, I think she was just trying to humor me in the beginning I guess? I dunno, perhaps I'm reading too much into it?

Edited by irc333
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Philosoraptor

Take her at her word.

 

At the beginning when you're smitten most people will stretch their boundaries a bit, but she seems to be done stretching.

 

And yes, you're reading too much into it. Just respect her wishes and take her at her word.

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I would think nothing of it, my wife won't let me tag her in photos unless she has seen them first and asks me too.

If I do tag her in something she hasn't seen will say something like " the photo shows me in the worst possible light" or something of that nature..

 

I guess she likes to control what goes out to her friends and how she looks in pictures is pretty high on her FB priorities.

 

On this alone I wouldn't sweat it, however if this is coupled with any other things then it may mean a pullback.

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I didn't know you were seeing someone. Very cool man.

 

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Women can be weird when it comes to facebook.

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Very spooky! This is the exact situation I was in a few months back.

 

I was seeing a woman too and in the beginning Id put pictures of me and her on FB but what I leanred later AFTER a few months when she didnt want to date me anymore.

 

She told me she was getting a lot of people asking who her new man was and there was a lot of pressure on her. A lot of her friends thought we were a couple but in the end it when she chose not to date me she told me all this.

 

In hindsight I wished I stepped back a bit and didnt do too much posting but then I think why should I stop what Im doing and why should it spoil our relationship?

 

Well it turns out she wasnt that into me, and now she doesnt rely comment on my FB anymore.

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I guess she likes to control what goes out to her friends and how she looks in pictures is pretty high on her FB priorities.

 

On this alone I wouldn't sweat it, however if this is coupled with any other things then it may mean a pullback.

My setting is that I can't be tagged on anything on facebook unless I approve it. This is partly because people will tag you in any old (embarrassing) c**p and some will take photos of you when you are least aware of it because apparently shlt pics are funny :rolleyes:

 

Exercising some control about what is published about you is intelligent, in my opinion.

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Wow. .. looks like Zippy had a diff exp. As opposed to the rest of the posters.

 

I think she is a bit self conscience of her own appearance in general though.

There was a time where I thought she lost interest, but when I had asked her, she says

She has not as she is still on for future plans as she told me her calendar is pretty clear for the both of us to plan events together. :-)

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Very spooky! This is the exact situation I was in a few months back.

 

I was seeing a woman too and in the beginning Id put pictures of me and her on FB but what I leanred later AFTER a few months when she didnt want to date me anymore.

 

She told me she was getting a lot of people asking who her new man was and there was a lot of pressure on her. A lot of her friends thought we were a couple but in the end it when she chose not to date me she told me all .

 

^^^This

 

Every time I post a picture with a guy (even my brother) I get comments about who is this guy. I want my personal life personal and until I'm in a pretty serious relationship, I don't want it on fb - too much drama and pressure. In the first few months the likeliness of it turning into a ltr is still questionable. If it doesn't work out, then you almost have to break up on FB...remove pics and change status and everyone starts gossiping. FB is to post random, fluffy things. Not a place to put your relationship.

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Yes, don't worry about it. It just means she is comfortable enough with you to tell you honestly what she does and does not like.

 

I've always been camera shy. I freeze when someone wants to take my picture, don't feel comfortable at all, though generally I'm a pretty confident person. I'm in a LDR now and unfortunately it comes with the territory to send pics daily. My bf knows I'm not fond of it, so I send 1 for every 4 he sends. When we cam I turn my own preview off because I feel very self-conscieus otherwise having to see myself all the time.

 

I try and make up for it; when we are together he can take as many pictures as he likes, preferably when I don't notice he is doing it :p

 

It's really sweet she hugged and kissed you to reassure you. Glad things are working out for you. :)

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I have to guess this must be a woman issue as I hardly see men taking issue with being photographed. :-)

 

 

 

 

Yes, don't worry about it. It just means she is comfortable enough with you to tell you honestly what she does and does not like.

 

I've always been camera shy. I freeze when someone wants to take my picture, don't feel comfortable at all, though generally I'm a pretty confident person. I'm in a LDR now and unfortunately it comes with the territory to send pics daily. My bf knows I'm not fond of it, so I send 1 for every 4 he sends. When we cam I turn my own preview off because I feel very self-conscieus otherwise having to see myself all the time.

 

I try and make up for it; when we are together he can take as many pictures as he likes, preferably when I don't notice he is doing it :p

 

It's really sweet she hugged and kissed you to reassure you. Glad things are working out for you. :)

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Wow. .. looks like Zippy had a diff exp. As opposed to the rest of the posters.

 

I think she is a bit self conscience of her own appearance in general though.

There was a time where I thought she lost interest, but when I had asked her, she says

She has not as she is still on for future plans as she told me her calendar is pretty clear for the both of us to plan events together. :-)

 

 

I was meaning the part when you mentioned earlier.... "She really seemed to be into it, got a lot of "Likes" and "Who's the new man" inquiries from FB co-workers at her workplace."

