DanTeg Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Started seeing a girl. She adores me (visible in her constant texting, phone calls and touching when we are together, her praising of me in an endearing way, and worrying for me in general etc) She wants me to spend the night and "come watch a movie". Definitely stay the night as we worked out the logistics of how I will get to work the next morning. We have not had sex yet and we are only seeing each other not bf/gf declared so to speak. I never date so please clarify.... is this 100% about me going there to sleep with her (sex) in no uncertainty, or is it more making out and play by ear. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
TheyCallMeOx Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Two things: 1. Buy condoms. 2. Use bought condoms. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DanTeg Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 Thanks Ox I was going to edit and add just that@ She also worked the fact she is not on the pill into our convos. In other words a hint to bring rubbers, I take it? -a daft guy with no clue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 If you are ever going to stay the night with woman, or have her stay with you always have condoms. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DanTeg Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 Thanks guys. I'm not sexually active and am still a virgin. I take it that she is not based on our brief conversations that had to do with prior dating, longest relationships etc. I'll take condoms for sure. I feel comfortable with and around her. My only dilemma is whether to mention it beforehand....do that and face akwardness vs being open about it and having her make it easier (shes really warm and comforting). I shouldn't dread losing my v card but I have to admit I'm anxious that its going to be the worst night of her life I've seen enough porn to know how things work and I am athletic with good energy and endurance. But I'll die of embarassment if I bust in the first 30 seconds lol. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 But I'll die of embarassment if I bust in the first 30 seconds lol. And you probably will. Don't worry. It happens to all of us. Forget about what you think you know from porn, it's all BS. Only bring up the condoms if you are seriously making out with her and it looks like sex is happening. Don't forget to use one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DanTeg Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 And you probably will. Don't worry. It happens to all of us. Forget about what you think you know from porn, it's all BS. Only bring up the condoms if you are seriously making out with her and it looks like sex is happening. Don't forget to use one. Thanks again man! I realize that porn is unrealistic but I meant the whole part of positions, oral, where to put things ("its lower than you think"). I realize the nonstop action, aesthetic bodies, screaming etc performances are often just that...performances. I'll try and play it cool and only reach for one if the clothes come off . I'll update how it goes. Thanks for the advice. My nerves are on edge with this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DanTeg Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 (edited) (Looks like Durex has a condom line that can help with premature ejaculation called performax. Numbs your penis a bit. I might go this route. The chemical is only on the inside so your partner doesnt lose sensation...outside is a water based lubricant.) Edited July 27, 2014 by DanTeg Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 (Looks like Durex has a condom line that can help with premature ejaculation called performax. Numbs your penis a bit. I might go this route.) Don't bother with stuff like that. It can also have the side effect of numbing the girl as well. Yes you may cum quickly, but that's just natural. For many guys it takes time to adjust to the whole sex thing. If you do cum quickly. Don't be all embarrassed and what not. Hopefully she knows you're a virgin so she won't get upset. Throw away the condom and go back to making out with her. When you feel ready again, put on another one. Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 If she truly adores you she'll understand if you last two seconds your first time. Don't stress about it. Bring condoms but play it by ear. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Bro what can I say, see where it goes. I would advise waiting to get to know her better, but the choice is yours. Sex is always hard to delay, and sometimes also not worth delaying. Best of luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 I think, yes you should definitely buy condoms, but I think it could be just movie and cuddling.. Link to post Share on other sites
longjohn Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 It's highly likely the "movie" is just a prop to get you over there. I've done this before and had ladies do it to me. So far it's never not lead to sex for me. However this does not mean it will happen for you. Bring condoms and be prepared just in case. It's always better to be ready.. enjoy the movie. Link to post Share on other sites
DrSimple Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 1. Don't mention your lack of experience unless she specifically ASKS you about it, because the moment you bring it up it will become the focal point of the evening and on your minds. Feel free to bring it up after the fact. 2. Don't worry about being pre-mature, it happens to everyone at some point (most often the first time). The numbing condoms won't even likely help much if your tried them as your first time will be more mental stimulation than physical. 3. If you end up being pre-mature, don't sweat it and pout! It is the worst thing you can do. Simply go back to foreplay: kiss her all over, give her oral sex, etc. until you are ready to rumble for round 2 (I imagine it won't be long). Take your mind off what you did "wrong", and move it towards bringing pleasure to your partner and things will move naturally in the right direction. 4. Go slow in bed, even more so for a first timer! Move slow, kiss slow, thrust slow. Don't focus on the intercourse but rather the whole experience, if you get her to enjoy it you a) Set yourself up for more fun in the future b) Get a big ego boost Link to post Share on other sites
