Sara77 Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 So I started seeing this new guy and its been about 7-8 weeks now. We are still in the 'getting to know you' stage and things seem to be progressing ok so far except for the issue about money. He is a divorcee and has incurred huge credit card debt mostly because of (his and his ex-partner's) financial irresponsibility when they were together i.e. combination of moving country + setting up new home + living beyond their means. He seems to now be paying for it post divorce because all of the credit was under his name! He has claimed he is more responsible - he has cancelled all his credit cards and is on a loan repayment scheme + he is looking for additional income through consulting in his spare time. From the outside, he still seems to be going out and having an active social life with friends etc. He mentioned that he was living paycheck by paycheck and doesn't really have any emergency money as he uses all of it to repay his loan. He recently got some bad news abt bereavement in his family and wants to fly overseas for the funeral. He seems quite desperate and has asked to borrow the flight fare?! I don't believe in mixing finances with relationships especially so early on and don't have the cash to spare anyway. His whole financial situation seems to be a massive red flag and I'm disappointed that he is even asking me when we have only been dating for 7-8 weeks instead of asking his family/ close friends? Is this a massive red flag?? Thank you in advance. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Yes, huge red flag. You barely know this guy. He doesn't have friends, family........he could ask? How much is he asking for anyway? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) Yes! This is a red flag. A man should never ask a woman for money except if he's married to her. I was raised old fashion. Your friend is a little too comfortable with you. It looks like he is a poor manager of his money...not a redeeming quality to have. Edited April 21, 2014 by Tressugar 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 No no no. And no. His whole financial situation seems to be a massive red flag and I'm disappointed that he is even asking me when we have only been dating for 7-8 weeks instead of asking his family/ close friends? Is this a massive red flag?? Thank you in advance. Yes, I'd consider it a massive red flag. What kind of man asks woman he just started dating for money? A shady one, IMO. Personally, I'd decline, and stop seeing him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Definitely a red flag!! Trust your gut intuition on this! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 OMG ! NO and NO! Do NOT give men you date money even if they come up with some heartbreaking emergency story!!! Just say you don't have it!! It's written major loser ALL over him!! Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Yes! This is a red flag. A man should never ask a woman for money except if he's married to her. Agree. And it works both ways. If anyone you are dating (certainly less than a year) asks for money, it's time to say no and break up. The reason he can't get it from his family is because they know firsthand he won't pay it back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cpt Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Calm down people. Now... OP did you give him reason to believe that you would have this money sparingly laying around? If yes, perhaps it explains him approaching you. Active social life, could mean that he has no real closed friends maybe? We need more details. Before everyone regards this as a red flag, at least analyse the situation first. This might be a good relationship that could be ruined all under false assumptions. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 He lives paycheck to paycheck but can afford an active social life? Ya right! He could have asked his friends, his family, his family back in his country, and he could have asked a pay advance from his employer. What would he have done if he had not met you 7 weeks ago? He's a foreigner? For all you know he's not going to come back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Hell NO. Run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Money should never chchange hands between two people in the early stages of the relationship. I'm not even a fan of expensive gifts. As others have said and as I'm sure you know, this is a HUGE red flag. I don't care what this man needs, you owe him nothing and finances are so f*ed up maybe he needs to remove his broke a*s from the dating pool. He has no right to as you for anything, let alone something so expensive as an overseas flight. I've got a guy right now, we're not even dating yet and already he's hinting around that he's in dire straits at the moment. I'm just waiting around for him to ask me for money outright so I can tell him off. It's disappointing when someone you thought had potential might very well be a user or worse, a gigolo. Especially if you're an attractive woman. But, cest la vie. Kick him out of your life straight away. Sorry hun, but he's got to go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cactusgal Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I also live overseas, had debts when I was younger, have had to fly home for last-minute emergencies. I have never, and will never ask a boyfriend (let alone someone I've been dating for a few weeks!!) to pay my way. Insane, rude, irresponsible, ridiculous. Trust your gut and don't get caught up with a guy like this. Life is short. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Agree. And it works both ways. If anyone you are dating (certainly less than a year) asks for money, it's time to say no and break up. I agree. A woman asking for money from a guy she just started dating is every bit as shady. Link to post Share on other sites
iiiii Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I agree. At best this is an inappropriate thing for him to ask for as it will (and already has!) put you in an awkward position. At worst it's a sign of things to come - if he has no savings and also has no friends or family who are prepared to lend him money, that's a pretty good indication that he's not trustworthy with his finances. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Absolutely no borrowing of money.. ever from someone you just started dating... Red Flag waving in your face... I'm speaking from experience.. once you start it will never stop until the relationship has been killed and you both hate one another... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 If you give him that money you will not ever get it back. You will hear "I just need to pay this off first..." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDay Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 It's a red flag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Quit dating him immediately, and go out with Cpt instead. Then ask to borrow money from him..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sara77 Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Thank you all for your responses. Quick update - 8 hours after I refused to lend him the money, he apparently feels like he is not ready for a relationship at this point and needs some time out because he is not thinking straight! His true colours seem to be shining through and maybe it was only about the money all along?! I dont know but feel like I have dodged a bullet!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 You 'don't know but you THINK you dodged a bullet'....? I think that's a given, really - don't you - ?!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sara77 Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) You 'don't know but you THINK you dodged a bullet'....? I think that's a given, really - don't you - ?!? I dont know if the whole 7 week courting period was a charade leading towards him asking for money at the right time - I do know I dodged a bullet! Edited April 21, 2014 by Sara77 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) Thank you all for your responses. Quick update - 8 hours after I refused to lend him the money, he apparently feels like he is not ready for a relationship at this point and needs some time out because he is not thinking straight! His true colours seem to be shining through and maybe it was only about the money all along?! I dont know but feel like I have dodged a bullet!! Woooow what a douche, I too believe it was likely he was all about the money you just were not sucker enough now it's likely he will try to con some other girl into paying his debt/fair Edited April 21, 2014 by Omei 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cpt Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Quit dating him immediately, and go out with Cpt instead. Then ask to borrow money from him..... Oh I see what you did there... hehe Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I dont know if the whole 7 week courting period was a charade leading towards him asking for money at the right time - I do know I dodged a bullet! I think he's made it obvious that it was. And now he'll move on to his next target. The sad thing is it probably won't be that hard to find a woman desperate enough to pony up some "emergency" cash for this loser. Good thing you didn't get suckered! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cpt Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I dont know if the whole 7 week courting period was a charade leading towards him asking for money at the right time - I do know I dodged a bullet! I can confirm with 99.99% certainty that it could not have been all a charade. My spidey senses are tingling, I think he will be back... You know what to do when that happens I hope you're okay! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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