How do I end it? Not used to this.

[python23]

Hello all. It's usually me that gets the lets just be friends speech and I have forgotten how many first dates and even 2nd dates I've been on without hearing anything back but I'm in a situation where I'm not sure how to go about things.

 

I'm currently dating 2 girls off a dating site. I started dating one about 5 weeks ago. We got on and we slept together on the 3rd date. This has happened twice now and at the time she said she would usually wait a lot longer so she was worried I would just disappear after this had happened which I promised I wouldn't do of course. I've never really got that really exciting feeling before meeting her and to be honest she's a little boring. And hopeless in the bed room. She is a very genuine girl and I can tell she's a good one but I don't feel the spark.

 

After 4 dates with this girl I took another girl out and it's totally different with her, I get excited about seeing her. I'm really attracted to her and we have so much in common. We are going out on Monday for our 3rd date.

 

The first girl is however still Keene to take things further with me. But I'm really not interested in a relationship with her. It was a big thing her sleeping with me and I respect that but that has made it abit awkward. What is the best way end things without sounding like a complete arse hole? Or is that inevitable?

[mokymoky]

Sadly it is inevitable that you are going to sound like an ass,

but it is best to just be upfront and say youre not feeling it anymore. That youre not feeling any sparks at a romantic level.

[TaraMaiden]

For chrissakes, don't do it by text, message or 'phone...

Be a man and tell her to her face.

Admit you've tried to keep it going, but you just don't feel it.

You're sorry to let her down, but to carry on pretending would hurt and cheat her, and make you out to be a spineless cad.

And do not agree to be friends. If she still wants that, it would nurture her hopes.

Tell her it's a complete break-up, and no more contact.

 

Let her go, and do the right thing, the right way.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Wow.

 

So you assured her that you are not like other guys, won't sleep with her and dissapear etc etc...all the while you knew that she is "boring" and you are not that "attracted"

[RebelWithoutACause]

While I feel bad for the girl (and I really do), I think all adults out and about in the dating world assume certain risks. One of which is that not every person you sleep with will be there for the long haul. She made a conscious choice to go to bed with you knowing there is a chance things between you might not work out. No one can or should promise at date 2 or 3 or 4 their eternal, undying love. It's taking a chance and she took it and it didn't work.

 

All you owe her at this stage is to tell her and not fade out. Obviously it has to be something made up because you cannot tell her straight up that's she's boring to death and hopeless in bed (that made me chuckle a little). Spare her feelings, let her go, and in the future, if you want to be a decent guy don't sleep with girls you're not into. Simple.

[python23]

Thanks for the comment eternal sunshine but I have never promised that I wouldn't mess her about. She told me before we slept together that a previous guy disappeared the day after sleeping with her so she felt abit cautious which I don't blame her for. All I said was that I could never do that to anyone. I've seen her once since we last had sex so it's not as I've used her. We do get on. And we do have things in common but the way she acts. The way she doesn't start conversation is getting a little much hard work for me. And this is why she is boring.

 

Maybe I shouldn't have slept with her but it was a mutual decision and until I've taken this other girl out ive realised just how little excitement there is. And as a guy I also think getting intimate with someone is a major part of getting to know someone. Maybe you girls will disagree on that one.

[ktya]

Im going to sound like a complete asshat here but I would say keep banging her while dating the other chick. Dont go blubbering after sex "I love you lets get married" or anything like that to lead her down the wrong road but hedge your bets with the other girl.

 

Once you get into the exclusivity talk with the 2nd girl and make a mutual agreement, tell girl no. 1 that youve decided to go exclusive with someone else, compliment her tell her how great of a girl she is but that this other girl just completely stole your heart and its not fair to her to continue.

 

In a situation like this there is a very likely possibility that girl who is magic to you may sense how into her you are and for some (dumb) reason get put off and find you too easy of prey and walk. Then you'll feel like an idiot because you'll have no action at all and have to start all over again.

 

Plus if you have the ability to go out with a girl and have sex with her, the confidence you will exude will help you attract and hook girl no.2.

 

I know it makes me sound like a jerk but hey girls do this crap all the time, let a guy wine and dine them to stroke their ego while they feel wounded that Mr. Sexy Hottie hasn't called.

 

Just be honest. Dont lead her on and spin tall tales. If she talks about the future switch the subject, do not say anything you dont mean and mean everything you say.

Edited April 20, 2014 by ktya
typo

[tekkenfan2]

I would say let her go as soft as possible. Let her know that she's a nice person and everything, but you just aren't feeling it between you and her. Make it a clean break tho, don't lead her on.

 

This one is my own curiosity, but you said you didn't know this girl (girl #1) was boring and that it wasn't gonna work until you dated girl #2 or did you already knew you wasn't feelin girl #1 ?

[Under The Radar]

for chrissakes, don't do it by text, message or 'phone...

Be a man and tell her to her face.

Admit you've tried to keep it going, but you just don't feel it.

You're sorry to let her down, but to carry on pretending would hurt and cheat her, and make you out to be a spineless cad.

And do not agree to be friends. If she still wants that, it would nurture her hopes.

Tell her it's a complete break-up, and no more contact.

 

Let her go, and do the right thing, the right way.

 

 

 

^^^^^this^^^^^

[Under The Radar]

Im going to sound like a complete asshat here but I would say keep banging her while dating the other chick. Dont go blubbering after sex "I love you lets get married" or anything like that to lead her down the wrong road but hedge your bets with the other girl.

