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Was He after One thing


Girlwiththefairytatt

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Girlwiththefairytatt

I met someone on an online dating Site about a month ago. We went on five dates in total. Our dates went well and the first date ended up being about 5 hours as we enjoyed each others company and lost track of time. It ended quick with a quick awkward kiss on the lips. On all our other dates the conversation flowed, there were no awkward silences, he was very affectionate and did things like hold my hand while he was driving. Also all our dates were lunch, movie dinner, coffee or shopping dates except for the 5th one. Initially he also sent me daily messages telling me he liked me or just to say hi. During this time he never put the hard word on me although he did suggest lunch and movies at my house on 'that third date' and jokingly texted once he'd cook me dinner if I took care of dessert. When he suggested hanging out at mine I said I was not comfortable but things did not change he was still sweet and this was the same on the fourth and fifth date.

 

After the fourth date, which only consisted of kissing, which had become intense and I know from experience its the type that would lead to more if I had invited him to my house, which i didn't he didn't call like he said he would and his messages were less frequent although they still came and were sweet. On Easter Sunday he came over to my house after asking if he could. He gave me chocolates and we did end up having have sex. Last night he sent me the text saying that he didn't feel the spark or see a future although he tried. I now wonder if he did all the sweet gestures as an attempt to shag me. I did mention casually I had alot in common with his sister who does irrate him because she can be unintentionally careless, irresponsible and a scatterbrain. Yet his interest did not fade although I did mention that I had been guilty of doing alot of things he complained about with his sister. So now I wonder if was he after one thing or did he just think I wasn't good sexually or did he lose interest because I 'put out' too early

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travelbug1996

After reading all you wrote you never mentioned having a talk with him about whether he was looking for a monogamous relationship or casual one with you.

 

Be sure to have the conversation and establish a relationship before you put out.

 

He didn't use you. You failed to set a standard before having sex.

 

Lesson learned. Don't sweat it and lose his number. Please dont contact him again.

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I'm afraid he was. It happens to the best of us. Stay strong and define what you are looking for or wanting from the person before getting intimate with them.

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I think he did not feel you were sexually compatible. If the sex had blown his mind away he would have come back for more.

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I think he did not feel you were sexually compatible. If the sex had blown his mind away he would have come back for more.

 

This is what I felt like happened, too.

 

He probably didn't find the sex enjoyable. SOrry, don't mean to be so blunt about it.

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Why do woman sometimes assume the man "used" them? It's a two way street. In her case I think she did all the right things, waited, set some boundaries, wether explicit or not, then had sex, I assume because she wanted to have sex, and was not forced.

 

I do find it strange after sex one time he would say "we are not sexaully compatible" unless something really strange happend or freaked him out. Sex for me with all of the most recent women I have been with has been mind blowing for both of us. Had it not been though I would not have ended things immediately.

 

OP, are you leaving something out from the story?

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I do find it strange after sex one time he would say "we are not sexaully compatible" unless something really strange happend or freaked him out. Sex for me with all of the most recent women I have been with has been mind blowing for both of us. Had it not been though I would not have ended things immediately.

 

OP, are you leaving something out from the story?

 

Well I have ended short term relationships right after sex because

 

1. It was bad

2. We had different and incompatible style in bed.

3. I did not feel we could work on it.

 

And no I did not tell the guy it was because I felt he was a lazy ass in bed lol, I just told him I didn't feel we had something to build on.

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Well I have ended short term relationships right after sex because

 

1. It was bad

2. We had different and incompatible style in bed.

3. I did not feel we could work on it.

 

And no I did not tell the guy it was because I felt he was a lazy ass in bed lol, I just told him I didn't feel we had something to build on.

Interesting

 

After one month of dating, 5 great dates, you had sex, it was bad for you, so you immediately ended the relationship? I guess it comes down to what the definition of bad is. How can one figure out a persons sexual style after sex, one time?

 

For example, the 3rd time I had sex with my current partner I decided to get more dominant and hold her arms down. She did not stop me. She later told me she loved that, she likes to be dominated. It took 3 times though for me to feel comfortable enough to do that with her.

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As soon as I read your headline I knew this was going to be another OLDing story. Yes, he used you for one thing. Fact is you didn't know him long enough to see what kind of character he has. You met him only about a month ago. Don't beat yourself up it was nothing you did or said. Online is full of men like this they will gain your trust showing tons if interest, contacting you everyday. Until they get what they want and go poof. They dump that girl then move on to the next and the next and the next.

