Is it true that the #1 reason men cheat is because...

[Hopeful30]

...they don't feel appreciated and/or emotionally fulfilled in their relationships?

[somedude81]

...they don't feel appreciated and/or emotionally fulfilled in their relationships?

Doubt it.

 

I'm sure men cheat because.

 

They can.

 

They don't care about their relationship.

 

The other woman is hotter

 

Then we start getting to the issues where they don't feel sexually fulfilled.

[sagetalk]

...they don't feel appreciated and/or emotionally fulfilled in their relationships?

 

No, the reason they cheat is because they are cheaters. Stop trying to find an excuse to blame yourself. If they don't feel appreciated or fulfilled they should stop dating the person they are with before cheating.

[HappyLove]

A study was done that said insecure men are the most likely ones to cheat.

[AncientEchos]

The short answer is no.

 

 

Cheaters often excuse their behavior by putting the blame elsewhere. They may even apologize for their inexcusable behavior, yet they will make sure to qualify that it was mostly your fault because of excuses xyz.

 

 

When you are married or in a serious relationship you have responsibilities to your partner and the relationship. One responsibility you have is to make your concerns known. If you are unhappy, feeling neglected or frustrated, it is your responsibility to make these concerns known in a clear manner and to make them known before resentments and anger make these issues too large to resolve.

 

 

If you and your partner cannot repair your issues and make the relationship work, you need to end the relationship. Once the relationship has ended, you can look for a more compatible partner. This is the only respectful resolution.

 

Cheating never solves any problems in a relationship, yet it often causes massive destruction.

[Ninjainpajamas]

No, it's a loaded question but no that's not it, there is no number one reason, those are just factors for why someone may be compelled to cheat, but someone in that situation might not cheat at all.

 

The circumstances people cheat in can be vary wildly, I've seen all varieties of men and women cheat, from the best to the worst kind of people, and they may cheat for completely different reasons, a lot of people never ever saw themselves being a cheater too. Some relationships are very good in fact on the surface, others are terrible.

 

It's not about just about "good" or "bad" people, it's not a black and white thing or about people with less integrity and poor character , I'm pretty certain I can debunk a lot of self-righteous people by taking a gander at their own personal lives, you'd always find faults and issues present deep in their basement of secrets, wonder what the world would have to say about that, after all it's easier to judge than be judged. I'm not religious but It's like being in a church and everyone in it is preaching the word, automatically assuming they are "saved" just because they think they're a good person, when half of them @ssholes aren't making through those pearly gates, imagine the look they will have on their faces? hopefully the devil has an iphone and FB account to capture the moment and tag the holier than thous.

 

One thing about whenever someone tells you a story though, whether it's about cheating or anything else, always remember you are only getting one version of the truth, one perspective...and if it's in that persons best interest to manipulate the truth you can be sure they will, you can't just assume someone is being honest, after all ask anyone about the past and they're always a victim...don't you think it's a coincidence that everyone you talk to is the victim and there of these just "random people" in the world that coincidentally that are the abusers? like if they walk around with scowls on their face and horns on their heads. Imagine if you actually got both people to be present, you'd at the very least catch them in a few lies and you might completely change your opinion once you actually get the other version of the truth and decide for yourself.

 

So until you can do that, be careful what you believe, that can person can be selling you a load of BS.

 

I was an "experienced" cheater I guess you could say since I did it more than once, it's always funny to see the reasons people throw out there, it's mostly just slander and complete shots in the dark and they don't know what they're talking about, always makes me laugh actually because I always see something I've never heard before. It's entertaining but no there's no universal reason that someone cheats, every reason you hear that someone has likely cheated for has been done before I'm sure by someone, but it doesn't mean that other person cheated for the same exact reason, they could be a world away from why they did it.

 

I've known a lot of cheaters...but that's not because I've been a cheater, it's because there's a lot of damn people who cheat, and even more than don't know about it, and there's people who've done even worse things. If everyone glowed nuclear red that did something "wrong" or despicable in their lives according to the standards of society, I guarantee you wouldn't be able to see outside once you got out the front door.

 

I am not opposed to judgement however, judge away...just try and make it sound like you know at least a little bit of what you're talking about, that's all I ask personally.