Author DanTeg Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 Do most guys finish quickly the first time with a new woman they are dating? Eg first time in all relationships, or only as a virign? I am comfortable enough with her and find her touch soothing so hopefully I'll relax enough to give a half decent show. My mind is on her and making sure she has a great night. Ill give a hell of a good oral game to make up for the other bit. Its set to go down midweek so we will see. Tension building. I do want to be with her and have crushed on her for quite some time. Thanks again for advice. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 1st times are usually the shortest. If you have a short refraction time -- most young guys do -- it will be fine. Although you will be prepared, this is definitely a play it by ear situation. Don't push too much. Also don't show up empty handed; it's bad manners. Bring movie snacks or drinks. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Do most guys finish quickly the first time with a new woman they are dating? Eg first time in all relationships, or only as a virign? Even for experienced guys, performance anxiety can cause it with a new partner, or it can actually cause the opposite effect. It's different for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
slizl Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I wouldn't bring up that you are a virgin unless you have "performance issues." And please don't act out what you have seen in pornos for your first time. Take it slow with lots of foreplay. Everything will turn out great! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DanTeg Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 Thanks again guys. Its set to go down tonight but Im anxious. Not over performance, honestly, but whether I even like her. Bad timing, right? This would be an easy time to lose my v card but I dont know. I know I'm not gay because I like women... just not her. Should I pull back? I dont want to get wrapped up in a relationship with her, would rather go slow to see if attraction builds. I crushed on her but I think it may have been an ego thing in my mind...meaning she is not the type of chick I usually like, but was warm to me from day one. Would sex necessarily complicate things and push it to the next level? I dont think she wants FWB or casual sex. I dont feel the spark with her. But is that always there? I have had crushes on girls at college, friends of friends that I did not have the balls to ask out etc. Now its almost signed and delivered (sex) but I am not desparate to lose my virginity. Thoughts?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DanTeg Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 Im not going to ruin plans to get together for the night but considering just going, watching movie and making out a bit. I know the sex isnt guaranteed but the way shes talked etc makes me believe she thinks we both want to sleep together tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Relax & let her set the pace. She won't think less of you if you "just want to cuddle / make out" as long as it's clear that you are into her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DanTeg Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 Thanks guys. I bought condoms in case. Who knows when I'm in the moment with her. Im sure half my confusion is anxiety. Say a prayer it goes ok! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Thanks again guys. Its set to go down tonight but Im anxious. Not over performance, honestly, but whether I even like her. Bad timing, right? This would be an easy time to lose my v card but I dont know. I know I'm not gay because I like women... just not her. Should I pull back? I dont want to get wrapped up in a relationship with her, would rather go slow to see if attraction builds. I dont think she wants FWB or casual sex. Thoughts?? Hmmm. thats a shame given the highly possible favorable outcome for you with movie night. If you want to do the right thing by the girl, then you should tell her you like her a lot but are not looking for anything serious. Before you say too much, I think you should have a chat to her about what she is out for. If you know she is sweet on you and you just go with the flow and have sex (great for you) but she will be crushed when you start to pull away in the days subsequent when she wants to get together more & more. If you know you don't want her for a gf (at this stage) then don't push for sex unless she is willing to just go with the flow and see how things turn out. If she has her sights set on you for a bf, then having sex is going to amplify her feelings for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 I don't want to rattle your nerves since this is going down tonight, but that stuff about "I'm not gay" and not feeling a spark with her seems weird, and is coming up late in this thread. Before that, you seemed excited and totally down with everything. Hopefully that's just your nervousness talking. I think you should stop overthinking it and go with the flow. You can deal later with the other issues this might bring up (i.e. your specific relationship boundaries with her, thoughts about your own sexuality). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mattny Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Relax and have a good time! Dont think too much about it! And she ALWAYS gets hers first! Your tongue and fingers will get a workout hahahaha Link to post Share on other sites
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