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Is there a nice way of putting this?


spiderowl

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I've been contacted by a guy on online dating. He was nice looking, polite and works in a caring field, so sounded good. While chatting, he seemed a man of few words but I thought it might be worth meeting for a coffee to see how we got on in person. I met him some time ago and the conversation was limited. He seemed sweet, got me a drink, found a chair, this kind of thing, but chatting was boring and he seemed to have no hobbies except he liked 'kissing'. We didn't meet again, I think because we both assumed the other wasn't interested.

 

Since then, he's been in touch a few times asking if I'd like to meet up. Said he liked me and a few nice complimentary things. But, I've come to the conclusion he's really dim! There seemed to be nothing we could chat about in any depth at all and his sentences by message have remained limited with few words, some spelt wrong.

 

I appreciate the guy was sweet and polite. He was handsome too, so physically I found him attractive, but this total lack of intellectual connection means I can't see the point in taking it any further. We wouldn't have anything to talk about. What can I say to this guy? We did both like each other as gentle characters but there's no future in it at all. It's getting awkard as I don't want to hurt a nice guy.

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As a guy, while it hurts, I appreciate a girl who ends it ASAP when she knows it's just not there.

 

How to phrase it is just semantics. But he's a big boy. He should be able to take it.

 

Something like "Sorry, you're a nice guy and all, but I just don't see you in a romantic light. I hope you'll find the right one."

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some spelt wrong.

 

RonaldS loves irony.

 

To your post....if you're not feeling it, and the conversation is a struggle, and there's not enough attraction to pursue even making a short-term bad decision, then just tell him you're not interested in seeing him again.

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I understand. I suppose I feel kind of protective about him. I don't usually have a problem telling people I'm not interested. He just seemed genuine and nice.

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I understand. I suppose I feel kind of protective about him. I don't usually have a problem telling people I'm not interested. He just seemed genuine and nice.

 

He's probably not.

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What makes you think that?

 

Didn't have much to talk about, not clever, not much to offer intellectually, no real hobbies other than 'kissing'.

 

Doubt you're going to miss out on much.

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Being Dim is a good excuse actually. hahaha

Ok, so tell him that he's a nice guy, but youre busy and you feel like you wont have time for him anymore

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...some spelt wrong.

 

RonaldS loves irony.

tbisb74 hates ignorance.

'Spelt' is absolutely correct - in British English. (You will note the OP is located in England'. That's a little Island off the coast of Mid-Europe.....)

Americans use 'spelled' which is correct. In the USA.

Inform yourself before applying incorrect corrections. ;)

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I think kissing is actually a pretty good hobby ;)

 

 

But yea, just tell him before he gets even more invested.

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Smilecharmer
I think kissing is actually a pretty good hobby ;)

 

 

But yea, just tell him before he gets even more invested.

 

 

Me too. I could talk about kissing for a while. Different types of kissing, learning how to kiss, first kiss, techniques of kissing, favorite kisses in film and television, best kisses in books, Chapstick which is best for kissing, how I like to kiss, how I like to be kissed, what kissing means to me.....poor guy would probably not get a word in edgewise. :p

 

Don't wait too long so he can move on. It is nicer to be frank up front.

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todreaminblue
I understand. I suppose I feel kind of protective about him. I don't usually have a problem telling people I'm not interested. He just seemed genuine and nice.

 

 

 

did you try to get him to open up about anything ...did you initiate conversation or did he try too? I have been with a few shy guys and eventually they end up opening up to me ....my ex i was in a fifteen year relationship is a man of few words more actions......but we can talk up a storm...he todl em when we first started as friends that he couldnt talk liek he does with em with anyone.......he talks little to others...but with me .....hours..........i tend to do that maybe i talk too much.....ok.....shutting up now...no ....not yet..... i have one more question did he have any hobbies or interests you found interesting..... just one........deb

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Me too. I could talk about kissing for a while. Different types of kissing, learning how to kiss, first kiss, techniques of kissing, favorite kisses in film and television, best kisses in books, Chapstick which is best for kissing, how I like to kiss, how I like to be kissed, what kissing means to me.....poor guy would probably not get a word in edgewise. :p

 

Don't wait too long so he can move on. It is nicer to be frank up front.

 

Haha, well... I guess at least we would totally hit it off :p

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todreaminblue
tbisb74 hates ignorance.

'Spelt' is absolutely correct - in British English. (You will note the OP is located in England'. That's a little Island off the coast of Mid-Europe.....)

Americans use 'spelled' which is correct. In the USA.