Edited April 20, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas

[AncientEchos]

No, it's a loaded question but no that's not it, there is no number one reason, those are just factors for why someone may be compelled to cheat, but someone in that situation might not cheat at all.

 

The circumstances people cheat in can be vary wildly, I've seen all varieties of men and women cheat, from the best to the worst kind of people, and they may cheat for completely different reasons, a lot of people never ever saw themselves being a cheater too. Some relationships are very good in fact on the surface, others are terrible.

 

It's not about just about "good" or "bad" people, it's not a black and white thing or about people with less integrity and poor character , I'm pretty certain I can debunk a lot of self-righteous people by taking a gander at their own personal lives, you'd always find faults and issues present deep in their basement of secrets, wonder what the world would have to say about that, after all it's easier to judge than be judged. I'm not religious but It's like being in a church and everyone in it is preaching the word, automatically assuming they are "saved" just because they think they're a good person, when half of them @ssholes aren't making through those pearly gates, imagine the look they will have on their faces? hopefully the devil has an iphone and FB account to capture the moment and tag the holier than thous.

 

One thing about whenever someone tells you a story though, whether it's about cheating or anything else, always remember you are only getting one version of the truth, one perspective...and if it's in that persons best interest to manipulate the truth you can be sure they will, you can't just assume someone is being honest, after all ask anyone about the past and they're always a victim...don't you think it's a coincidence that everyone you talk to is the victim and there of these just "random people" in the world that coincidentally that are the abusers? like if they walk around with scowls on their face and horns on their heads. Imagine if you actually got both people to be present, you'd at the very least catch them in a few lies and you might completely change your opinion once you actually get the other version of the truth and decide for yourself.

 

So until you can do that, be careful what you believe, that can person can be selling you a load of BS.

 

I was an "experienced" cheater I guess you could say since I did it more than once, it's always funny to see the reasons people throw out there, it's mostly just slander and complete shots in the dark and they don't know what they're talking about, always makes me laugh actually because I always see something I've never heard before. It's entertaining but no there's no universal reason that someone cheats, every reason you hear that someone has likely cheated for has been done before I'm sure by someone, but it doesn't mean that other person cheated for the same exact reason, they could be a world away from why they did it.

 

I've known a lot of cheaters...but that's not because I've been a cheater, it's because there's a lot of damn people who cheat, and even more than don't know about it, and there's people who've done even worse things. If everyone glowed nuclear red that did something "wrong" or despicable in their lives according to the standards of society, I guarantee you wouldn't be able to see outside once you got out the front door.

 

I am not opposed to judgement however, judge away...just try and make it sound like you know at least a little bit of what you're talking about, that's all I ask personally.

"It's not about just about "good" or "bad" people, it's not a black and white thing or about people with less integrity and poor character , I'm pretty certain I can debunk a lot of self-righteous people by taking a gander at their own personal lives, you'd always find faults and issues present deep in their basement of secrets, wonder what the world would have to say about that, after all it's easier to judge than be judged."

 

Cheating is a conscious choice, it is not something that is beyond your control and aside from abuse there is nothing that is more destructive to a relationship or the person you are supposed to love. No, being a cheater does not make you the devil, yet it is still a choice you make and it is entirely within your control. Cheating is not an accident. You chose to do it. You do have other choices you can make. We all make mistakes, we all hurt people we love, we all have regrets. The only difference (from the OP's original question) is whether or not we own up to those choices we made and the consequences that came about as a result of the actions we chose to take or do we make excuses or simply shrug and say, "Well, you have made mistakes too."

 

We all have responsibilities, not only to ourselves, but to our loved ones as well. You can chose to ignore the responsibility, yet that does not mean it never existed.

[Leigh 87]

Good people can do bad things. It doesn't condemn them to be "bad" in their entirety.

 

My ex cheated on me a few times. I know he is not a bad person. He was just with the wrong person, and he showed he was too weak to end things and he lacked the self awareness, among other things, to know how to go about ending it.

Cheaters still often care about those they cheat on, they can still enjoy helping others. If Mr Jones down the road, who saves abandoned animals and gives half his income to saving the lives of needy children, is a CHEATER, *gasp* it certainly does not take away the fact he is an otherwise good person.

 

Cheating is selfish, shows lack of self control and a person who is too weak to break it off first, before getting into someone else's pants.

