Some guy kissed my girlfriend at a club

[Eclypse]

Last night my girlfriend went out clubbing with her friends for a girls night out. I picked her up. She told me that she and her friends had met a couple of guys and were dancing with them for a couple of hours. She said the guy acted like he was gay most of the night, but he eventually leaned in and kissed her. She said she was really surprised and backed off immediately.

 

I was pretty shocked and quite upset. I'm not angry he kissed her, she had no control over that. But she obviously must have given off signals she was single. And she spent a few hours in the club with him chatting. I feel a bit crap, if she was going to talk to guys they may as well have invited me then. She thinks I might not let her go clubbing anymore. I can't do that obviously, but how do I let her know to not put herself in such situations anymore?

 

She kept asserting that she thought he was gay, and got a bit upset.

 

Any advice please friends?

[gaius]

Why can't you not let her go clubbing anymore? I wouldn't take seriously a girl who was determined to go out, drink and grind up on other guys. =/ That doesn't meet the definition of girlfriend.

[todreaminblue]

Last night my girlfriend went out clubbing with her friends for a girls night out. I picked her up. She told me that she and her friends had met a couple of guys and were dancing with them for a couple of hours. She said the guy acted like he was gay most of the night, but he eventually leaned in and kissed her. She said she was really surprised and backed off immediately.

 

I was pretty shocked and quite upset. I'm not angry he kissed her, she had no control over that. But she obviously must have given off signals she was single. And she spent a few hours in the club with him chatting. I feel a bit crap, if she was going to talk to guys they may as well have invited me then. She thinks I might not let her go clubbing anymore. I can't do that obviously, but how do I let her know to not put herself in such situations anymore?

 

She kept asserting that she thought he was gay, and got a bit upset.

 

Any advice please friends?

 

 

I have had gay guys crack onto me, I used to dance in gay clubs because then i thought i was safe, around alcohol and any man gay(bisexual) or not, girls or women are not safe, but the world isn't a safe place,I find the easiest way to put guys off is to dance with women,or your boyfriend, when you dance with women , you do certain moves to stop men dancing with you,it seems rude but it isnt, you have to maintain a distance, i am very flexible and moves i do have to have space, as i move my whole body and then they move on.

 

As far as talking goes , you keep distance in a club no matter how crowded take them to where there is distance available, and don't talk about sex in any form.or go to church dances, no I am not kidding, men have more respect where there isn't alcohol involved,if a woman is inebriated, all bets are off married single or otherwise.

 

Clubbing is super risky, but then so is shopping women can meet interested guys anywhere, they are more likely to lean in for a kiss in a club.

 

 

I would voice your concerns, be honest with how you feel and she should want you to come if she cares for you.Or reach some kind of middle ground where you both are happy.Good luck......deb

[gaius]

Sorry eclypse, I just find the whole thing bizarre. She goes out, probably has a few drinks, spends the night dancing with dudes and then gets shocked when one of them goes in for a kiss? =/ You can't be serious.

[todreaminblue]

Sorry eclypse, I just find the whole thing bizarre. She goes out, probably has a few drinks, spends the night dancing with dudes and then gets shocked when one of them goes in for a kiss? =/ You can't be serious.

 

 

Yes I think shock isn't something I feel when dancing in a club.I have recognised a kiss move from being a non drinker and a woman who dances, its so obvious, they talk softly , you say what, they ask you to come closer they pull you in they try to stick their tongue down your throat... I am a lot older though and i don't drink.I knew this kiss move from a teen though, who often drank water.Its not something i found out through age.Just observation experiences and no alcohol.

[beach]

She put herself I that position. She certainly must not have allowed him to understand she had a boyfriend.

 

 

Even MORE concerning is she's unwilling to take responsibility for the way SHE participated! That's a big red flag waving in your face! Yet you blame the guy? NO WAY = blame HER for participating!

 

She wants to ACT available and pretend to be available and lead other men on? Let her BE single!

 

 

Sheez, she knew what she was doing - her acting like she was surprised is just BS. But you believed it - stop believing it.

