Dating Question?

[Leroy82]

Okay, I've been on two dates with a girl. We've had two great dates. But, here is where I am having trouble. I'm not sure I feel that "spark" that feeling of "I can't wait to see her again". Do those feelings even exist or Is it nothing but hollywood romantic movie mobojumbo? Also, we had sex on the second date. I'm not the type of guy who would use a girl for sex but part of me feels kinda let down about seeing her again. Sorry, it makes sense in my head but I'm having trouble explaining it. We both agreed that what happened Thursday was nice but maybe we are moving too fast. That made me feel good to hear her say that. Because I do feel that way, also. But, Like I said, I don't get excited anymore when she contacts me. Even though we had a two awesome dates. She makes me laugh, she's smart, and cute, etc..etc..! I'm so confused..lol

 

When my friends talk about their wives, they explain, it took time getting to know their partner better and the more time they spent those strong feelings came. They feel I'm using this as an excuse to get out of it because of a fear of commitment and I'm siking myself out. What's your thought? I'm more curious on how you all feel when you date a girl or man you want to see again. How do you feel when you don't want to see them? I'm kinda new to dating. I've only dated a few girls in my life and one serous relationship.

Edited July 26, 2014 by Leroy82

[Gaeta]

Did you feel a bigger interest towards her before sex?

 

See, you went out hunting. You didn't have time to take your equipment out, set your watch up in a tree, get your ammunition and your camouflage that BOOM the deer was right in your face. In no time you killed, skinned, and put that deer on top of your hood and went home.

 

That was fun but...geez fun is over eh? and there is nothing left to do.

 

(I'm preparing deer for dinner, that kind of inspired me)

 

All that nice sexual attraction is there to keep you interested while you and the lady to get to know each other. Later, when you use that sexual energy, you have something else to keep you interested in each other when that energy goes down.

[Versacehottie]

Okay, I've been on two dates with a girl. We've had two great dates. But, here is where I am having trouble. I'm not sure I feel that "spark" that feeling of "I can't wait to see her again". Do those feelings even exist or Is it nothing but hollywood romantic movie mobojumbo? Also, we had sex on the second date. I'm not the type of guy who would use a girl for sex but part of me feels kinda let down about seeing her again. Sorry, it makes sense in my head but I'm having trouble explaining it. We both agreed that what happened Thursday was nice but maybe we are moving too fast. That made me feel good to hear her say that. Because I do feel that way, also. But, Like I said, I don't get excited anymore when she contacts me. Even though we had a two awesome dates. She makes me laugh, she's smart, and cute, etc..etc..! I'm so confused..lol

 

When my friends talk about their wives, they explain, it took time getting to know their partner better and the more time they spent those strong feelings came. They feel I'm using this as an excuse to get out of it because of a fear of commitment and I'm siking myself out. What's your thought? I'm more curious on how you all feel when you date a girl or man you want to see again. How do you feel when you don't want to see them? I'm kinda new to dating. I've only dated a few girls in my life and one serous relationship.

 

i def think the spark is a very real thing, at least for me; can't force it. That said, I know several girlfriends that gave guys a chance past the no-spark zone and it changed to where they loved the guy. And guys same thing. I think with the guys though it was less a case of "no spark" but that if they really examined it they were putting the brakes on because they knew this was a serious potential and whole thing was scary to them and meant life could really change. That's how they felt about it. Lots of times they meant to date casually but then couldn't help themselves because they kept having such a good time and the girl was just amazing to the point that they didn't want to risk losing her. And felt that part stronger than not wanting to be in a relationship.

 

I think the spark you're talking about is either physical attraction or relationship potential. And if that's truly what you are pinpointing, if you don't feel it, I don't think it will change. If you examine what you are feeling and it is just being apprehensive about being sucked into a real or serious relationship, well then get it together! You might miss out on someone great!

 

Unfortunately, I do believe when people sleep together too soon, the good tension that helps the couple bond is prematurely gone. So I'm not surprised that you feel this way now, when all other indicators were that you 'should' like this girl. My rec is to wait a bit longer before you sleep with someone because it will benefit the relationship. As for this one, give it another date or two unless it is the physical spark that you don't have for her--that won't change. good luck

[maggiecheungs]

Okay, I've been on two dates with a girl. We've had two great dates. But, here is where I am having trouble. I'm not sure I feel that "spark" that feeling of "I can't wait to see her again". Do those feelings even exist or Is it nothing but hollywood romantic movie mobojumbo? Also, we had sex on the second date. I'm not the type of guy who would use a girl for sex but part of me feels kinda let down about seeing her again. Sorry, it makes sense in my head but I'm having trouble explaining it. We both agreed that what happened Thursday was nice but maybe we are moving too fast. That made me feel good to hear her say that. Because I do feel that way, also. But, Like I said, I don't get excited anymore when she contacts me. Even though we had a two awesome dates. She makes me laugh, she's smart, and cute, etc..etc..! I'm so confused..lol

 

When my friends talk about their wives, they explain, it took time getting to know their partner better and the more time they spent those strong feelings came. They feel I'm using this as an excuse to get out of it because of a fear of commitment and I'm siking myself out. What's your thought? I'm more curious on how you all feel when you date a girl or man you want to see again. How do you feel when you don't want to see them? I'm kinda new to dating. I've only dated a few girls in my life and one serous relationship.

 

Each time I felt a "spark" it was a warning sign that this guy had abusive tendencies that my parents had. It was a warning sign. Love is gradual same with liking someone, infatuation and lust are instant. Time to turn off the TV and realise things like this take time and should take time? try getting to know the person longer...

