A guy 4 years younger

[alice2014]

We are both foreign students. I am almost 29 and he is near his 25 birthday. In our culture, 4-years is a quite big gap when the girl is older than the guy.

And again in our culture, a single 29 girl is called "the leftover".

 

We first met in a community party.He was new here. He is very beautiful and young.

"Young guys no longer belong to me" I told myself.

I still can remember the way he looked at me that evening, (like saying "great, I know a pretty girl in this place"), especially when he know we went to the same college, until ...when we started to leave the email address to the party organizer. My email address contain the year of birth. "1985!"he said, so shocked, "I thought you are a 1990s!"

I laughed.

 

Still we became friends. To be exact, he and his roommates, me and my good friends become friends. Sometimes I thought we could be friends having a lot of fun, but absolutely no romance involved.

 

Then I started learning driving. I asked him as a driving company: he always seems to have lot of spare time. In the months of "driving lessons", we have conversations giving each other relationship suggestions like "what to improve to find girl/boy friend". And we made jokes and teased each other a lot.

 

Then i found something went wrong. I started to feel jealous when he talked about the girls he's interested in.

"Young guys no longer belong to me" I told myself.

But I still felt relieved when he told me the girl he liked did not like him.

 

I have to find a way to stop my fantasies.

One day I told him，“Call me little aunt! ” (In a recent popular TV series, two young characters are real aunt and nephew. I thought it is cute.) And yes, this is the most stupid thing I have done.

 

We spent 2013 Christmas eve together since my best friend went to east coast and I was alone. We dined together. (I was dressed up.) "My nephew, come!" I always say like that, even in restaurant. I thought it's cute. Yes it's stupid. That night he had tea in my apartment and I played "Fur elise" and forced him to listen. (I teach myself piano.)

 

On Jan 1st we went grocery with other friends.

When I bought flower. his friend said: you should give the flower to him. "Why?" I said, "I know I owe him. I will thank him in other ways. But I still want to keep the flower to myself". his friend said" You should give something of most valuable to him..." then his friend was stopped by him

I was puzzled.

 

And Yes I was an idiot.

[Eivuwan]

Are you Chinese? Anyway, who cares about social norms. Ask him out and see what happens.

[alice2014]

We lived near. When he help me carry all the stuff to my apartment. I joked, like I always did.

I said:"Hey, if I got my license, will you still hang out with me? Or you won't unless I bring some young girls?"

He looked at me coldly. He had never been so serious before. He was so serious that I was a little scared. "What do you think?" he said. and left.

 

My head was so empty. I sat on my knees on the carpet. I covered my face. I cannot believe it. He likes me. Yes it was the best thing happened to me.

 

When I told my mother this weeks later. My mother told me not to expect too much. I cried so bad and my tear all over my face:" Yes, mom. I know him too well. I know it is impossible. But I haven't be so happy for a very very long time. Please let me be happy for a while, a little while. Mom, do you a know a song "Unexpected song", in which a British girl who left hometown to the US by herself, wrote to her mother "

[Valen]

We lived near. When he help me carry all the stuff to my apartment. I joked, like I always did.

I said:"Hey, if I got my license, will you still hang out with me? Or you won't unless I bring some young girls?"

He looked at me coldly. He had never been so serious before. He was so serious that I was a little scared. "What do you think?" he said. and left.

 

My head was so empty. I sat on my knees on the carpet. I covered my face. I cannot believe it. He likes me. Yes it was the best thing happened to me.

 

When I told my mother this weeks later. My mother told me not to expect too much. I cried so bad and my tear all over my face:" Yes, mom. I know him too well. I know it is impossible. But I haven't be so happy for a very very long time. Please let me be happy for a while, a little while. Mom, do you a know a song "Unexpected song", in which a British girl who left hometown to the US by herself, wrote to her mother "

 

Awe.. your story almost made me cry. In my opinion, 5 years apart is nothing. If he likes you, then you should date him.

[Omei]

You arnt even old, I adoreee cute pretty young guys im 27 I think I'd go as low as 23.

[Emilia]

When I told my mother this weeks later. My mother told me not to expect too much. I cried so bad and my tear all over my face:" Yes, mom. I know him too well. I know it is impossible. But I haven't be so happy for a very very long time. Please let me be happy for a while, a little while. Mom, do you a know a song "Unexpected song", in which a British girl who left hometown to the US by herself, wrote to her mother "

Maybe your mother is the reason why you are single. do you live at home? Would it be possible for you to move out?

 

4 years age gap is nothing. Being 29 is young. Your society is a very prejudiced one where women are valued for their child bearing. Maybe he is a man who is looking for something beyond that. They exist, you know? Men who want a woman who is an equal. Not a girl, not submissive.

[Eivuwan]

We lived near. When he help me carry all the stuff to my apartment. I joked, like I always did.

I said:"Hey, if I got my license, will you still hang out with me? Or you won't unless I bring some young girls?"

He looked at me coldly. He had never been so serious before. He was so serious that I was a little scared. "What do you think?" he said. and left.

 

My head was so empty. I sat on my knees on the carpet. I covered my face. I cannot believe it. He likes me. Yes it was the best thing happened to me.

