mangetout Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Not sure what to think. Went on a date last Saturday and it went really well. Ended with a very passionate kiss.( We are both in our forties) He text me when he got home that night and said he really enjoyed the evening. He then text me the next day to say goodmorning. We texted each other for most of that Sunday and made arrangements to see each other this coming Saturday. I felt we had a mutual spark and felt very comfortable with him. I am probably rushing it but I offered for him to stay with me on our next date. He thought it was a good idea ( lol ofcourse he would) because he could have a few beers. I felt comfortable with that as we really got on and don't get the impression that this man is a player. I think he is looking for a relationship. But what narks me is that there has hardly been any contact since Sunday. We exchanged a couple of texts last Wednesday but I wouldn't have called it a proper conversation. That's been it I now feel uneasy about him staying the night as I feel that he ought to be making more effort to get to know me? Am I wrong? If he calls tomorrow to arrange to meet up that night , I doubt I will let him stay the night. I don't know whats going on in my head....any thoughts on this? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 It's pretty normal to not talk too much between first date and second. You're expecting him to conform to your perceived expectations on contact levels without even telling him? That's pretty unfair. Offering to let someone stay over so soon is not a good idea though. You don't know the guy. It's also going to look pretty bad if you now go and retract the invitation, especially if you wait until tomorrow, when he might have already made plans, bought his train tickets, packed, asked the neighbour to feed his cat, etc. I hate when people change plans on me at the last minute. Wouldn't you be annoyed if he did that to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 It's pretty normal to not talk too much between first date and second. You're expecting him to conform to your perceived expectations on contact levels without even telling him? That's pretty unfair. Offering to let someone stay over so soon is not a good idea though. You don't know the guy. It's also going to look pretty bad if you now go and retract the invitation, especially if you wait until tomorrow, when he might have already made plans, bought his train tickets, packed, asked the neighbour to feed his cat, etc. I hate when people change plans on me at the last minute. Wouldn't you be annoyed if he did that to you? It was a stupid move to say he can stop the night. What should I do? Should I contact him today and tell him that I don't feel comfortable for him to stay but happy to meet up again if he still wants to? Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 I felt comfortable with that as we really got on and don't get the impression that this man is a player. I think he is looking for a relationship. I doubt you are so good at reading men, you should get to know this guy further if you really want to know what he's about, impressions can be ridiculously smoke and mirrors, you're in your 40's, I'm hoping you have a little more sense than this. If you're just doing the whole roll of the dice "see where it goes" kind of thing, then it doesn't really matter what you do, you're going to go along with it whatever he does anyway. Gee, I wonder if he should be making an effort to get to know you...this "relationship" guy...hmm, such a mystery! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 (edited) Yes if you're going to cancel the invitation to stay over then cancel sooner rather than later. Make it very clear that you still want to see him since cancelling an invitation can easily be seen as loss of interest. Edited July 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 So much is wrong with inviting him over night for 2nd date. It's too much too fast. He may have perceived this as such and that made him pull away. With this invitation you ended the chase for him. I would tell him that I am looking forward to seeing him on Saturday but I was ahead of myself when I invited him over for the night and I must withdraw my invitation and hope he understand. I am sure he will think it's cool. Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Would you hire someone if they were not consistant with their performance and lack of drive? Hardly the same as hiring someone for a job but if your suitor isnt trying or doing anything to get to know you it shows in his actions he`s not that into you. Also offering a complete stranger to "stop over" isnt what I call safe. You know nothing of him. Stay safe and take time to get to know someone first before you make that decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 I doubt you are so good at reading men, you should get to know this guy further if you really want to know what he's about, impressions can be ridiculously smoke and mirrors, you're in your 40's, I'm hoping you have a little more sense than this. That's one area where my common sense seems to fly out the window. Unfortunately I am still learning, even at my age. But I think most of us are Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Wow, most of the men I date don't think they need an invitation. 