Jump to content

This is all good right?


Recommended Posts

So I deleted my online profiles but kept in touch with someone I had made contact with.

 

We met yesterday on a terrace. The coffee-date lasted 3 hours. I paid for the first round and he paid for the second one. Conversation was flowing and he came across as a real nice man. He did or said nothing inappropriate, which was refreshing.

 

When we said good bye we kissed on both cheeks as it's the tradition in our culture and he said 'we'll be talking'.

 

Usually the 'we'll be talking' means I won't contact you and I know you won't contact me lol.

 

To my surprise he text me about 1 hour after I got home. His text was saying Thank you for the very nice date I hope you also appreciated.

 

I knew then the man probably could not totally read me during the meeting, explaining the 'we'll talk' and he needed a green or red light from me. I answered I had a very nice time as well and if he felt like going out together again it would be my pleasure.

 

Right away he offered different things we could do, asked my opinion, etc. We agreed on going to the movies, we're both big movie lovers, and he was putting me in charge of picking the movie. I said I'd check the listing and get back to him.

 

So this afternoon I got back to him. I asked what evening he was free. He asked if next Saturday was ok. (aww man! 7 days!!). See I am very happy he is giving me prime time next weekend!! but I was hoping he'd pick a night during the week. I think it's dangerous to wait 7 days between date 1 and 2.

 

Our exchange over text was short, I was puzzled a little because last night he was chatting away but today he was really short.

 

So this is all good right?

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's fine. Reeelaaaax.

 

Agree to Saturday and have something to look forward to.

 

If he wanted to go today you'd be thinking he was needy and clingy.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ
So I deleted my online profiles but kept in touch with someone I had made contact with.

 

We met yesterday on a terrace. The coffee-date lasted 3 hours. I paid for the first round and he paid for the second one. Conversation was flowing and he came across as a real nice man. He did or said nothing inappropriate, which was refreshing.

 

When we said good bye we kissed on both cheeks as it's the tradition in our culture and he said 'we'll be talking'.

 

Usually the 'we'll be talking' means I won't contact you and I know you won't contact me lol.

 

To my surprise he text me about 1 hour after I got home. His text was saying Thank you for the very nice date I hope you also appreciated.

 

I knew then the man probably could not totally read me during the meeting, explaining the 'we'll talk' and he needed a green or red light from me. I answered I had a very nice time as well and if he felt like going out together again it would be my pleasure.

 

Right away he offered different things we could do, asked my opinion, etc. We agreed on going to the movies, we're both big movie lovers, and he was putting me in charge of picking the movie. I said I'd check the listing and get back to him.

 

So this afternoon I got back to him. I asked what evening he was free. He asked if next Saturday was ok. (aww man! 7 days!!). See I am very happy he is giving me prime time next weekend!! but I was hoping he'd pick a night during the week. I think it's dangerous to wait 7 days between date 1 and 2.

 

Our exchange over text was short, I was puzzled a little because last night he was chatting away but today he was really short.

 

So this is all good right?

 

Genuinely curious here: why is it dangerous to wait 7 days between dates 1 and 2?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Gaeta

 

I agree with 2sunny in that things are looking promising for this second date. The main thing was the follow up text to say that he enjoyed himself and that he wants another date. Contribute the lack of texting to someone who prefers to chat to people face to face rather than through smart phones.

 

All the best - Bud.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

He may be short with you today because he may be busy doing things.

 

Doesn't anyone ever call anymore? The voice tells a lot!

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

I think 1 week wait is okay as he might genuinely have a full schedule. Also a Saturday dates are the best because you are not too tired and can stay as late as you want. I always preferred Saturday dates.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I'm left wondering why it's "dangerous" to wait a week?

 

It's the very first time a man waits 7 days between date 1 and 2. When we meet someone new that we like there is a natural curiosity about that person. It's very fragile because it's based on only a couple of hours meeting. Usually the second date will solidify or re-affirm that attraction.

 

I am just disappointed to wait 7 days, I should be happy he is giving him his Saturday evening.

Link to post
Share on other sites
It's the very first time a man waits 7 days between date 1 and 2. When we meet someone new that we like there is a natural curiosity about that person. It's very fragile because it's based on only a couple of hours meeting. Usually the second date will solidify or re-affirm that attraction.

 

I am just disappointed to wait 7 days, I should be happy he is giving him his Saturday evening.

 

It's not dangerous or fragile.

 

Go on Sat and see how it pans out. Stay busy in the meantime.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I need to be told to take a chill-pill or to move to next.

 

This man showed a lot of interest, set up a second date, then went silent on me. No touching base since we had our first meeting but he goes online on daily basis.

 

I am frustrated because he booked me for next Saturday night, my prime-time is now reserved for a man that don't care enough to contact me between dates but cares to go online.

