Moving too quickly?

[OhThatGirl]

Backstory: Started seeing a guy about 6 weeks ago. Great on paper. Very romance and relationship minded. Sex is great. Lots of stuff in common. Enjoy his friends. Defined the relationship as exclusive a couple (3?) weeks ago.

 

I was a bit worried that he was one of those "desperate to be in a relationship" types but it turns out he isn't. He's just a relationship minded guy that LIKES me. A lot. Also turns out I like him too!

 

So how soon before you make the big steps? I have a history of getting involved with guys that are hesitant to get into a serious relationship so I'm not a great judge of how quickly these things should develop.

 

We took a weekend trip together. He's met me at work for lunch. He drove my [brand new] car back from the weekend trip. We are sharing our online subscriptions to Netflix and Spotify. He has a toothbrush at my house. We've begun sleepovers a few times per week. We have a TV show that we watch together now. I have my own space in the medicine cabinet at the vacation spot at the river. We are talking about travel plans in September.

 

Is any of this sounding like a big red flag? Not going to lie. I'm still baffled at how quickly it's all moving. I don't feel pressured or uncomfortable. But seriously? Dating 6 weeks?

 

I can't tell if it's just my history of dating commitmentphobes skewing how I think things should flow or if this is truly just moving fast.

 

How long until you typically keep a toothbrush at a partners home?

 

(I had a dream last night that he brought ugly throw pillows over to decorate MY house and it annoyed me so much in the dream I've been irritated by it all day. Control issues? Like my personal space to be mine? Subconsciously feeling suffocated? A lil help here???)

[kaylan]

Dont be stupid and sabotage a good thing.

Thats all the advice you need.

 

/thread

[SJC2008]

Commitment phobes can have instatrelationships too. I have a friend who's an instarelationship guy and "can't be alone" but he's a commitment phobe. You'll have to PRY the words ILY out of him and he'll never get married.

[Leigh 87]

My bf and I were bf/gf 3 days after our first date. He invited me to meet his family and friends about 3 weeks after we met. He stayed with me for 8 days after our second date. He isn't a commitment phoebe and is still wonderful.

 

I have had prior relationships and they didn't move that fast.

 

I would worry if he mentioned marriage and babies/his desire to have them with you.

[Omei]

You should only worry about it being too fast if its making you unhappy, if its not then the relationship is just moving at your speed as a couple.

 

Are you happy or not?

[d0nnivain]

It sounds like an OK pace. I don't see any red flags.

 

 

Other than the fact that you don't have the experience to evaluate this, what's bothering you?

 

 

There is no set time for this stuff. If you are otherwise comfortable, let it be. There's no sense borrowing trouble.

 

 

Enjoy falling it love! It's fun but continue to use your head, rather than your heart to make decisions.

[MsNo1]

Only red flag I can see is that you are looking for one.

Read up about a classic control freak or narcissist and you could could have one.

Read up about a classic start to the most perfect relationship ever, and you could have one.

Enjoy every moment and hope for the best. If it doesn't work out at least you are having fun.

[J21]

Slow down. Whats the rush in everything?

 

Great relationships take time to grow and develop. They dont happen over night.

 

Things that come "quick and easy" also go "quick and easy".

[Imajerk17]

My bf and I were bf/gf 3 days after our first date. He invited me to meet his family and friends about 3 weeks after we met. He stayed with me for 8 days after our second date. He isn't a commitment phoebe and is still wonderful.

 

I have had prior relationships and they didn't move that fast.

 

I would worry if he mentioned marriage and babies/his desire to have them with you.

 

This probably isn't the norm but a few people have had success this way. Remember it is a marathon not a sprint.

 

But anyway OP sounds like things are going great. And sometimes even the insta-relationships work out really well too. As long as you realize you are still getting to know each other...

Edited April 22, 2014 by Imajerk17

[OhThatGirl]

To MsNo1... Look. I'm still finding things out about myself. So yes, I probably am a control freak. And yes, maybe a little bit of a narcissist too. Not sure if you were referring to me but if so, you may be on to something.

 

In fact he's pointed it out and laughed about it a few times. Said he was happy after the first hour of him driving my car I finally sat back and stopped telling him how to drive.

 

Probably my biggest hangup is that he seems so sure that he really likes me. He just *knows* and is excited about it. I'm definitely more hesitant. I like him. In fact I like him more and more as we spend time together. He's a little awkward (maybe a tiny bit insecure or trying to impress me?) but after this past weekend trip I got to see him around his friends in his element and I reeeeally liked it. For example, it was incredibly sexy to watch how skilled and confident he is at tying/knotting fishing line. Bizarre, right?

 

I've looked back. It usually takes me a while to really get emotionally invested in someone though. In the beginning I'm usually turned off by a lot of trivial things and I end up getting over it, the dynamic changes, and I'm not turned off by much at all... Probably to my own disadvantage.

 

I'm with J21. It's not a race. It's a HUGE deal to find a partner. Especially one that you may end up marrying.

 

I'm not feeling uncomfortable except for the fact that I've looked at other people who have moved quickly in relationships and when they end up going bad I just want to scream "well THAT'S no surprise" and yet here I am. Doesn't seem like a bad thing but I'm sure it didn't seem like a bad thing to those who crashed and burned early on either.

 

I guess it's not that fast. Marriage and kids haven't been brought up by either of us. But there is a general sense of "those are the things we both want" though we are still cognizant of the fact we are getting to know each other.

 

He's a great communicator. He isn't afraid to talk about the big things like trust and how he likes to approach conflict and all the other important stuff.

 

Let's face it. It's just far outside of my comfort zone to be dating someone who wants to create a serious relationship and is in the place in life to do so.

 

Turns out I'm maybe a commitmentphobe myself.

[readynow]

OhThatGirl

 

If you didn't live in California, I would say we were dating the exact same man - along with the awkwardness. The time frame is very similar to mine and one thing that really baffles me is how 'sure' he is about his feelings towards me.

 

I'm a bit of a control freak myself and like things at my own pace and my own way. The result is my having sleepless nights, trying to decode why he's so happy and content this quickly. My last year of dating before him was fun but never with someone who wanted something serious from the get go. This one is the opposite, wanting to make things clear early on.

 

I've met his entire family, he's amazing to me, absolutely nothing to complain about - this worries me!

 

The good thing is that in my head, I know that it's a good thing. You're probably just so used to things being difficult that something this easy just feels wrong.

 

Like the other posters have said, just enjoy it and don't let any negativity set in. Keep your head while you're at it. It's all good i'm sure.