martaldn Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I need an advise because I am not sure what I should do here I have 3 pending situation that are not going anywhere.. 1st one I have met him already once.. little background - he works like crazy and he is very bad in keep contact with people. He said he hasn’t taken a holiday for over 2 years because he is very focused on his job at moment. – understandable . the date went well and at the end of the night he walked me home.. We kissed. We texted the same night we agreed we both want to see each other again. First date was set by me so I am actually waiting for him to set this second one…so far nothing. we shared texts over Easter holidays ( he worked everyday apart Sunday ) but nothing has been planned…. Today he texted me again asking how my Easter was. I decided to not reply. 2nd is from an OKC and he contacted me first. We share telephone number ( he asked mine ) cause he was deleting his profile so we started share messages on whatsapp. He said he wants meet me and BS like that. But still NO plans. He works literally 10 minutes from where I work. He said he is trying to detox for a month because he has 2 marathons to run in May. Then yesterday he told me he went to a stag party and drank. So I asked him if he wants to keep going on with the detox because in case he wouldn’t we could meet up for a quick drink and try to break the ice in person.. he replied very late saying it was a shame he read the message so late because he would have met me last night for a glass of wine ( WFT) 3rd . I have met him one night in a bar. We made up all night and decide to keep in touch. I wrote down my number on a little piece of paper cause both our phone were dead and we were both pretty drunk so I was very surprised to have his text the morning after asking me to add him on facebook bla bla.. we texted and shared messages on Facebook saying we should meet up but again nothing has been planned. He is in the middle of moving house ( just bough one ) and planning a 1 month trip in may so again busy schedules. Saturday he said he was coming out to my area so I have asked where he was going .. guess what he replied? Nothing. I know myself and I know I don’t have much patience but I honestly think I am wasting my time here I feel like I am chasing them or even worse waiting for them … if they are not interested they could just tell me, they are just stranger to me so I wouldn’t be upset or anything but those no-point situations really get my nerves. What should I do? Just ignore all them next time they text me? What is the point otherwise? thanks people Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 The best thing to do is to focus on one of them... let them contact you and then decide if you ignore or replay. The first one seems to be way too busy to start a relationship right now... The second one I think he's way too lazy , you said he works 10 minutes away from you, if he's interested then he should ask you out pretty soon. The 3'rd one is a stranger from a bar, don't get your hopes too high. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author martaldn Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 hey David , I am keeping my hopes very low with all of the 3 because non of them seem very into meeting me or making any further step.. it is just silly though because they are the ones who contact me first and then disappear.....................aaaaah man! Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 The only thing that counts are the live meetings. Be firm with those who keep texting and emailing without making any concrete plans. If you feel that they are only interested in having some virtual contact you need to be strict and tell them: "Stop texting me. If you have a concrete proposal for meeting me then give me a call so that we can work out the details." People are flaky because we allow them to be. If you give a clear message that you are not interested in being some virtual entertainment the guy will either stop all contact (which is good because it would never go anyway) or do a serious effort to have a real meeting with you. I understand that you don't like to rock the boat, I was like that for a long time. Did not help me one bit. Women need to be firm and strict with guys, it's the only way they will clean up their act. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I think that you made it pretty clear for each and every one of them that you would like to meet, go on dates and ect, now the ball is in their court. Who cares if they call or not, there are plenty of guys out there. Don't be sad because of this, the dating scene seems wild and scary these days lol:)) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author martaldn Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 The only thing that counts are the live meetings. Be firm with those who keep texting and emailing without making any concrete plans. If you feel that they are only interested in having some virtual contact you need to be strict and tell them: "Stop texting me. If you have a concrete proposal for meeting me then give me a call so that we can work out the details." People are flaky because we allow them to be. If you give a clear message that you are not interested in being some virtual entertainment the guy will either stop all contact (which is good because it would never go anyway) or do a serious effort to have a real meeting with you. I understand that you don't like to rock the boat, I was like that for a long time. Did not help me one bit. Women need to be firm and strict with guys, it's the only way they will clean up their act. thanks, I thought it was me being impatience and this is why I was replying to them and waiting for them to make the 2nd step.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author martaldn Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 I think that you made it pretty clear for each and every one of them that you would like to meet, go on dates and ect, now the ball is in their court. Who cares if they call or not, there are plenty of guys out there. Don't be sad because of this, the dating scene seems wild and scary these days lol:)) absolutely. I think i have made my intention more or less clear.. but this sharing messages without real fact really pi**ing me off.. im not sad you know me! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author martaldn Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 The only thing that counts are the live meetings. Be firm with those who keep texting and emailing without making any concrete plans. If you feel that they are only interested in having some virtual contact you need to be strict and tell them: "Stop texting me. If you have a concrete proposal for meeting me then give me a call so that we can work out the details." People are flaky because we allow them to be. If you give a clear message that you are not interested in being some virtual entertainment the guy will either stop all contact (which is good because it would never go anyway) or do a serious effort to have a real meeting with you. I understand that you don't like to rock the boat, I was like that for a long time. Did not help me one bit. Women need to be firm and strict with guys, it's the only way they will clean up their act. but another question. wouldnt i sound too much if i text them saying "hey stop texting me if you want to meet him then ok otherwise leave me alone?" Link to post Share on other sites