Inform yourself before applying incorrect corrections. ;)

 

and the aussie hates corrections from being corrections over corrections and what country it comes from altogether, and to whom correctness is entitled.....puchtuation be damned i say ol' chap......

 

 

 

and the aussie says does it really freakin matter mate? no accent....cheers big ears..my shout next....deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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RonaldS loves irony.

 

 

Have you ever ventured out of your country? 'Spelt', along with 'learnt', are perfectly valid words in British English, which is used in virtually all English-speaking countries except America. ;)

 

Aside from that, I agree with Teknoe's suggestion.

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tbisb74 hates ignorance.

'Spelt' is absolutely correct - in British English. (You will note the OP is located in England'. That's a little Island off the coast of Mid-Europe.....)

Americans use 'spelled' which is correct. In the USA.

Inform yourself before applying incorrect corrections. ;)

 

Actually, to be pedantically precise, England is a PART of that small Island - the other parts being, of course, Scotland and Wales. I shall not count Ireland, as that is a separate island, and partially a law unto themselves in any case.... ;)

I also abhor incorrect corrections.....

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Have you ever ventured out of your country? 'Spelt', along with 'learnt', are perfectly valid words in British English, which is used in virtually all English-speaking countries except America. ;)

 

Aside from that, I agree with Teknoe's suggestion.

 

Correcting my own as well - many countries do leave their own original 'stamps' on the English language (terminology/accents most notably), but the spelling used in official documentation tends to be much closer to British English than American, as that is where their particular brand of English originated from.

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todreaminblue

lol...i must drive most of loveshack nuts with my posts an ddyslexia and oh yessss the ellipses...........what was the topic again i have forgotten...oh yes nice guy who doesnt talk much ......back on topic.....

 

 

find common ground op there must be common ground, give him a leeedle chance.....smilin.....i would.......ok...if you dont want to just be honest soon then.....meanie....kidding....deb

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lol...i must drive most of loveshack nuts with my posts an ddyslexia and oh yessss the ellipses...........what was the topic again i have forgotten...oh yes nice guy who doesnt talk much ......back on topic.....

 

:laugh: I don't usually mind when people make spelling mistakes.

 

It's people who 'correct' someone who was already correct to begin with, that bug me.

 

Anyway, yeah, the topic. I still vote for Teknoe's suggestion. :p

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Have you ever ventured out of your country? 'Spelt', along with 'learnt', are perfectly valid words in British English, which is used in virtually all English-speaking countries except America. ;)

 

Aside from that, I agree with Teknoe's suggestion.

 

Believe it or not, I actually have. However, England is WAAAAAAAY down near the bottom of the list of places I want to visit because, frankly, it's just not that interesting.

 

To your point, however.....I have a suspicion that I can pull out obscure regional language/grammar/spelling differences in the English language that you aren't aware of, either. Believe it or not, most people have more important things to do with their lives than memorize every lingual nuance from around the world. And since I don't spend any time in England or plan to, my familiarity with British English is limited to the text of my Land Rover manual and Monty Python.

 

Last but certainly not least, if you knew anything about the US, you would know that the proper spelling is 'spelled' and that 'spelt' is the #1 way unintelligent, uneducated Americans misspell 'spelled'. So, when I see 'spelt', my automatic association is with dumb white trash. I apologize for my cultural insensitivity to the poor, sensitive Brits.

Edited by RonaldS
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Believe it or not, I actually have. However, England is WAAAAAAAY down near the bottom of the list of places I want to visit because, frankly, it's just not that interesting.

 

As I said, the vast majority of the English-speaking world uses British English spelling in official documentation. It isn't just England.

 

To your point, however.....I have a suspicion that I can pull out obscure regional language/grammar/spelling differences in the English language that you aren't aware of, either. Believe it or not, most people have more important things to do with their lives than memorize every lingual nuance from around the world. And since I don't spend any time in England or plan to, my familiarity with British English is limited to the text of my Land Rover manual.

Sure, that's totally fine - but if you're going to be snarky to someone over something they wrote, perhaps you'd want to check your facts first?

 

Last but certainly not least, if you knew anything about the US, you would know that the proper spelling is 'spelled' and that 'spelt' is the #1 way unintelligent, uneducated Americans misspell 'spelled'. So, when I see 'spelt', my automatic association is with dumb white trash. I apologize for my cultural insensitivity to the poor, sensitive Brits.

:laugh: I'm not even Brit...

 

It's really quite funny to see people defend their own ignorance. I don't care that you spell it 'spelled'. You don't see me telling everyone that 'colour' is the right spelling, do you? Because I actually happen to understand that the world doesn't revolve around me and my country, and that different spellings exist. Not to mention that the OP has her country stated right under her avatar...

