What makes a girl boring, and what makes her interesting?

[thecrucible]

Went on a date with someone from okcupid today. We went to a café and talked before walking around a museum. Conversation seemed slightly strained. I'm not sure if he was interested in anything I was saying although he did ask me a few questions...just seemed like a really awkward date.

 

I worry that I was too boring on the date - I didn't feel comfortable.

 

He's a PhD student. He was getting very intellectual and describing his thesis. Although I've studied some philosophy, I didn't quite understand everything he was saying and told him that...then later he started describing basic philosophical concepts to me which I already know as if I'm dumb (I'm not. I have a degree from a top 5 British university). So he assumes I'm not intellectual simply because I haven't studied philosophy in depth...

 

Then later on in the date, I elaborate about elements of my degree subject and postgraduate I'm working on that I find fascinating and he doesn't say much in reply except "that's interesting..." etc.

 

I'm usually a good conversationalist with most people...but this date makes me think otherwise...that maybe I was too boring for him.

 

He didn't even bother to put a nice shirt on. I don't understand why someone would turn up to a date and not make an effort. I wasn't dressed to the nines, but I did my makeup and wore nice clothing. I tried to engage with him but nothing took off...felt like we both knew about 20 mins in to our 2 hour date that nothing was going to happen there...

 

 

So a question to guys - what makes a woman fascinating? What makes her boring? What makes you want to know more? Have you been in similar situations where you can tell pretty quickly into the date that you don't feel a connection?

 

P. S. I 'm sorry if my questions sound naive - pretty new to the online dating scene.

[HappyLove]

Your first mistake was going on a 2 hour date when it's your first time seeing someone face to face. Should have just went for coffee and kept it about an hour long. Other than that he just sounds like someone who's full of himself. I wouldn't worry about whether you or boring or not.

[sagetalk]

So a question to guys - what makes a woman fascinating? What makes her boring? What makes you want to know more? Have you been in similar situations where you can tell pretty quickly into the date that you don't feel a connection?

 

Don't fall into the trap of instant connection. Men who play women can generate a connection better than the man of your dreams.

 

A boring woman on a first date from an online site would be a girl who only wanted to talk about herself. Also, a girl who puts very little effort into helping the conversation along. If you were not doing both those things, then you two just aren't a good match. Boring has nothing to do with it,

[passion_flower]

Being boring is someone who is to me, being more interested in talking about themselves than listening to what the other person has to say which is exactly how this guy sounds.

[Eivuwan]

He sounds boring. Why do you think you are? This is more your insecurity than anything.

[RonaldS]

Wait, are you implying that he was acting intellectually superior because he's getting a PhD in philosophy?

 

Oh, hahahaha!!! You made it sound like he was doing doctoral work in something you actually have to be intelligent to do. Tell him do get back with you when he can work out a basic stoichiometry problem. Philosophy? He's an expert in other people's opinions? Wow...impressive.

 

And with that, he will probably get a position as a college professor and sit around with other academics patting each other on the backs for....ummmm....having read more books than everybody else?

Edited April 19, 2014 by RonaldS

[J21]

Stop trying to qualify yourself to him. If the connection wasn't there, it just wasn't there. Move on and onto the next!

 

No need to have doubts you were boring. I'm sure you were fine!!!

[RonaldS]

And what are you doing grad work in?

[kodakgirl]

HE sounds boring. On my first date with this one PhD student fellow I of course asked about his thesis, and he is in physics while I'm a total art type so of course I wasn't going to understand all of it, but he made a genuine effort to explain the principles and purpose in lay terms without ever implying I wasn't intelligent enough to get it, and I made a genuine effort to listen and try to understand and especially understand wh he was so passionate about it. It was great!! It was the same with the roles reversed, although my field is a lot more easily accessible. If he can't talk about his work intelligently but understandably, that's his problem... and it really is a problem for his future academic career as well!

 

If you were bored-- which is sounds like you were-- don't jump to blaming yourself. Some people are boring. They might be perfectly decent people, but they're boring. There's nothing wrong with not feeling excited about that.

[drew232]

He was getting very intellectual and describing his thesis.

 

haha that's all you had to say. He's at fault here...

[bluegreen]

Great question!

 

 

 

Men generally "lead" on the date so that tells me he is boring and clueless when it comes to dating and women. Plus, if you two were to date and eventually physical... You would need a lifetime supply of batteries so you can bring yourself to a climax with a toy (which you would have to hid from him because he would think it's cheating).

 

 

 

Good Grief! I would have fell asleep or got up walked out.