Cheating doesn't show a person is bad in all areas of their lives.

 

As to why people cheat? From my experience, it is often the men I have heard of who grow to love a woman who they are NOT "in love with".

There is a massive different between growing to love another individual, VERSUS falling IN love.

Falling in love is rare and your world turns upside down through meeting the person. Your life becomes about them albeit healthy individuals retail their individual goals and ambitions.

 

Common reason #1 - the guy was not IN love with a woman, and when they met a girl they were head over heels for, they were so overwhelmed with their attraction to her that they just "couldn't help themselves"

 

I know good people who have indeed cheated for the above reason^^^

[RonaldS]

No, it's a loaded question but no that's not it, there is no number one reason, those are just factors for why someone may be compelled to cheat, but someone in that situation might not cheat at all.

 

The circumstances people cheat in can be vary wildly, I've seen all varieties of men and women cheat, from the best to the worst kind of people, and they may cheat for completely different reasons, a lot of people never ever saw themselves being a cheater too. Some relationships are very good in fact on the surface, others are terrible.

 

It's not about just about "good" or "bad" people, it's not a black and white thing or about people with less integrity and poor character , I'm pretty certain I can debunk a lot of self-righteous people by taking a gander at their own personal lives, you'd always find faults and issues present deep in their basement of secrets, wonder what the world would have to say about that, after all it's easier to judge than be judged. I'm not religious but It's like being in a church and everyone in it is preaching the word, automatically assuming they are "saved" just because they think they're a good person, when half of them @ssholes aren't making through those pearly gates, imagine the look they will have on their faces? hopefully the devil has an iphone and FB account to capture the moment and tag the holier than thous.

 

One thing about whenever someone tells you a story though, whether it's about cheating or anything else, always remember you are only getting one version of the truth, one perspective...and if it's in that persons best interest to manipulate the truth you can be sure they will, you can't just assume someone is being honest, after all ask anyone about the past and they're always a victim...don't you think it's a coincidence that everyone you talk to is the victim and there of these just "random people" in the world that coincidentally that are the abusers? like if they walk around with scowls on their face and horns on their heads. Imagine if you actually got both people to be present, you'd at the very least catch them in a few lies and you might completely change your opinion once you actually get the other version of the truth and decide for yourself.

 

So until you can do that, be careful what you believe, that can person can be selling you a load of BS.

 

I was an "experienced" cheater I guess you could say since I did it more than once, it's always funny to see the reasons people throw out there, it's mostly just slander and complete shots in the dark and they don't know what they're talking about, always makes me laugh actually because I always see something I've never heard before. It's entertaining but no there's no universal reason that someone cheats, every reason you hear that someone has likely cheated for has been done before I'm sure by someone, but it doesn't mean that other person cheated for the same exact reason, they could be a world away from why they did it.

 

I've known a lot of cheaters...but that's not because I've been a cheater, it's because there's a lot of damn people who cheat, and even more than don't know about it, and there's people who've done even worse things. If everyone glowed nuclear red that did something "wrong" or despicable in their lives according to the standards of society, I guarantee you wouldn't be able to see outside once you got out the front door.

 

I am not opposed to judgement however, judge away...just try and make it sound like you know at least a little bit of what you're talking about, that's all I ask personally.

 

Bingo.

 

But just don't ever expect anybody to understand the complexities of these kinds of things, especially people who a) have no relationship experiences, or b) have been cheated on.

 

I cheated on my XW....had an EA with a woman I knew but who lived halfway around the world. That was at the very end of an 11 year relationship. But the relationship had been over for much longer than that. My XW was not a pleasant person to be with, for a number of reasons. The EA happened after I had just given up.

 

Don't get me wrong....I know what I did and I know how wrong it was. But I've already taken ownership of that mistake and faced those who I love and took responsibility, so I sure as sh*t don't need to do the same for a bunch of internet strangers.

 

Ninja is absolutely right about how many sides of the story you hear....how many people's truths you get. The narrative on me is that I'm a sh*tbag. That's fine. I don't try to win wars of perception. But I know what my marriage was like, and I thankful everyday that I'm no longer in it. I don't miss her, and have never missed her. So, there's some truth for you.

