JZH Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 (edited) I met a guy about 5 weeks ago. Due to work and other things, we can only meet up once per week, occasionally twice. So all together, we've met up about 7 or 8 times. We usually go out, have fun, then stay one of us will stay at the other's place. We started having sex pretty much straight away, however, we've both told each other that we're not just in it for the sex (we has this conversation a few weeks ago). The problem now is that I feel like I'm falling for him already. I say it's a problem because to me, it seems far too fast. Actually, I'm sure to most people it seems far too fast. I've never had this before. It's not that I'm unhappy being single, I've actually been enjoying single life. I've been going out lots with friends, as well as dating guys and just generally having fun. But with him, it's different. I hate the thought of him dating other girls. I miss him when I'm not with him. When we haven't arranged the next date yet, I'm worried that he won't be in touch. Basically, I'm usually a strong and confident woman, and this guy has turned me into weak and nervous wreck! (Although I am very careful not to let him know this!). What's going on?! How do I stop feeling like this? It's only been just over a month and we haven't seen each other enough for these feelings to be justified. A part of me wants to stop seeing him now as it's almost too much. I feel like if I carry on, my feelings are going to get stronger and I'm just going to get hurt. What do I do?! Thanks Edited April 22, 2014 by JZH 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I met a guy about 5 weeks ago. Due to work and other things, we can only meet up once per week, occasionally twice. So all together, we've met up about 7 or 8 times. We usually go out, have fun, then stay one of us will stay at the other's place. We started having sex pretty much straight away, however, we've both told each other that we're not just in it for the sex (we has this conversation a few weeks ago). The problem now is that I feel like I'm falling for him already. I say it's a problem because to me, it seems far too fast. Actually, I'm sure to most people it seems far too fast. I've never had this before. It's not that I'm unhappy being single, I've actually been enjoying single life. I've been going out lots with friends, as well as dating guys and just generally having fun. But with him, it's different. I hate the thought of him dating other girls. I miss him when I'm not with him. When we haven't arranged the next date yet, I'm worried that he won't be in touch. Basically, I'm usually a strong and confident woman, and this guy has turned me into weak and nervous wreck! (Although I am very careful not to let him know this!). So, you're having sex but you're not exclusive? Maybe it's time for the exclusivity talk. That will either tell you that he's nowhere close to being on the same page as you, or that it is ok to have feelings. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 When you start feeling that way it's time to have <the talk>. It's not unusual to feel the way you do after 6-7 weeks. You are aware you're investing time and feelings here so you want to make sure you are both on the same page. I personally have 'the talk' after 5-6 dates. I feel after 5-6 dates it's enough to know if we want to pursue with just seeing each other. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 You don't stop the feelings but you remain committed to listening to your head rather than your heart. You do speak with him about exclusivity & you watch to make sure you don't see any read flags. Other than that . . . enjoy falling in love. It's one of the best feelings in the world. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I met a guy about 5 weeks ago. Due to work and other things, we can only meet up once per week, occasionally twice. So all together, we've met up about 7 or 8 times. We usually go out, have fun, then stay one of us will stay at the other's place. We started having sex pretty much straight away, however, we've both told each other that we're not just in it for the sex (we has this conversation a few weeks ago). The problem now is that I feel like I'm falling for him already. I say it's a problem because to me, it seems far too fast. Actually, I'm sure to most people it seems far too fast. I've never had this before. It's not that I'm unhappy being single, I've actually been enjoying single life. I've been going out lots with friends, as well as dating guys and just generally having fun. But with him, it's different. I hate the thought of him dating other girls. I miss him when I'm not with him. When we haven't arranged the next date yet, I'm worried that he won't be in touch. Basically, I'm usually a strong and confident woman, and this guy has turned me into weak and nervous wreck! (Although I am very careful not to let him know this!). What's going on?! How do I stop feeling like this? It's only been just over a month and we haven't seen each other enough for these feelings to be justified. A part of me wants to stop seeing him now as it's almost too much. I feel like if I carry on, my feelings are going to get stronger and I'm just going to get hurt. What do I do?! Thanks How many partners have you had? Is having sex with this guy a big deal to you, or is it just another person on the list? The way people associate feelings with sex is different for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JZH Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 Thanks for the replies. Guess I do need to talk to him about exclusivity then! Was just worried because I thought it was too soon and didn't want to push for something too fast and it scare him off, as I'd be thinking 'if only I'd have waited a bit longer'. But I think I'll talk to him about it. Thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JZH Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 How many partners have you had? Is having sex with this guy a big deal to you, or is it just another person on the list? The way people associate feelings with sex is different for everyone. I've had 4 (I'm 25). I knew I wanted more than just sex a week or two into it, so I talked to him about it. He said he felt the same, and liked me and really enjoyed being with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Thanks for the replies. Guess I do need to talk to him about exclusivity then! Was just worried because I thought it was too soon and didn't want to push for something too fast and it scare him off, as I'd be thinking 'if only I'd have waited a bit longer'. But I think I'll talk to him about it. Thanks There is no set time to talk about exclusivity, it's all about what YOU are comfortable with. Some people don't mind waiting 3 months and even 6 months, some people like me think 1 month or 5-6 dates is plenty. If a guy is into you there is very little you can do to turn him off. If the talk about just seeing each other chases him away it would have chased him away in 2-3 months too. Being exclusive is not a marriage, if it doesn't work out you split and go your merry way. