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women making the first move


laylay305

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are you guys pretty receptive to it?

 

basically, there's this guy i have a full-out middle school crush on. we attend the same sporting events, and have mutual friends, but we've never actually chatted. i get the feeling he's more of the shy type, as i don't really see him talking to many people.

 

i'm thinking about striking up a conversation with him at the game tomorrow night, and just wanted to get some opinions.

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Ask him about the game.

I wish you could tell me the specific sport youre watching. I could give you specific questions to ask

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There's no harm in casual chatting at a sporting event. He might need a little help if he's really shy. If the conversation goes to your liking, you will know when to ask about his relationship status.

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it's a soccer match. we're both members of the same supporter group.

 

Ask him to explain:

1. The offside rule to you.

 

2. Ask him to explain the difference between an indirect freekick and a direct freekick

 

3. Ask him who is his favorite player in the world.

 

 

Ofcourse stagger those questions, and listen to what he has to say, But those will proabbly get you in his good graces/

It will even be better if you know the answers to these questions but ask him anyway. Good way to break the ice

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Ask him to explain:

1. The offside rule to you.

 

2. Ask him to explain the difference between an indirect freekick and a direct freekick

 

3. Ask him who is his favorite player in the world.

 

 

Ofcourse stagger those questions, and listen to what he has to say, But those will proabbly get you in his good graces/

It will even be better if you know the answers to these questions but ask him anyway. Good way to break the ice

 

well, i know the answers, and i'm pretty sure he knows i know (we follow each other on twitter, and i play soccer, and talk about soccer related subjects), so would that just make me look like an idiot? we all meet up at a bar before the match, and the two of us volunteered at an event saturday (sadly it was so busy we didn't have a chance to talk), so i was thinking about approaching him at the bar and bringing up something related to the charity event.

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I will admit to being clueless and oblivious to a woman's signals at times. Might be a little harder at a sporting event when his focus is on the game. Eye contact and timing play key roles in making a connection.

 

Again, no harm in making the first words count from your end. All you can do is put the ball in his court. It's up to him to respond to you.

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well, i know the answers, and i'm pretty sure he knows i know (we follow each other on twitter, and i play soccer, and talk about soccer related subjects), so would that just make me look like an idiot? we all meet up at a bar before the match, and the two of us volunteered at an event saturday (sadly it was so busy we didn't have a chance to talk), so i was thinking about approaching him at the bar and bringing up something related to the charity event.

 

Ahhh... New information.

So you 2 are acquaintances.

 

In that case just ask him if he'd like to have a drink one friday night, or ask him if he know's any cool places to hang out, in addition to you talking about charity

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Ahhh... New information.

So you 2 are acquaintances.

 

In that case just ask him if he'd like to have a drink one friday night, or ask him if he know's any cool places to hang out, in addition to you talking about charity

 

that's a good idea. i mean, tomorrow is the last match of the season. i've really got nothing to lose.

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I never thought there was anything wrong with a woman making the first move, and I honestly don't understand why it's considered such a no-no in modern social circles... I know many girls that liked some guys but never showed any kind of interest in them and expected that they would make the first move out of nowhere, and ended up wasting opportunities because y'know, a woman should never make the first move...

 

The others already gave a good advice, go for a casual chat, and throw in that you might want to have drinks with him later. :)

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The Way I Am

I never believed that women shouldn't make the first move. But after many years of experience having made the first move, I've realized there's truth to it. The relationship as a whole just seems to work out better when you flirt but let the guy make the first move, including shy guys.

 

In my experience, asking a guy out sets you up to fill more of the traditionally masculine role for the rest of the relationship. If you like that, which some women do, then asking the guy out works.

 

If you don't like that, I don't think you should ask him out.

 

Talk to him. Be nice. Flirt. If he doesn't ask you out, move on.

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todreaminblue

the last thing i want to feel with a guy i am attracted too i am with is more masculine .......its why i particularly loathe asking guys out......i like to feel feminine and if i feel feminine and shy then its more likely i wont be his buddy or pal....or really even friend.......there is that part of me that can be that..but i really do have already quite a few male friends.....i make them regularly.......but the part that wants an intimate relationship beyond friendship is always feminine and more reserved but attracted to shy calm guys....i am actually dominant in part....i prefer not to be with a guy......probably why i have always dated fighters.....appeals to both my femininity because they have a calm quite assured strength ....or should have if they are honorable fighters they are not apathetic...... and my more dominant side that can fight just as hard finds appeal in a guy who knows what he wants and calmly gets it............deb

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Ninjainpajamas

You have to recognize what the "first move" is to a man...