 

Her actions tell you who she is. She's a gal that parties and needs at toon from other men. She's also a tease.

 

Nothing you've described tells me she's relationship material.

[Kizmet Fisher]

Last night my girlfriend went out clubbing with her friends for a girls night out. I picked her up. She told me that she and her friends had met a couple of guys and were dancing with them for a couple of hours. She said the guy acted like he was gay most of the night, but he eventually leaned in and kissed her. She said she was really surprised and backed off immediately.

 

I was pretty shocked and quite upset. I'm not angry he kissed her, she had no control over that. But she obviously must have given off signals she was single. And she spent a few hours in the club with him chatting. I feel a bit crap, if she was going to talk to guys they may as well have invited me then. She thinks I might not let her go clubbing anymore. I can't do that obviously, but how do I let her know to not put herself in such situations anymore?

 

She kept asserting that she thought he was gay, and got a bit upset.

 

Any advice please friends?

 

Am I the only one wondering if she actually kissed the guy back but told OP this story to cover her ass?

[todreaminblue]

Am I the only one wondering if she actually kissed the guy back but told OP this story to cover her ass?

 

 

I don't see the point really in telling the op unless a friend or friends of his were at the club at the time and witnessed the kiss..Could be for attention or incite jealousy I guess.

[Eclypse]

I don't see the point really in telling the op unless a friend or friends of his were at the club at the time and witnessed the kiss..Could be for attention or incite jealousy I guess.

 

That's what I thought too. If she didn't tell me there's no way I'd ever know.

 

I asked her just now to tell me the full story (she's been nursing a hangover and vomiting all day). She said the guy asked if he could buy her a drink. She said she had a boyfriend but he leaned in and kissed her anyway. That's when she backed away and they left. In that case I don't feel as bad. She should not dance with random guys though! I'll have to get that message through to her.

[todreaminblue]

That's what I thought too. If she didn't tell me there's no way I'd ever know.

 

I asked her just now to tell me the full story (she's been nursing a hangover and vomiting all day). She said the guy asked if he could buy her a drink. She said she had a boyfriend but he leaned in and kissed her anyway. That's when she backed away and they left. In that case I don't feel as bad. She should not dance with random guys though! I'll have to get that message through to her.

 

 

ugh hangover huh.Yes it isnt right to dance with random guys when you are drinking i hope that you do come to a decision that makes you both happy.

 

 

did you post she just had a couple of drinks or am i mistaken?

 

 

was she mickeyed?

 

 

If so you have a more serious issue with your gf drinking in either case.

Edited June 7, 2014 by todreaminblue

[jbelle6]

Sorry OP.

 

I have no desire to go to clubs, especially in a relationship.

Why can't she go out for dinner with the girls instead if she wants time with them?

They could at least hear each other talk then, that's way more appealing in my opinion.

[jbelle6]

That's what I thought too. If she didn't tell me there's no way I'd ever know.

 

I asked her just now to tell me the full story (she's been nursing a hangover and vomiting all day). She said the guy asked if he could buy her a drink. She said she had a boyfriend but he leaned in and kissed her anyway. That's when she backed away and they left. In that case I don't feel as bad. She should not dance with random guys though! I'll have to get that message through to her.

 

 

She should have known when he offered a drink. She is drunk enough for a hangover so who knows what happened. Sloppy.

[irc333]

I have no desire to go to clubs, especially in a relationship.

 

 

Agreed, I don't understand the desire to hit the clubs WITHOUT your significant other.

 

I recall this one married man, newlywed, had a toddler aged kid. His wife got the "itch" to hit the local cowboy watering hole every Fri night. The husband stayed home with the kid of course, and she'd go out.

 

Some friend from the bar actually called him up at home to reveal to him she's been foolin' around with other men on the dance floor. So he takes a special ride to the watering hole, sits casually at a bar and sees her rubbin' up against other guys on the dancefloor...she sees him and turns white. LOL

 

Needless to say their marriage was over.

 

 

Last night my girlfriend went out clubbing with her friends for a girls night out. I picked her up. She told me that she and her friends had met a couple of guys and were dancing with them for a couple of hours. She said the guy acted like he was gay most of the night, but he eventually leaned in and kissed her. She said she was really surprised and backed off immediately.