 

The wisest thing you could do right now would be to say, "Ah, didn't know, my bad" and drop the topic rather than insisting that you are correct, when you were quite evidently mistaken.

Edited by Elswyth
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Believe it or not, I actually have. However, England is WAAAAAAAY down near the bottom of the list of places I want to visit because, frankly, it's just not that interesting.

Really? For our size, acre per acre, we are an extremely interesting nation: From Stonehenge, to the invasion of the Normans, to the Lancasters, Tudors, The Henry Tudors, his wives, his children, the most famous of which was, of course, Queen Elizabeth I (who ruled during the 'Golden Age') The Stuarts, Charles the 1st, Cromwell (when England became a republic) the Restoration with Charles II, the Plague of London, the Great Fire, the rebuilding of our capital city with St Paul's cathedral... Oxford and Cambridge (two of the most famous academic cities in the world) Bath, York, Stratford-Upon-Avon (think theatre and Shakespeare) Windsor, Hampton Court, The Victorian Age (when we were basically in charge of two-thirds of the globe) The age of Steam, the Industrial Revolution... Not that interesting? Wow. What does it actually TAKE to make you interested...?!

 

... my familiarity with British English is limited to the text of my Land Rover manual and Monty Python.
Why am I not surprised....? All this because someone (me) pointed out to you that in fact, learnt is correct British English? Suddenly, everything about England (except our engineering, and mote of comedy) is and boring?

 

.....So, when I see 'spelt', my automatic association is with dumb white trash. I apologize for my cultural insensitivity to the poor, sensitive Brits.
I wouldn't call it that. Crass boorish rudeness, yes. Insensitivity? No.... We point out one error, and suddenly, we're the poor sensitive ones?! Pot calling the kettle black, I think! :laugh:
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As I said, the vast majority of the English-speaking world uses British English spelling in official documentation. It isn't just England.

 

 

 

Sure, that's totally fine - but if you're going to be snarky to someone over something they wrote, perhaps you'd want to check your facts first?

 

 

 

:laugh: I'm not even Brit...

 

It's really quite funny to see people defend their own ignorance.

It's also funny to see people make a federal case about a meaningless message board comment. It's not like I brought this into a court of law.

 

This isn't really a defense of ignorance. It's that I don't take every word out of my mouth so seriously that I fact check for 100% cultural accuracy. If every once in a while it blows up on me, then so be it. Ignorance is a pretty strong word, so the responses have more to do with excessive character judgement than they do with me defending what I say. Calling somebody ignorant because they aren't aware of every difference between the version of the language they use and the version they don't use is pushing it.

 

Even if I spent a month in Australia, the chances that I will come across 'spelt' and think to question it are zero. I know this because I spent a month there and never saw 'spelt'. Or 'learnt'.

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It's also funny to see people make a federal case about a meaningless message board comment. It's not like I brought this into a court of law.

 

YOU made this into a federal case. I asked one question and made one statement, before you went at me. ;)

 

This isn't really a defense of ignorance. It's that I don't take every word out of my mouth so seriously that I fact check for 100% cultural accuracy. If every once in a while it blows up on me, then so be it. Ignorance is a pretty strong word, so the responses have more to do with excessive character judgement than they do with me defending what I say. Calling somebody ignorant because they aren't aware of every difference between the version of the language they use and the version they don't use is pushing it.

 

It was not your mistake that led to me calling you ignorant, but rather your defense of your mistake.

 

Even if I spent a month in Australia, the chances that I will come across 'spelt' and think to question it are zero. I know this because I spent a month there and never saw 'spelt'. Or 'learnt'.

 

You spent a month there and didn't realize that they spell SOME words differently, even if you didn't come across these two words in particular?

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This isn't really a defense of ignorance. It's that I don't take every word out of my mouth so seriously that I fact check for 100% cultural accuracy. If every once in a while it blows up on me, then so be it. Ignorance is a pretty strong word, so the responses have more to do with excessive character judgement than they do with me defending what I say
I feel there's a difference between 'ignorant' (lower case 'i'), and 'Ignorant' (upper case 'I').

The first denotes a lack of understanding or knowledge which in all probability, is not that person's fault at all. If they're not aware, how would they know?

The second is more indicative of a person's unwillingness or refusal to learn, and an obstinate persistence in Self-Righteous Indignation. From what I can see, it's possible you began with the former, but unfortunately dipped your toe in the latter.....Quite unnecessarily... I have been corrected in my grammatical faux pas on many an occasion, and have always been the more grateful for it. It's a learning curve and however subtly, expands the Mind. (Always assuming it is discovered I even have one.)

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