waiting4u Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 There’s a good-looking guy that hangs out in my circle of friends – he’s very flirtatious, and one of the girls told me she slept with him a few times, started to get attached, and he didn’t want a relationship with her. She says she also found out he was dating another girl at the same time (not sleeping with her, just dating), and told me he sleeps around, texts a lot of women, etc. Now granted, she sort of “accidentally” slept with him, and she’s about 8 years older than me and not that pretty (in my opinion). Also, the only girl I’ve heard this story from is her, and she’s hardly objective. He’s been actively pursuing me for a while, and I’m not sure if I should give him the time of day. He told me that these rumors have really hurt him and caused him to lose friends, and also insists they are not true. I’m still hesitant - he’s always asking me to get together at the last minute. I mean, I consider a text with “what are you doing tonight” at 2:30pm the last minute. There’s no way I’m going to “accidentally” sleep with him. He’s cute, I’m super-wary, and I don’t have casual sex. Is going out with him even worth my time? Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 If you can control yourself and if you're aware of the risks, I don't see the harm in trying. But what does the other girl not being as pretty as you have to do with anything... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 With all those red flags, good on him for having the goods to keep you ambivalent surrounded by the vigorous waving. In my generation, he'd be known as a 'black book' guy. Just keep going down the list until a 'yes' appears. No rancor, no pressure, all fun. Going out with can surely be worth your time if you enjoy the time with him. I would however suggest focusing solely on that time without any expectations. Another time may come, or not. It's unknown. BTW, IMO guys who casually talk about being 'hurt' are fishing. Hook and bait. I'd suggest resisting nibbling on that particular hook. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author waiting4u Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 If you can control yourself and if you're aware of the risks, I don't see the harm in trying. But what does the other girl not being as pretty as you have to do with anything... Lol, I know, that was kind of catty (but true). Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I wouldn't go out with him. It's highly unlikely that people are going to make up such rumors about a perfect gentleman who treats women well. The rumors likely have a lot of truth to them and he of course isn't going to say otherwise. I have yet to meet anyone with a bad dating reputation in which it wasn't true. He sounds sleazy from what you've described and I'm afraid you will be just another notch on his belt should you give him a chance. I'm also super picky in general and am not fond of sleeping with or dating men that other people I know have dated ---- that is just my personal hang up though. Except back in high school where I dated this one guy who dated some other girls I knew, I otherwise haven't dated any men who ran in my circle or have slept with people that I know. If I like a man and all of a sudden a woman or women I know have a story to share about him....instant turn off. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author waiting4u Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 I wouldn't go out with him. It's highly unlikely that people are going to make up such rumors about a perfect gentleman who treats women well. The rumors likely have a lot of truth to them and he of course isn't going to say otherwise. I have yet to meet anyone with a bad dating reputation in which it wasn't true. He sounds sleazy from what you've described and I'm afraid you will be just another notch on his belt should you give him a chance. I'm also super picky in general and am not fond of sleeping with or dating men that other people I know have dated ---- that is just my personal hang up though. Except back in high school where I dated this one guy who dated some other girls I knew, I otherwise haven't dated any men who ran in my circle or have slept with people that I know. If I like a man and all of a sudden a woman or women I know have a story to share about him....instant turn off. I agree with that last bit - I've never really taken him seriously. So you think that women's natural tendency is to warn each other off of men like this? Or just to ensure that other women don't sleep with guys we have a thing for? Now granted, I've only ever heard this rumor from the one girl - that's what makes me suspicious. Is there any way he's just looking for the right woman? (not even SUGGESTING that I might be that woman - just saying) Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 - he’s always asking me to get together at the last minute. I mean, I consider a text with “what are you doing tonight” at 2:30pm the last minute. Typical of a man looking for opportunities more than getting to know you. I would pass. Doesn't really matter if you sleep with him or not. Do you really want to be on his long list of girls appearing in public with him, then you've got the entire town speculating if you're sleeping together or not. Do you want to date a man who slept with someone from your circle? Do you want to tell your friends and acquaintances that you date THAT guy.