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I fell asleep, now he's furious


penelopefitz

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penelopefitz

I have been seeing a guy for about 3 weeks now. It hasn't turned serious yet, but it could be going that way. He lives about an hour away from me, but he comes up to my neck of the woods for school.

 

Yesterday at around 2, he told me he'd come see me. I figured he would see me before his class that evening, but no go. His class ends at 7, so then I thought he'd be over right after that, but I was wrong again. 9pm rolls around, and I texted him "Let me know if you're coming or not, otherwise I'm gonna get ready for bed." I was kind of mad I had waited all day just for him, and he hadn't said a word.

 

I waited up, but I accidentally fell asleep between 9 and 9:30. I woke up an hour later and had received 3 texts from 9:38 and 9:42. He had shown up!

 

Now, I'm still in a sleepy haze, but I managed to text him practically a million apologizes. I also tried to call him, but he was ignoring them. I am also able to see when he reads my texts, so he was ignoring those too.

 

I feel terrible. He drove an hour, and I managed to fall asleep. But now I'm wondering this: when he arrived at my place and I wasn't responding to his texts, why didn't he call? Or knock on the door? All of the lights were on in the house and my roommates were home. He sent me three texts and gave up. I also wish he would have told me what time he was coming over.

 

I really like this guy, but he's giving me the silent treatment for falling asleep and not hearing me out. It was an accident! Why didn't he just call me, or knock on the door?

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He didn't drive an hour to come to see you. He had class. So don't feel guilty about that.

 

 

I'm not sure why you are all in knots. His class ended at 7 and he had ample time to text you to let you know what time he'd be over. Nothing for two hours -- 9pm rolls around and you tell him you are going to bed soon. Even then he responds 40 minutes later and only when he is at your home.

 

 

And you need to stop the begging and pleading a million times. You're only feeding his little boy ego. And yes, he could have knocked on the door, had one of your roommates get you, called your phone, etc. I have to wonder why he never attempted contact all evening and then two text messages and he was out of there.

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Passive aggressive, he's punishing you, very ugly character trait. You don't want to date someone like this.

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Passive aggressive, he's punishing you, very ugly character trait. You don't want to date someone like this.

 

^ This ^

 

OP, pay attention. Read up on people that inflict the silent treatment when you cross/upset them.

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penelopefitz

I agree, I'm angry at myself for being so pathetic and him for barely even trying. His texts said, "I'll be there soon." "I'm here" and when I didn't reply, "Penelope!?!?!"

 

This guy is 23 and never had a girlfriend before. We aren't official yet, but I feel like it could go that way. However, I woke up this morning mad at myself. I was practically on my knees telling him how sorry I was I fell asleep. It's not that big of a deal though! He should have called or knocked.

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I agree, I'm angry at myself for being so pathetic and him for barely even trying. His texts said, "I'll be there soon." "I'm here" and when I didn't reply, "Penelope!?!?!"

 

This guy is 23 and never had a girlfriend before. We aren't official yet, but I feel like it could go that way. However, I woke up this morning mad at myself. I was practically on my knees telling him how sorry I was I fell asleep. It's not that big of a deal though! He should have called or knocked.

 

You told him at 9pm that you were heading to bed soon. So, he has no need to get his panties in a knot.

 

He had ample time to communicate with you as to what time he would possibly be there. You don't make someone sit and wait and then think they'd be rolling out the red carpet when you decide to text as you're rolling round the corner.

 

Don't contact him any further. He's sitting there smug now knowing that you are fretting. Once he sees that you aren't kissing his butt, he'll contact you. Even then, you should use this time to think about whether you want to go forward with this -- 3 weeks is still enough time to get out without being painfully hurt.

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I agree, I'm angry at myself for being so pathetic and him for barely even trying. His texts said, "I'll be there soon." "I'm here" and when I didn't reply, "Penelope!?!?!"

 

This guy is 23 and never had a girlfriend before. We aren't official yet, but I feel like it could go that way. However, I woke up this morning mad at myself. I was practically on my knees telling him how sorry I was I fell asleep. It's not that big of a deal though! He should have called or knocked.

 

DO NOT BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF!! Everyone is entitled to fall asleep at night at his/her own place. If he can't understand that, he is way too petty. If my fiancee fell asleep early in our relationship, I would totally understand, and give her a sweet text the next day. This guy doesn't know how to treat a lady. RED FLAG: 23 year old who never had a relationship.... doesn't know how to be a sensible partner.

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He didn't even think to knock on the door? And he's mad at you... What was he doing, standing there thinking 'hmm, she's not replying to my texts. Well, I guess there's no other way of getting in touch with her, best drive home'. His own fault for being an idiot

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Oh I'm sorry, I missed the part where it was OK for him ignore you the entire day and not give you any indication he was even still coming to see you.