 

So as a woman some things you can do to protect your heart. I've found a man who invites himself over to your house is no good. You were right to turn him down. I've let this slide and low and behold he turned out to be a sex pest, he was an online jerk too. Give it at least 3 months so you can see what kind of character this guy has. Never trust their words ACTIONS are what you look for. Any guy only after one thing will most likely bounce by that time and save you a lot of heartache. Set standards, be in an exclusive committed relationship before you have sex. Have that talk so you two are on the same page. When you meet a guy ask him what he's looking for. If he's only about "seeing what happens" or only casual dating but you want something serious then NEXT him.

 

Any many with an ounce of character and morals will not dump a woman right after sex. He's a creep looking for one thing. And most importantly and ESPECIALLY with OLDing these men are meeting and still dating other women so that's why some of the steps above are crucial and also why you need to be sure you are in an exclusive relationship. We all live and learn and all we can do is learn from situations like this.

Edited by HappyLove
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The Like Fairy
As soon as I read your headline I knew this was going to be another OLDing story. Yes, he used you for one thing. Fact is you didn't know him long enough to see what kind of character he has. You met him only about a month ago. Don't beat yourself up it was nothing you did or said. Online is full of men like this they will gain your trust showing tons if interest, contacting you everyday. Until they get what they want and go poof. They dump that girl then move on to the next and the next and the next.

 

So as a woman some things you can do to protect your heart. I've found a man who invites himself over to your house is no good. You were right to turn him down. I've let this slide and low and behold he turned out to be a sex pest, he was an online jerk too. Give it at least 3 months so you can see what kind of character this guy has. Never trust their words ACTIONS are what you look for. Any guy only after one thing will most likely bounce by that time and save you a lot of heartache. Set standards, be in an exclusive committed relationship before you have sex. Have that talk so you two are on the same page. When you meet a guy ask him what he's looking for. If he's only about "seeing what happens" or only casual dating but you want something serious then NEXT him.

 

Any many with an ounce of character and morals will not dump a woman right after sex. He's a creep looking for one thing. And most importantly and ESPECIALLY with OLDing these men are meeting and still dating other women so that's why some of the steps above are crucial and also why you need to be sure you are in an exclusive relationship. We all live and learn and all we can do is learn from situations like this.

 

OP (Girl with the fairy tatt) - this is your answer right here.

 

Read the explanation (above) about 5 - 10 times, really soak in into your brain!

 

This guy was a CREEP. Very common tactics used in On Line Dating.

 

You will know better next time, don't feel bad about this, just move on.

 

Take care and hang in there. Good guys are right around the corner - you will be all the more smarter spotting the good from the bad next time. Much love to you. :)

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The Like Fairy
This is what I felt like happened, too.

 

He probably didn't find the sex enjoyable. SOrry, don't mean to be so blunt about it.

 

Nope.

 

 

Wrong answer.

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Interesting

 

After one month of dating, 5 great dates, you had sex, it was bad for you, so you immediately ended the relationship? I guess it comes down to what the definition of bad is. How can one figure out a persons sexual style after sex, one time?

 

Well then let me entertain you. Here are 2 reasons I dropped the man after sex. I went home and thought hard about it. I concluded I was not into them enough to be willing to work through their situation.

 

1. One had a micro penis, meaning it was the size of a 3 year old child penis.

 

2. The second one had make-up fetish. I had to put LOTS of make up to turn him on. I had to pain my face like a prostitute to ignite him. After a couple of times I said **** that sh.it. Pardon my French.

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Why would I be mad? I simply disagree with you.

 

This is a forum. Discussion is encouraged.

 

Your rebuttal lacked explanation. If you want to sound less like a turd, then offer some sort of feedback instead of "no." You offered nothing to this community.

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The Like Fairy
Well then let me entertain you. Here are 2 reasons I dropped the man after sex. I went home and thought hard about it. I concluded I was not into them enough to be willing to work through their situation.

 

1. One had a micro penis, meaning it was the size of a 3 year old child penis.

 

2. The second one had make-up fetish. I had to put LOTS of make up to turn him on. I had to pain my face like a prostitute to ignite him. After a couple of times I said **** that sh.it. Pardon my French.

 

All valid reasons. People should necessarily have both preferences (see your statement# 1) and boundaries (see your statement # 2).

 

Good job being authentic and true to yourself. Absolutely awesome. :)

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The Like Fairy
This is a forum. Discussion is encouraged.