 

Am I losing my cool here?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Consider his reservations canceled for now, and if he does decide to start up again close to Saturday tell him as much. That you didn't think you were on since you hadn't heard from him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
PegNosePete

Yes you are losing your cool and acting crazy.

 

How do you know he is online? Are YOU online checking up on him? And so what - you've had 1 date, you are not married yet are you?

 

Why do you think he should be contacting you between dates? Do you contact HIM between dates?

 

Seems that you're being extremely needy and clingy here, to a man who you've only shared one date with. What do you think he would do if he knew you were stalking his online times and expecting a certain level of contact without having discussed it? If he has any sense, he would run a mile from someone exhibiting those behaviours. You're sabotaging yourself here. If you want inter-date communication then send him a message. If you want confirmation of the date on saturday then send a message on friday saying looking forward to seeing you tomorrow or something.

Edited by PegNosePete
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Yes you are losing your cool and acting crazy.

 

How do you know he is online? Are YOU online checking up on him? And so what - you've had 1 date, you are not married yet are you?

 

Why do you think he should be contacting you between dates? Do you contact HIM between dates?

 

Seems that you're being extremely needy and clingy here, to a man who you've only shared one date with. What do you think he would do if he knew you were stalking his online times and expecting a certain level of contact without having discussed it? If he has any sense, he would run a mile from someone exhibiting those behaviours. You're sabotaging yourself here.

 

Well, let me explain a few things.

 

Many dating sites you can see if the person is on without needing an account.

 

No we are not married and he's allowed to be online as much as he wants. To me the fact he is online indicates he is not that busy = him not touching base with me is then not related to being busy. He is not contacting me by choice.

 

Yes I think if you have an interest in a woman you should touch base between dates to keep the interest alive.

 

Yes I have initiated contact once after our 1st date. Our exchange was short.

 

It's not a matter of being needy. It's simply because I have been on 100s of dates with men that are always showing a high interest at first then fade. I do not want to be looking forward to Saturday when our next date is already a forgotten detail for him.

 

I would like to add, before we met he contacted me each day so why now that we have met, that he said he enjoyed our meeting, that he set a second date, why now contacting each day isn't interesting anymore?

Link to post
Share on other sites
PegNosePete

Well - I think you're massively over-analysing it. And getting too invested in a guy you've only met once.

 

Last woman I met, I went to Nepal for 3 weeks the day after meeting. We had no contact at all during that time and I have no idea whether she was still using the site or not. I sent her a message after I got back and we've been together for 3 months now.

 

I would like to add, before we met he contacted me each day so why now that we have met, that he said he enjoyed our meeting, that he set a second date, why now contacting each day isn't interesting anymore?

Why don't you ask him that?

Phrased nicely, of course.

Or better just start a conversation. If he replies abruptly then it is a bad sign whereas if he continues the conversation it is good.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Why don't you ask him that?

Phrased nicely, of course.

Or better just start a conversation. If he replies abruptly then it is a bad sign whereas if he continues the conversation it is good.

 

I would not feel comfortable asking him. He doesn't do it because he doesn't feel like it, it's as simple as that.

 

I just don't understand the contradiction.

 

After we met, he sent me an email telling me he hoped I enjoyed meeting him as much as he did. Email I did not see at the time. About 20 minutes later he sent me that exact same message but by text. I mean he really could not wait to know if I had enjoyed meeting him as well.

 

Oh well, what can I do, certainly not chase him down.

 

Thank you for your input, I will take a chill-pill.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I prefer to get to know someone in person and then as we get to know each other text more etc between dates. If he has set up the time already for Saturday, I wouldn't expect to hear from him till Thursday or Friday to confirm and make arrangements. Not everyone is like this, but some of us are. If you want to drop him a message on Thursday confirming Saturday so then if it doesn't work out you can plan something else. In the mean time relax and go about your day.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I prefer to get to know someone in person and then as we get to know each other text more etc between dates. If he has set up the time already for Saturday, I wouldn't expect to hear from him till Thursday or Friday to confirm and make arrangements. Not everyone is like this, but some of us are. If you want to drop him a message on Thursday confirming Saturday so then if it doesn't work out you can plan something else. In the mean time relax and go about your day.

 

 

You would not be puzzled by the change of routine?

 

That's what is puzzling me. I can accept someone communication pattern no problem, it's the change in that pattern that is usually a red flag.

 

So before we met he contacted me twice a day, let me know where he was, even wrote to be from his cockpit before departure (he's a pilot), he'd let me know where he was heading and for how long, wrote me from that destination, etc.

 

But now that we have confirmed after our first date that he likes me, I like him, we're heading to a second date, NOW nothing?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Gaeta, CHILL THE HELL OUT.