 

 

 

This dork doesn't have a personality and he doesn't know his ass from the hole in the ground. He is also very insecure and clueless if this is how dresses, how he conducts himself and what he choose to discuss on dates.

 

 

 

Was this is date or were you two "measuring penis size"?

 

 

 

The guy is an intellectual snob and probably dorkier than Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory.

 

 

 

I do not / will not want to date myself. Meaning... I don't want to date someone who has the same personality, interests, hobbies, desires, goals, career, etc. as mine.

 

Sure I want us to have things we enjoy doing together, common interests and have the same views about important life issues, family, morals, values, how we would raise a family, religion, etc.

 

However, I want someone who brings something to the table, has a life all her own, challenges me on many different levels and shares, educates and make me a part of "her world".

 

If you are into handbags... When you we are out educate me and show me what types / kinds that you like and explain why and what makes some better than others.

 

If you are into Art... Let's go visit local museums and even plan / travel to other cities / countries. Educate me on the differences between Manet and Monet so to speak and the differences of Abstract, Impressionism, Expressionism, etc. and who are your favorite artist, paintings, what it means to you and why.

 

If you are into Preforming Arts... Let's go see some plays, musicals, performances, ballets, symphonies, etc. and even plan / travel to other cities / countries. Educate me on the differences, your favorite types, what it means to you and why.

 

If you are into Outdoor Activities / Sports... Let's join a running, softball, flag football, hiking, etc. league. Let's go rock climbing, skiing, scuba, get a boat, go to the park, get bikes, etc.

 

What I don't want to do is for the girl I am dating to look to me to tell her who she is and what her goals, dreams, passions, etc. are / should be or for me to be her EVERYTHING.

 

I am highly educated and very intelligent like you are. The LAST THING on earth I would be caught dead doing is sitting around Starbucks trying to impress you or a bunch of other dorky intellectual snobs about my knowledge in History, Science, Philosophy, etc. I already know a great deal about it and I don't need to rehash it or want to discuss the occupation of Germany, Theory of Special Relativity or Metaphysics.

 

I want a girly girl who has "womanly" qualities who generally talks about things I don't already know like... What is going on with her family, her co-workers, friends, what her thoughts are of the tv show or movie we saw last night, what outfit she wearing to some event she wants to take me too, what color she should paint her nails, what new restaurant we should try, where we should travel next, why I don't stop and ask for directions, harassing me about the last time I called or went and visited my sisters, when I will go put air in her tires, let's go to the store and try to cook something new or Home Depot and redo / paint a room, etc.

 

 

 

Hot Damn

Perhaps my mistake was not considering dating man in his 40's.

Now for that guy you mention what do I say: is it worse being insecure having no social skills low confidence and poor sense of dressing and manners OR

being patronizing arrogant and snob at same time?

 

If he does call I could safely advise you to say you are either joining nunnery

or have discovered that you are actually lesbian :laugh::laugh:

[Cpt]

Its subjective

 

/thread

 

[thecrucible]

If he does call I could safely advise you to say you are either joining nunnery

or have discovered that you are actually lesbian :laugh::laugh:

 

Thanks. He got in touch with me again. He said that it was nice to meet me, hopes to hang out again sometime. Think I'll ignore it because I'm not looking for someone to hang out with. I'm looking for a serious relationship.

 

I didn't start this thread to have a go at the guy. I'm just genuinely worried that I come across as too boring. I am a natural flirt and I do have a variety of hobbies/interests but I'm not always good at sounding interesting up front - I need time to warm up with people. I've lost a lot of confidence in myself recently ...I don't know...sometimes I wonder why/if any guy could see who I am because I am not great at showing my carefree/fun side as I'm shy to begin with...I don' t want anyone to write me off as boring but I can see why they would

[InnocentMan]

Men generally don't care what a woman talks about. For the most part, he's probably just imagining what you look like naked. Some men can fake an interest in your Drama degree, or your mother/sister/best friend, but most of us are barely even listening.

[KungFuJoe]

Men generally don't care what a woman talks about. For the most part, he's probably just imagining what you look like naked. Some men can fake an interest in your Drama degree, or your mother/sister/best friend, but most of us are barely even listening.

 

You know...maybe your ship sailed a long time ago...and you've resigned yourself to the fact that you're going to remain forever alone...but it would be nice if you would keep these absolutely ridiculous and unhelpful comments to yourself.

 

Assuming that you even believe the drivel you hand out around here.

[Keenly]

Your first mistake was going on a 2 hour date when it's your first time seeing someone face to face. Should have just went for coffee and kept it about an hour long. Other than that he just sounds like someone who's full of himself. I wouldn't worry about whether you or boring or not.

