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If you were seeing someone who was for the most part perfect for you, but not the smartest, would it be a deal breaker?

 

Say the person was quite capable of being smart, was accepted into a reasonable university- so capable. But they never went, and they were very popular growing up, so life was more about partying/dinners/girls than it was about learning.. not good at spelling, definitions, history type of thing.

 

Would this bother you?

 

I am university educated (MA LLB), but was never 'outstanding' as a student, and kind of winged it. I travelled a bit growing up so never had a tight social circle. Spent a lot of time reading etc instead of going out. I don't think I am intelligent, but I have learnt a fair bit, and feel like anyone who put enough time into something could achieve the same as me.

 

I feel like this person is perfect, but I find myself always thinking 'how do you not know that', and something about the way I speak compared to the way they speak ends up with miscommunication example I say 'hallucinogenics are intimidating' they hear 'hallucinations are intimidating' - for lack of encountering the term 'hallucinogenics', but then later they will explain something to me that they have excellent intellectual grasp on, and really impress me.

 

It really does just feel like they have a lack of general knowledge.

 

Have never met anyone like this, and I have meet plenty of people from different backgrounds/walks of life- but with this I am constantly thinking 'how smart', followed by 'how stupid'.

 

:?

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I need a connection on three planes: emotional, intellectual, and physical. So, for me, this person wouldn't be perfect. Initially, the emotional and physical connection (combined with the right character and similar morals) might carry me, but, for a LTR, I'd need the intellectual component to be present, too.

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you are at a low levl intelectualy

 

But at least I can spell. ;)

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A girl told me her name was Annie. I thought she said Emmi. She even answered to that for a while until she blew up on me. It's a shame, because I liked her and it was just a misunderstanding.

 

Anyway, I thought this thread was going to be about the perfect butt. I am disappointed OP.

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bluegreen

Perfection does not exist never did never will.

Especially if it start's with perfect BUT ...

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mummyjonno
A girl told me her name was Annie. I thought she said Emmi. She even answered to that for a while until she blew up on me. It's a shame, because I liked her and it was just a misunderstanding.

 

Anyway, I thought this thread was going to be about the perfect butt. I am disappointed OP.

 

:laugh::laugh:

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Your so tough Melell.

 

I don`t think you need to question such things. Are you having fun with this person? If yes, then don`t question so many things. Everyone has something to bring to a relationship/friendship. I would not examine so deeply. Just try to enjoy. General knowledge is very subjective. Ask me a Mozzer question and i will hopefully get it right. Ask me something else and i may appear lacking.

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There are no right or wrong, there are only your relationship needs.

 

Your relationship needs will also change over time.

 

You could try though to understand why it's important to you. Is it an internal reasons (need of intellectual connection) or an external reason (afraid of being embarrassed).

 

I am someone with a higher education and to me book-smartness is not something I need in a companion, I need a man that works hard and takes pride in working well and hard. My ex boyfriend did not finish high school, he worked as a welder all his life, he had good job security, he worked hard, and I was proud of him being my man.

 

Personally I don't need to talk economy and finance with my companion, I do that during the day with my colleagues.

 

I remember once he was filling a form and he called me because he did not know what the word 'recurrence' meant. I explained it to him, it made me smile.

 

I have dated many book-smart people, lawyers, accountants, engineers, and many of them were so emotionally weak. It had me change some of my relationship priorities.

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DArtagnan2

Everyone has certain things they need in a partner; intelligence, spelling, or knowing the proper meaning of a word or what you are even saying is important to many. I have known a person or two that while dating, will stop the process of dating with someone because who they were dating fit their definition of unintelligent or uneducated. I think a certain level of misunderstandings or misuse of a word is normal because society as a whole has gotten lazy with proper English, pronunciation, etc. I'll even use a wrong word for something I am meaning to say. Also, not everyone has the same vocabulary or knowledge base. Which appears may be the case here so the issue lies with if you can be in a relationship where the discussions you want to have about certain topics your partner can't have, in most situations. That while you like to read, continue to learn and grow your knowledge and vocabulary, etc. your partner is Ok with what they know or what they don't know.

 

 

If you are looking for a long term relationship with someone, you have to be sure that the person you choose also can sustain the same kind of relationship you want to have 10 to 20 to 30 years from now, regardless.

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Is hallucinogenics really general knowledge now? I thought general knowledge was like "what year did sir Alex Ferguson take over as manager of Manchester united" :laugh:

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Your so tough Melell.

 

I don`t think you need to question such things. Are you having fun with this person? If yes, then don`t question so many things. Everyone has something to bring to a relationship/friendship. I would not examine so deeply. Just try to enjoy. General knowledge is very subjective. Ask me a Mozzer question and i will hopefully get it right. Ask me something else and i may appear lacking.

 

Wouldn't be surprised if said person is asking 'why is this girl so painfully difficult'.

Not heavy though, just light pondering despite the tone of the post.