 

If it's engaging in conversation, flirting, sending subtle hints, glances or smiles...that's perfectly fine.

 

But if you expect to go up and do all the work, ask him out, asking him about going out and everything else...then you're really taking a key part away from the guy initiating and building that confidence in his decision to date you, because a guy has to be sure enough and like you enough to approach in you in those situations.

 

Women become impatient, trying to cut out what they see as a mere nuances and they go directly for the guy and become very aggressive, and this can be apart of their own ego. While that may work for some people, it still doesn't show the guy holding the same level of interest, if you do all the work for him then you're basically just asking him to be apart of it, and you're also teaching him that you're interested in taking the initiative so that may become his expectation and men that you teach to become lazy and complacent (just going along for the ride) aren't going to be there and putting in the same effort as you'd expect them to when it really counts...it's the beginning of a whole cycle IMO.

 

I believe men need to do the approaching, it changes the whole dynamic of how they engage and perceive that relationship and can affect how they operate within that relationship (it's like the difference between if you bought something with your hard earned money or were simply given something) there has to be a challenge...because a guy going for something he really wants is a whole lot different than him just accepting the convenience of a girl essentially falling on his lap...men have a pride, ego and while they may appreciate the confidence and aggressiveness at times with women, they still need to feel in control and like they have accomplished something.

 

Just like when women make a big deal out of any little thing a guy does for her, and tells all her friends and whoever else...to her that makes her feel "special", he needs to feel secure/confident enough in approaching you if you open that door, he needs to feel like he accomplished something "special" by catching you. Otherwise he is likely to take you for granted and be neglectful.

 

But don't take my word for it, learn like the rest of them. I've tried to explain it numerous times, and the beta males, well of course they don't really mind or even know any better...but then again they're in the situation they are in for a reason too.

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Yeah. I wasn't really planning on asking him out tonight. Just wanted to chat and get things going. I'm also considering messaging him in a few days and asking to borrow a scarf from his favorite pro team, making the excuse that we're having a soccer theme day at work before we host one of the big friendly gannets and my coworker is a big fan of their rival team. I figure that's more harmless.

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Bruce Leigh
You have to recognize what the "first move" is to a man...

 

If it's engaging in conversation, flirting, sending subtle hints, glances or smiles...that's perfectly fine.

 

But if you expect to go up and do all the work, ask him out, asking him about going out and everything else...then you're really taking a key part away from the guy initiating and building that confidence in his decision to date you, because a guy has to be sure enough and like you enough to approach in you in those situations.

 

Women become impatient, trying to cut out what they see as a mere nuances and they go directly for the guy and become very aggressive, and this can be apart of their own ego. While that may work for some people, it still doesn't show the guy holding the same level of interest, if you do all the work for him then you're basically just asking him to be apart of it, and you're also teaching him that you're interested in taking the initiative so that may become his expectation and men that you teach to become lazy and complacent (just going along for the ride) aren't going to be there and putting in the same effort as you'd expect them to when it really counts...it's the beginning of a whole cycle IMO.

 

I believe men need to do the approaching, it changes the whole dynamic of how they engage and perceive that relationship and can affect how they operate within that relationship (it's like the difference between if you bought something with your hard earned money or were simply given something) there has to be a challenge...because a guy going for something he really wants is a whole lot different than him just accepting the convenience of a girl essentially falling on his lap...men have a pride, ego and while they may appreciate the confidence and aggressiveness at times with women, they still need to feel in control and like they have accomplished something.

 

Just like when women make a big deal out of any little thing a guy does for her, and tells all her friends and whoever else...to her that makes her feel "special", he needs to feel secure/confident enough in approaching you if you open that door, he needs to feel like he accomplished something "special" by catching you. Otherwise he is likely to take you for granted and be neglectful.

 

But don't take my word for it, learn like the rest of them. I've tried to explain it numerous times, and the beta males, well of course they don't really mind or even know any better...but then again they're in the situation they are in for a reason too.

 

Wow, that's a big jump from a woman asking a guy out.

Especially since she has no real idea what he is like, she hasn't even spoken to the guy.

You may have already put her off him.

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eh, i get both sides to some degree. it actually ended up going pretty well. we were joking around on twitter before the game. at the game, he stood by me for a second while we were chanting, but then my friends started walking into the stadium. he actually found me later and said i was "the queen of twitter". i told him he set me up for the jokes and he laughed and said his was nothing compared to mine.

 

so far, so good. we shall see what develops. thanks for the advice!

