candy 87 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I'm posting about the guy i'v been friends with for five plus years We have been in contact for that long.. on and off..even when we lost touch we would always end up gettin back in contact with each other..but this time I'm not sure if i'll ever hear from him again. He's liked me for all these years but its never gotten to the next stage mostly because of me I guess, i've been shy and reserved about it all. He's been pretty clear about how he feels about me and what he wanted from me for a long time. He would compliment me all the time, he would flirt, he would express his emotions in quite an intense way sometimes and tell me he misses me and is always depressed over me, how he can't stop thinking about me at night..how he could see us getting together and being in a relationship and eventually getting married. I suppose he has been quite direct with me for years, I just never expressed myself the way I should have, i'd just keep it all in or laugh things off or avoid him and just act far too quiet. He's always said im special and acted like im the one he wants above anyone else and that i'm different to other girls/women. He's had other people interested in him but he's never acted upon it and always come back to me . He would randomy mention marriage to me..and indirectly ask me to think about these things, maybe i'm the one he could see his future with for all this many years. Most recently or what I posted about in the last thread was how he disappeared for nine months and came back last year in december. He contacted me from a random number and said he missed me a lot and he apologised and said he really did have a rough time and he lost contact with everyone. He wanted to explain to me what had happened and wanted to take me out to dinner..right at the start I didn't want to welcome him back with open arms :/ after nearly a year with no contact and i was just being my usual self. He kept saying sorry and he realised he should have contacted me in those nine months and he kept saying he knows he messed up and that im special etc, eventually I was like ok its fine im sorry for being difficult with you. Following this he asked me out in different ways ..and he just said he really really wants to see me ..i did agree but then nothing ever came of it.. in four months..so from when he came back in december to end of march, and what happened right about the end of march was something I never thought would happen in a million years. He started becoming distant after coming on really strong and wanting to meet me between december and february i'd say. after that.like he wouldnt call or text me anymore..and I was wondering what had happened to him. I assumed it was because of us not meetin up and me taking my time about it, so I tried to message him a couple of times about meetin and he said yes thats fine but he didnt follow through with it or didnt seem particularly enthusiastic. The week leading up to the end of march I started to get annoyed with him for not replying to my txts or calling.. but then when he eventually did I ignored him, and then texted him something i'll probably regret for the rest of my life. i only said it to get a reaction out of him and to see where his head was at. I said "I can't be bothered anymore..this whole thing is a joke". He replied and said " you're right this whole thing is a joke.. Goodbye". I was thinking he didn't mean it and he just texted it after my joke comment, after all we've been friends for five years..would I really think he meant goodbye? Next day which was the 31st march... he called me up in the evening..and I was thinking everything was ok even after his goodbye text and he was calling to have a normal conversation with me. He said hi and how are you and what you doing like normal, and I said I was just catching up on some tv series. Next thing I know hes like "I didn't want to just text you a goodbye, we've known each other for this long i thought I would call you". I was too shocked to even speak, i literally had no idea how to react or what to say.. I just ended up saying "whats the point". He said "what do you mean what the point". He said "i'm not going to lie I did like you and I did want to get to know you better, but I think we are from two different worlds and i'm sure you'l make someone very happy some day". He then continued and said "is there anything you want to say". I said "its kool if thats what you want". But to be honest I was far too surprised to be able to speak or express what I was thinking at that moment. But I suppose thats how I ALWAYS am with him so to be expected. since the goodbye its been about five months with zero contact..and now i'm hearing that he's talking about me to this "mutual" friend of ours that he doesnt even like.. he asked him if we still talk and then proceeded to bad mouth me and talk about all the characteristics he doesn't like about me!!! he said he doesn't want to speak to me anymore and isn't bothered yet he is still expressing so much anger..where did the anger even come from?? because the goodbye sounded so emotionless and like he wasn't even bothered one bit tht he was saying goodbye forever.. and now he's telling the "mutual friend" that im "stupid, not on their level, childish, slow, a fake person, judgemental".. also that i havn't experience much in life.. something along those lines... I understand tht I do have a naive personality but he knew that for years.. and it didnt seem to bother him then ..but in no way have i ever been judgemental or any other thing.. its just shocking someone who cared about me so much and thought i was special is now suddenly hating on me like that Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 It sounds like you used this guy for an ego boost for five years and he finally gave up. I don't see why you are upset by it. From your post you didn't seem to care about him