3rd date, go. Or even 1st date. I would just reschedule a coffee or something and maybe talk about it then or get it out in the open over the phone before you meet again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Hardly the same as hiring someone for a job but if your suitor isnt trying or doing anything to get to know you it shows in his actions he`s not that into you. . You see this is the general impression I am getting. Hmm. I am confused again. I don't want to go on another date with him just to be brushed off. Would rather stay at home and "overeat". I think I will send him a text now Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 So much is wrong with inviting him over night for 2nd date. It's too much too fast. He may have perceived this as such and that made him pull away. With this invitation you ended the chase for him. I would tell him that I am looking forward to seeing him on Saturday but I was ahead of myself when I invited him over for the night and I must withdraw my invitation and hope he understand. I am sure he will think it's cool. Gaeta I will text him what you said but to be honest its never been black and white when it comes to being physical while dating. I have had very mixed outcomes. During my twenty years of dating I have had sex on the first night and it would instantly turn into a relationship that lasted for years afterwards. Other times I have waited and had sex on the fourth/fifth date in which he then dumps me because he was never into me ( he got his chase and left basically). Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Depending on your living arrangements, you could keep the date but before Saturday make sure he knows that the invite to stay over was for the guest room or couch, a safety precaution so he wouldn't be drinking & driving, but it wasn't an invitation into your bed. I do think that the diminution in contact was a function of him thinking based on the overnight invite that he "has" you & therefore doesn't need to work at it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Depending on your living arrangements, you could keep the date but before Saturday make sure he knows that the invite to stay over was for the guest room or couch, a safety precaution so he wouldn't be drinking & driving, but it wasn't an invitation into your bed. I do think that the diminution in contact was a function of him thinking based on the overnight invite that he "has" you & therefore doesn't need to work at it. well he lost out on that one if that's how he was thinking. I have just text him to say that I am not comfortable with him staying the night. I told him we can still have a date. Will be interesting to see if he is still interested. My bet is that he wasn't that into me in the first place. Otherwise he would have made a lot more effort with me this week. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 God dating is hard work. No wonder most people prefere to be on their own or go back to their ex. Link to post Share on other sites
martaldn Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 well he lost out on that one if that's how he was thinking. I have just text him to say that I am not comfortable with him staying the night. I told him we can still have a date. Will be interesting to see if he is still interested. My bet is that he wasn't that into me in the first place. Otherwise he would have made a lot more effort with me this week. did he reply? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 did he reply? Yes he did. What a nice man :-) He apologized for not getting in touch as he was very busy. He didn't want to bombard me with texts as he didn't think I would like it. He also said he is comfortable with what makes me comfortable and that he would still like to see me tomorrow. Date two ;-) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
martaldn Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Yes he did. What a nice man :-) He apologized for not getting in touch as he was very busy. He didn't want to bombard me with texts as he didn't think I would like it. He also said he is comfortable with what makes me comfortable and that he would still like to see me tomorrow. Date two ;-) :bunny::bunny: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 So there is still hope . . . yeah! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Its nice to know that there are still nice men out there. Its early days but he has scored some serious brownie points already lol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CharlieFox Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Its nice to know that there are still nice men out there. Its early days but he has scored some serious brownie points already lol. Wow, seriously? There are tons of nice men who get overlooked by women who have a ton of specific requirements. I mean, every person has specific requirements, things that turn her/him on, things they find attractive, etc. So naturally, that limits the list of potential candidates, but doesn't mean everyone else isn't nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 He probably got told by some internet forums to not contact you so much if a date is already set...because he'll appear "needy". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 During my twenty years of dating I have had sex on the first night and it would instantly turn into a relationship that lasted for years afterwards. Other times I have waited and had sex on the fourth/fifth date in which he then dumps me because he was never into me ( he got his chase and left basically). Me too, I am very liberal and free spirited but I've learn with time to hold it back. Very few of my spontaneous early sex turned into relationships. Even in our modern time men are wired to chase. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Wow, seriously? There are tons of nice men who get overlooked by women who have a ton of specific requirements. I mean, every person has specific requirements, things that turn her/him on, things they find attractive, etc. So naturally, that limits the list of potential candidates, but doesn't mean everyone else isn't nice. Guess Cupid doesn't like me because I have had twenty years of attracting emotionally messed up men who were not nice to me at all. But that's changing now Link to post Share on other sites
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