 

The last date I went on lasted five hours. It was our first meeting. It seemed like we both had an awesome time, despite the fact I was freezing and shivering the whole time.

[Keenly]

Its so hard to answer the question of what makes her interesting.

 

 

Referring to the " men don't care " post, I ABSOLUTELY care. Its like 75% of why I will end up liking her.

 

.the men that will listen and take it in still exist.

[InnocentMan]

You know...maybe your ship sailed a long time ago...and you've resigned yourself to the fact that you're going to remain forever alone...but it would be nice if you would keep these absolutely ridiculous and unhelpful comments to yourself.

 

Assuming that you even believe the drivel you hand out around here.

 

Sorry, I should have said 'real' men. I'm aware there is a new breed of us about that actually pretend to listen, but I did mention that. The type of dudes that actually do listen, find themselves online every Saturday night, amassing thousands of posts on the internets:o

[TheKook]

Men generally don't care what a woman talks about. For the most part, he's probably just imagining what you look like naked. Some men can fake an interest in your Drama degree, or your mother/sister/best friend, but most of us are barely even listening.

Well, I certainly hope you were joking lol.

[thecrucible]

This guy just didn't like you a lot,otherwise he would have drawn something out of you,I know with guys like that they make you feel dull and uninteresting but when you sit with a guy whose been in love with you for years you feel like this fascinating,mysterious being,all your best comes out.you didn't click in a way that sets your character off.

 

Trust me you are a fascinating interesting human being just not with him!

 

Thanks dear

 

Yeah unfortunately I take a while to open up. There's a lot more going on with me than meets the eye. Just hope someone will take the time to make an effort to get to know me. Like I say I do try but I find it hard to open up about myself when I'm nervous at a first meeting.....Afterwards I am fine. But my confidence has gone down from guys in the past using me/making me feel anything but special so I worry if I open up too quickly, I'll expose myself to that again...then I think I must be sending disinterested vibes because I'm too passive. I like to be led in relationships

[Cpt]

InnocentMan you speak so much wisdom.

 

OP you're not boring at all, at least from the vibe I get from you.

 

Don't doubt your abilities, who else will believe in you if you don't believe in yourself?

[StanMusial]

Boring: Sedentary and set in her ways

 

Interesting: Willing to try new things, roll with the flow

[GravityMan]

It sounds like his ability to be socially ENGAGING is lacking. Most people who lack that skill are often considered boring (even if their credentials, adventures and accomplishments are vast), and they tend to have a more difficult time connecting with and relating to other people.

 

In addition, it also seems like his mind just wasn't focused on the date or on you, OP. In other words...zoned out, slightly preoccupied, easily distracted. Self-centered, too. And dense.

 

Forget about this guy, OP. Keep your head up and move on.

 

I think the phrase "boring guys finish last" is not far away from the truth.

 

If he's one of those guys who spent way too much time buried in thick textbooks and not enough time in social situations then there's a good chance that will come back to bite him...personally and professionally.

[thecrucible]

InnocentMan you speak so much wisdom.

 

OP you're not boring at all, at least from the vibe I get from you.

 

Don't doubt your abilities, who else will believe in you if you don't believe in yourself?

 

Thanks

 

Yeah I'm disappointed that things haven't happened with this guy or cute guy I mentioned in my other thread. Feel so friendzoned and wonder why. I'm not going for guys who are out of my league - they are in my range. Went out with this guy last night. We talked for a couple of hours and at the end he said "it was nice to meet you. I'm sure we'll meet up again"...so doesn't look good.

 

I have been engaged before so I don't think I'm incapable of finding love. Dating is pretty draining for me now. I haven't been in a serious relationship for 3 years. Initially I enjoyed my freedom but I want to find someone now. I'm 24 and most guys my age seem to want to play the field.

 

I might take "new friends" off my dating profile. I feel a like some people waste my time online. I just put it there so I didn't look hardcore serious but I find that I don't really get a heads up or an indication from anyone that they actually want something serious.

 

Feel like I'm going about everything wrong. Stuck in a cycle of no mutual attraction between me and who I date - either more attraction on my side, or more on his side...so difficult to find a situation where interest is on both sides. And I'm not excessively picky - I give people a chance and go on several dates to see if a spark develops.

[mario_C]

I was thinking about the commercial where the guy is out on a series of dates from hell, and the "boring" girl drones on about nuts. What makes her clearly boring? Stuck on one subject, not interested, usually caused by being afraid to be daring in conversation.

But there are those who can help:

Dilbert comic strip for 10/21/2004 from the official Dilbert comic strips archive.