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 There’s a good-looking guy that hangs out in my circle of friends – he’s very flirtatious, and one of the girls told me she slept with him a few times, started to get attached, and he didn’t want a relationship with her. She says she also found out he was dating another girl at the same time (not sleeping with her, just dating), and told me he sleeps around, texts a lot of women, etc. Now granted, she sort of “accidentally” slept with him, and she’s about 8 years older than me and not that pretty (in my opinion). Also, the only girl I’ve heard this story from is her, and she’s hardly objective. What does the bolded have to do with things? Whatever either of you looks like, your comment is not very pretty. Beyond that, it's not clear what you are suggesting -- that if he's willing to have sex and string along Girl A while dating Girl B it's ok as long as Girl A is not attractive (in your opinion)? He’s been actively pursuing me for a while, and I’m not sure if I should give him the time of day. He told me that these rumors have really hurt him and caused him to lose friends, and also insists they are not true. I’m still hesitant - he’s always asking me to get together at the last minute. I mean, I consider a text with “what are you doing tonight” at 2:30pm the last minute. Sounds like a booty call. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 What does the bolded have to do with things? Whatever either of you looks like, your comment is not very pretty. Beyond that, it's not clear what you are suggesting -- that if he's willing to have sex and string along Girl A while dating Girl B it's ok as long as Girl A is not attractive (in your opinion)? This exactly... OP, if you think that people's words or opinions only matters depending on how pretty they are, or if it's ok to treat people poorly if they're not good looking, then what is so bad about dating a player who likely thinks the same way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author waiting4u Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 Yes, I'm very mean and superficial. (hangs head in shame) Link to post Share on other sites
Author waiting4u Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 Doesn't really matter if you sleep with him or not. Do you really want to be on his long list of girls appearing in public with him, then you've got the entire town speculating if you're sleeping together or not. Do you want to date a man who slept with someone from your circle? Do you want to tell your friends and acquaintances that you date THAT guy.... Yep, some good points here. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 There’s a good-looking guy that hangs out in my circle of friends – he’s very flirtatious, and one of the girls told me she slept with him a few times, started to get attached, and he didn’t want a relationship with her. She says she also found out he was dating another girl at the same time (not sleeping with her, just dating), and told me he sleeps around, texts a lot of women, etc. Now granted, she sort of “accidentally” slept with him, and she’s about 8 years older than me and not that pretty (in my opinion). Also, the only girl I’ve heard this story from is her, and she’s hardly objective. He’s been actively pursuing me for a while, and I’m not sure if I should give him the time of day. He told me that these rumors have really hurt him and caused him to lose friends, and also insists they are not true. I’m still hesitant - he’s always asking me to get together at the last minute. I mean, I consider a text with “what are you doing tonight” at 2:30pm the last minute. There’s no way I’m going to “accidentally” sleep with him. He’s cute, I’m super-wary, and I don’t have casual sex. Is going out with him even worth my time? First of all, what exactly did she say? He slept with her accidentally which means what? His dick accidentally fell into her...makes little sense, then she goes on to talk about how he didn't want a relationship. Guys usually don't date girls they hook up casually with which is what that could have been if it was even the truth. I also know the practical reason you said she wasn't attractive, women who aren't attractive and can't get a guy for keeps sometimes lie about that guy if they are still interested and see someone else interested in them too. I can tell you from personal experience that my being nice to some girls who were plain or obese, led to them telling their friends that I did sexual things or romantic things with them that I didn't. This was in high school and college but I am sure it happens later too. I know I am going to get pounded for this for not being PC enough, but it is the truth even if people don't want to say it out loud. He sounds like a flirtatious guy just trying to figure stuff out, and maybe he is a player, I don't know, but I wouldn't take a sole persons word for it. Just be smart and take things glacially slow...if you don't want to be a random booty call, don't accept that behavior and if you want to be long term and are worried about his reputation, just don't sleep with him until you are sure of who he really is. I am really surprised at how many here would