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I wondered about that the other day

 

Like, imagine if I go to a guy and asks him out

 

will he say yes, because hey, it's a chance to get something..

 

will he say yes out of politeness!

 

will he say yes because he actually likes me

 

will he say no because I am not his type or he has someone else ( imagine how humiliating that must be)

 

will he say no because now that I asked him I killed his interest in me!

 

it's a gamble I don't want to take with anyone......

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todreaminblue
I wondered about that the other day

 

Like, imagine if I go to a guy and asks him out

 

will he say yes, because hey, it's a chance to get something..

 

will he say yes out of politeness!

 

will he say yes because he actually likes me

 

will he say no because I am not his type or he has someone else ( imagine how humiliating that must be)

 

will he say no because now that I asked him I killed his interest in me!

 

it's a gamble I don't want to take with anyone......

 

 

will he say no because I am not his type or he has someone else ( imagine how humiliating that must be)

 

 

you do actually survive ....i did.....and i also had a relationship after this and have been asked out since by a couple of different guys....i read a quote that said you can be the juiciest peach .......and someone will always dislike peaches...which is true..not everyone likes who you are regardless there are people who do like you...this goes for everyone.........thats their choice to like or have no interest in .............

 

 

 

it happens to guys all the time asking women out they get told no...so if i like someone and i feel they are too shy to ask ill ask to get to know them better regardless of the risk, regardless how unsure i am or my voice shakes or whatever happens like i might bite all my finegernails off........because i feel for the guy i am asking to know better and it doesnt happen often for me to really avoid asking,normally guys ask me and i say yes or no ... you always should say how you feel towards someone....because tomorrow may never come...that wont happen for me.....not to this day and date....deb

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Bruce Leigh
I wondered about that the other day

 

Like, imagine if I go to a guy and asks him out

 

will he say yes, because hey, it's a chance to get something..

 

will he say yes out of politeness!

 

will he say yes because he actually likes me

 

will he say no because I am not his type or he has someone else ( imagine how humiliating that must be)

 

will he say no because now that I asked him I killed his interest in me!

 

it's a gamble I don't want to take with anyone......

 

Ha ha, women really are their own worst enemy at times.

Trust me, I have been asked out by women more than a few times over the years.

If we find you attractive, we will say yes. If we don't, we will say no.

Sometimes it really is that simple.

What happens after that is anybodies guess.

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I wondered about that the other day

 

Like, imagine if I go to a guy and asks him out

 

will he say yes, because hey, it's a chance to get something..

 

will he say yes out of politeness!

 

will he say yes because he actually likes me

 

will he say no because I am not his type or he has someone else ( imagine how humiliating that must be)

 

will he say no because now that I asked him I killed his interest in me!

 

it's a gamble I don't want to take with anyone......

 

That's exactly what men go through everytime they ask a girl out, haha. It's a gamble, it's a risk, and it's no different to you than it is for a man. Of course, for a man, it is accepted that if he's not brave enough or not willing to take a risk, then he's not confident enough and **** like this.

 

Sometimes I really think women just like being too comfortable in their position to be the ones who just expect every guy in the world to take the initiative to come to them and ask them out. It's mostly in women's heads that guys will think there's something wrong about them asking a guy out. It almost never happens that both parties are equally interested in one another. One person is almost always more interested than the other. So sometimes, a guy can also be unsure if he likes you before getting to know you a little. And we're not mind readers.

 

I don't know about most men, but I find confidence in women really attractive. And the lack of it unattractive.

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SoonMyFriend

See I've had success asking guys out... I made the first move on a guy via OLD and we ended up dating for 8 months a year ago. I also made a move on a guy that turned out to be a great ONS. I also made the first move with the guy I am currently dating...

 

Take my most recent story as an example - we knew each other in university, he actually asked me out back then but I had a bf so I turned him down. Flash forward about 6 years and I see this guy on Tinder! We ended up matching, but didn't chat. A couple days later we end up at the same party being thrown by a mutual friend. We hadn't seen each other since graduation. We chatted at the party, joked about Tinder, and caught up on each other's lives.

 

The next morning I sent him a message via Tinder saying if he ever wanted to go for drinks I'd love to, and here's my #

 

A week later we arranged a date and have been dating ever since.

 

The reason I sent him the message instead of waiting to see if he would message me was, I was thinking back to when I turned him down in uni and figured if I wanted to go out with him I had better make the first move in case he didn't want to get rejected a second time!

 

So don't be scared to make the first move :) It might work in your favour!!

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Women making the first move is a huge turn-on. It means they're aggressive and most times, have their life figured out. Kudos, and enjoy the ride.

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