Had to walk out of dinner because of an overly emotional woman.

[Biscous]

I've been on and off with this coworker of mine. Things were cool. I saw her after work and she wanted to have dinner. She follows me and we get to the place.

 

One thing I notice about her is that she always has a drink or two with her meal. So we were talking about an account that I was helping her team with, being the technical operations point of contact for it, and she was talking. I interjected a few times with "yeah" to her. Just something subconscious.

 

She got upset "Stop saying yeah, it's like you are not listening". I gave her a bit of a smart ass answer and said that we work at the same company and we are talking about the same subject and account. I'm not ignoring you.

 

Her "You can just go home". "You're not my boyfriend".

 

This has been one of my issues with her for a while. She comes off as needy/whiny/emotional. She is REALLY into me unfortunately, but I cannot deal with her headcase issues and how she acts. It brings a side of anger that I don't like to show to people.

 

She has commented on the "yeah" thing before several months ago and that's my way of listening.

 

Could I have done something to be more attentive to her or was it just a case of her getting upset? Really I was drained from work also and I MAY have been slightly less attentive but I don't think I did anything wrong. Thoughts?

[kolleamm]

I've been on and off with this coworker of mine. Things were cool. I saw her after work and she wanted to have dinner. She follows me and we get to the place.

 

One thing I notice about her is that she always has a drink or two with her meal. So we were talking about an account that I was helping her team with, being the technical operations point of contact for it, and she was talking. I interjected a few times with "yeah" to her. Just something subconscious.

 

She got upset "Stop saying yeah, it's like you are not listening". I gave her a bit of a smart ass answer and said that we work at the same company and we are talking about the same subject and account. I'm not ignoring you.

 

Her "You can just go home". "You're not my boyfriend".

 

This has been one of my issues with her for a while. She comes off as needy/whiny/emotional. She is REALLY into me unfortunately, but I cannot deal with her headcase issues and how she acts. It brings a side of anger that I don't like to show to people.

 

She has commented on the "yeah" thing before several months ago and that's my way of listening.

 

Could I have done something to be more attentive to her or was it just a case of her getting upset? Really I was drained from work also and I MAY have been slightly less attentive but I don't think I did anything wrong. Thoughts?

 

Dude.....get away from this chick. I couldn't possibly imagine dating a person like that. I know this may be hard to do for you but just move on. Keep looking man, keep looking. You deserve way better than this short tempered nut job.

 

Good luck

[ExpatInItaly]

You're not compatible. Time to move on.

[guest569]

No way, you were listening. She was being oversensitive and attacking you over nothing by the sounds of it.

 

And many people say "yeah" when they are listening.

[mammasita]

....and this is why you shouldn't eat where you ****

 

But yeah she's overly sensitive and needs too much attention.

[Diezel]

Don't ever go to dinner or ANYWHERE with this woman again.

 

AND a co-worker to boot? Come on.

[Elle1975]

I've been on and off with this coworker of mine.

 

That's where your problem is. My guess is that she's in love with you, and she's angry it's not reciprocated.

 

I'd probably would have a talk with her after work, probably on a Friday (oh look at that, it's Friday!), and break things off for good.

 

You probably did good to defuse the situation by leaving.

[Biscous]

That's where your problem is. My guess is that she's in love with you, and she's angry it's not reciprocated.

 

I'd probably would have a talk with her after work, probably on a Friday (oh look at that, it's Friday!), and break things off for good.

 

You probably did good to defuse the situation by leaving.

 

I think she is in love with me but I don't like how she responded. Now she's trying to ignore me.

 

I'm usually attentive but I knew I was a bit tired. Still.

[longjohn]

I'd get out of that relationship and let her be on her way. Most of the time it's never a good idea to date from work. I made that mistake once and when I broke things off there was no end to it!

[GemmaUK]

I gave her a bit of a smart ass answer

 

What did you say exactly?

What kind of facial expressions and body language were you giving off?

 

To be honest in your post you are apologetic ...'I was tired, not as attentive'

People don't usually express things like that unless they did actually have a fairly big part to play in what happened.

[Biscous]

I'd get out of that relationship and let her be on her way. Most of the time it's never a good idea to date from work. I made that mistake once and when I broke things off there was no end to it!

 

Ha this has been on and off. Luckily not the same department.

 

What did you say exactly?

What kind of facial expressions and body language were you giving off?

 

To be honest in your post you are apologetic ...'I was tired, not as attentive'

People don't usually express things like that unless they did actually have a fairly big part to play in what happened.

 

I know she can be overly sensitive and am aware of that. Being around the same person a while you get a bit more compassionate to them, even in their shortcomings.

 

As I recall I said, "I'm not ignoring youI'm helping you with this account, I specifically work for this product at work, we work at the same company together and I'm sitting right in front of you looking at you. I'm pretty sure I'm not ignoring you."