much anyway. So he is a bit angry. You were obviously the love of his life (or something similar, but with a less dramatic title) for five years. He poured his soul into trying to win you over. Eventually, he just had enough. One of your indicators of indifference was the straw that broke the camel's back. His intense feelings of infatuation had to change to something else. Anger, in this case. it will eventually go away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 since the goodbye its been about five months with zero contact..and now i'm hearing that he's talking about me to this "mutual" friend of ours that he doesnt even like.. he asked him if we still talk and then proceeded to bad mouth me and talk about all the characteristics he doesn't like about me!!! he said he doesn't want to speak to me anymore and isn't bothered yet he is still expressing so much anger..where did the anger even come from?? because the goodbye sounded so emotionless and like he wasn't even bothered one bit tht he was saying goodbye forever.. and now he's telling the "mutual friend" that im "stupid, not on their level, childish, slow, a fake person, judgemental".. also that i havn't experience much in life.. something along those lines... I understand tht I do have a naive personality but he knew that for years.. and it didnt seem to bother him then ..but in no way have i ever been judgemental or any other thing.. its just shocking someone who cared about me so much and thought i was special is now suddenly hating on me like that Unresolved feelings, it will go away. We have them for those that disappoint us the most. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 It sounds like you used this guy for an ego boost for five years and he finally gave up. I don't see why you are upset by it. From your post you didn't seem to care about him much anyway. So he is a bit angry. You were obviously the love of his life (or something similar, but with a less dramatic title) for five years. He poured his soul into trying to win you over. Eventually, he just had enough. One of your indicators of indifference was the straw that broke the camel's back. His intense feelings of infatuation had to change to something else. Anger, in this case. it will eventually go away. i didnt i seriuously didnt! i do care about this person..im just not the type to be cringey and overly emotional to his face about it..i just kept it all inside i guess...mybe thats why he called me fake?? what was the indicators of indifference? it sounds weird but i guess my reservations in expressing my feelings ending up coming across as indifference..and i even explained it to him time and time again..thats the person i am..i dont talk about my emotions much but i really do think he is an important person in my life.. do you think there is ANY possibility i could convince him to come back around even after the "gooDbye"?? obviously i cant messge him or call him as i dont hv his number no more.. but do u think if i wrote him a letter as to why i was like tht it would help? and tht i actually do want to work things out?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Unresolved feelings, it will go away. We have them for those that disappoint us the most. is ther any convincing him to come back? i mean this guy wanted to marry me for so many years..like the way he express himself to me its like he chose me over every other woman he'd ever met who had taken interest in him.. and tht i was like the one for him.. but maybe i was wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 is ther any convincing him to come back? i mean this guy wanted to marry me for so many years..like the way he express himself to me its like he chose me over every other woman he'd ever met who had taken interest in him.. and tht i was like the one for him.. but maybe i was wrong? based on what you have said i cant fathom why you even want him to come back? What are your intentions towards him? it certainly doesnt sound like they are anywhere near in line with his. in fact its telling that in the quoted post it comes across like you are showing off how dedicated he is to you, without offering any kind of reciprocation.... I can only guess that (as is usually the case with these sudden 180s) that nobody has made you feel 'special' in the months since you last saw him and right about now 1 guy who wants to marry you who you are not really attracted to but who you can keep at arms length is better than none. Just wait til you meet someone you are actually attracted to, suddenly there will be no room for this guy in your thoughts and that will probably be best for all involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 based on what you have said i cant fathom why you even want him to come back? What are your intentions towards him? it certainly doesnt sound like they are anywhere near in line with his. in fact its telling that in the quoted post it comes across like you are showing off how dedicated he is to you, without offering any kind of reciprocation.... I can only guess that (as is usually the case with these sudden 180s) that nobody has made you feel 'special' in the months since you last saw him and right about now 1 guy who wants to marry you who you are not really attracted to but who you can keep at arms length is better than none. Just wait til you meet someone you are actually attracted to, suddenly there will be no room for this guy in your thoughts and that will probably be best for all involved. i hv no problem in that area..theres guys who ask me out every day and those who are interested.. but this one is different.. you misunderstood..and he misunderstood the same way i suppose.. just because i dont tell him how much i care about him..doesnt mean i dont..i guess im not someone who easily expresses emotions in that way.. i do want him to get in contact again... Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 my main point is tht he seemed to b totally fine with cuttin me off and he said goodbye in such a cold manner..and now im hearing tht evrytime he sees our mutual friend he talks about me or rants about me more like..like how terrible i am..and all the negative things about me and the weirdest thing is he doesnt even like that mutual friend..in fact thyre nt even friends or hardly speak..yet hes tlking about me like he tells him all his personal issues which he nrmally doesnt Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 You seemed to be totally fine with just stringing him along for so long, why shouldn't he be allowed to cut you off? You both seem like you have your own issues. Now that he doesn't want anything to do with you... you want him back? Move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 i didnt i seriuously didnt! i do care about this person..im just not the type to be cringey and overly emotional to his face about it..i just kept it all inside i guess...mybe thats why he called me fake?? what was the indicators of indifference? it sounds weird but i guess my reservations in expressing my feelings ending up coming across as indifference..and i even explained it to him time and time again..thats the person i am..i dont talk about my emotions much but i really do think he is an important person in my life.. do you think there is ANY possibility i could convince him to come back around even after the "gooDbye"?? obviously i cant messge him or call him as i dont hv his number no more.. but do u think if i wrote him a letter as to why i was like tht it would help? and tht i actually do want to work things out?? I doubt there is a way to get this guy back. From your post, it appears like he poured his heart out to you periodically over the course of five years. From your post, it appears you never showed him that you returned any of that interest. What do you want to happen? Do you want to go back to the good old days when he would profess his love for you while you apparently dismiss it? I find it strange that you want him to want you. You had five years to tell him that you wanted him too. The fact you didn't do so suggests you really don't want this guy. Let him get on with his life. It is unfortunate that he is bad mouthing you to a mutual friend, but he is just venting. Once he gets over you, it will stop. Link to post Share on other sites
CharlieFox Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 No guy deserves to run a girl for 5 years, invest much time and effort and profess his love for her, and receive nothing in return. You say you care for him, but you don't say you want him as a lover/bf... If you really care about him but don't want to get involved with him in any of these ways, just let him be and stay away from him. If you knew what you wanted, this thing wouldn't take 5 years... Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 I doubt there is a way to get this guy back. From your post, it appears like he poured his heart out to you periodically over the course of five years. From your post, it appears you never showed him that you returned any of that interest. What do you want to happen? Do you want to go back to the good old days when he would profess his love for you while you apparently dismiss it? I find it strange that you want him to want you. You had five years to tell him that you wanted him too. The fact you didn't do so suggests you really don't want this guy. Let him get on with his life. It is unfortunate that he is bad mouthing you to a mutual friend, but he is just venting. Once he gets over you, it will stop. its not as heartless as it sounds lol.. basically i did/do care..but you know how some people are overly affectionate and overly emotional..im just not that type of person so to him it may have come off sometimes as if im not interested or i dont care..but i tend to keep it all inside but the truth is i do actually see him as an important person..it was just hard for me to express it..a lot of times i would randomly confess things but then go back to speaking to him more like just a friend..but he would talk about how he felt about me and his emotions all the time and i would just get embarassed or something about doing the same back..i kno it sounds stupid now but thats the way it was.. i did expain to him a few times that im not the someone who comes across like i have my heart on my sleeve..and i tend to act and do the opposite of how i feel lol..i think he took it in but in the end he just wanted a lot more.. i know its hard to believe but if you or anyone else/ him even realised how i trulyy feel when he isnt around or even when he is you would be so shocked! i do want him to come back and i would actually try to change the way i am and i wanted to put it all in a letter but i dont kno now :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 No guy deserves to run a girl for 5 years, invest much time and effort and profess his love for her, and receive nothing in return. You say you care for him, but you don't say you want him as a lover/bf... If you really care about him but don't want to get involved with him in any of these ways, just let him be and stay away from him. If you knew what you wanted, this thing wouldn't take 5 years... i do want to progress a lot more..but back then he wanted to move things along a lot faster than id even thought of...he would talk about marriage and kids even...like the marriage topic would come up pretty often over the course of like five years..so even before we "date" or anything he would kno that im th eone he wants to marry anyway..if tht mkes sense.. its not like i dont like him or see him that way i just hadnt thought that far ahead ... but now obviously a few years on i would in reality choose him over anyone else.. but i dont know what to do now as hes cut off his number ..its not what i wanted though Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts