Did I take this the wrong way?

[aprilisi]

Been on two dates wit a man,. don't really feel a connection but I decided to hang in there. I made it clear that I dated others. But once I was in a relationnship that was over. He said he was the same.

 

He's hinted at third date but hasn't actually asked me. Told him I was busy tonight but could meet Sat or Sun. He still didn't ask. Just said "hot date? Later that day he mentioned he was tired and wished he could see me. Still didn't ask. Even though I told him I could see him later.

So, about 3am I post a video on facebook. Have been home 3 hours but can't sleep. Man #1 texts me this: wow you went to bed late must have found something special

 

It kinda pissed me off, this and the fact that he didn't hold the door for me on the second date or walk me to my car doesn't help.

 

My question, am I overreacting? Does it seem innocent or does it raise red flags....like it did for me...

[kaylan]

A girl who outright tells me shes seeing others and then is booked up on Friday. I could see why he wouldnt be eager to ask you out again. You have your options and hopefully he has his.

 

Move on, you arent into him anyways. Im sure he can tell, which is why he made the remark he did and is refraining from asking you out.

 

I usually just assume a girl is seeing other guys, and we dont have any talks about seeing other people unless we become physical with one another.

Edited July 19, 2014 by kaylan

[Conners]

You sound high maintenance. He probably just wants some sex.

[Gaeta]

You know women can do the invite too right? Why didn't you ask him out for an activity?

 

That rest of your post now. Don't tell men you are dating others, they know it, they just don't want to hear it. It's not a nice thing to say period. Everyone out there knows we may date around till someone offers exclusivity. No need to update him on your dating life.

 

Him not opening doors, and his FB comments indicated he's passive aggressive. He's letting you know he disagrees that you may be seeing someone else. He's doing it in a very immature way.

 

So you made a mistake, he made a mistake. I don't think this can be fixed. Let this one go and best luck on the next one.

[aprilisi]

Very immature I thought. Thing is I saw him last Sat. and asked if he wanted to do it again during the week when he was off and he said sure. Never heard anything back. He messaged throughout the week but when I mentioned it again he said he'd have to check his schedule. Then messages me the next day that I got quiet.

 

Am I supposed to keep bringing it up? I don't think I should, I asked twice so the ball was in his court. Then I tell him I have plans Fri when he tells me Thu he's free. I don't tell him its a date. I know better than that, although it was.

 

On the first date he asked me directly if I was seeing someone else. I believe in honesty so I told him I dated was not in a relationship. He said he felt the same way.

 

I kept this Sat and Sun free for him and informed him of this. He is 43, but I've decided I will not see him again. I hung in because he was nice and had a job lol and I don't expect fireworks right away. I'm looking for the real thing.

 

I'm just annoyed he messaged today what about a movie tonight. I told him I never heard from him so made other plans. The plan is babysitting for a friend but he says again wow, you get around don't you? A**hole.

[preraph]

Blow him off. He's just trying to position himself to be in control, sounds like to me, so he can't do anything when you want to and only asked you at the last minute. Remember, how they are in the beginning is at their best. It only goes downhill from there, so.....why stick around for the full reveal.

[Assasda]

Sounds like he's just wanting you to open up more to me.

You were upset that he didnt hold the door for you? lol

 

I dont think the guy will mind not seeing you in the future either

[15yearsin]

I say move on too. He sounds emotionally immature and high-maintenance. You are an old fashioned girl that has every right to expect the door to be opened. Guys still want us to be pretty ladies, maintained and put together all the time, why is it to much to ask to be treated like a lady while out. Sounds like you did everything correct, except telling him about dating others. Let him know that if he wanted you to be exclusive with him, he could have just said that instead of being passive aggressive with you.

[aprilisi]

Sounds like he's just wanting you to open up more to me.

You were upset that he didnt hold the door for you? lol

 

I dont think the guy will mind not seeing you in the future either

 

Its the nice thing to do. You want us to be put together and look nice. Its the least you can do. Little things matter. Pulling out a chair, holding a door, lending us your jacket if we're cold. It goes a long way....hell, even my FWB treats me like a lady. I know what he wants but he is a gentleman.

 

Anyway, when door a almost slams into my face because I'm walking behind you out of the movie theater I am going to be a little upset. He did apologize I guess....

[Assasda]

Its the nice thing to do. You want us to be put together and look nice. Its the least you can do. Little things matter. Pulling out a chair, holding a door, lending us your jacket if we're cold. It goes a long way....hell, even my FWB treats me like a lady. I know what he wants but he is a gentleman.

 

Anyway, when door a almost slams into my face because I'm walking behind you out of the movie theater I am going to be a little upset. He did apologize I guess....

 

 

Yeah, leittle things do matter, but getthing angry about those things doesnt put you in the best of lights.

hahaha he aplogized and you still hold it against him. Wow. I can just imagine what the rest of the date was like.

 

OP I dont know you too well, but you sound very jaded. Be honest, are you Jaded when it comes to relationships?

[aprilisi]

It was after the date. And it wasn't just this. I didn't mention everything. He was late, he wore cargo shorts with a faded striped shirt. And as I mentioned before he didn't offer to walk me to my car. I mentioned how dark it was with no lights in the parking lot and I was scared to walk to my car alone he just laughed and said g'night.

