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Boyfriend is a virgin


Rosie_c

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So... I have been out of the dating scene for a while (well, SERIOUS dating, anyway)...

My current boyfriend and I met online, and instantly I was attracted to him, the amazing blue eyes and all, :love:

 

So, all of that is well and good and we have progressed quite quickly, which I am happy about and that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable at all.

 

Once we became official it occurred to me that I did not know much about his previous sex life, which I guess is not really something that you discuss until you are officially dating!

 

So, through a little bit of awkward conversation I found out more or less that he is a virgin and does not have a lot of experience in the sex department... I didn't expect it, I'll tell you that much.. he is 20 and I am almost 22 btw.

 

I, myself have had a few sexual partners, but haven't had sex since the end of 2012 so my fear is that I've forgotten (seeing how I have never led much at all).

My boyfriend and I haven't been together all that long, but as I said things are progressing fast and I would say that sex will be in the cards soon..

 

I am not actually sure why I have written this, but I need to get this off my chest and I realise that this is like a blog entry and you might not read through... sorry..

 

Just need advice at how to approach this, whether to live in the moment or discuss it? Any other advice?

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There really is nothing to discuss lol.

 

Just be natural, maybe keep some condoms on you since he may not be used to carrying them so you don't spoil a moment by not having protection.

If you guys do end up having sex just make sure it isn't awkward I guess, he may be insecure so just support him and make it more of a funny awkward than anything else if anything

ex. he may not be used to the idea of having to put the condom on in front of you etc

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So... I have been out of the dating scene for a while (well, SERIOUS dating, anyway)...

My current boyfriend and I met online, and instantly I was attracted to him, the amazing blue eyes and all, :love:

 

So, all of that is well and good and we have progressed quite quickly, which I am happy about and that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable at all.

 

Once we became official it occurred to me that I did not know much about his previous sex life, which I guess is not really something that you discuss until you are officially dating!

 

So, through a little bit of awkward conversation I found out more or less that he is a virgin and does not have a lot of experience in the sex department... I didn't expect it, I'll tell you that much.. he is 20 and I am almost 22 btw.

 

I, myself have had a few sexual partners, but haven't had sex since the end of 2012 so my fear is that I've forgotten (seeing how I have never led much at all).

My boyfriend and I haven't been together all that long, but as I said things are progressing fast and I would say that sex will be in the cards soon..

 

I am not actually sure why I have written this, but I need to get this off my chest and I realise that this is like a blog entry and you might not read through... sorry..

 

Just need advice at how to approach this, whether to live in the moment or discuss it? Any other advice?

 

 

if you're serious about him, let it be a journey and learn from one another in the sexual department, it wont take long before he gets the hang of it.

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How exciting! Take that stuff! You will never be forgotten lol have fun.

 

Im a big fan of other forms of birth control over a condom, most of my past partners have been virgins just because they are nervous about the condom thing I find using other forms like pill, depo etc takes that pressure away, virgins also means no disease, for him it will be so much more relaxing to go natural. I find that I usually teach or show or let them do it, the condom thing later on in relationships when its not so nerve racking.

 

Condoms scare me kinda they break people have been known to poke holes in them they can take away feeling.

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Lernaean_Hydra
Please use condoms.. Pill doesn't prevent STDs

 

Right!? I mean, I'm all for trusting someone but you can never be too careful. To advise othereise, just because he claims to be a virgin would be foolish.

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maturityassets

Well I'm going to offer some advice as someone who lost it at 19 (a few weeks before my 20th birthday at the time) and as a male. Just don't pressure him when the time comes. In our society a male is constantly reminded how he must have sex to be a real "man". I don't know if he is religious or not but if he is like most males then he has been anticipating the opportunity to lose it. He might or might not show a little performance anxiety in the beginning so don't be disappointed if it doesn't go smoothly, usually guys sometimes just get use to their hand over their teenage years so when they do lose it a bit later, like very late teens or early 20's it doesn't feel as they expected. The person I lost it to, while she was still a virgin, had more sexual experience than me so for the first 6 months we just did things like oral and mural masturbation for a while. But in all honestly it wasn't till my girlfriend did I get use to sex. My previous relationship ended a few months after us losing it, but it never went smoothly so it takes some time to get use to.