 

Your rebuttal lacked explanation. If you want to sound less like a turd, then offer some sort of feedback instead of "no." You offered nothing to this community.

 

You sound as if you are angry that I disagreed with you.

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Well then let me entertain you. Here are 2 reasons I dropped the man after sex. I went home and thought hard about it. I concluded I was not into them enough to be willing to work through their situation.

 

1. One had a micro penis, meaning it was the size of a 3 year old child penis.

 

2. The second one had make-up fetish. I had to put LOTS of make up to turn him on. I had to pain my face like a prostitute to ignite him. After a couple of times I said **** that sh.it. Pardon my French.

 

You do not need to entertain me. I was seriosuly trying to understand.

 

1) Yes, issue

2) Yes, issue, though your original post implied "after one time" you ended things. Did you not see this, before sex? Just curious.

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As soon as I read your headline I knew this was going to be another OLDing story. Yes, he used you for one thing. Fact is you didn't know him long enough to see what kind of character he has. You met him only about a month ago. Don't beat yourself up it was nothing you did or said. Online is full of men like this they will gain your trust showing tons if interest, contacting you everyday. Until they get what they want and go poof. They dump that girl then move on to the next and the next and the next.

 

So as a woman some things you can do to protect your heart. I've found a man who invites himself over to your house is no good. You were right to turn him down. I've let this slide and low and behold he turned out to be a sex pest, he was an online jerk too. Give it at least 3 months so you can see what kind of character this guy has. Never trust their words ACTIONS are what you look for. Any guy only after one thing will most likely bounce by that time and save you a lot of heartache. Set standards, be in an exclusive committed relationship before you have sex. Have that talk so you two are on the same page. When you meet a guy ask him what he's looking for. If he's only about "seeing what happens" or only casual dating but you want something serious then NEXT him.

 

Any many with an ounce of character and morals will not dump a woman right after sex. He's a creep looking for one thing. And most importantly and ESPECIALLY with OLDing these men are meeting and still dating other women so that's why some of the steps above are crucial and also why you need to be sure you are in an exclusive relationship. We all live and learn and all we can do is learn from situations like this.

I never invite a woman to my home until I feel we are exclusvie and I feel she is comfortable coming over. It's not an invitation, or expectation, for sex though. It's to show her another part of my life, my world, my home. With the current woman, she invited me to her home first, which I liked, though I did not assume we were going to have sex or it meant "sex".

 

I was not aware men actually had these strategies or tactics; interesting.

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After the fourth date, which only consisted of kissing, which had become . He gave me chocolates and we did end up having have sex.

 

Did you want the sex too or did you only do it because he gave you chocolates?

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The Like Fairy
Did you want the sex too or did you only do it because he gave you chocolates?

 

I know what you mean, chocolate is pretty awesome :laugh:

 

Especially dark chocolate!

 

OP, I'm pretty sure 'stillafool' is pulling your leg here :)

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OP, I'm pretty sure 'stillafool' is pulling your leg here :)

I actually think he is asking exactly what I said/asked. Did she want to have sex with him? If she did, then why is the man "like every other man doing OLD, just after one thing?" If she wanted to have sex, why once again are folks getting after the man here. She needs to define better boundaries if she wants to find what she feels is a higher quality man. Not once again "blame it on the man".

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The Like Fairy
She needs to define better boundaries if she wants to find what she feels is a higher quality man.

 

I can agree with this statement as being true for every human on the planet, regardless of gender. Better boundaries, defined boundaries, bring a better quality of life.

 

It's like the old saying, "If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there".

 

You must have an idea of what it is you want, and communicate it, along with having pre-determined ideas as to the pace and direction you want to move in, in order to move forward in achieving a goal.

 

In this circumstance, the goal being a long lasting, monogamous relationship.

 

However, it is noteworthy and necessary to add, that men and woman are inherently and biologically different. They are not the same.

 

Therefore, they have different behaviors, different biological drives. This is true throughout the entire Animal Kingdom.

 

And it is also true, that there are many men (and to a lesser extent, some women) who will lie extensively during dating, just to get sex (or whatever it is they want, but primarily sex), and then dump the person after having gotten sex.

 

It is a human reality, and has existed since the dawn of time -using people for sex, and being deceitful in a highly skilled and believable manner, in order to get sex from someone on a short term basis that they don't plan on having a long term relationship with.

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Did he pay for the dates?

 

What if he did? This is dating, not prostitution. Actually getting a hooker would have made a lot more sense, but he'd rather use a girl for sex then dump her. Smh.

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