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Thewayitwas2

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Thewayitwas2

I am in a relationship with a man who is really showing how much he loves me. He travels to see me and is doing all he can for my weekends.

 

Anyway, I noticed on FB that he was commenting on single friends pics. Women. It bothered me so I told him. And he said he would refrain from doing that now. He understood.

 

Well today I saw in my feed that he "liked" a picture of a woman who is showing all kinds of cleavage. She looks like a stripper. Ick.

 

Should I say something or ignore it? Am I overreacting ?

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I think you are overreacting. Facebook is meaningless & should be ignored.

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PegNosePete

Are these people his friends? Real life friends I mean? If not then why is he looking at them on facebook?

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PegNosePete

Surely that is the most obvious and basic question to ask when you saw him commenting/liking them? Who are they?

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You know, I understand that you feel comfortable and all, but whenever someone brings something similar about Facebook, I genuinely feel like laughing.

 

A few years ago in uni I was in a company with a few girls, and they were making these discussions about how important is your "liking game" - that for example, they were only liking certain things on FB, but not others, even if they did genuinely like them, then waiting amounts of time before liking, then got really upset when guys liked this and not that, or they liked someone else's picture...

 

Like, WTF? Who cares? When you enter a relationship with someone doesn't mean that you have to cut social contact with the rest of the world, single girls included. This alone isn't a big deal I think. If there are other red flags in his behavior, then you should start considering, but come on - can you imagine how ridiculous something like this might be: "Oh it didn't work out with him/her or we broke up because she/he was liking this and that on FB". :rolleyes:

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I think you are overreacting. Facebook is meaningless & should be ignored.

Facebook is a treasure trove of information and it should be ignored only at your own peril. If the OP is uncomfortable with facebook I suggest asking their partner and themselves to allow each other to see their facebook.

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Thewayitwas2

Yes but how do I bring that up? I just know I'm going to sound bad... Hey I saw you liking a picture on FB of a very slutty woman... Who is she?

 

I just don't want to sound ridiculous.

 

Surely that is the most obvious and basic question to ask when you saw him commenting/liking them? Who are they?
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So you mentioned this already, he said he would stop doing it, and here he goes again. What does that say about him?

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Thewayitwas2

Well I mentioned the comments he was making. He said he would stop doing that and the woman was just a friend and was married.

 

But right now this is just a "like" on this very busty picture. It just makes me uncomfortable.

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Yes but how do I bring that up? .

 

No, you are not going to repeat yourself. Let him show you who he really is. He's not a kid you need to supervise each and every move. He's a grown up man that has been advised already. If he's not complying to your wish then he's not giving your feelings any importance.

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You know, I'm a guy. If an attractive woman shows up in my feed, and it's in a post I genuinely like, I'm going to "like" the picture. It means no disrespect to my girlfriend, nor does she take any. She knows me.

 

 

Nor would I take any affront at her liking pictures of guys if she finds them attractive or their posts funny. She's with me, and that's all that matters at the end of the day.

 

 

Now, if I/she was conversing with them on a regular basis, that WOULD be something to have a discussion about. However, I dont' expect she's going to like everything I like, or follow, or read, nor do I expect to like, everything she follows or does. We all have our differences.

 

 

For example, I'm a biker at heart. I follow a lot of tat threads. I like a lot of pictures of tattoo'd women. Both because I like the women, and I like the tattoo's. I also "like" plenty of pictures on FB of men with tattoo's. Not because I like the men, but because I like the tatooo's. My GF isn't a big fan of tattoo', but just because of that, I'm sure not going to stop looking at them.

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Just call the person by name. I saw you liked Jane Doe. Who is she?

 

Keep your commentary about her character to yourself.

 

As for FB being a treasure trove of info, I suppose that's possible. On my page you will learn that I like Dalmatians because you couldn't have figured that out from my LS profile. Not everybody puts a huge amount of stock on FB.

 

Thewayitwas2 -- if your BF was ogling these women in public, wolf whistling, whatever . . . maybe that's cause for concern but clicking like isn't a mortal sin.

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Yes but how do I bring that up? I just know I'm going to sound bad... Hey I saw you liking a picture on FB of a very slutty woman... Who is she?

 

I just don't want to sound ridiculous.

I'd ask, I'd say x,y and z makes me uncomfortable. I'd like to see your facebook from your account and offer to show them yours. Tell them you want to trust them but their behavior online is counter productive. There's nothing wrong with being up front and honest. However if they react with any resistance then you may want to ask why.

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If OP and her bf were a regular couple with no previous issue I'd say let him be but because of his history of constantly bragging about other women hitting on him and how he could have gotten this one and this one, I can understand OP that these licking are adding on top of her already existing frustration with him.

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Thewayitwas2

Yeah... That's true. It just all adds into my fears. I will mention it today...

