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I need a woman's perspective


kane30us

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I posted this on the "Friends" thread also. Not sure how to topic this..But, I'll try to explain this a best as I can. I dated this girl for about one month. It was nice, until we broke up. We decided to be friends. Three weeks ago we took a weekend trip together and we had a fantastic time. When we got back from the trip she made it clear we are still friends. Not a big deal to me. Anyway, I was getting mixed messages. For example always texting me at 7am saying good morning cutie and messages very late at night asking me to call if I'm still up because she want to hear my voice. And one text saying she wishes I was holding her right now. All the while I'm still acting like a friend should - nothing sexual or romantic.

 

Last week she spoke about me being just a FWB. I told her I'm not a fan of that because someone always gets hurt. I can't believe I turned down sex..lol but, everything seemed good until two days ago after I left her a message that said "I like spending time with you and hearing from you makes me happy" her response was 'thanks for that" and she's been very cold towards me since my text. Now, I just got a text saying she can't hang out this Saturday because she forgot the plans she already made. I sent a replay back okay, maybe Sunday. Her reply was maybe, I'll let you know. She's not been chatty over the last two days. I like having her in my life. I'm just curious from a women's perspective, whats going on?

 

Is it me over thinking? It was her idea to be just friends. I had nothing to do with it. But, I'm okay with being friends. Or at least I think I do. The fact I'm writing about it makes me feel I want more. I'm so confused :(

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She is not interested in you. If you want a fling, go for it, but you will end up getting hurt.

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"not interested" in what way? Be specific. She' s not interested in being a friend? When I look at this it dosn't hurt me when I think of her seeing other people or us not dating. I really mean that. So you think its sex or nothing in her mind? We get a long great as friends. Why the sudden change in heart? That's the part I don't get.

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PegNosePete

She wants a FWB but without the friends part. She just wants casual sex. If that's not your thing then give up on this one.

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She wants a FWB but without the friends part. She just wants casual sex. If that's not your thing then give up on this one.

 

Yea, I am starting to feel that's the truth and I need to take that advice. It just sucks. When we hang out, like, going out for drinks, movies, dinner or a ballgame we have a fun time. It makes no sense she now doesn't want to do those things anymore. But Whatever! :rolleyes: Thanks for the reply!!

Edited by kane30us
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"not interested" in what way? Be specific. She' s not interested in being a friend? When I look at this it dosn't hurt me when I think of her seeing other people or us not dating. I really mean that. So you think its sex or nothing in her mind? We get a long great as friends. Why the sudden change in heart? That's the part I don't get.

 

 

You say it doesn't hurt, but from it sounds like you WOULD get hurt.. You enjoy hanging out with her and spending time with her, and no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you two are just friends, you DO like her and will eventually get hurt. She is interested in sex only, and seems like she has no interest in even being friends with you but is probably too nice to admit it. We've all been on both sides of this situation. Just don't waste your time. (OR just agree to be an occasional hookup). Guys do this to girls a lot, but girls do it too.

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She wants a FWB but without the friends part. She just wants casual sex. If that's not your thing then give up on this one.

 

You say it doesn't hurt, but from it sounds like you WOULD get hurt.. You enjoy hanging out with her and spending time with her, and no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you two are just friends, you DO like her and will eventually get hurt. She is interested in sex only, and seems like she has no interest in even being friends with you but is probably too nice to admit it. We've all been on both sides of this situation. Just don't waste your time. (OR just agree to be an occasional hookup). Guys do this to girls a lot, but girls do it too.

 

Thanks for the reply. I just got a text from her saying How's it going. I'm going to slow it down for a while because I think you may be right. I can see myself getting hurt. If you don't want to be friends then say so! Don't text me asking for friendship and then ask me if you want to catch a ballgame on Saturday then change your mind because I don't want to be a FWB. :mad: Thanks!

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rocketman122

I think you will get hurt when she will fall for another guy. I think you are too sensitive and youre only thinking about the intimacy.

 

I turn down casual sex a lot. because im a guy I should take any offer from a women who wants a fruck? no way, I have standards. besides, I cant do it only for the sex. in fact a friend tried to set me up with someone from the US whos coming on vacation here and at first I was excited, as she looked very good (FB) but after a few hours my integrity kicked in I had to tell her no thank you. she arrived today and sent a message to see if I would budge. but no.

 

and women get upset and offended if you dont oblige when they offer free sex. to those that dont get enough I can understand, but me, I prefer to work with my heart. its a very cold thing to sleep with someone just for pleasure without having feeling for the person. I cant do it.

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"friends with benefits" not exactly.. More like "let's hook up when I'm lonely and don't have any other dates scheduled"

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Sounds like she doesn't want anything more than friendship, but she's lonely and willing to use you to help solve that.

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PegNosePete
Did you ever think about talking to an astrologer about your compatibility with her?

Why on earth are you giving this crazy advice on every single thread?

 

Ridiculous...

 

Why on earth would this guy want to consult an astrologer when it's plain as day what is going on here?

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Charlie Harper

I am a guy, and let me chime in.

 

She likes you a lot, and maybe she feels physical attraction to you, but as a whole you are not "it" to her. She is probably exploring other options, but comes back to you, baceuse you are a good friend.

One day she was horny, and she wanted sex... you bailed...BIG MISTAKE.

 

you put yourself in the friend zone ... and now you are right in the middle of it...

 

If you had amazing sex with her, and afterwards you told her, you don't want to be hurt..she would have to weight not only the good company and fun you are, but also the great sex...

 

A fun guy, a trustful friend and great sex is a great recipe for something more, you only need to be patient ...

 

Then again some women are crazy, but at least you had your chance...

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Atticus9292012

For the simple fact you want more from this situation, you need to leave her alone. She is probably attracted to you and likes your company, but that's probably it. She will string you along and use you for attention and companionship (and sex) until she finds a guy she wants to be with, which she might already have. From what you said, she isn't being very considerate of your feelings. Being friends with someone isn't about using them.

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chakra_str0ng

Seems as though the friendship is unbalanced in terms of what each of you want from each other. Speaking of what y'all want from each other, it seems as though she's unclear as to what she wants from you. Because of this she might be keeping you on the fence until she decides. The point blank solution to this would be to talk to her, honestly.

 

Another view on this would be that she doesn't want just one guy in her life. (This might be reaching in my position, seeing as I don't know her.)

 

(Btw, in that FWB situation, it seems as though you'd be the one who'd get hurt.)

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amaysngrace

You're her fallback guy until somebody better comes along. That's why she is stringing you along.

 

But she doesn't take you or your relationship with her seriously.

 

She's using you.

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