 

It wasn't condescending, it was just more matter of fact like give it a rest. She was claiming I was yelling at her earlier when I was in the car telling her that there was a closer spot we could go to to eat. I know I have a deep voice, but I wasn't yelling and she copped an attitude then and I ignored it.

 

She was tired too and didn't get much sleep. It happens. No need for her to get pissed off.

[Mrin]

Run. Far away. Bullet dodged

[Elle1975]

I think she is in love with me but I don't like how she responded. Now she's trying to ignore me.

 

I'm usually attentive but I knew I was a bit tired. Still.

 

Do you want to be official with this woman or just keep it as a FWB type deal?

[Biscous]

Do you want to be official with this woman or just keep it as a FWB type deal?

 

She meets some of my criteria but not everything, so it is best for me to not be official.

 

It is just that we were friends prior and I will say that it was refreshing to get to know her. I was not initially attracted to her either and was not looking for anything romantically, but my fault is that I didn't say no either.

[Elle1975]

She meets some of my criteria but not everything, so it is best for me to not be official.

 

It is just that we were friends prior and I will say that it was refreshing to get to know her. I was not initially attracted to her either and was not looking for anything romantically, but my fault is that I didn't say no either.

 

Then you need to sit her down and talk to her. Since you're not interested in making it official, call it. I was mentioning pulling the plug on a Friday because it will give her two days to cry it out, since she's emotional.

 

If you need a FWB, get one outside of work.

[GemmaUK]

Ha this has been on and off. Luckily not the same department.

 

 

 

I know she can be overly sensitive and am aware of that. Being around the same person a while you get a bit more compassionate to them, even in their shortcomings.

 

As I recall I said, "I'm not ignoring youI'm helping you with this account, I specifically work for this product at work, we work at the same company together and I'm sitting right in front of you looking at you. I'm pretty sure I'm not ignoring you."

 

It wasn't condescending, it was just more matter of fact like give it a rest. She was claiming I was yelling at her earlier when I was in the car telling her that there was a closer spot we could go to to eat. I know I have a deep voice, but I wasn't yelling and she copped an attitude then and I ignored it.

 

She was tired too and didn't get much sleep. It happens. No need for her to get pissed off.

 

Sounds like she took it as 'smart ass' just as you said it was.

 

Fair enough on both sides.

 

Both of you are better off without each other.

[O'Malley]

It sounds like it's time to switch this on and off relationship firmly to the off position. It doesn't mean that you can't discuss business or general topics with her at work, but it's better that you put an end to the after hours socializing; it sounds like these outings are keeping both of you in a stagnant scenario where your resentments are intruding on your ability to maintain a good professional relationship. Move on and hopefully she will move on easily as well.

[Biscous]

It sounds like it's time to switch this on and off relationship firmly to the off position. It doesn't mean that you can't discuss business or general topics with her at work' date=' but it's better that you put an end to the after hours socializing; it sounds like these outings are keeping both of you in a stagnant scenario where your resentments are intruding on your ability to maintain a good professional relationship. Move on and hopefully she will move on easily as well.[/quote']

 

Not sure what you mean about resentments here. I didn't have an issue with the conversation.

[O'Malley]

Not sure what you mean about resentments here. I didn't have an issue with the conversation.

 

I was referring to her belief that you don't pay attention to what she says, as well as your comment:

 

This has been one of my issues with her for a while. She comes off as needy/whiny/emotional. She is REALLY into me unfortunately, but I cannot deal with her headcase issues and how she acts.

Things that would mildly annoy you about a coworker you were only professionally acquainted with are more likely to be magnified because you've become sexually and romantically involved with each other. It's possible that you're not as inattentive as she's claiming, nor is she as whiny or emotional as you perceive her to be. That's why it's a good idea to take a break from socializing with each other until you've both moved on from your feelings. You're not a terrible person for admitting that you're not interested in pursuing anything further with her, but the on and off stuff you've both been engaging in would come across as frustrating to most people. Edited July 18, 2014 by O'Malley

[FitChick]

Who knows what she is telling other people in your company about you. That's why it's a bad idea to date a coworker. That can be your reason for stopping the dating. Saying you broke your own rule about dating women who work in the same company. Maybe she'll quit!

[Clockwork]

Dude.....get away from this chick. I couldn't possibly imagine dating a person like that. I know this may be hard to do for you but just move on. Keep looking man, keep looking. You deserve way better than this short tempered nut job.

 

Good luck

 

What he said.

 

Seriously man, you know how you want to make a good first impression on a date? Well, she's showing her true colors way too early and I am afraid to say that it likely gets worse the more comfortable she gets with you.