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I've had 4 (I'm 25). I knew I wanted more than just sex a week or two into it, so I talked to him about it. He said he felt the same, and liked me and really enjoyed being with me. Okay. Then sex is important to you, if you're 25 and haven't had much of it. That's all well and good. Do you think he really likes you for more than the sex though? That's where having sex soon can backfire. What kinds of things has he done to impress you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JZH Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 Okay. Then sex is important to you, if you're 25 and haven't had much of it. That's all well and good. Do you think he really likes you for more than the sex though? That's where having sex soon can backfire. What kinds of things has he done to impress you? Guess it is. Have been in 2 long term relationships, one lasting 5 years, the other lasting a year, so I'm very inexperienced when it comes to dating. I do believe him (possibly naively) when he says he likes me more than just for sex. In terms of what he's done to impress me, what kind of thing do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 There's nothing you can do to stop it, but from my personal experience, do NOT tell him you love him (first). For some reason this scares men off, even if it's a compliment. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I am jealous. For reals. Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 If you suspect he is dating/sleeping with other women, you need to have that exclusivity talk. For me, that talk is unnecessary because actions speak louder than words, and sleeping together implies exclusivity in my book. Unfortunately there are a lot of immature selfish guys out there who play dumb, thinking that they can legitimately cheat as long as there is no exclusivity talk. OP: You are moving way too fast. At 5 weeks you hardly know each other. You have only seen each other 7-8 times. That is not enough time to decide where your relationship is headed. Right now it's all about physical sex, and you probably don't fully understand each other. This takes time. I think you should have that exclusive talk tonight, and set some boundaries. This is long overdue. If you don't have a clear understanding on whether you two are on the same page, then it's damn important to communicate before sleeping together again. Sex is important to you, so don't give it to someone who may just be playing you. I hope he is sincere and doesn't play dumb. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 There's nothing you can do to stop it, but from my personal experience, do NOT tell him you love him (first). For some reason this scares men off, even if it's a compliment. The "LOVE" word only scares off immature, selfish, commitment-phobes who can't decide what they want. Until recently, men have always embraced the expression of love from a woman. Somehow modern society has turned this beautiful word into something that some men would fear. Makes no sense. A real decent man who wants you would definitely appreciate your words of LOVE. If you genuinely feel it, then say it. If he can't accept it, he's not ready for you. There are so many man-childs these days who are not ready for love. They just want to **** a woman, and move on to the next. For some reason they get worse the older they get. Such a shame. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JZH Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Yep, you're right guys. I'm gonna do it. I'm seeing him at the weekend, soI'll ask him then. If it scares him away, then this thing's not worth my time anyway! ... (Still nervous though! ) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 If I were you I wouldnt have "the talk". It scares the SugerHoneyIceTea out of men. I would slow things down.Waaay down. He will feel the vibe and slow down or bring up exclusivity on his own. Which is the way it should be. Exclusivity should be the mans idea. They like to be in control of who they end up in a r with 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JZH Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 If I were you I wouldnt have "the talk". It scares the SugerHoneyIceTea out of men. I would slow things down.Waaay down. He will feel the vibe and slow down or bring up exclusivity on his own. Which is the way it should be. Exclusivity should be the mans idea. They like to be in control of who they end up in a r with Aw man, this was my original thought! But loads have told me otherwise. Thanks for the input but now I'm confused, haha! Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Aw man, this was my original thought! But loads have told me otherwise. Thanks for the input but now I'm confused, haha! Think about it, would you want a man who is scared of love, and runs for the hills when you express your loving emotions? NO!!! Any man who is afraid of commitment and love is NOT worth your time! If you feel you should be exclusive and be in a loving relationship, you should have every right to make sure he is on the same page. If he is turned off by this after sleeping with you, then he is scum, and you should be glad to move on. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 He knows she wants an exclusive relationship. STOP having sex with him. Women talk too much. Let your actions speak for you. Men don't understand words. They understand silence. Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 He knows she wants an exclusive relationship. STOP having sex with him. Women talk too much. Let your actions speak for you. Men don't understand words. They understand silence. Those are cave men, not real men. Real men understand words just fine. Some of us can even speak them fairly well. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Those are cave men, not real men. Real men understand words just fine. Some of us can even speak them fairly well. lol point taken Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 There is no set time to talk about exclusivity, it's all about what YOU are comfortable with. Some people don't mind waiting 3 months and even 6 months, some people like me think 1 month or 5-6 dates is plenty. If a guy is into you there is very little you can do to turn him off. If the talk about just seeing each other chases him away it would have chased him away in 2-3 months too. Being exclusive is not a marriage, if it doesn't work out you split and go your merry way. ^^This.^^ A thousand times this! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Think about it, would you want a man who is scared of love, and runs for the hills when you express your loving emotions? NO!!! Any man who is afraid of commitment and love is NOT worth your time! If you feel you should be exclusive and be in a loving relationship, you should have every right to make sure he is on the same page. If he is turned off by this after sleeping with you, then he is scum, and you should be glad to move on. ^^This!^^ A thousand times this! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 The "LOVE" word only scares off immature, selfish, commitment-phobes who can't decide what they want. I disagree. I would be frightened or feel uncomfortable if someone I barely knew told me they loved me, or if I didn't love them back. I am a mature human being and I want to commit but it takes time to get to know someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JZH Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 I disagree. I would be frightened or feel uncomfortable if someone I barely knew told me they loved me, or if I didn't love them back. I am a mature human being and I want to commit but it takes time to get to know someone. I'm not going to tell him I love him, haha. Just maybe talk to him about whether he's dating/ sleeping with other people, and let him know that I'm not comfortable with carrying on with him if he is. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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