Another OLD post....surprise!

[aprilisi]

I posted a new picture on my profile and am getting a bunch of messages from men. However they fall into these catergories.

 

1. Men who send one liners like How are you? Or worse how r u?

 

2. On that note got a nice four sentence response. Or it would have been nice if it wasn't full of u's and r's and 4's. And had a period, or a comma.

 

3. Men who say you instead of you're. I know mistakes happen. But to do it over and over....

 

There are other unfortunate messages, but I'll focus on these for now. I feel sometimes that I'm being too picky. I'm not a grammar nazi but these things really annoy me.

 

But in today's world it gets harder and harder to find someone who can form a sentence. What if I meet the perfect man for me but the only thing is he cannot spell? I've been out with some real jerks, with perfect grammar.

 

So online daters....are you the same way? Should I try to ignore these things?

Edited July 28, 2014 by aprilisi

[LuvsTrucks2]

It's all part of OLD, at least you have me beat, I get a lot of e-mails that just say one word: "Hi."

[Gaeta]

Depends.

 

I am in my 40s, I have reached most of my goals in life. I don't need a man to build a family, don't need a man for social status, don't need a man to buy me things, and don't need a man to impress. I do all that very well on my own. So, whether a man can spell or not I don't care as long as he's a good man and he's a hard worker.

 

You'd think a man with a good education should know how to be a gentleman, well I revised my opinion on that. I have come across my share of morons with Masters and even Doctorates.

[deathandtaxes]

Your comment on a guy being able to spell is funny as can be. Usually you would think grammar/spelling would go hand in hand with somebody that is educated and reads a lot. Brings to mind my ex-wife. Graduate degree in education, read all the time, most nights, in fact. Teaches English/grammar in middle school. BUT - her spelling skills weren't quite up to par. Did I care? Nah. Just a part of who she is. I can spell with the best of them, but I think that's because I have a really good memory.

 

 

If poor grammar is a turn-off, then it's a turn-off. But for me, I wouldn't let it be a deal breaker. Some people just aren't good and some don't think it worth their while.

[Thegreatestthing]

I don't reply to guys who message in text speak how ru they are usually not very bright.

[Thegreatestthing]

Yes I reply to nearly everyone

[D.Mc.]

Hi Aprilisi

 

Don't forget that so many men are using their phone for everything, including messaging the OLD site. The "predictive text" apparently takes too long to type, so they use what I call "e-grammar".

 

I for one always use punctuation & proper spelling, which takes a while so I hardly ever text message anyone, unless my phone is on it's last 10 minutes at the end of the month . I do agree that it gives the impression of a guy who's not really interested to start with, no matter how well their profile was crafted.

[aprilisi]

True D MC, I pretty much use my phone all the time since me laptop died. Am right now, but I do have a full keyboard.

 

And Enigma, I do well enough in the maths to get me by in life. Algebra, Trig, and Calculus? Not so much.

 

Actually met one of these Grammar guys that annoyed me yesterday. He smoked throughout the meeting (strike 1). He had a Duck Dynasty beard and looked to be ten years older than his pic (strike 2), he told me he hadn't read anything since high school (strike 3).

 

He asked to see me again. Uggghhh...

[Emilia]

I reply to those guys that come across like decent human beings regardless whether I think we are a match or not.

 

The majority of messages don't get a response and these are the main types:

 

'hi how r u'

 

'I'm in London for 2 weeks fancy a hookup'

 

'I cut to the bull**** I am married'

 

'What would be your response if I told you your photos are the best I've seen in the last 5 minutes'

 

'We should meet because you know how to use the apostrophe and I'm a grammar nazi' (yes, really)

 

Plus variations of the above.

 

It's not even whether they come across like gentlemen, they come across like complete morons. Being on OLD sites depresses me and I sign in less and less.

[CharlieFox]

Just out of curiosity, since I see women complain about this ALL THE ****ING TIME, I want to ask the women here - can you give me a simple example of what you consider to be a good first message from a guy on OLD that you would reply to WITHOUT having to look up his pictures or profile?

 

I don't have much experience on OLD but it seems to me that 99% of the time it doesn't matter what you write at all, because a simple look at your profile or photos is enough for her to know if she's interested. That's perfectly fine of course, but then why complain about how the guy writes or what he actually writes if you're already not interested in him?

[Emilia]

Just out of curiosity, since I see women complain about this ALL THE ****ING TIME, I want to ask the women here - can you give me a simple example of what you consider to be a good first message from a guy on OLD that you would reply to WITHOUT having to look up his pictures or profile?

Nothing. I would always look up his pictures and profile. I would check:

 

• his photos
  
• what age range he put in his profile (wide range usually indicates he is mainly after casual sex even if he says otherwise)
  
• whether we have anything in common
  

I don't have much experience on OLD but it seems to me that 99% of the time it doesn't matter what you write at all, because a simple look at your profile or photos is enough for her to know if she's interested. That's perfectly fine of course, but then why complain about how the guy writes or what he actually writes if you're already not interested in him?

