Jasong80 Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 (edited) Ok so here is the deal... Im 34 and was dating a girl who is 25 for about month and a half things were going wonderful. We got along great and everything was going well. I found out 4 weeks into it or so that she was seeing a therapist to deal with some issues she has (she didnt really get into detail) her therapist advised her that she shouldnt really be dating but that she is already in it to continue it and see where it goes. Not that this matters but we met on POF.. So after I found this out I said to her do you feel like you need some space so you can work on yourself and she said no im happy with how things are going and you give me my space and we only hang out once a week, so i said ok.. A couple weeks later the same conversation came up and she said I know this isnt fair to you and if you feel the need to back away i totally understand. I told her no and I would be there for her because I would like someone to do the same thing for me. So she then said its just so frustrating to me that I could let an amazing guy pass me by simply because im not ready for relationship yet, so i said no worries we are taking it slow and whatever happens happens, she agreed and was happy that i decided to stick by her.. Well now the good part. I HAD an issue with drugs and after a few dates I decided to come clean to her, the reason why I didnt tell her sooner was because I wanted her to get to know the real me before I told her about my drug use (which was cocaine) I came clean to her and explained everything and why I was honest with her sooner.She said she totally understood and was disappointed but if she was in my shoes, she would of done the exact same thing as me. So she said its so hard to make a decision because we are getting closer but im going to think about it and make my decision from there so i said ok great. The next day she calls me and ask me to meet up so we meet up and she says I think your a great guy but I cant do this. She said your use of drugs outweighs my feelings, she then said ive turned down people that have experimented so I said if you have turned down people that have experimented why did you have to think about what you were going to do with us she didnt really answer. She said her feelings stopped growing stronger for me and she couldnt figure out why and now she knows its because of the drugs. Yet before this we were making plans to take a little weekend trip and volunteer at animal shelter together and do couple like things.So I accepted her decision and said you know I dont agree but I accept it, however would you mind being friends. I said I feel there is a reason we came into each others life. I feel everything happens for a reason. She said I dont really usually do the friend thing because its hard if I see you with someone else or vice versa because there was feelings there, i said if they werent that strong why does it matter. We are both going through alot and I just thought we could both be beneficial in each others lives. Anyway so now I sit here and I just wonder is it good I told her or should i have waited and should i be friends with her or just end it. She said she was willing to try friends but cant make any promises. I really want to text her and say how was your weekend, but I dont know if i should. Should I just let her be and if she wants to text me or call me and let her make first move. I think the feelings is a cop out and the drugs is what bothered her but I was always a gentleman and honest. I didnt even sleep with her, not that it matters just saying. All opinions welcome. Oh and one more thing she is back on POF and she was when we were dating she said maybe in some messed up way its a confidence booster for me and now she says I just beed something to focus my energy on. it sounds like she is more confused then me or has more issues. Edited April 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 This kind of thing happens a lot around the one to three month mark... Waiting wouldn't have changed the outcome. You just would be more hurt when she ended it. For major stuff like drug use, etc, it is best to come clean earlier rather than later. The longer you wait, the more it feels like manipulation. Link to post Share on other sites
happywithlife Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 I'm a little confused. Did she stop seeing you b/c you are currenlt doing illegal drugs or b/c you did drugs in the past? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jasong80 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 No she ended it because I did drugs in the past or at least that is what she says, she also says feeelings wedrent getting stronger which i think is BS. But what is the big deal with friends? I feel like we can both be beneficial in each others lives.. Im never usually like that once its over its over Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jasong80 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 I'm never friends with my exs but we both told each other alot about our lives and she is going through a lot so I thought maybe it would be good to remain in each others lives. She was very encouraging and supportive during the time we were together as I was for her also. It is what it is.. If it's meant to be it will be Link to post Share on other sites
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