 

The woman I dated had the same experience asking who I was. The only difference is we stopped dating and kept in touch and people would still ask who I was. Im just putting my opinion/experience to your topic of uploading FB pics. She doesnt delete the pics or remove them so she must like me enough.

 

What I m trying to get at is some people dont mind it but some people do. ANOTHER girl pal doesnt let me post pics on her FB full stop.

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^^^This

 

Every time I post a picture with a guy (even my brother) I get comments about who is this guy. I want my personal life personal and until I'm in a pretty serious relationship, I don't want it on fb - too much drama and pressure. In the first few months the likeliness of it turning into a ltr is still questionable. If it doesn't work out, then you almost have to break up on FB...remove pics and change status and everyone starts gossiping. FB is to post random, fluffy things. Not a place to put your relationship.

 

 

Thank you for your input Katinic. The woman I dated said ALSO there was too much "pressure" on her to explain who I was. She felt like she was on that TV shows "Big Brother".

 

"If it doesn't work out, then you almost have to break up on FB...remove pics and change status and everyone starts gossiping. FB is to post random, fluffy things. Not a place to put your relationship".

 

I m still friends with this woman. She doesnt mind me tagging pics on FB but I ve reduced how much I post on FB now and Im glad she communicated that to me.

 

So to IRC333. Its possible what you put on to FB may be too soon and too qucik and she may be having doubts of the relationship. Thats my opinion based on my experience. Just lighten or reduce what you put on FB.

 

What you tend to find is the best relationships work when nothing goes on facebook.

 

Or

 

 

Facebook doesnt ruin relationships. Its simply exposes the weak ones.

Edited by Zippy2000
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I don't like pictures taken too early in a relationship because I feel it proclaims to the world that I am with the guy who took the pics, since he'd be the one to tag me in it. I might not be ready to make it official, that's why it'd bother me. I feel it's overstepping boundaries.

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The first time I put restriction on my profile was when a guy I was just mates with - and didn't fancy the slightest, never socialised with one on one - tagged his own photo on my facebook wall, a massive headshot sitting on the wall. Meanwhile there was someone on my friends list whom I was interested in and definitely didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

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isisisweeping

How is her self esteem generally?

 

I hate being photographed and seeing photos of me can put me in a tailspin so I've asked people not to tag me before.

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I had a ex who would take pictures of me all the time it is annoying and invasive unless your on vaca or its a family moment but dating pictures ? Pictured of your dates? Meh.

 

I too at the beginning stretched my dislike and let him take a few bit really how many do you need?

Edited by Omei
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My husband put up a lot of pics of us in the beginning. Like everything else in the honeymoon phase, it slacked off (fortunately). The jokes about cradle robbing were cute at first.

 

I looked at it from an outside point of view - man, people must be sick to death of me/us popping up on their newsfeed! I know I sure get sick of others that do this, and often block them if it gets to be too much.

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I think you're reading too much into it.

 

For me personally I don't see why I need to have "dating pics" on Facebook. I don't put my dating life or relationship on FB period so that would be odd for me and annoying if every time I went on a date the guy took my picture and put it on FB and tagged me. My settings are such that no one can tag me or upload pics of me without my approval anyway, and I did it when I got tired of people taking pictures and then tagging me in them without my permission.

 

I prefer to keep my dating life private especially early on and just my preference, I actually prefer men who don 't use FB much as I had a bad experience with an ex who put all his business on FB for all to see which I don't think helped anything. If our relationship is going on for a while then I feel more comfortable taking pictures and adding them online but especially when it is new, no. I also have seen the second hand embarrassment of people who love to pose with the person they are seeing or have all these couples pictures and then everyone likes and comments...then things end...and because it was so publicized the breakup also becomes a matter for public consumption. I HATE that! Therefore on my FB there is no relationship status or dating pictures or anything of the sort. My FB is mostly for school/professional purposes and I do post trips I take and general things but I guard my romantic life and don't see it having ANY business on FB...I can't see the benefit of that personally and see more often where it goes wrong for people. I just added my bf as a friend like 2 weeks ago. He doesn't post on FB much, he liked something I posted but his last original post was several months ago...I actually like that lol. We're together, our friends know, our family know, but there are no pictures of us and posts about our relationship for all and sundry to comment and like. I think I instagrammed our 1st date...but he wasn't in the picture and I didn't caption it as a date. I have taken pics of other dates too but I only share them privately, i.e. I'll send pics to friends or my sister or something and say "Look where we are!" but not online.

 

Long story short: she obviously allows you take her pictures IF you keep them to yourself. What's wrong with that? Why make a show of it? It would be weirder if she didn't allow any pics at all...but I think she's been pretty accommodating with allowing you to always take pictures of her and put them on the internet and maybe she didn't think it would be this frequent or has reason to decide she would rather not have her dating life for public display. Nothing wrong with that. Keep pics of you two for yourself....if you feel like you MUST share them on FB then you should consider why it is that you don't feel good unless other people are seeing your pics and liking them.

Edited by MissBee
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Actually, I've been pretty conservative about uploading such photos...sparingly I would uploaded just a handful of photos of her, like 5 or 6 the past 2 months, I just cherry picked the best ones, the other's I left alone.