 

I was pretty shocked and quite upset. I'm not angry he kissed her, she had no control over that. But she obviously must have given off signals she was single. And she spent a few hours in the club with him chatting. I feel a bit crap, if she was going to talk to guys they may as well have invited me then. She thinks I might not let her go clubbing anymore. I can't do that obviously, but how do I let her know to not put herself in such situations anymore?

 

She kept asserting that she thought he was gay, and got a bit upset.

 

Any advice please friends?

Edited June 7, 2014 by irc333

[PegNosePete]

Am I the only one wondering if she actually kissed the guy back but told OP this story to cover her ass?

No, you are very much not the only one thinking that,

 

OP, I would let her go. She is showing you what she expects you to accept in a relationship. If you accept this then what next?

 

Listen to the guys above, she is not girlfriend material. If she wants to act single then let her be single.

[morrowrd]

I think you need to lose the insecurity. Some guy kissed your girlfriend, she wasn't expecting it, and she backed off. Game over for the kisser....

 

Clubbing is a world all of it's own, guys are there looking to meet girls, girls are there looking to meet guys. Then, there is the category of people not looking for anyone, but are out just enjoying themselves. The chance of what happened here, happening to others, is very high. Probably happens several times per minute in one way or another at every club, every night, all over the world. Had your girlfriend led this guy on, that might have been a problem, but she didn't.

 

I took my girlfriend out clubbing a few months ago, she brought her sister in law with her. Both are the same age, and 16 years younger than me. I sat at a booth drinking beer, watching those two on the dance floor dancing with each other. And....I watched the guys hitting on them, one right after the other. At one point, there were two that were persistent, and I smirked the whole time. I know my girlfriend, and the guys didn't stand a chance in hell, so I enjoyed the scene..the two guys dancing near my girls, kept trying to talk to them, and I sat there watching, knowing the whole time, all that effort would amount to nothing. Long story short, the "dancing" went on for probably 3 songs, and the more pushy of the two guys asked to buy drinks for them. My girlfriend pointed over to the booth where I was, the two guys looked, I waved, and the girls smiled at the guys and both walked back to where I was, and hung out for awhile. Those two guys a few minutes later walked by our booth and winked at me. I'm guessing they figured BOTH girls were mine, so I smiled and lifted my glass as they passed.

 

Moral of the story, take the whole thing as a compliment. You have a good girlfriend, one that other guys find attractive, but she's with you. Having trust is what it's all about. Don't get all insecure because of what happened, you look like a whiner. Shrug it off, and be done with it.

Edited June 7, 2014 by morrowrd

[veggirl]

nursing a hangover and vomiting all day. you chose a real winner.

 

Check his other threads, this "some stranger kissed me!" is the tip of the iceberg....she's a klepto & also gets coke from strangers in clubs. But the sex is bomb and eclypse is in lurve.

 

I mean eclypse seriously, are you SURPRISED by this sh*t? LOL god. I can't believe you even batted an eyelash at this, considering everything else you've ignored.

 

anyway maybe if your gf doesn't grind on guys at clubs they won't think she's single and available. duh.

[irc333]

16 years younger? Talk about robbin' the cradle. lol

 

Just curious, how come you didn't get out on the dance floor to dance?

 

 

I think you need to lose the insecurity. Some guy kissed your girlfriend, she wasn't expecting it, and she backed off. Game over for the kisser....

 

Clubbing is a world all of it's own, guys are there looking to meet girls, girls are there looking to meet guys. Then, there is the category of people not looking for anyone, but are out just enjoying themselves. The chance of what happened here, happening to others, is very high. Probably happens several times per minute in one way or another at every club, every night, all over the world. Had your girlfriend led this guy on, that might have been a problem, but she didn't.