rubberman Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 If they want to meet up, let them contact you. If not move on. Plenty of fish in the sea. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author martaldn Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 If they want to meet up, let them contact you. If not move on. Plenty of fish in the sea. they text. they say they want to meet up but then nothing.... what is the point for them to keep contact with someone if they dont want to meet? this is the only thing i dont get.. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 but another question. wouldnt i sound too much if i text them saying "hey stop texting me if you want to meet him then ok otherwise leave me alone?" Don't be so insecure = dependent on the opinion of others. Who cares if you sound as "too much"? This is about what you want. If what you want is some real face to face contact then nothing wrong with passing on that message. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rubberman Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 they text. they say they want to meet up but then nothing.... what is the point for them to keep contact with someone if they dont want to meet? this is the only thing i dont get.. When I'm dating I like to have 1 or 2 girls on the side, if something should go wrong with the one I'm currently dating. So they might just keep you around, with some limited contact. I'm not saying everyone is like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 they text. they say they want to meet up but then nothing.... what is the point for them to keep contact with someone if they dont want to meet? this is the only thing i dont get.. They like the idea of disposing of some database filled with women who would like to go out with them if they would ask for it. They like to have this false feeling of abundance. Don't let yourself be used for that. If a guy texts you and says he wants to meet but no concrete plan, you answer him: "Stop texting me telling you want to meet me without a concrete proposal." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 thanks, I thought it was me being impatience and this is why I was replying to them and waiting for them to make the 2nd step.... Take this from an almost 50 years old woman who has been bruised and burnt in the dating world: better to be impatient than to waste your time. The advantage of being impatient is that you try to make things move. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author martaldn Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Don't be so insecure = dependent on the opinion of others. Who cares if you sound as "too much"? This is about what you want. If what you want is some real face to face contact then nothing wrong with passing on that message. I know.. i am not worried about what they can think to be honest. its just be sure to do the right thing at the right time without sound too demanding or too pushy. I have been in contact with those people for over 4 weeks now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author martaldn Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 When I'm dating I like to have 1 or 2 girls on the side, if something should go wrong with the one I'm currently dating. So they might just keep you around, with some limited contact. I'm not saying everyone is like that. are you sure you not one of the 3 right? haha!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author martaldn Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Take this from an almost 50 years old woman who has been bruised and burnt in the dating world: better to be impatient than to waste your time. The advantage of being impatient is that you try to make things move. I agree with you so much. but those days if you are impatient they think you are a psycho and you are too demanding and you are too pushy...... you cant win! Link to post Share on other sites
rubberman Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 are you sure you not one of the 3 right? haha!! I hope not ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author martaldn Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 no it was certainly very clear. I would like to have something serious and stable but how can i know if one of them can be a potential boyfriend if I am not meeting them? i would like to hang out with them first and see how things go.. but it seems I am not even reaching that stage.... however i am not going to spend any more thought on those guys... I know i can deserve more so I am not going to reply to them unless they tell me they would like to meet me. and in case they text me I will tell them my intention again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Yep this is definitely the right thing to do....When you'll find a person that's boyfriend material thing go smooth and with no effort....you start to get butterflies in you stomach and the feeling is mutual. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author martaldn Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Yep this is definitely the right thing to do....When you'll find a person that's boyfriend material thing go smooth and with no effort....you start to get butterflies in you stomach and the feeling is mutual. so true.. everything seem far too complicated at moment.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JourneyLady Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 (edited) I know.. i am not worried about what they can think to be honest. its just be sure to do the right thing at the right time without sound too demanding or too pushy. I have been in contact with those people for over 4 weeks now. I'm getting a lot of this too. Guys have gotten lazy and online dating is their version of the "little black book". They'll be all active (sometimes) about meeting the first time and getting you excited and then hold your interest by promising a second date but not actually setting one up. Yes, it's time to tell them they are off the radar if they don't follow through. I've had it happen twice, and the current is coming very close to blowing it. I admit I'm not very patient either, but I am on there to date, not chat. Sigh... I miss high school when we had the sense to know that if we were serious about someone, we wanted to spend every spare moment with them in between school activities and home chores.... At least you knew who you were (or weren't) wanting to be with. Edited April 23, 2014 by JourneyLady 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author martaldn Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Sigh... I miss high school when we had the sense to know that if we were serious about someone, we wanted to spend every spare moment with them in between school activities and home chores.... At least you knew who you were (or weren't) wanting to be with. totally. the guy n.2 gave me his number saying lets meet up and see if we click. still waiting for that. have you been straight and clear with your guy too about meeting you or leaving you alone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author martaldn Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Online dating is a numbers game. You weed with every step - the profile, what they say to you, how they treat you when you meet, etc. It can be like finding a needle in a haystack so you have to keep at it. I am a big believer that when you are happy and fulfilled and ready, the right one comes to you. Whenever you spend too much time and energy agonizing over it, it takes longer. Just make sure you are balancing your time spent looking for a man with things that make you happy as a single woman. I am very happy with my single life! I understand those 3 situations are not promising and I need to stop to invest energy on them but I did it until now because I thought It would be worth it. oh well... Link to post Share on other sites
Author martaldn Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 update. guy n2 asked me to meet for lunch today. we work close to each other... its the 1st "date" for us and it would last more or less 1 hour ( lunch break) I have said yes only because I have to go in a shop close by the place he wants to meet me but for a 1st meeting I was expecting something more than a lunch break (in term of timing i mean )....... am i too demanding? Link to post Share on other sites
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