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Whats up with POF


Bumpin in My Trunk

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Bumpin in My Trunk

I send messages, some reply, and then we only have 4-5 message convos until they stop replying. What's wrong with me? Or this service? Or with them? Is my email game bad?

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It's normal.

 

Quite apart from whether she is interested in you, whether you get a reply is also largely dependent on timing. If she's already talking to a few guys, you're not going to get much of a look in even if she is interested - it's too many conversations to juggle! Same if she just had a really good date, or is feeling down from a really bad one, or any number of other reasons. It is not always you.

 

You just have to keep trying until you manage to write to the right girl at the right time.

 

Here is a tip - send messages on a Sunday morning or afternoon. You'll get WAY more replies that way. People have more time to reply on a Sunday, and girls might be more receptive to someone new after having failed to meet anyone on the Saturday night, or after having spent the weekend with coupled-up friends.

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PegNosePete

Don't listen to the haters.

 

There are many reasons people stop responding. Could be they are chatting to others and you're not progressing as quickly as them. Could be they lost interest. Could be your photos/profile aren't great and they filtered you out. Could be their prison warden doesn't let them send more than 4 or 5 messages. Could be they are a group of 3 giggling schoolgirls just having a laugh. Who knows!

 

This is why you should firstly have a great profile and photos. Secondly your messages should always be leading towards a real-life meeting, you should be escalating interest not simply chatting or "getting to know" someone. After 4-5 messages you should be asking for a phone number or an RL meeting.

 

I've used POF a lot, met 20-30 women, hardly ever had this problem or last-minute cancellations that so many others seem to have. Am I very lucky, or just "good at POF"? People are very quick to blame the website, or other users when in fact they should be improving their technique.

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Bumpin in My Trunk
Don't listen to the haters.

 

 

 

This is why you should firstly have a great profile and photos. Secondly your messages should always be leading towards a real-life meeting, you should be escalating interest not simply chatting or "getting to know" someone. After 4-5 messages you should be asking for a phone number or an RL meeting.

 

 

I honestly do think that's the problem. After 4 or 5 msgs I don't ask for a date and I just keep trying to get the know them.

 

But on the topic of great profile and photos...I think mines are pretty good. I don't consider myself to be bad looking. Maybe a bit on the skinny and short side but I can get women's attention in real life

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I'm not buying the whole " push for number / meeting asap. "

 

 

That's just seems like it would be interpreted as creepy, weird, and kind of desperate.

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PegNosePete

Everyone thinks their profile and photos are pretty good. Just sayin..... there are a lot of bad ones out there ;)

 

But yes, if you get a decent initial response rate and can get 4-5 messages, then your profile probably is good. It's your lack of progression that's the problem. When I was OLDing I would exchange 3-5 quality, entertaining messages (not just chit chat) during the course of a couple of days, then ask for a phone number and arrange a meeting for the coming weekend.

 

You have to go for it while they're hot!

 

I'm not buying the whole " push for number / meeting asap. "

 

That's just seems like it would be interpreted as creepy, weird, and kind of desperate.

And how successful have you been with online dating? ;)

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Bumpin in My Trunk

"About me: I'm 20 and I love to play guitar, play soccer, and occasionally video games. I graduated from a highschool where I could take colleges classes at the same time that I'm taking my HS classes. I speak 2 languages and I'm in the process of learning another one. Want to know which language? Hit me up :p

At this moment I am completing my few of my pre-requisites and then I'm University bound :D I consider myself loyal, relaxed, and career oriented. I really hate lies and don't tolerate any BS or games. Be blunt with me and straight because that's how I am and that's how I want others to be with me. The qualities I look for in someone else are loyalty, honesty, well-humored, patient, compassionate, humble, trustworthy, and drama-free.

Can't really tell you all about me or my life as that would defeat the purpose of this thing. Message me if you wanna know more."

 

I would upload a screenshot of my profile but it doesn't let me

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And how successful have you been with online dating? ;)

 

 

I've been faily successful in arranging meetings , about 12 or so, however my own pickiness has caused me to disregard them, save for one.