 

I took my girlfriend out clubbing a few months ago, she brought her sister in law with her. Both are the same age, and 16 years younger than me. I sat at a booth drinking beer, watching those two on the dance floor dancing with each other. And....I watched the guys hitting on them, one right after the other. At one point, there were two that were persistent, and I smirked the whole time. I know my girlfriend, and the guys didn't stand a chance in hell, so I enjoyed the scene..the two guys dancing near my girls, kept trying to talk to them, and I sat there watching, knowing the whole time, all that effort would amount to nothing. Long story short, the "dancing" went on for probably 3 songs, and the more pushy of the two guys asked to buy drinks for them. My girlfriend pointed over to the booth where I was, the two guys looked, I waved, and the girls smiled at the guys and both walked back to where I was, and hung out for awhile. Those two guys a few minutes later walked by our booth and winked at me. I'm guessing they figured BOTH girls were mine, so I smiled and lifted my glass as they passed.

 

Moral of the story, take the whole thing as a compliment. You have a good girlfriend, one that other guys find attractive, but she's with you. Having trust is what it's all about. Don't get all insecure because of what happened, you look like a whiner. Shrug it off, and be done with it.

[umirano]

Moral of the story, take the whole thing as a compliment. You have a good girlfriend, one that other guys find attractive, but she's with you. Having trust is what it's all about. Don't get all insecure because of what happened, you look like a whiner. Shrug it off, and be done with it.

 

Sure, that's one way to look at it, and I'd be inclined to do so, if she wasn't going crazy on alcohol (or other drugs, as per veggirl's suggestion, other threads). I'm pretty sure she's not older than 25 too, which doesn't help your case. Yeah it's just a kiss. But is it a kiss that really blindsided her, or was she fishing for it or more by going out with her drug crazy GFs to see what's out there?

 

As per the two girls you entertained, why are they doing it? Making sure they still have a positive market value? I always find it hard to understand what the fun is in clubbing when you already are in a RS. What the three of you did almost sounds like you guys enjoy teasing others, or is it the so called hot wife life style? Nothing wrong with that, I'm genuinely wondering though.

[noww]

Heh now I remember 6 months ago reading OPs thread how he dumped his girlfriend and started to date a new one right away and how the sex was soo amazing and how she was a bad and dangerous girl.

 

Well.. You knew what you got yourself into, I really wouldn't be surprised..

[Joaquin]

You should not look at this in isolation of the other things that may have gone on, the way she has behaved, treated you etc.

 

If this was an otherwise model gf who seemed to let drink get the better of her one night, maybe you'd let it go.

 

On the other hand if this is just yet another thing in a long line of things that the girl is doing that's causing you grief, maybe you'd take a more serious look at it.

 

That said, what happened of itself sounds quite minor, so I wonder why she felt the need to tell you, unless more went on than she is saying. Who knows! Do you trust her? Has she earned your trust? Only you can answer that.

[morrowrd]

As per the two girls you entertained, why are they doing it? Making sure they still have a positive market value? I always find it hard to understand what the fun is in clubbing when you already are in a RS. What the three of you did almost sounds like you guys enjoy teasing others, or is it the so called hot wife life style? Nothing wrong with that, I'm genuinely wondering though.

 

Why? Well being the homebody's that we are, I suggested to my girlfriend that we go out somewhere, listen to live music, and hang out. Do something different than just hanging out at home. I'm not much of a dancer, but it's cool to hang out and "people watch" - the clubs provide really interesting opportunities for that. Her sister-in-law never gets out, so my girlfriend asked if she could come. Obviously I said yes, I get along well with this family.

 

As for market value, what a way to think about things - but in my own opinion, based on experience, girls always get more attention at the clubs, than do men. My girlfriend is short, long blonde hair, pretty - but very shy. Her sister in law is more outgoing, short, brunette, pretty, and can dance really really good. Shyness in a female is cute (to me at least, I'm guessing alot of men would agree) And frankly, women don't really need to even know how to dance, to look good on the floor. Wiggle their bodies, toss their hair, smile, and they look fine. Men on the other hand, we have to know some moves, to be any good. Thus, thats why I hung out at the booth. It's either in your blood, or it's not in your blood. It's not in mine, but I have no problem watching my little girlfriend out there dancing away.

