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dating and parents (meeting BFs parents, telling my parents about BF)


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Old 24th July 2014, 2:13 AM   #1
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dating and parents (meeting BFs parents, telling my parents about BF)

Two things here that I need advice on.


1. I am meeting my BF's parents this weekend when they come to town. I've never met a BF's parents and I don't know what to expect at all so I am nervous. Plus I can be kind of quiet around new people and I worry that I will come off as standoffish. Any ideas on what to expect? anything? I know that I need to be myself and relax and not overthink it, but it's hard to do that because I have no experience in this realm.

2. I haven't told my family that I have a BF, and as far as they know when I tell them, he is my first BF. I was really scared to tell them at first because they're super protective but I don't want to hold back anymore because I really care about him and I feel like we're serious about each other. I tried to tell my mom the other day but she just kept talking about random crap I couldn't get a word in. I could tell my grandma first who is a better listener but it might startle her and I think it will piss off my mom to know that she didn't hear it first (she already thinks that I like my grandma more than her, which isn't unfounded because I consider my grandma to be one of my best friends). At this point I want to text my mom a picture of the two of us together and when she asks, who is that, tell her it's my BF. but I know that probably isn't the best way to do it. She lives in a different part of the country from me btw so I can't tell her face-to-face anytime soon.
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Old 24th July 2014, 2:31 AM   #2
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Seems like you try to please everyone at the same time.

I've learn this about life.
That never works
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Old 24th July 2014, 2:56 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Assasda View Post
Seems like you try to please everyone at the same time.

I've learn this about life.
That never works
???
For the record, I'm not trying to please anyone. I am just clueless, so maybe that can be misconstrued as trying to please everyone, but I like to go into situations with some preparation, it hasn't failed me once yet. I don't think it hurts to have some idea of what questions they might ask me, and some icebreaker questions I can ask that are appropriate if things are a bit...quiet.

And I've never told my mom about any of the guys I've dated because she always makes comments about girls getting distracted by guys and I don't feel like hearing her ramble anymore than she already does. I don't care how she reacts to me having a boyfriend, I just don't want to deal with all of her questions and warnings unnecessarily, but I am really into this guy so I am ready to deal with it now. I just can't get her at the right time because whenever I call her she talks SO MUCH that my eyes glaze over and I am ready to end the conversation in five minutes.

I don't think this is exemplary behavior of someone who tries to please everyone at the same time, IMO. It's not like I am changing myself or trying to hide anything. I just want to go into the situation informed and have the best opportunity to share my own information
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Old 24th July 2014, 5:12 AM   #4
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Meeting the parents is an awkward experience I remember I was at my bf's place watching a movie when his mom suddenly came home. Way to go for first time meeting

Just try your best to relax and smile. You don't have to talk too much (I'm not a talkative person either). I think your bf would guide the conversations naturally (or you could talk to your bf prior to the meeting and make sure he'll make conversation lol). If you're eating together, be sure to sit straight.

As for what kind of questions they might ask you... I'm guessing basic stuff like, "where do you work?" or "what are you studying?" and proceed to ask you a bit more about it (not sure if you're working or studying). I find meeting parents over a meal much easier.

As for telling your mom...just tell her straightforwardly. I'm assuming you're probably studying since you said your family is super protective of you. If she gets angry, let her know you won't let the relationship get in the way of your education and that you can handle both things. Then send a picture of you and your bf. Also tell your grandma so she could back you up Good luck
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Old 24th July 2014, 4:24 PM   #5
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Use your company manners when you meet them. Say please & thank you. Wear something a bit dressier than normal & conservative. Keep the PDA to a minimum.

Talk to your parents about your BF's existence. Don't just spring him on them.
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Old 25th July 2014, 3:06 AM   #6
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thanks for all of the advice. i told my mom today and it went much better than i thought it would; she gave me the speech i expected but it was like 2 seconds long and she seemed genuinely happy for me. glad that's over!

it's too hot here to wear what i was going to wear, so would a dress like this be conservative enough?
Slanted Bodice Dress - anthropologie.com
please note that i am way bustier than the model.
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Old 25th July 2014, 9:39 AM   #7
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No. You can't wear that dress. Too much cleavage on the model. If you are bustier, while you probably look awesome in the dress & it's very pretty, it's too much for a 1st meet with your BF's parents. It says "hello these are my breasts." The length is good.
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Old 25th July 2014, 3:24 PM   #8
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thanks for the second opinion, i was worried about the boobs.

i found another outfit with more of a crew neckline that does not scream, "boobs!" looking forward to meeting them!
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