 

Once you get into the exclusivity talk with the 2nd girl and make a mutual agreement, tell girl no. 1 that youve decided to go exclusive with someone else, compliment her tell her how great of a girl she is but that this other girl just completely stole your heart and its not fair to her to continue.

 

In a situation like this there is a very likely possibility that girl who is magic to you may sense how into her you are and for some (dumb) reason get put off and find you too easy of prey and walk. Then you'll feel like an idiot because you'll have no action at all and have to start all over again.

 

Plus if you have the ability to go out with a girl and have sex with her, the confidence you will exude will help you attract and hook girl no.2.

 

I know it makes me sound like a jerk but hey girls do this crap all the time, let a guy wine and dine them to stroke their ego while they feel wounded that Mr. Sexy Hottie hasn't called.

 

Just be honest. Dont lead her on and spin tall tales. If she talks about the future switch the subject, do not say anything you dont mean and mean everything you say.

 

 

 

^^^^^don't do this^^^^^

[python23]

Very mixed opinions on this subject. I appreciate all your advice though.

 

I was getting along with girl one before we slept together and il be honest. She was gagging for it and she came on to me on the 3rd date but was still cautious about actually having sex so as a guy in that situation. Half naked in bed with a half naked girl I did what most guys would do.

 

But once I met girl 2 I realised how much more attracted I am to her than girl 1 and she's actually really interesting and a lot hotter. I'm trying not to get too carried away with girl 2 because I've been a victim of girls who have shown me the door after a few meals so I know what some girls are like.

 

Girl 1 is out in my town tonight and wants me to stay at hers after. But I'm dating girl 2 tomorrow afternoon. In a way is a nice problem to have.

[tekkenfan2]

Do not go to Girl 1's house! If anything meet her and end it.

[Omei]

If you want to find a sparkful, meaningful interesting relationship dont involve sex on a 3rd date that only turns it into a fwb scenario or just a lay.

 

Once you do this usually any if not all spark is lost you're basically sleeping with a stranger there is zero emotional care for each other on a 3rd date not enough to make the sex meaningful and after that you just hault any progress to get to know each other because it was a let down.

Edited April 20, 2014 by Omei

[mrnova66]

Im going to sound like a complete asshat here but I would say keep banging her while dating the other chick. Dont go blubbering after sex "I love you lets get married" or anything like that to lead her down the wrong road but hedge your bets with the other girl.

 

Once you get into the exclusivity talk with the 2nd girl and make a mutual agreement, tell girl no. 1 that youve decided to go exclusive with someone else, compliment her tell her how great of a girl she is but that this other girl just completely stole your heart and its not fair to her to continue.

 

In a situation like this there is a very likely possibility that girl who is magic to you may sense how into her you are and for some (dumb) reason get put off and find you too easy of prey and walk. Then you'll feel like an idiot because you'll have no action at all and have to start all over again.

 

Plus if you have the ability to go out with a girl and have sex with her, the confidence you will exude will help you attract and hook girl no.2.

 

I know it makes me sound like a jerk but hey girls do this crap all the time, let a guy wine and dine them to stroke their ego while they feel wounded that Mr. Sexy Hottie hasn't called.

 

Just be honest. Dont lead her on and spin tall tales. If she talks about the future switch the subject, do not say anything you dont mean and mean everything you say.

Thanks for your honesty. And for all the other posters that say don't do what was mention in this post. Well 99.9999999999999999% of the people do just what was mention above everyday. The only difference between YOU and the poster above he admits it. This is the reason I do not date. I gave up many years ago because of this. I commend the poster above for his honesty. 99.99999999999% people out there are all for their selves and looking for the next big thing, but mean while back at the ranch using everybody they contact through their travels.

[deathandtaxes]

And this is why you don't sleep with women if you're going to multi-date. It royally screws up everything. Dick move sleeping with the chick and going out with another, imo.

[mortensorchid]

You will not be able to avoid looking like an a****** by ending things with the first woman, but I think it's best that you nip it in the bud ASAP before things get in even deeper with her. As for the second woman, best to you on that if you are going to pursue it. But end things ASAP with the first and do it maturely. Say that you think you do not feel as strongly and you will not see each other again after today. A clean break is best no matter how much it hurts either party.

[toml]

A few questions as i am a guy.

 

Why should he tell her anything? They are not exclusive. Thats what people told me when a girl i liked just acted like a bitch and stopped replying to me. Is it different because they had sex?

 

Secondly girls play with guys all the time and use them too albeit in different ways and string them along.

 

And why should he tell her face to face? Most girls dont even tell guys they just disappear.

[Standard-Fare]

The one thing that does make you sound like an a*shole is that you basically bailed on Girl #1 right at the same time you were giving her the impression that you were planting the seeds of something monogamous and serious.

 

Multi-dating is pretty standard, but usually more in the sense of trying first or maybe second dates with a number of people. Not going on several dates, having sex, starting to get feelings involved.

 

This is all uncomfortable, and Girl #1 will probably feel a little burned, but you gotta rip off the band-aid.

 

I agree with others that a text breakup would be callous. However, after four dates I'm not sure an in-person breakup is required. It would be very awkward to set up another in-person meetup only for the point of breaking up with her. I think a sincere convo over a phone call is probably the way to go.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't mention the other girl... that would only rub salt in her wounds.