 

Of course there are other factors involved like upbringing and even self-perception when it comes to having sex. So if he does lose an erection during sex or if he doesn't ejaculate in the first few times don't take it personally and think "I don't turn him on" or "I forgot how to do it correctly", in all honesty it won't be any of that. of course it can all go smoothly and amazingly for you guys but in case it doesn't just make sure he doesn't feel emasculated

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Being a virgin at 20 is extremely common.

Common? Sorta. Extremely? Nah lol

 

Anyways, OP...like someone else said, just go with the flow and be natural. Realize you may have to lead at some parts just so he can get the hang and flow of things. I lost my virginity to a girl who had a few partners by the time she met me and I kinda wish she lead a bit more...or was more reassuring. It would have made things easier back when I was a nooby teen.

 

You two shall be fine. And definitely use condoms.

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Thank you to all for the advice and re-assurance, everything mentioned I know to do I just wanted to have some strangers advice because I guess that talking to friends can get repetitive, and then like you're expected to follow up..

 

I've been on the pill in the past, and will definitely be back on it again soon, and I always use condoms as well, rarely go without.

 

I know that no condoms usually does feel better for the guy but I am in no position (neither is he), to risk a pregnancy at the moment... and I know on the pill if taken correctly there's little chance, but I am still paranoid...

 

Thanks again to everyone and their advice, I guess I just needed some re-assurance, as I said.

 

His virginity is not due to religion, I think just general lack of experience.

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You can have 2 forms of birth control people condoms are not the only alternative, it was just a suggestion guys the pressure will be on him and not her. You should always be using 2 forms.

 

There are female version of the condom also.

 

But for a guys first time, yeah it takes away a lot of the experience.

 

Never was it suggested to not use protection.

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If he was 25+ years old then some cause for concern is understandable. But he's only 20 years old so not a big deal. I suspect 30-40% of 20 year old guys are still virgins.

 

There's a good chance he'll be a minute man his first time, OP.

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The condom advice for a 22 year old woman is funny. (I am sure she knows)

 

Enjoy the time you have together, nothing NEEDS to happen at this point. Discussing it will only add pressure and it will put sex on the forefront of your relationship.

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A great opportunity for you to create the perfect lover you want without fear of ever hearing, "Other women like this..."

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Don't worry about it. Let things progress naturally. Start with touching, playing, and oral, without progressing to sex. If you get comfortable with masturbaing each other then the jump to sex won't seem as big.

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This is far more common than you seem to believe at that age. A lot of men that claim to have sex in the past are lying because of the social stigma of being called a "virgin". Some people choose to be this way based on a moral standard instead of actually finding someone to just sleep with for a short term fling. Blame media, for this, or whatever you think, the majority of men I know of don't make it their mission to sleep with everyone they see.

 

Personally I believe there should be a strong emotional connection and commitment before this, I haven't experienced that yet even at my age :(

 

Good luck, don't worry about this too much, 20 years is still very young.

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The condom advice for a 22 year old woman is funny. (I am sure she knows)

 

Enjoy the time you have together, nothing NEEDS to happen at this point. Discussing it will only add pressure and it will put sex on the forefront of your relationship.

 

If you are talking about my comment it was more directed at the anti-condom advice from the preceding post. :)

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Thank you to everyone once again!

 

Condoms, birth control, contraception etc (whatever you would like to call it) was not the aim of this thread... I already know enough information about these things, having previously mentioned. I've had too many scares not to be cautious now.

 

I don't want to have the wrong expression of me put forward, but I am not going to pressure my boyfriend in to doing anything he doesn't want to... he calls the shots here, and if I don't like something or don't want to do anything then I will definitely let him no.

 

There's no pressure, and I am in no rush to have sex with him. It's lost its meaning and I want to find the meaning again :) because this feels special and different. I just knew, but anyway :p

 

Thanks again.

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