 

I'm confused here. This guy didn't say a word to you, and then proceeds to just show up outta no where and thinks you're going to be sitting at the front door awaiting his arrival?

 

Entitled, controlling, passive aggressive, immature, inconsiderate and STUPID AS HELL all come to mind.

 

I'm really confused as to why YOU'RE the one apologizing. This guy has no consideration for you, your schedule, the fact you sat around all day.

 

I wouldn't have kissed his a.ss for even one second. I would have told him off.

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Passive aggressive, he's punishing you, very ugly character trait. You don't want to date someone like this.

 

 

 

^ ^ This (again)

 

 

I'd dump him, OP.

 

 

It's only been 3-weeks and he's treating you like this?

 

 

Imagine later ...

 

 

You deserve better.

 

 

This is a manipulative tactic, on his part. He is trying to make you feel guilty and is pretending that he is the victim.

 

 

So now he's punishing you and giving you the silent treatment?

 

 

Cut him off completely.

 

 

Book recommendation: Susan Forward "Emotional Blackmail"

 

 

Website recommendation: Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

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Candy_Pants

If you continue seeing him these "episodes" will only get more and more frequent, and more and more intense.

 

Do you have a sister? A best girlfriend? What would you advise them to do if they had a guy treating them like this?

 

Let him ignore you. Don't contact him. This person doesn't respect you, and has problems. Don't waste your time.

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I agree, I'm angry at myself for being so pathetic and him for barely even trying. His texts said, "I'll be there soon." "I'm here" and when I didn't reply, "Penelope!?!?!"

 

This guy is 23 and never had a girlfriend before. We aren't official yet, but I feel like it could go that way. However, I woke up this morning mad at myself. I was practically on my knees telling him how sorry I was I fell asleep. It's not that big of a deal though! He should have called or knocked.

 

Sounds exactly like my first boyfriend.

 

Like yours, he was only in his early twenties when he got his first girlfriend, and, like yours, he punished me if I was ever late to speak to him using the exact same tone and words - very desperate, very self-righteous and with this sense of ownership or responsibility over you.

 

Guys who don't get girlfriends early usually stay single for a reason, and then by the time they end up with a girlfriend, use desperately possessive tactics to "keep" you under lock and key because they didn't learn healthy relationship dynamics earlier in their lives and don't know how to behave in a rational way when they do get one.

 

My boyfriend like this also went on to threaten suicide when I wished to terminate the relationship. I should have caught the toxicity of his behavior far, far earlier but I was very young and naive.

 

I'm not saying all men are like this when they get their first girlfriends later, but my gosh is it a trend. And yours is giving off all the warning signs. I would put your foot very firmly down on his actions, because if you get to the point where you tolerate this kind of behavior, it will become normal even to you, and he will wrestle you down with more.

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Sounds exactly like my first boyfriend.

 

Like yours, he was only in his early twenties when he got his first girlfriend, and, like yours, he punished me if I was ever late to speak to him using the exact same tone and words - very desperate, very self-righteous and with this sense of ownership or responsibility over you.

 

Guys who don't get girlfriends early usually stay single for a reason, and then by the time they end up with a girlfriend, use desperately possessive tactics to "keep" you under lock and key because they didn't learn healthy relationship dynamics earlier in their lives and don't know how to behave in a rational way when they do get one.

 

My boyfriend like this also went on to threaten suicide when I wished to terminate the relationship. I should have caught the toxicity of his behavior far, far earlier but I was very young and naive.

 

I'm not saying all men are like this when they get their first girlfriends later, but my gosh is it a trend. And yours is giving off all the warning signs. I would put your foot very firmly down on his actions, because if you get to the point where you tolerate this kind of behavior, it will become normal even to you, and he will wrestle you down with more.

Childish. Go complete NC on this tool. After two days of NC he will be hammering your phone. Up to you if you want to give him a second chance but if you do have a Talk with him about what is acceptable and what isn't.

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You're dating a man child. Think about it OP all you did was fall asleep and he's furious? Did he even have sense enough to ring your phone? I think a 5 year old could figure that out. Later on when this gets worse are you going to pretend you didn't know he was an ass? What are his great qualities that would make you beg him to forgive you? He is gloating right now that he found someone desperate and needy and he's milking it for all it's worth. Pay attention to the person he is. He is showing you exactly the type if man he is! Pay attention!

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OP: everyone is giving the same advice.

 

 

This is collective experience talking.

 

 

Dump him, a.s.a.p., and go "No Contact".

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penelopefitz

Thank you everyone! I felt so bad at first, but my friend and I started realizing that this is completely stupid. I regret those apology texts and calls, because is just not me at all. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. See ya, psycho! :p

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