 

Haydn, give me some subjectivity, am I pampering life's complexity? Is what I do the thing he would like one to question doing? I would seriously bombard you on a long list of Morrissey lyric confusion.

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There are no right or wrong, there are only your relationship needs.

 

Your relationship needs will also change over time.

 

You could try though to understand why it's important to you. Is it an internal reasons (need of intellectual connection) or an external reason (afraid of being embarrassed).

 

I am someone with a higher education and to me book-smartness is not something I need in a companion, I need a man that works hard and takes pride in working well and hard. My ex boyfriend did not finish high school, he worked as a welder all his life, he had good job security, he worked hard, and I was proud of him being my man.

 

Personally I don't need to talk economy and finance with my companion, I do that during the day with my colleagues.

 

I remember once he was filling a form and he called me because he did not know what the word 'recurrence' meant. I explained it to him, it made me smile.

 

I have dated many book-smart people, lawyers, accountants, engineers, and many of them were so emotionally weak. It had me change some of my relationship priorities.

Thank you for this, it was my initial thoughts on it, thanks for validating it for me.

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Is hallucinogenics really general knowledge now? I thought general knowledge was like "what year did sir Alex Ferguson take over as manager of Manchester united" :laugh:

 

lol. Most people know what the word 'hallucinogenics' mean right?

 

Maybe I have it wrong assuming people would know those types of things, the other day I had a convo with a 24 year old who didn't know what wisdom teeth were :/

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todreaminblue

I think common interests, values and ideals are more important than intelligence,apparently I have a high iq which is a drag really because most of the time i just feel retarded trying to understand how other people are thinking or feeling...i am a people puzzler.....sometimes i get it right and i never give up.....

 

 

i have dated mainly guys who didn't do well at school, I taught one guy t read who couldn't be taught to read or do math, he was always in protection and defense mode with adults at school because adults abused him quite badly..........i am not with him anymore but he is a lifer friend.....I dont need a guy to be perfect intellectually for me to be happy...i just need a guy who loves me for me understands me when i fell retarded or i cry during movies or watching boxing, or refuse to sit and watch a movie in a cinema they dont get angry if i have to leave and want to leave with me, and cares enough to put a blanket over me at night when i am cold so i dont wake up like an icy pole, a guy who would stand beside me if i needed him to, and if a guy is there to help others find happiness and peace and always there for his friends...that to me is perfect........oooh and if he hates oysters that would help.......kidding....i really do hate oysters though......every guy i have dated has helped others,volunteered time and effort and worked for free to help others out, loves music and all of them were fighters most importantly they showed selflessness often, well they did with me and they were popular kids at school...i never was......i had a few friends thats it, never went to parties except my families birthdays and mine of course, read every book my family owned, i saved pocket money to buy books, a whole two dollars fifty a week...smilin...never minded when guys i went otu with called me brainiac.....because they said it with affection

 

 

i seek those qualities every one of them believed there's more to life than what is here now, and that you help people as you journey on all of them didnt judge me by what i have been through.....

 

i think you have to choose the guy that you can see yourself with for a very long time if that requires intelligence for you to be with them ....seek that too......if that is what you want and need to be happy.....best wishes...deb

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TylerDurdenn
lol. Most people know what the word 'hallucinogenics' mean right?

 

Maybe I have it wrong assuming people would know those types of things, the other day I had a convo with a 24 year old who didn't know what wisdom teeth were :/

 

Well yesterday I encountered someone that didn't know what floccinaucinihilipilification is, I mean SERIOUSLY!

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I think common interests, values and ideals are more important than intelligence,apparently I have a high iq which is a drag really because most of the time i just feel retarded trying to understand how other people are thinking or feeling...i am a people puzzler.....sometimes i get it right and i never give up.....

 

 

i have dated mainly guys who didn't do well at school, I taught one guy t read who couldn't be taught to read or do math, he was always in protection and defense mode with adults at school because adults abused him quite badly..........i am not with him anymore but he is a lifer friend.....I dont need a guy to be perfect intellectually for me to be happy...i just need a guy who loves me for me understands me when i fell retarded or i cry during movies or watching boxing, or refuse to sit and watch a movie in a cinema they dont get angry if i have to leave and want to leave with me, and cares enough to put a blanket over me at night when i am cold so i dont wake up like an icy pole, a guy who would stand beside me if i needed him to, and if a guy is there to help others find happiness and peace and always there for his friends...that to me is perfect........oooh and if he hates oysters that would help.......kidding....i really do hate oysters though......every guy i have dated has helped others,volunteered time and effort and worked for free to help others out, loves music and all of them were fighters most importantly they showed selflessness often, well they did with me and they were popular kids at school...i never was......i had a few friends thats it, never went to parties except my families birthdays and mine of course, read every book my family owned, i saved pocket money to buy books, a whole two dollars fifty a week...smilin...never minded when guys i went otu with called me brainiac.....because they said it with affection

 

 

i seek those qualities every one of them believed there's more to life than what is here now, and that you help people as you journey on all of them didnt judge me by what i have been through.....