absolutely believe one persons perception of events, and not even take the time to investigate further. The big issue here is he might only want sex, so take it off the table...tell him no sex. If he continues to want to date after that, you will know he isn't in it for the booty call. You might also want to mention that making plans at two in the afternoon (which isn't a bootycall btw) isn't acceptable either, he needs to make plans a few days in advance or you will be busy since you are such a popular and active person. Even if the guy has had sex before outside of a relationship, it just means he has values like mine that allowed him to have sex without a commitment or a label. Sex for sex's sake. I know, grumpy is such a playa, but I was honest about my intentions or lack thereof. I didn't sit in my room waiting for the one when I was single before having coitus. I know it is hard to believe but it didn't make me a bad person, just one who wanted to have sex. If that isn't something you want to do or if you are afraid that is all he is after, take it off the table, you don't have casual sex with random guys you date, easy. Guys who are into you will wait. I waited for a very long time for my girl to be ready and to trust me just to fool around. I was no timid wallflower either, but someone who was used to women giving themselves to me pretty freely. I wouldn't count out a potential date just because of one persons evaluation due to her personal experience, and I would definitely do some more research before I discounted someone I liked based on one naysayer. Sometimes people lie or embellish the truth, and her looks have everything to do with it because people who are rejected a lot develop their own reality based on poor self esteem and ego protection. I know, very un PC of me to suggest that the unattractive would be duplicitous, but that has been my personal experience and a logical possibility based on human behavior so be wary of perceptions from her. You weren't shallow to include what she looked like as it helped me evaluate the situation better, not sure why you are getting taken to task. It isn't like you wrote her name or said anything really unkind. I guess we are supposed to pretend someone is attractive just to be perceived as nice, when untruths or partial information isn't really helpful to your situation. Good luck, Grumps 6 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Sounds like you want to sleep with him for validation to me:laugh: Not hating but it is what it is 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I also know the practical reason you said she wasn't attractive, women who aren't attractive and can't get a guy for keeps sometimes lie about that guy if they are still interested and see someone else interested in them too. I can tell you from personal experience that my being nice to some girls who were plain or obese, led to them telling their friends that I did sexual things or romantic things with them that I didn't. This was in high school and college but I am sure it happens later too. I know I am going to get pounded for this for not being PC enough, but it is the truth even if people don't want to say it out loud.Grumps Or none attractive older girls are easier to get into bed cause they have a harder time in the dating world. What do you think of a guy that will only text at 2:30 pm a Saturday? He's interested in getting to know her? He doesn't sound like the victim of unfair rumors to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 The truth from a liar is still the truth. Your lady associate (as friend would be to endearing and require a level of respect) warned you... Its up to you to decide how honest she was in her facts. I'd trust this mans actions and step back quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I’m still hesitant - he’s always asking me to get together at the last minute. I mean, I consider a text with “what are you doing tonight” at 2:30pm the last minute. It is last minute, and casual. If he really liked you and saw serious potential with you, he'd try a lot harder than that, including asking you out on a real date in advance. I wouldn't get involved with him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 It is last minute, and casual. If he really liked you and saw serious potential with you, he'd try a lot harder than that, including asking you out on a real date in advance. I wouldn't get involved with him. I'm sorry, I do not consider asking at 2pm "What are you up to tonight?" as last minute. He may have just found out plans broke for him and was curious as to what you were doing as you were on his mind. Stop playing games. You want to know if this guy is into you? Respond to the next text he sends like that and say something like "I can't tonight, but let's plan a date for ...XXX days away at 8pm. Sound good?" Give him a break. We're men. Since when do we get anything right the first time? Don't let someone else's opinion of him sway your opinion. Judge him based on your experiences, don't just judge him based on someone else's experience. What may have been found annoying or frustrating with someone else could be exactly what you are looking for. If he acts like a player, then don't be afraid to admit your friend was right. But don't act like you know what fish you're going to catch before you even put a line into the water! Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I'm sorry, I do not consider asking at 2pm "What are you up to tonight?" as last minute. I do. Never in my life has a serious prospect asked me out on a date the day of. The only guys who even try are immature boys and player types. Serious prospects ask you out for a real date on the weekend a few days in advance. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I do. Never in my life has a serious prospect asked me out on a date the day of. The only guys who even try are immature boys and player types. Serious prospects ask you out for a real date on the weekend a few days in advance. Why do you assume this guy is asking her out on a real date? Why are you so adamant this has to be a real date?? "What are you up to tonight?" doesn't sound like an offer for a date. It sounds like a friendly "hey, want to hang out?" to me. In which case, if she wants to figure out if this guy means more, she needs to take the reigns a bit and lead him to the pasture...and see if he walks in, or if he tries to keep it casual. My 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 In which case, if she wants to figure out if this guy means more, she needs to take the reigns a bit and lead him to the pasture...and see if he walks in, or if he tries to keep it casual. A guy who's really interested doesn't need to be led. He makes his intentions very clear. This guy is making it clear that he's not interested in anything serious with her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 A guy who's really interested doesn't need to be led. He makes his intentions very clear. This guy is making it clear that he's not interested in anything serious with her. I'm not here to argue with you. I agree, if a guy is into you, he will make it known. But don't pretend to know this guys intentions without actually ever meeting him or knowing who he is. She has said herself, they never dated and they are in the same circle of friends. Ergo...he considers her a friend, but with a possibility of wanting to get to know her more. Sure....the "proper" way for someone to ask out on a date is in advance. But we both know how life doesn't go exactly as planned...ever. Sounds like he's just trying to get together and hang out with her. Whatever transpires after that... well, she needs to be on her toes and see if he's for real. But don't expect this guy to be all "in-love and smitten" when you haven't even said "yes" to any of his advances to hang out. You want him to chase you? Give him something to chase.... Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I agree with that last bit - I've never really taken him seriously. So you think that women's natural tendency is to warn each other off of men like this? Or just to ensure that other women don't sleep with guys we have a thing for? Now granted, I've only ever heard this rumor from the one girl - that's what makes me suspicious. Is there any way he's just looking for the right woman? (not even SUGGESTING that I might be that woman - just saying) I don't know about natural but if I felt a guy was a creep I might mention it to an interested party. As for if he's looking for the right woman... I'm not sure what you're asking, but what I do know is that once you start going down that line of thinking it's bad news. i.e. the looking for the exception route. It's the ever popular cliche of a woman meeting some jerk but thinking he is some poor soul who just needs to meet the "right woman"....being a good man means you're a good man, that is independent of the "right woman." A good man treats women well, even if they aren't the "right one." In any event sounds like you want to date this man and are trying to find any reason to give him a chance (ex. maybe this girl isn't objective, maybe she is jealous, she's not pretty, maybe if he meets the right woman it will be different). So give him a chance with the info you have and look very closely and carefully to see for yourself if they are founded or not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Do_The_Herp Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 If casually banging a hot dude who sleeps around will cause more emotional stress than not banging him would, and the emotional stress of banging a hot dude who sleeps around outweighs the physical pleasure of banging a hot dude who sleeps around, then don't bang the hot dude who sleeps around. Why even entertain this with a silly thread? You're asking a bunch of strangers about someone they've never met for themselves. Just do what you're going to do, which is see the guy, or don't see the guy. Hopefully your self control is as you claim it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 To many fish in the sea to waste your time with a guy who has baited his hook and sunk it one too many times. Here is the deal... It is your reputation that will suffer the most if you are seen with men with that history. Not worth fighting over, seriously. Cut this one loose. Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Do you want to tell your friends and acquaintances that you date THAT guy.... Or rather ... Do you want to tell your friends that you got dumped by THAT guy!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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