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PegNosePete
"About me: I'm 20 and I love to play guitar, play soccer, and occasionally video games. I graduated from a highschool where I could take colleges classes at the same time that I'm taking my HS classes. I speak 2 languages and I'm in the process of learning another one. Want to know which language? Hit me up :p

At this moment I am completing my few of my pre-requisites and then I'm University bound :D I consider myself loyal, relaxed, and career oriented. I really hate lies and don't tolerate any BS or games. Be blunt with me and straight because that's how I am and that's how I want others to be with me. The qualities I look for in someone else are loyalty, honesty, well-humored, patient, compassionate, humble, trustworthy, and drama-free.

Can't really tell you all about me or my life as that would defeat the purpose of this thing. Message me if you wanna know more."

It's not terrible but a bit generic, cliche and very similar to millions of others out there. You don't really say anything to make yourself stand out from the crowd. There's nothing in there that would make a woman think "Wow I must message this guy NOW he sounds awesome!"

 

But at least you got the spelling and grammar right, and hey - if it's getting responses - it works. If it ain't broke don't fix it.

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Michelle ma Belle

As someone who has done the OLD dating thing off and on for a while I for one think your profile is better than most.

 

Let's face it, most people on POF especially don't even bother filling out their profiles and if they do, it's the bare bones basics so yours is leaps and bounds ahead of the game in my humble opinion.

 

I also think you're absolutely right when you say "Can't really tell you all about me or my life as that would defeat the purpose of this thing". I actually HATE when I see men and women go on and on and on about everything under the sun. That's way too much info too soon in most cases. Whenever I see those profiles I feel like they're either far too narcissist for my taste or they're trying WAY too hard and in either case it's a serious turn off. Besides no one spends that much time reading profiles so it's also a bloody waste of time.

 

Having said that I think there definitely needs to be healthy balance between showcasing your personality and keeping it short and sweet. And THAT is where the challenge is for most people when it comes to creating their profiles. I think your profile does a good job of it.

 

The key when it comes to OLD is pictures. The whole genre is very superficial and regardless of what anyone would like to think, first impressions are based on what you look like. It's do or die when it comes to choosing the right pic. If they like your pic, they may go on to read your bio. Not the other way around. Having more than just a profile pic is also important. There are so many fakes profiles online anymore that having a nice variety of selfies and pics with you and friends or family usually go over well. And SMILE! I can't tell you how many people DON'T smile in their pictures and I have no idea why not. It elevates your approachability and friendliness factor.

 

As for the rest of it, what can I tell you except that that's just how it goes with OLD. Honestly. The attention spans of people online is short and elusive at best. There are just so many distractions not to mention options available.

 

I think it's good to NOT push for a meeting within the first cyber poke. Many girls/women tend to see that as aggressive and even a turn off. Getting to know someone a bit isn't a bad thing so don't let anyone tell you otherwise. BUT at the same time, there is something to be said for taking TOO long to ask to meet for a coffee as well. If you wait it out too long the window of opportunity closes shut. Again, it's about finding and having balance.

 

Good luck!

Edited by Michelle ma Belle
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If I had a 4 to 5 message convo with someone, and he didn't even hint that he wanted to meet, or move to talking on the phone, I'd stop responding. I'm not there to meet pen pals, and I might be replying to 5 or 6 guys doing the same thing. If ONE of them gets around to asking me out, the rest just kinda go by the wayside, and I won't bother to get back to them later.

 

It's called plenty of fish. Nibble, set hook, reel in, or move on.

 

 

That' just me.

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Bumpin in My Trunk

 

I think it's good to NOT push for a meeting within the first cyber poke. Many girls/women tend to see that as aggressive and even a turn off. Getting to know someone a bit isn't a bad thing so don't let anyone tell you otherwise. BUT at the same time, there is something to be said for taking TOO long to ask to meet for a coffee as well. If you wait it out too long the window of opportunity closes shut. Again, it's about finding and having balance.

 

Good luck!

 

So what is a good balance for you?

 

I will keep trying at this and see if I even get a date. It seems like OLD is a waste of time like everyone else said

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Michelle ma Belle
So what is a good balance for you?

 

I will keep trying at this and see if I even get a date. It seems like OLD is a waste of time like everyone else said

 

I'm a bit old school so exchanging a couple of emails over the site is fine and appreciative but if the conversation continues and it seems we are hitting it off, I like for the guy to take the next step and ask for my number and...wait for it...CALL me, not text, call and set up the date.