 

I mean he drove into town to be with me for 3 days (staying in hotel) so I realize his actions seem to show he loves me. But that just popped in my feed this am and it really shook me.

 

He is supposed to be a classy guy... And appears so. But on these photos... Not so much.

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Yeah... That's true. It just all adds into my fears. I will mention it today...

 

I mean he drove into town to be with me for 3 days (staying in hotel) so I realize his actions seem to show he loves me. But that just popped in my feed this am and it really shook me.

 

He is supposed to be a classy guy... And appears so. But on these photos... Not so much.

 

Sweetie, I personally know someone that flies his mistresses all over the world to meet with him, they still don't mean anything to him.

 

ETA: Every mistress is not aware of the other one, he romances them and make them believe they're special. Gives them gifts, flowers, trips, etc.

Edited by Gaeta
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Thewayitwas2

So how do I handle this? It is my bday. We are spending the day together and I don't know how to ask him without looking ridiculous.

 

I looked back and this woman smokes, appears to work in a gentleman's club and is posing like a whore. And he has liked many of her pictures.

 

Just leaves me totally off kilter. And now I have to be with him for hours...

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Happy birthday !! :)

 

Maybe it's better you clear the air right away if you want to be able to enjoy your birthday.

 

Just ask him who's this person he liked the picture. Don't be confrontational. But will the answer really matter? He'll say she's a friend, or she's an employee at such or such. It does not change the fact he has on his FB questionable females and he's continuing having questionable behavior.

 

When you look at his friends list it should also give you some insight on the kind of person he is.

 

I have never added on my FB a man I dated. Beginnings of relationships are very fragile and I don't want to witness things I could misinterpret. Also when I do add a bf to my FB he'll find no ex boyfriends or ex prospects to worry about.

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Is it THIS guy? You realize he's just continuing in his ways? I guess you'll need to get used to it.

 

 

He is constantly talking about all the women who want him. He told me today that he has shut it all down because he only wants me.. That's great of course. But he continued on to tell me about the 3 women who are still chasing him.

 

He then spent an hour telling me about his Ex's and their habits. Also their sex lives too. I kept interrupting ... Kindly saying it's okay! I don't need to know.

But he continued...

 

He's also extremely fit. He tells me about the women who cat call him etc...

 

I bounce from pure love for him ... To complete despair when he talks about all these women.

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Is it THIS guy? You realize he's just continuing in his ways? I guess you'll need to get used to it.

 

 

He is constantly talking about all the women who want him. He told me today that he has shut it all down because he only wants me.. That's great of course. But he continued on to tell me about the 3 women who are still chasing him.

 

He then spent an hour telling me about his Ex's and their habits. Also their sex lives too. I kept interrupting ... Kindly saying it's okay! I don't need to know.

But he continued...

 

He's also extremely fit. He tells me about the women who cat call him etc...

 

I bounce from pure love for him ... To complete despair when he talks about all these women.

This might me just me but as a man.. I'd never do that to my gf. I wouldn't want her to be jealous or pissed. Are you sure you want to stay with a fella if it's a roller coaster of emotions because of how he acts.

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truth_seeker

You know, I'm going to say that your boyfriend is a scumbag. You told him it made you uncomfortable, and what does he do, he likes a photo of girl looking slutty. That is lack of respect. I'm sure he will use the excuse "it's only facebook" and try to laugh it off... but I think it's more than that. He's shoving it in your face by liking the pic - he knows it upsets you.

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I think you are overreacting. If his behavior elsewhere was lacking or troublesome then I can see you point. But since he appears to be committed and loving then I would just chalk this up to overexuberance in social media. To be honest - if someone I cared about kept complaining about this I would regret ever friending her on FB and probably shelve her on some privacy circle that couldn't see most of my posts/likes.

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As for FB being a treasure trove of info, I suppose that's possible. On my page you will learn that I like Dalmatians because you couldn't have figured that out from my LS profile. Not everybody puts a huge amount of stock on FB.

It isn't just what's on someones page. Sometimes it's what's not on facebook anymore. I've looked at facebook pages before of women I was dating and been able to identify their ex's by the empty or missing patches of information removed obviously after a breakup and a lot of likes by a guy no longer on their list. What that does is allow me to see if I just jumped into a relationship with someone that jumps from one relationship to another. It also allows me to see what their ex's where like.. what type of man does this woman normally go for. The frequency of likes going back and forth between two people also indicate how much contact they've had and when e.g. my ex gf and her ex where heavily liking each others posts up until a few weeks before she got with me. Her activity on facebook was very suggestive that she was talking to someone else at times due to how often she'd be on it. Had I not paid attention to that I might have woke up one morning a year or 6 months from now to be told she's leaving me for her ex that was allowed to remain chatting in her ear unopposed in facebook.

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