 

When I told my mother this weeks later. My mother told me not to expect too much. I cried so bad and my tear all over my face:" Yes, mom. I know him too well. I know it is impossible. But I haven't be so happy for a very very long time. Please let me be happy for a while, a little while. Mom, do you a know a song "Unexpected song", in which a British girl who left hometown to the US by herself, wrote to her mother "

 

Stop making dumb jokes like that if you want to be with him. It doesn't look good and shows how insecure you are.

[d0nnivain]

While 4 years is a gap it is not insurmountable. I am 5 years older than my husband & my mother was 5 years older than my father.

 

 

At 29 you are hardly over the hill; you have barely started climbing.

 

 

Stop making old jokes & calling him your nephew you. Every time you do that you are telling him that you do not want a romantic relationship with him. Stop lying to him & yourself.

 

 

If you start viewing yourself as a beautiful desirable woman, you are more likely to get the man you want.

[Gaeta]

You are both young with your entire life in front of you. A 5 year gap is nothing as per western culture.

 

The question is how traditional is he and how traditional is his family? do they expect him to obey by his culture and family rules? If he starts dating you will he have his entire family against him?

 

I know the pressure from culture and family can be tremendous and destructive. I work with an Asian lady and her parents in-laws have been making her life a living hell for the past 13 years.

 

So lets put aside what 'we' think and look at what 'he' thinks, where he's from, what is expected of him, etc.

[mtber75]

4 years age gap is really nothing! Your parents might be worried that he is of lower social economic statues than you so he won't be able to support you. If your both students than you shouldn't worry and ask him out. You are older so maybe push him for a date. Good Luck!

[alice2014]

Actually, I was still full of hope at the beginning. I thought we could talk about it, if we could meet again.

 

Then, as you, my dear audience know, the snow started, followed by the endless icy days.

 

I never had the chance to ask him out. And he never did either.

 

It was the longest winter in my whole life. The endless waves -20C to -30C snow and wind killed my patience and, his passion, I guess.

 

In the mid of Jan, there was a big community get-together. ( He was not there.) On that day, I got lot of flatter on my dress. I was told I was astonishingly beautiful that day. And I still remember in that crowded room, a girl,who is his co-worker, said to me:"You are so beautiful today, no wonder you are the type of girl *** likes"

 

My dear readers. I suddenly started to understand: He likes me but he never think about really to be with me.

 

Although I knew the truth, it still took months to accept it.

 

(to be continued)

Edited May 3, 2014 by alice2014

[alice2014]

Actually I am alone in America. So I quoted the musical "Song and Dance".

Like the girl in the musical, being alone in America, far away from home, writing/call her mom, telling her about the "Unexpected romance".

 

Maybe your mother is the reason why you are single. do you live at home? Would it be possible for you to move out?

 

4 years age gap is nothing. Being 29 is young. Your society is a very prejudiced one where women are valued for their child bearing. Maybe he is a man who is looking for something beyond that. They exist, you know? Men who want a woman who is an equal. Not a girl, not submissive.

[alice2014]

You are absolutely right.

The follow up story will answer your question.

The "older girl, younger guy"pattern depends on the guy's attitude.

Actually, LOTs of relationships around me are of this pattern, (3-5 year age difference).

 

You are both young with your entire life in front of you. A 5 year gap is nothing as per western culture.

 

The question is how traditional is he and how traditional is his family? do they expect him to obey by his culture and family rules? If he starts dating you will he have his entire family against him?

 

I know the pressure from culture and family can be tremendous and destructive. I work with an Asian lady and her parents in-laws have been making her life a living hell for the past 13 years.

 

So lets put aside what 'we' think and look at what 'he' thinks, where he's from, what is expected of him, etc.

[alice2014]

Spring finally comes.

I had not seen him for a very long time. I missed him badly. I dreamed him lot.

All the dreams reflect realism.

In one typical dream, I went to visit somewhere with him. In the dream he walked by my side, but I felt nothing special. Then I saw him with some young girls and I started to feel jealous and bitter.

 

Then I finally got his call.

My heart beats so heavily.

 

 

He said in a relaxed and joyful voice:"Today I met a guy, a visiting doctor. He might be a good match. He was born the same year as you."

 

I tried my best to control my voice and my heart.

 

After I hang up the phone. I could feel my whole body shaking, as well as my stomach. I ran to the bathroom started vomiting.

[alice2014]

Now we rarely communicate, except I bought him a good meal to thank him for his help.

 

I have tried to "give signals", like my friend suggested. But I think I am keeping proving that "He is not that into me" or "He doesn't really want to be with me."

 

I think the truth of this whole story is:

Neither of us have the faith. Both of us say things we don't really mean. Then one of us, it is him this time, who quits.

 

After I invited him to dine out, he put me in the "appear online to this contact when invisible".

 

He doesn't know that I know it.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I would probably seriously date up to 5 years younger only.

[Ebman]

My wife is 4 years older than me. Been together for 13 years. Two beautiful kids. Three dogs go for it!!!

[Eternal Sunshine]

My wife is 4 years older than me. Been together for 13 years. Two beautiful kids. Three dogs go for it!!!

 

Congrats on the dogs!

[Ebman]

Thanks.... We had to do it doggy style