To me it's a combination. I always check the profile of the men that messages me UNLESS they choose not to have a photo up, in that case I assume they are married or in a committed relationship so I ignore them completely.

 

It's what he says and whether I like his profile. That combination - for me personally.

[martaldn]

For the grammar/spelling I think people should be a bit more understanding and consider that lots of people are not native English speaker.

for the "Hi how are you? "approach I dont see nothing wrong with it.. I approach many guys with it and sometimes work some other times doesnt..

[Emilia]

For the grammar/spelling I think people should be a bit more understanding and consider that lots of people are not native English speaker.

English is my second language too. I don't mind an accent - obviously - but couldn't date someone with broken English or someone who couldn't be bothered to learn it properly.

for the "Hi how are you? "approach I dont see nothing wrong with it.. I approach many guys with it and sometimes work some other times doesnt..

Out of interest, how has that worked for you so far? Any serious prospects out of 'hi how are you' openers?

[isisisweeping]

I am not exceedingly picky about grammar, but I cannot forgive the more egregious offenders. In part, it speaks to effort. It also suggests things that are important to me are not important to them.

[PegNosePete]

1: Why put a lot of effort into an initial contact message when a girl is going to take one look at your pics and decide whether or not she will respond? I was a paying member on POF for a while and I remember sending out some good messages that came back "Unread Deleted."

Because real, proper messages have a much better chance of getting a reply than a lame "hi" or "how r u", that's why. Your logic is severely flawed here. Yes it is true and published fact that most women will read your profile before opening your message, and if they don't like it, won't even bother reading the message, hence the high rate of "unread deleted". If they like your photos and profile then you've got over the first hurdle, but what good is that if you're going to write a lame message and fail at the 2nd hurdle? It hardly takes long to write 3-4 sentences to show you've read their profile, have something in common, and ask a simple question which doesn't have a yes/no answer.

 

Yes it is true that photos and profile content is a lot more important to getting a response, than message content. But writing a good first message is not hard. Just don't make it a lame one because you're basically shooting yourself in the foot.

 

2: Grammar is useless for a lot of men.

Grammar is also "useless" to selling a car. Do you think they'd sell many cars if all their ads were littered with spelling and grammar errors? It's all about the presentation. You don't have to take an intelligence (or math) test to make an OLD profile, and anyone can lie about their qualifications and education. Grammar and spelling is really the only available indicator to intelligence.

[longjohn]

On the other side of this I feel like one of a handful of men that still send proper full messages via OLD where I take my time, type out a nice paragraph (short and sweet) and drop in a few questions/comments/compliments about things found in the profile. Then wait for nothing to happen about 50% of the time. Which ok I'll accept being ignored if there's no interest on the other side, talking to someone else etc. I will admit quite a few times I've gotten a nice lengthy response from a few ladies.

 

 

I believe people are people in general. Some people just don't care or don't care to bother. OLD has all sorts on it with varying degrees as to what they "think" is acceptable.

[Emilia]

On the other side of this I feel like one of a handful of men that still send proper full messages via OLD where I take my time, type out a nice paragraph (short and sweet) and drop in a few questions/comments/compliments about things found in the profile. Then wait for nothing to happen about 50% of the time. Which ok I'll accept being ignored if there's no interest on the other side, talking to someone else etc. I will admit quite a few times I've gotten a nice lengthy response from a few ladies.

 

 

I believe people are people in general. Some people just don't care or don't care to bother. OLD has all sorts on it with varying degrees as to what they "think" is acceptable.

If you have responses 50% of the time, you are doing exceptionally well.

[bentleychic]

Hey, I got one that said "Give you 50 bucks if you'll show me your boobs."

 

Needless to say, they didn't get a response.

 

If someone shows an effort with their message, they'll get a response, whether I'm interested in them or not. Even if it's a "Thank you for the message, that's very kind."

[Emilia]

If someone shows an effort with their message, they'll get a response, whether I'm interested in them or not. Even if it's a "Thank you for the message, that's very kind."

Precisely. Besides, what I'm I supposed to say?:

 

Him: Hi how r u.

Me: Thank you for your message, unfortunately I don't believe we would be a good match.

 

Is that what I'm supposed to do? I always assume that people who send 'copy, paste' or one-liners, do it to so many that they don't even remember whom they contacted.

[bentleychic]

If I get a "hi" or "hi how are you?" you probably won't get a response.

 

If I get a full on message and it's apparent that they put time in to it and read my profile so they saw that we had stuff in common and actually commented or asked specific questions based on my profile, they'll get a response. And an A for effort. Even if I'm not interested.

[Emilia]

Okay, I sent a 'no thank you' message to the grammar nazi guy because his message was nice. Even though he says in his profile he doesn't read books because he tried it once but nothing happened for 100 pages. Still I guess he deserved a response.