 

And I guess I am a bit jaded. Maybe I should ignore all these things just to have a man? But I don't think so.

 

Am I being too picky? I don't think so. The door incident was just a piece of the puzzle. The real turn off was the message at 3am. Then today's.

 

Weird, cause the first date was fine. Guess I'll just move on.

[Keenly]

You are being pretty difficult with this guy.

 

 

This is were total communication failures happen.

 

 

You are sitting there complaining that he is not asking you on a date while you refuse to ask him on a date.

 

When I am seeing a girl, I do this because I want to see that she is interested.

 

To me, one of the single most flattering / attractive things I find in a girl is when she is eager to hang out, and doesn't treat it like the dog that has to be walked.

 

The longer I think about it, it seems that you are looking and paying more attention to the things he does wrong than looking for things that you would like about him.

Edited July 19, 2014 by Keenly

[Gaeta]

With the additional information I say drop it. You're looking for a man with some gentlemen ways and it's not him.

 

Being left alone in a dark parking lot and being called at 3 a.m. would be enough for me to pass.

[Keenly]

With the additional information I say drop it. You're looking for a man with some gentlemen ways and it's not him.

 

Being left alone in a dark parking lot and being called at 3 a.m. would be enough for me to pass.

 

It's certainly bad form, but she should have asked him if he was not getting the hints.

[aprilisi]

You are being pretty difficult with this guy.

 

 

This is were total communication failures happen.

 

 

You are sitting there complaining that he is not asking you on a date while you refuse to ask him on a date.

 

When I am seeing a girl, I do this because I want to see that she is interested.

 

To me, one of the single most flattering / attractive things I find in a girl is when she is eager to hang out, and doesn't treat it like the dog that has to be walked.

 

The longer I think about it, it seems that you are looking and paying more attention to the things he does wrong than looking for things that you would like about him.

 

I did ask him, twice. Its probably about the 4th message on here. He said he would check his schedule and let me know then Thu asked about Fri and today asked about tonight. I had already made other plans.

 

Anyway, guess its better to know these things early.

[Keenly]

I did ask him, twice. Its probably about the 4th message on here. He said he would check his schedule and let me know then Thu asked about Fri and today asked about tonight. I had already made other plans.

 

Anyway, guess its better to know these things early.

 

Well, if this is the case, I now lean more towards he was really turned off by the mention of dating multiple guys but was too big of a coward to actually say that.

[15yearsin]

Definitely better to figure this stuff out early. If I could go back, I'd go to church more and find a nice man that shared the same manners and background as myself. I've have a strong sense of emotion with my husband of the last 16 years, but it's never been easy or perfect because we are never coming from the same place when looking at how things are.

 

I can't tell you how many times I've been blamed for his irritation that he didn't hold the door and it was because I wasn't on the right side of him for making it convenient for him to do so. Never mind that I didn't even make it a big deal until he huffed and cut in front of me at the door.

 

So petty.

[ashy555]

HUGE RED FLAGS!!!!!!

He's immature, a little insecure and already hating on the fact that you are dating others. Imagine what he would be like if you were in a relationship. jealous and 10 times as bad. Cut him loose.

[aprilisi]

After a third message I informed him I did not like his attitude he said he was trying to be funny. I told him I didn't want to see him anymore and blocked him on facebook.

 

The 27 year old I dated last year was tons more mature than him

[CharlieFox]

HUGE RED FLAGS!!!!!!

He's immature, a little insecure and already hating on the fact that you are dating others.

 

Maybe, but still I don't think it's a nice thing to say to a guy, even if it's true. It's a huge turn off sometimes, or just makes people feel bad about themselves, and we're all insecure to a point, no matter how tough or confident we look.

 

But it really is one of these things that guys usually know but don't like to hear. It's kinda like if a girl tells a guy "I take a **** when I feel like ****ting" -even though you know it, you don't actually like hearing it.

[aprilisi]

But he asks me directly. Are you in a relationship? No. Do you date others? Yes. But once I'm in a relationship that's over.

 

What are we supposed to do? Lie? Say no I only date one man at a time? He even mentioned another girl he had been on two dates with.

 

I never said anything else about it. But I couldn't lie.

[carrie_o]

It's a good thing you broke it off. It sounds like he has a few issues to work through.

[CharlieFox]

But he asks me directly. Are you in a relationship? No. Do you date others? Yes. But once I'm in a relationship that's over.

 

What are we supposed to do? Lie? Say no I only date one man at a time? He even mentioned another girl he had been on two dates with.

 

I never said anything else about it. But I couldn't lie.

 

Sorry, I might have missed that before if you mentioned it.

 

Then you did the right thing. If someone asks about that directly, it's better to be honest, absolutely.

 

And you did the right thing now by telling him off. You probably deserve better than that, there are many other gentlemen out there that will treat you the right way.

 

But still I just wanted to point out that we men aren't mind readers and sometimes we're left confused; maybe he didn't get the message that dating others is over once you enter a relationship; maybe he did, but is now acting like a jerk about it. Doesn't really matter if it's over, thought

[Mrin]

Ya I wouldn't stress it. You dodged a bullet.

[melodymatters]

Being asked out at the last minute, and then when you said you had plans ( like you pointed out it could be babysitting, or a night with your sick aunt) he basically implied that you were a whore...? Yeah, passive aggressive and not a good start. I too think you dodged a bullet.