 

i think you have to choose the guy that you can see yourself with for a very long time if that requires intelligence for you to be with them ....seek that too......if that is what you want and need to be happy.....best wishes...deb

 

Love this post Deb, thank you.

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Well yesterday I encountered someone that didn't know what floccinaucinihilipilification is, I mean SERIOUSLY!

 

I could understand struggling to pronounce it....but not knowing the definition?- ssigh.

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lol. Most people know what the word 'hallucinogenics' mean right?

 

Maybe I have it wrong assuming people would know those types of things, the other day I had a convo with a 24 year old who didn't know what wisdom teeth were :/

 

Yes, most people know what that word means, and small children know about wisdom teeth.

 

I couldn't date someone if I felt conversations had to be dumbed down. I tried it once it once and it was awful. He was a nice, attractive guy, but our conversations were always superficial. We had different interests. I'd try to tell him about a book I was reading and he was bored and had nothing to say. It was the same when he'd bring up a topic.

 

I don't require that someone have a PhD, but common sense and average to above average intelligence is necessary.

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Does the `Leather run smooth on the passenger seat?`

 

`Fame fame fatal fame`

 

Melell, One for the road. Accept the relationship/friendship. See what happens?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wouldn't be surprised if said person is asking 'why is this girl so painfully difficult'.

Not heavy though, just light pondering despite the tone of the post.

 

Haydn, give me some subjectivity, am I pampering life's complexity? Is what I do the thing he would like one to question doing? I would seriously bombard you on a long list of Morrissey lyric confusion.

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I think intelligent and book-smart is different.

 

If you're book-smart you will know that Thales born 624BC was the first philosopher to understand electricity as a natural phenomenon.

 

If you're intelligent you may have never heard of Thalas but you will hire professionals to rewire your house.

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ThaWholigan

I seem to have this effect on people to be honest. I seem unassuming and even simple at times then I open my mouth and people think I'm a genius - then I say something else and they think I'm retarded :laugh:. Autism side-effect, I guess.

 

Sometimes, it's just like that. To me, I don't need a love interest to know everything, just that they can understand things and desire to learn regardless. And likewise, I need them to know that even though I sound like a genius, I'm really not :lmao:.

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soccerrprp
If you were seeing someone who was for the most part perfect for you, but not the smartest, would it be a deal breaker?

 

Say the person was quite capable of being smart, was accepted into a reasonable university- so capable. But they never went, and they were very popular growing up, so life was more about partying/dinners/girls than it was about learning.. not good at spelling, definitions, history type of thing.

 

Would this bother you?

 

I am university educated (MA LLB), but was never 'outstanding' as a student, and kind of winged it. I travelled a bit growing up so never had a tight social circle. Spent a lot of time reading etc instead of going out. I don't think I am intelligent, but I have learnt a fair bit, and feel like anyone who put enough time into something could achieve the same as me.

 

I feel like this person is perfect, but I find myself always thinking 'how do you not know that', and something about the way I speak compared to the way they speak ends up with miscommunication example I say 'hallucinogenics are intimidating' they hear 'hallucinations are intimidating' - for lack of encountering the term 'hallucinogenics', but then later they will explain something to me that they have excellent intellectual grasp on, and really impress me.

 

It really does just feel like they have a lack of general knowledge.

 

Have never met anyone like this, and I have meet plenty of people from different backgrounds/walks of life- but with this I am constantly thinking 'how smart', followed by 'how stupid'.

 

:?

 

So....not so perfect after all. You post about it, so it bothers you, so he isn't perfect. Someone who is 'always' thinking about his shortcomings doesn't think he is perfect, unless you are in denial.

 

You need to decide if this is a deal-breaker for you. How often this happens and just how strong your reactions are to it. Sooner or later, it will become frustrating to the point of unbearable.

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perhaps its a difference in style of the language. Took me a bit to "listen" to the person verses what they were saying on the surface. Dated a guy that by most folks means was Nieve in a worldly way, then one day his intelligence shined! His intelligence came thru his work, job experience. He knew how to do housework repairs that marveled my years of math. Carpentry, electrical, you name it! He wasn't much of a talker, he was a doer. He showed his intelligence thru doing. Some folks, if given the chance, can absolutely surprise you in their intellect. Just give them the time to do it. I used to hang with the "book knowledged", then it became a parroting recital. A truly intelligent person knows that they know so little and are willing to remain teachable thru others. I thrive most when I absorb the other persons context of thought and they explain it. It can be lightheartedly comical. Not demeaning in the least, just plum intriguing. Hope you give this guy a chance, he may surprize you.

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ThaWholigan
lol. Most people know what the word 'hallucinogenics' mean right?

 

Maybe I have it wrong assuming people would know those types of things, the other day I had a convo with a 24 year old who didn't know what wisdom teeth were :/

You'd be surprised at what some people don't know! :laugh:

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