 

 

The rest....is as posted.

[morrowrd]

16 years younger? Talk about robbin' the cradle. lol

 

Just curious, how come you didn't get out on the dance floor to dance?

 

Yeah, I went to school with her parents so in the beginning it was a bit awkward. Both parents have said I am the best boyfriend shes ever had. I do know how to treat a lady, and I treat this little girl very well. I adore her to be honest. She has made my life better, just being in it. She has very young children, my son is 20, so it was an "adjustment." I just bought another house, gave the one we were living in to my son, it just wasn't working. A mom, three kids, and a three bedroom house. Lot's of land, not enough floor space. And it was driving me crazy....this fixed that problem. The trade off, is there's like NO land with this place, vs the 5 acres with trails and ponds. The plus side is everyone has their own space, so I'm ok with it. Its been an adjustment for a man like me, but she's so worth it. Her sweetness has made my life so bright.

 

Anyway, to the point, I am very non-social. My whole life is based on "going it alone" - and the dance floor is no place for me. I do like to watch however.

[Friskyone4u]

I'm always amazed when this occurs . When your girlfriend makes a regular habit of going out to clubs full of horny guys in her hottest looking clothes with a bunch of friends who are looking to hook up or meet guys what do you expect her to do put a sign up saying she has a boyfriend. Then add alcohol to the mix and he friends encouraging her to "have fun", and don't be surprised if the next thing you discover is a lot more than some guy trying to kiss her. She will eventually run into someone there is chemistry with.

The bigger question is why does she have this need to regularly go out to this environment without you. If she needs the constant and regular validation from other guys you have a problem

[umirano]

Why? Well being the homebody's that we are, I suggested to my girlfriend that we go out somewhere, listen to live music, and hang out. Do something different than just hanging out at home. I'm not much of a dancer, but it's cool to hang out and "people watch" - the clubs provide really interesting opportunities for that. Her sister-in-law never gets out, so my girlfriend asked if she could come. Obviously I said yes, I get along well with this family.

That makes sense. I do that too, with a guy friend though. Sometimes I approach a girl for some small talk if she's cute or looks open to some conversation. No dancing so far. My friend attends a dancing class this summer, in the hope to improve his "score".

 

As for market value, what a way to think about things

I know, it sure sounds misanthropic or bitter. I'm not though sometimes I just can't resist making a cynical remark.

 

- but in my own opinion, based on experience, girls always get more attention at the clubs, than do men. My girlfriend is short, long blonde hair, pretty - but very shy. Her sister in law is more outgoing, short, brunette, pretty, and can dance really really good.

Can't disagree with you.

 

Shyness in a female is cute (to me at least, I'm guessing alot of men would agree)

Disagree I am intrigued by aggressive, dominant girls. I just am But it's hard to find the genuinely confident outgoing type and to discern them from the insecure, just sexually aggressive type.

 

And frankly, women don't really need to even know how to dance, to look good on the floor. Wiggle their bodies, toss their hair, smile, and they look fine. Men on the other hand, we have to know some moves, to be any good.

Agree.

 

Thus, thats why I hung out at the booth. It's either in your blood, or it's not in your blood. It's not in mine, but I have no problem watching my little girlfriend out there dancing away.

Cool thanks for answering my question without being offended . I'm not really a dancer either. But I hear it gets you girls. Considering joining my friend in the dance class.

 

 

The rest....is as posted.

It sure is Have fun doing it.

[umirano]

I'm always amazed when this occurs . When your girlfriend makes a regular habit of going out to clubs full of horny guys in her hottest looking clothes with a bunch of friends who are looking to hook up or meet guys what do you expect her to do put a sign up saying she has a boyfriend. Then add alcohol to the mix and he friends encouraging her to "have fun", and don't be surprised if the next thing you discover is a lot more than some guy trying to kiss her. She will eventually run into someone there is chemistry with.

Spot on.

 

The bigger question is why does she have this need to regularly go out to this environment without you. If she needs the constant and regular validation from other guys you have a problem

 

Need for validation, natural drive (age related) to explore other partners, need for change, need for adventure