 

I think she thought it was kind of funny when one of her closer co-workers took her aside and said, "Okay, who's the new boyfriend..what's wrong with him?! LOL"

 

The reason that was funny, because it's just assumptive to assume something is wrong with someone if they've been single for so long I suppose. LOL. But she had nothing wrong to say about me fortunately. :-)

 

 

We actually agreed not to make any alterations to the relationship status on FB either. LOL

 

Anyhow, the 2 months seemed longer actually for some reason. We spent a couple of long weekends together, esp. the wonderful 4th of July weekend.

 

 

 

 

I think you're reading too much into it.

 

For me personally I don't see why I need to have "dating pics" on Facebook. I don't put my dating life or relationship on FB period so that would be odd for me and annoying if every time I went on a date the guy took my picture and put it on FB and tagged me. My settings are such that no one can tag me or upload pics of me without my approval anyway, and I did it when I got tired of people taking pictures and then tagging me in them without my permission.

 

I prefer to keep my dating life private especially early on and just my preference, I actually prefer men who don 't use FB much as I had a bad experience with an ex who put all his business on FB for all to see which I don't think helped anything. If our relationship is going on for a while then I feel more comfortable taking pictures and adding them online but especially when it is new, no. I also have seen the second hand embarrassment of people who love to pose with the person they are seeing or have all these couples pictures and then everyone likes and comments...then things end...and because it was so publicized the breakup also becomes a matter for public consumption. I HATE that! Therefore on my FB there is no relationship status or dating pictures or anything of the sort. My FB is mostly for school/professional purposes and I do post trips I take and general things but I guard my romantic life and don't see it having ANY business on FB...I can't see the benefit of that personally and see more often where it goes wrong for people. I just added my bf as a friend like 2 weeks ago. He doesn't post on FB much, he liked something I posted but his last original post was several months ago...I actually like that lol. We're together, our friends know, our family know, but there are no pictures of us and posts about our relationship for all and sundry to comment and like. I think I instagrammed our 1st date...but he wasn't in the picture and I didn't caption it as a date. I have taken pics of other dates too but I only share them privately, i.e. I'll send pics to friends or my sister or something and say "Look where we are!" but not online.

 

Long story short: she obviously allows you take her pictures IF you keep them to yourself. What's wrong with that? Why make a show of it? It would be weirder if she didn't allow any pics at all...but I think she's been pretty accommodating with allowing you to always take pictures of her and put them on the internet and maybe she didn't think it would be this frequent or has reason to decide she would rather not have her dating life for public display. Nothing wrong with that. Keep pics of you two for yourself....if you feel like you MUST share them on FB then you should consider why it is that you don't feel good unless other people are seeing your pics and liking them.

Edited by irc333
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Ya I am a guy and only on rare occasions am I cool with a love interest putting a pic of me up on FB and tagging me. I find it to be intrusive and to cause problems later on if things end with the lady. My business is my business and I don't want to share it with FB.

 

It took me a while before I could get comfortable even being checked into the same place on a date with a love interest. I multi date a lot and got tired of friends texting me with "pimp daddy playa" comments.

 

So just respect her wishes, chill of the couple FB stuff entirely and grow your relationship.

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How is her self esteem generally?

 

I hate being photographed and seeing photos of me can put me in a tailspin so I've asked people not to tag me before.

 

Take her at her word. Many don't like to have their pics posted if it makes them look unflattering. That, coupled with the fact that your relationship isn't serious yet makes me think you should back down and not do this until 1) your relationship is more serious 2) you edit the photos and make her look very flattering.

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TheFinalWord
I think she was humoring me in the beginning, but now I think she's actually uncomfortable with it.

 

Normally people do that when it's official. Given you're not, that is probably why she doesn't want a bunch of pics of the two of you together on FB.

Edited by TheFinalWord
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Actually. .. it's been official since around the middle of July. :-)

 

 

Normally people do that when it's official. Given you're not, that is probably why she doesn't want a bunch of pics of the two of you together on FB.
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Michelle ma Belle

I think it can be much more of a "woman" thing when it comes to being shy about being photographed in general never mind posting it on FB for all to see. Sad but true unfortunately.

 

I'm one of those women who prefers to keep my relationships, private. Or at least I prefer to NOT parade it around on social media like so many people do. Some people over share ad nauseam! Ugh. And if I've learned anything about FB in particular, is that everything is not always at it appears to be.

 

Personally, I feel that couples open themselves up to being scrutinized or judged good or bad and I think it just makes ones relationship more vulnerable. I mean, look at how many threads have been started where men and women bellyache about FB status's and pic likes and messages and whatever?

 

On the flip side, I can definitely be an open book about a great many things about my life but there is a time and place for it.

 

Bottom line, I think taking pictures of each other and capturing wonderful moments together are fantastic and important in any relationship but I always question why someone feels the need to plaster them all over the web. It's like they're looking for some kind of validation or something. Perhaps too simplistic but that is how it appears to me.

 

Take the pictures but keep them to yourselves or at least until you have kids then it only seems right to blow up your FB page :p

 

Good luck!

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