[hoping2heal]

*Puts on sarcasm hat*

 

Well, I think it's because their gf/wife gains weight and denies sex and doesn't clean the house and burns the food. If a wife would just give blowjobs at disposal, and turn into a hotter version of Martha Stewart then surely infidelity wouldn't happen.

 

heeeeeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeee :laugh::laugh:

 

Men (and women) cheat for many "reasons". Probably a grand lack of empathy is at the root of many of those reasons.

[TSALMG]

Probably the #1 excuse for meN and women! Try to pass the buck of the blame!

 

 

Number 1 reason, no way! More like insecurity!

[Eternal Sunshine]

I can't see it as anything but black and white.

 

It's lack of integrity and weak moral core. It's not just cheating either, it's lying and deceiving the person you are with to cover your tracks. It's manipulative and cunning.

 

No - people that cheat are not the devil but I wouldn't knowingly date them either.

[iris219]

No, people in good, supportive relationships cheat all the time.

 

I think most people cheat out of boredom. Most cheaters want their families and a little side action too.

 

Most Cheating Spouses Won't Leave Their Marriages, And Here's Why

[xxoo]

A study was done that said insecure men are the most likely ones to cheat.

 

I'd believe that insecurity is a strong factor for both men and women who cheat, with the caveat that people aren't statically secure or insecure throughout life. Anyone can go through an insecure period, which is when character and coping skills really count.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I'd believe that insecurity is a strong factor for both men and women who cheat, with the caveat that people aren't statically secure or insecure throughout life. Anyone can go through an insecure period, which is when character and coping skills really count.

 

Insecure defined as people that need a lot of external validation.

[Gaeta]

It is a lack of integrity and character.

 

There is NO good reasons to be cheating, none what so ever.

 

Your wife isn't giving you sex: Talk doesn't work - leave

Your wife isn't emotionally connected: Talk doesn't work - leave

You lack excitement: Talk doesn't work - leave

You are unhappy:Talk doesn't work - leave

[hotpotato]

Doubt it.

 

I'm sure men cheat because.

 

They can.

 

They don't care about their relationship.

 

The other woman is hotter

 

Then we start getting to the issues where they don't feel sexually fulfilled.

 

The other woman usually is not hotter. A lot of times the ow is a big downgrade.

 

A lot of times a man cheats because he wants something different. Hes been eating chocolate ice cream for years, but now he wants some strawberry.

[joystickd]

You have to ask the actual cheater why they cheated. It's wrong to assume why they cheated because it's different for every person. I am tired of the men cheating threads. Hell women cheat too. It's just men make better people to be in affairs with because they follow orders. Women just let emotions get in the way and put men in a position where they get caught. A woman get caught because she either slips up or just wanted to get caught to end the relationship.

[joystickd]

The other woman usually is not hotter. A lot of times the ow is a big downgrade.

 

A lot of times a man cheats because he wants something different. Hes been eating chocolate ice cream for years, but now he wants some strawberry.

Actually that depends on the situation. Sometimes its the woman he can conveniently get. Most I have seen it's a spectrum some its upgrades, some it's the same, and some it's a downgrade.

[Revolver]

Not getting any at home

[joystickd]

It is a lack of integrity and character.

 

There is NO good reasons to be cheating, none what so ever.

 

Your wife isn't giving you sex: Talk doesn't work - leave

Your wife isn't emotionally connected: Talk doesn't work - leave

You lack excitement: Talk doesn't work - leave

You are unhappy:Talk doesn't work - leave

You should preach this to women that hate to be the bad guy and end a relationship.

[notserene]

Actually that depends on the situation. Sometimes its the woman he can conveniently get. Most I have seen it's a spectrum some its upgrades, some it's the same, and some it's a downgrade.

 

 

I think proximity and availability are the #1 factor.

 

Also, someone mentioned on another thread that you are probably dealing with a much smaller group of potential partners than you would if you were looking for a more "normal" relationship.

[hotpotato]

Not getting any at home

 

Many men have great sex lives with the wife or gf, but still cheat.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Women cheat too but if you look at the statistics on % of people that cheated on their married partner, men far outnumber women.

[Woggle]

It has nothing to do with gender but people cheat because they can't be faithful but aren't honest enough to find another person who wants an open relationship.