Long distance relationship with an older girl

[Bobaa]

I've been in a long distance relationship with an older girl for almost 1.5 years now. I am currently 24 (living in the US) and she is 31 (living in Asia). I was able to meet her through a close friend who is also her cousin. She looks a lot younger for her age and I look older for my age.

 

 

Currently I am still living at home with my parents. Before we decided to start a relationship, we were worried what my parents might think about us being together. When I spoke to my mom she was very understanding about it and brought up some key points.

 

•She’s at a different stage in life and most likely looking to settle down.

•Living in a different country, means one of us would have to move sooner or later.

•Possibility of reproduction incompatibility in the future.

•I have barely dated and I don’t know what I want right now.

•I would be just wasting her time to meet someone more compatible.

 

 

Long story short, my family didn’t approve of me going out with this girl. I respect my family and definitely would want their consent and support for the decisions I make in life. However, I don’t know how to convince them. The points they brought up made sense to me but I figured it could work out if we tried.

 

 

The country she currently lives in is also where my parents immigrated from, so I have many relatives living over there. She has also lived in the US for about 2-3 years prior and also has relatives and friends here.

 

Before this I have never been in an actual relationship, I’ve only dated a few women but it never lead to anything more. However, for some reason I am feeling ok if it means I end up settling down with her. The thing that prevents me from all this is that I feel that am in no way financially ready to achieve any of this. I graduated college about 2 years ago and currently working my first stable/steady paying job. As for children, I am afraid I would not be financially ready to support a child before the ideal birthing age period for women.

 

 

This past 1.5 year I’ve learned a lot about myself and we have had our ups and downs like any other normal relationship. She recently brought up the issue about me not being proactive enough and trying to convince my family. She wants to end things because she’s beginning to think things won’t work out between us since I’m not doing anything about my family. It’s not that I don’t want to be proactive, but it’s more so that I’m feeling helpless and not exactly sure how to convince them.

 

I obviously care about my families concerns but am I over thinking this?

 

How should I approach my parents differently now?

 

Thank you for listening to my story and I appreciate any comments or advice.

[Assasda]

at 24 youre a grown man.

Your patents can support you or not, but at the end of the day you make your own decision.

 

I dont even know what youre asking here.

Are you seeking some kind of blessing from your parents.

 

It doesnt sounds like she cares about you enough though, because she's just using the "parents" story to get out of the relationship.

 

Date other women

[smackie9]

The reality is there, it's not going to work out. It doesn't matter how your family feels, it's your situation. You don't have the finances to progress in a realtionship with her. It's a year and a half and you are no further than you were at the beginning. It's only fair to let her go because she doesn't have the time like you do. She wants to start having a family, etc. You won't even be there for years yet. Sorry dude, as heartbreaking as it is, there is no real solution. As for your parents, everything they brought up is the hard cold truth and I couldn't agree with them more.

[Bobaa]

at 24 youre a grown man.

Your patents can support you or not, but at the end of the day you make your own decision.

 

I dont even know what youre asking here.

Are you seeking some kind of blessing from your parents.

 

It doesnt sounds like she cares about you enough though, because she's just using the "parents" story to get out of the relationship.

 

Date other women

 

Thank you for the comment. I never really thought of it as an excuse up until now that you've mentioned it. It's interesting to discover a new point of view on things. Appreciate it

[Bobaa]

The reality is there, it's not going to work out. It doesn't matter how your family feels, it's your situation. You don't have the finances to progress in a realtionship with her. It's a year and a half and you are no further than you were at the beginning. It's only fair to let her go because she doesn't have the time like you do. She wants to start having a family, etc. You won't even be there for years yet. Sorry dude, as heartbreaking as it is, there is no real solution. As for your parents, everything they brought up is the hard cold truth and I couldn't agree with them more.

 

I fully agree with you as well, sometimes I just think if it weren't for all of these issues we could actually be somewhere better. It makes me sad that I won't be able to be with someone I love because of this.

 

Your advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[smackie9]

The positive side of this is that this relationship has given you some experience. You know now to be more realistic when finding yourself a life time mate, though love can steer you in a different direction, but at least you will understand it. Nothing wrong with having expectations, and you owe it to yourself to make sure you get what you want. I wish you well, chin up, there are always other options out there for you.

[Bobaa]

The positive side of this is that this relationship has given you some experience. You know now to be more realistic when finding yourself a life time mate, though love can steer you in a different direction, but at least you will understand it. Nothing wrong with having expectations, and you owe it to yourself to make sure you get what you want. I wish you well, chin up, there are always other options out there for you.

 

Trying to cope with it at the moment, but thank you.