[Leroy82]

Thanks everyone. Like I said before we had a great time. And, if she were to break it off and not want to see me anymore. I would be very disappointed, if I think about it. I think us having sex too soon played an affect on me. I think she feels the same. That's why she spoke about us waiting for the next and taking it slow. I feel good about that talk this mooring. That stuff will come in time. We are making plans for next weekend to go on a hike. I'll see how it goes.

[Assasda]

After you've been with someone like that, I dont think you get nervous when hearing from them again. You certainly wont have any butterflies.

 

But you still would like the person for who she is, that is, if you like her personality

[longjohn]

Okay, I've been on two dates with a girl. We've had two great dates. But, here is where I am having trouble. I'm not sure I feel that "spark" that feeling of "I can't wait to see her again". Do those feelings even exist or Is it nothing but hollywood romantic movie mobojumbo? Also, we had sex on the second date. I'm not the type of guy who would use a girl for sex but part of me feels kinda let down about seeing her again. Sorry, it makes sense in my head but I'm having trouble explaining it. We both agreed that what happened Thursday was nice but maybe we are moving too fast. That made me feel good to hear her say that. Because I do feel that way, also. But, Like I said, I don't get excited anymore when she contacts me. Even though we had a two awesome dates. She makes me laugh, she's smart, and cute, etc..etc..! I'm so confused..lol

 

When my friends talk about their wives, they explain, it took time getting to know their partner better and the more time they spent those strong feelings came. They feel I'm using this as an excuse to get out of it because of a fear of commitment and I'm siking myself out. What's your thought? I'm more curious on how you all feel when you date a girl or man you want to see again. How do you feel when you don't want to see them? I'm kinda new to dating. I've only dated a few girls in my life and one serous relationship.

Unfortunately it sounds all too common. I've had that "spark" only three 3 times. I've learnt over the years however if I'm not feeling any electricity or potential for a spark to develop just to keep it holstered unless there's some hope of it developing. I've dated a few ladies that were great but the same as you I was indifferent when they contacted me or when I seen them. I wasn't excited and I really wanted to be. However I'll say this none of the 3 that had that spark worked out, one left me for her ex, the other had a bf so I couldn't act on it and the last one couldn't tell the truth if I hit her in the face with it lol. I sometimes wonder if the spark should be avoided like the plague and sex kept out of early dates.

[Leroy82]

Unfortunately it sounds all too common. I've had that "spark" only three 3 times. I've learnt over the years however if I'm not feeling any electricity or potential for a spark to develop just to keep it holstered unless there's some hope of it developing. I've dated a few ladies that were great but the same as you I was indifferent when they contacted me or when I seen them. I wasn't excited and I really wanted to be. However I'll say this none of the 3 that had that spark worked out, one left me for her ex, the other had a bf so I couldn't act on it and the last one couldn't tell the truth if I hit her in the face with it lol. I sometimes wonder if the spark should be avoided like the plague and sex kept out of early dates.

 

Thanks for your comment. I kind of agree with the two comments I "liked". I've felt it twice and both were bad decisions. But, looking back I'm not sure that spark was nothing but infatuation or lust. I mean, both girls were not good for me. One was an emotional wreck and the other had no job or took any responsibility. I was going broke dating her.

 

If it gets to the point where I don't want to see her again then I'll let her go. I am bit of a impatient guy. If I don't feel something right away I give up. I don't want to look back at this and think I met a great girl and pushed her away because I wasn't lusting after her. Its nice to hear I'm not alone in this. I feel much better after reading these comments.

[longjohn]

Thanks for your comment. I kind of agree with the two comments I "liked". I've felt it twice and both were bad decisions. But, looking back I'm not sure that spark was nothing but infatuation or lust. I mean, both girls were not good for me. One was an emotional wreck and the other had no job or took any responsibility. I was going broke dating her.

 

If it gets to the point where I don't want to see her again then I'll let her go. I am bit of a impatient guy. If I don't feel something right away I give up. I don't want to look back at this and think I met a great girl and pushed her away because I wasn't lusting after her. Its nice to hear I'm not alone in this. I feel much better after reading these comments.

 

 

If it gets to the point where your thinking she's nice but I'm not that interested then leave and tell her. I often think.. would I want to be with this person 5 years form now. Is this marriage material, is this a woman that you might want to reproduce with etc.

 

 

I dated a really nice woman a few years ago, tall, slim, had a good job and a nice life but no spark and I dumped her. What worse is she obviously had considerable feelings for me. The last one had the spark and unstable work history and I suspect being supported financially by her parents and her car only just worked LOL. Makes absolutely no logical sense in my mind why we do these things.

[Elle1975]

I don't believe in that spark. I believe real love builds up slowly, and lust burns too hot, too fast. Sure you should have a minimum of attraction, not saying that hanging out with a wood troll will make you slowly fall for the troll...

 

You probably should have taken the time to get to know her. Once the feelings have checked out, it's hard to get them back.

[longjohn]

I don't believe in that spark. I believe real love builds up slowly, and lust burns too hot, too fast. Sure you should have a minimum of attraction, not saying that hanging out with a wood troll will make you slowly fall for the troll...

 

You probably should have taken the time to get to know her. Once the feelings have checked out, it's hard to get them back.

I too once believed that.. and one horrifically failed marriage (with the long slow build up) later I'm back to hunting the spark.