 

Seriously, why are you so negative about everything?

 

#1: It's the first time a guy waits 7 days for another date? Maybe that's why it MIGHT work. If every other time they didn't wait that long and it didn't work... maybe this being different is a GOOD thing.

 

#2: Why do you need the constant communication? He said Saturday. Wait and see what happens.

 

#3: It was only ONE date, why does it matter if he goes back online? Obviously you were online too? You guys aren't committed to each other and I'd be more worried if he just deleted his profile altogether. He might be going through the same process YOU are right now.

 

#4: Why can't you just try and enjoy the process. Take a deep breath.

 

#5: I've gone through those changes in communication patterns myself, even with OLD. It happens. I don't want to overdo it and overcommunicate everything right off the bat once I've met the person.

 

Goes to show there is no right amount of talking to a woman between dates. One message too many, too clingy. Not enough messages, doesn't care.

 

You need to RELAX.

 

If he flakes, he flakes. You can't control that so stop worrying about.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Gaeta, CHILL THE HELL OUT.

 

Seriously, why are you so negative about everything?

 

#1: It's the first time a guy waits 7 days for another date? Maybe that's why it MIGHT work. If every other time they didn't wait that long and it didn't work... maybe this being different is a GOOD thing.

 

#2: Why do you need the constant communication? He said Saturday. Wait and see what happens.

 

#3: It was only ONE date, why does it matter if he goes back online? Obviously you were online too? You guys aren't committed to each other and I'd be more worried if he just deleted his profile altogether. He might be going through the same process YOU are right now.

 

#4: Why can't you just try and enjoy the process. Take a deep breath.

 

#5: I've gone through those changes in communication patterns myself, even with OLD. It happens. I don't want to overdo it and overcommunicate everything right off the bat once I've met the person.

 

Goes to show there is no right amount of talking to a woman between dates. One message too many, too clingy. Not enough messages, doesn't care.

 

You need to RELAX.

 

If he flakes, he flakes. You can't control that so stop worrying about.

 

Thanks! I needed that slap behind the head.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
You would not be puzzled by the change of routine?

 

That's what is puzzling me. I can accept someone communication pattern no problem, it's the change in that pattern that is usually a red flag.

 

So before we met he contacted me twice a day, let me know where he was, even wrote to be from his cockpit before departure (he's a pilot), he'd let me know where he was heading and for how long, wrote me from that destination, etc.

 

But now that we have confirmed after our first date that he likes me, I like him, we're heading to a second date, NOW nothing?

 

He's not worried about it? He's busy? He's not in a hurry? He prefers to get to know people face to face? Those would be my reasons. Some people just don't do the text or call or communicate daily or frequently thing.

I really miss the days before cell phones and even before answering machines. The expectations and anxiety levels were a fraction of what they are today.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Gaeta - if it makes you feel any better I have a tendency to slow down the communication with women (especially if it is just texts) in between a first and second date if the first date was really good (but didn't involve sex). The way I see it is that we had a magical moment and have another possible one scheduled. Anything done by text in the inbetween would just mess it up or that texting sort of diminishes it. Like there is a lack of intimacy from just banal texts. Not sure if that is rational but that is my mindset.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse
So this afternoon I got back to him. I asked what evening he was free. He asked if next Saturday was ok. (aww man! 7 days!!). See I am very happy he is giving me prime time next weekend!! but I was hoping he'd pick a night during the week. I think it's dangerous to wait 7 days between date 1 and 2.

 

Our exchange over text was short, I was puzzled a little because last night he was chatting away but today he was really short.

 

So this is all good right?

 

It kinds depends. On one hand, I get the feeling that if he was massively bowled over by you and desperate to see you again, he'd have tried to get you down for a midweek date. But you don't know how busy he is. Maybe he wants to save it for the weekend when he can really focus on you, if he's a very busy guy? As you're right, a lot can happen between dates one and two, you could meet someone else, so could he. He's probably dating others this week if he has the time.

 

On the other hand, if you're really matched then a week won't change a thing. My current bf of six months and I waited ten days between date one and two, we literally could not find the time at all, every night we thought we may have been able to make it suddenly ended up one of us called into work or whatever. After date two we couldn't meet for another five days but by then he must have realised he really liked me because when I said I was free Thurs or Fri he said 'how about both?' and that was it really.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My boyfriend hardly contacted me between dates 1 and 2 (which were 5 days apart) apart from briefly the day after the first and the night before the second.

 

After the third date though, I don't think we spent a day not talking, together 9 months now. So, just wait this out.

 

One thing I will say though is maybe change the date to non-movie. It's hard to build a connection when you're both sat in silence for 2 hours.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...