 

I know that concept of actually talking on the phone seems to quite foreign to many young people today but it really is a great barometer for getting a sense of what the other person is like. I mean, you're going to have to TALK eventually so why not have a small chat on the phone before hand?

 

Regardless, a handful of email exchanges that build some interest and trust is important and if she seems interested strike while the iron is hot and ask her out for a coffee or drinks.

 

Again, the whole "let's spend the whole day together even though I have no idea if I even like you" is so yesterday. Meeting up for a coffee or drink after work or after dinner gives you an opportunity to get face-to-face, have a conversation and see if there is any kind of chemistry without a huge investment of time or money. If there is, book the second date before you end that one. If not, no harm. It was short and cheap and relatively painless.

 

I've had several men who contacted me and who I fancied as well. The problem was that they seemed to just want to email back and forth and never pulled the trigger to ask for a date. After a while I just got bored and moved on despite the fact I would have jumped at meeting them.

 

A couple of times I ended up just asking them out myself because I got tired of waiting around but it kind of annoyed me.

 

I'm of the mindset that whoever makes the initial contact should be the one to initiate the date. Again, some call it old fashioned but I call it classy and chivalrous. I'm very open minded and liberal and have no problem asking men out or even paying for dates BUT if you contact me and are interested in me then let me know it and book the date. As the saying goes, sh*t or get off the pot!

 

Having said all of this, you might want to consider that maybe twenty-something women won't and don't appreciate this kind of mentality the way older women do in which case I can't help you :p

 

The dating landscape today is infinitely different from when I was in my twenties (hell, OLD didn't even exist back then!) as are the young women of this generation.

 

You may have to figure this one out on your own or find someone that is your age that has had some great luck with OLD.

 

 

Good luck.

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A good balance after 2-3 messages might be, Hey, do you want to exchange #s so we can actually talk? If it's too soon, I'm willing to keep chatting & you can tell me when you are ready for that next baby step.

 

Let her set the pace.

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The first comment is very right. I take Online Dating quite lightly but find Match.com as a far more likely site to actually meet someone seriously. POF just made me laugh, it is like a flake app. Half are there for attention and half really just want to play as many guys as possible to boost their self esteem.

 

Then you have the people freshly out of an 8 year relationship who are completely unstable looking for a guy just to make them feel better about being single again. It really is a horror show. I think I spoke to 1 normal person and about 100 complete loons. The one normal person turned out to be a nut job after 10 days :D

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Take it to text message as fast as you can.

 

I find women arent usually ready to move right to a phone call from POF, but they tend to be pretty happy to text.

 

I usually transition out of POF messaging by saying, "Whats your number, lets text. I'm not always able to check my messages on here." or something of that sort.

 

I never phone them without asking if or having them ask if I'd like to talk on the phone after doing that though, as they only gave the number for texting.

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Bumpin in My Trunk

Wow. If you guys are right then it means I just wasted like 5 potential dates

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Wow. If you guys are right then it means I just wasted like 5 potential dates

 

If you had 5 dates with 5 different people? That does not say potential to me :laugh:

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Or 5 potential rejections.

 

Always ask sooner rather than later. Better to get rejected than waste your time chatting to an attention seeker.

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The first comment is very right. I take Online Dating quite lightly but find Match.com as a far more likely site to actually meet someone seriously. POF just made me laugh, it is like a flake app. Half are there for attention and half really just want to play as many guys as possible to boost their self esteem.

 

Then you have the people freshly out of an 8 year relationship who are completely unstable looking for a guy just to make them feel better about being single again. It really is a horror show. I think I spoke to 1 normal person and about 100 complete loons. The one normal person turned out to be a nut job after 10 days :D

 

I agree cept guys do it just as much also on that site.

 

I don't trust free online dating sites its ppl looking to get laid or people out of new relationships who will never go further than their ego boost, or any normal person will mess it up by saying something creepy and you wouldn't ever see them as being normal or they really are just weird.

Edited by Omei
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I created a POF account 10 minutes ago than read this thread. I might as well delete my account now lol

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