 

Just a sidenote here, she was drinking. Alright fine. Two things. She may be a mean drunk, an emotional drunk. Second, she could very well be on medication and we all know how that fares when you are drinking.

 

As a guy who dated a girl just like this with major mental illness issues (depression) I "get it". Every guy wants to have sex with a crazy chick because it is addictive. However, just like I was with my ex, you'll be thinking about an escape plan about 5 seconds after you "finish" if you know what I mean. Girls like this will do it to you. You lust after them, but you don't even LIKE them or you don't even want to be around them.

 

So yeah...............run for the hills.

[Biscous]

Who knows what she is telling other people in your company about you. That's why it's a bad idea to date a coworker. That can be your reason for stopping the dating. Saying you broke your own rule about dating women who work in the same company. Maybe she'll quit!

 

Yeah good point.

 

What he said.

 

Seriously man, you know how you want to make a good first impression on a date? Well, she's showing her true colors way too early and I am afraid to say that it likely gets worse the more comfortable she gets with you.

 

Just a sidenote here, she was drinking. Alright fine. Two things. She may be a mean drunk, an emotional drunk. Second, she could very well be on medication and we all know how that fares when you are drinking.

 

As a guy who dated a girl just like this with major mental illness issues (depression) I "get it". Every guy wants to have sex with a crazy chick because it is addictive. However, just like I was with my ex, you'll be thinking about an escape plan about 5 seconds after you "finish" if you know what I mean. Girls like this will do it to you. You lust after them, but you don't even LIKE them or you don't even want to be around them.

 

So yeah...............run for the hills.

 

I have known her for about 7-8 months. Been on and off for six...not good right.

 

I know she takes anti anxiety/anti depressant meds. I don't say much about the drinking but I mentioned it as I was leaving because she ALWAYS mentions needing a glass of wine or a drink after work.

 

I understand work can be stressful, but it bothers me. Perhaps I'm more sensitive about it because there has rarely been alcohol in my house as a kid and my grandfather was an alcoholic. I'm no saint either. I like to drink, just maybe twice a month.

 

At her best she can be sweet. The sex is really good, but I have my own sexual quirks of my own and have no problem with being sexually dominant. It is comfortable having a certain level of companionship with someone. BUT I know I could do better and save myself headaches.

[Trimmer]

Sounds like she took it as 'smart ass' just as you said it was.

Fair point, perhaps, but it doesn't explain her odd "Stop saying yeah, it's like you are not listening..." comment, which came before his remark...

[TigerLilly78]

What he said.

 

Seriously man, you know how you want to make a good first impression on a date? Well, she's showing her true colors way too early and I am afraid to say that it likely gets worse the more comfortable she gets with you.

 

Just a sidenote here, she was drinking. Alright fine. Two things. She may be a mean drunk, an emotional drunk. Second, she could very well be on medication and we all know how that fares when you are drinking.

 

As a guy who dated a girl just like this with major mental illness issues (depression) I "get it". Every guy wants to have sex with a crazy chick because it is addictive. However, just like I was with my ex, you'll be thinking about an escape plan about 5 seconds after you "finish" if you know what I mean. Girls like this will do it to you. You lust after them, but you don't even LIKE them or you don't even want to be around them.

 

So yeah...............run for the hills.

 

Ewwww really? im almost lost for words on this post escape plan? 5 mins after you finish? why even sleep with some one you dislike that much 0.o

 

 

Fair point, perhaps, but it doesn't explain her odd "Stop saying yeah, it's like you are not listening..." comment, which came before his remark...

 

I think its resentment on the girls behalf maybe the OP has been leading her on after all 3 sides his hers and the truth plus the "your not my BF" comment would lead me to believe this..

[MidwestUSA]

Yeah good point.

 

 

 

I have known her for about 7-8 months. Been on and off for six...not good right.

 

I know she takes anti anxiety/anti depressant meds. I don't say much about the drinking but I mentioned it as I was leaving because she ALWAYS mentions needing a glass of wine or a drink after work.

 

I understand work can be stressful, but it bothers me. Perhaps I'm more sensitive about it because there has rarely been alcohol in my house as a kid and my grandfather was an alcoholic. I'm no saint either. I like to drink, just maybe twice a month.

 

At her best she can be sweet. The sex is really good, but I have my own sexual quirks of my own and have no problem with being sexually dominant. It is comfortable having a certain level of companionship with someone. BUT I know I could do better and save myself headaches.

She's not doing herself any favors by combining alcohol with her meds. It's fairly difficult to see positive results from an antidepressant if you keep drinking (depending on the amount, of course). It all just adds to her emotional lability. Throw in female hormones, especially if she's anywhere near menopausal age, and you've got an emotional roller coaster/disaster.

 

 

'Always needing' a drink is a huge red flag. Go outside your workplace for your fun.