Falling for taken co-worker in spite of myself...!

[forever_lost]

I feel like I am slowly falling for one of my coworkers. Ever since she was hired, we've had a couple of great conversations, and we have a lot of similar interests. It's easy with her. It's rarely easy for anyone. She's the first person I've really liked since an awful break-up with my ex-gf nearly a year ago.

 

Problems are: 1) she's a coworker (don't **** where you eat, or whatever) and 2) she's taken, living with her boyfriend of four years. I have no intention of dating her, but I do find myself hurting when she goes home to someone else. It's not fun.

 

How do I manage this situation, especially because we work together? I've begun to avoid encounters to minimize possible talk/flirtation, but I think she noticed and is confused, especially because we need to communicate in the office. Do I tell her the truth about how I feel about her? Or is this just something I need to accept and tough out?

 

Thanks for your help. I love and hate going to work right now.

[solway86]

I know it can feel painful, and your feelings are that; why are you attracted to her? Is her personality similar to yours, she have common interests. etc. ?

 

I don't really know what to suggest, given the sensitivity of this situation but if you know she has personality/qualities you like in a woman, look for someone like her, but don't go pursuing her, as she's obviously in a long-term relationship.

 

It would be cliched of me to suggest trying new hobbies etc. (that which I'm doing myself, anyway) to get over it, but we like who we like, and your attraction is normal.

 

Don't worry. Hope this helped.

[Gaeta]

You need to date.....others.

 

You are simply falling for her because she's the first one to give you attention and kindness since your breakup. You're being reminded how nice it is to have a connection with someone compatible.

 

There are several single women out there capable of making you feel this way.

[forever_lost]

I know it can feel painful, and your feelings are that; why are you attracted to her? Is her personality similar to yours, she have common interests. etc. ?

 

I don't really know what to suggest, given the sensitivity of this situation but if you know she has personality/qualities you like in a woman, look for someone like her, but don't go pursuing her, as she's obviously in a long-term relationship.

 

It would be cliched of me to suggest trying new hobbies etc. (that which I'm doing myself, anyway) to get over it, but we like who we like, and your attraction is normal.

 

Don't worry. Hope this helped.

 

Haha thanks. Yeah, we have a lot of similar interests, so we've had some good conversations. That's part of how it makes it hard. I'm scared it's becoming more than just a workplace crush...

 

You need to date.....others.

 

You are simply falling for her because she's the first one to give you attention and kindness since your breakup. You're being reminded how nice it is to have a connection with someone compatible.

 

There are several single women out there capable of making you feel this way.

 

I think there's a certain amount of truth to this, and I agree that it's something I can't and shouldn't pursue. But like I said above, I've been finding it difficult to feel otherwise when we have great conversations. Is there a way to get out of this without souring professional relationships other than sheer will?

[Eggplant]

No, you shouldn't tell her how you feel, as it's her work environment too, which should be stress-free, and it's not her problem. Hey, you never know, she may have some feelings too, but then she just suppresses them herself. Keep your conversations shallower. If you are regularly having deep conversations with her about common interests that are causing a great bond between you two to develop, you're crossing some lines.

[forever_lost]

No, you shouldn't tell her how you feel, as it's her work environment too, which should be stress-free, and it's not her problem. Hey, you never know, she may have some feelings too, but then she just suppresses them herself. Keep your conversations shallower. If you are regularly having deep conversations with her about common interests that are causing a great bond between you two to develop, you're crossing some lines.

 

Thanks, that's what I thought. And I definitely agree. I've actually pretended to dislike something that she mentioned that I actually enjoy a lot in order to minimize any extracurricular bonds that may arise. Such a pity, though, that that is considered crossing lines.