I'm still in the honeymoon phase.

[Lixxy]

I've been in a relationship with an awesome man for the past 6 years. We live together and love each other very much; arguments or even heated disagreements between us are extremely rare, but even when they do come up we communicate extremely well. So yeah, in all, it's a wonderful relationship.

 

However, the one thing that niggles me, is that I'm still very "swept up in him" - not to the extent that I do not see his faults - but that I still get that "weak in the knees" feeling, the butterflies, the knot in my stomach, etc, and I don't think he feels any of that, which makes it awkward for me to communicate with him on that level. - I don't feel like I can tell him how I feel about him because of this, and I don't want to make him feel awkward if he doesn't reciprocate that stuff.

 

So basically I have all this emotion still that I don't really know what to do with, or how to properly express it if he's not on that same wave-length emotion-wise. He's still very affectionate and loving, and I just wish the intensity of my feelings could calm down so we could be more balanced.

 

It seems he has settled into the stage of calmer, matured love faster than me, whereas I still feel like a giddy teenager at times, so I wish there was some way I could sort of get myself to that stage but at this point I'm worried it might not come.

 

Anyone else experienced a similar thing? Any help or advice is much appreciated!

[Ninjainpajamas]

Sooo....exactly how much older is this guy than you?

[Lixxy]

Sooo....exactly how much older is this guy than you?

 

I'm 5 months older than him.

 

I'm 27, he's 26.

[Smilecharmer]

Lixxy, can you give some examples please?

[Lixxy]

Lixxy, can you give some examples please?

 

Examples of what?

[Smilecharmer]

Examples of what?

 

 

 

What the disparities are in how you act? What you do vs. what he does?

[kaylan]

Where can I find a relationship like this? =P

[Leigh 87]

I know ONE couple like this. out of all the couples I have ever met.

 

Their reason? They were just VERY instinctively attracted to one another on a very primal level.

They had a VERY strong attraction and mutual chemistry between them. they also happened to have similar values and be very similar as people, they ended up as best friends who wanted to shag the hell out of each other daily.

 

The guy is just as into her though... it is obvious through things like:

- the way he looks at her, people often comment about it

- when he drinks he raves to her about how in love he is

- he sometimes cries with joy because he is so overwhelmed with how much he loves her (his eyes well up he doesn't cry like a baby)

- he slept around before her and the instant he met her, he was SO attracted to her on such a deep, natural level.. very instinctive...

I don't know a single guy who feels that way about their partner besides him; he is a manly man, not into PDA in public, not a mushy guy to his friends..

With her though he falls to pieces.

 

This sort of relationship doesn't normally happen for most.

You just won the relationship lotto essentially.

Personally, I would rather be perpetually single than settle for lesser of an attraction that that.....

I will likely remain single, but that is okay. I have seen what I want and I am going to go after it (with a COMPATIBLE man, ahem...)

 

Enjoy your relationship for what it is, what makes you question whether or not your partner is not super into you still?

 

No offence but why aren't you married? After 6 years? Do you fundamentally disagree with the institution?

I know that the man that I know of who is still getting butterflies over his gf will propose around their 1 year mark. He is 27.

 

What about his behaviour concerns you and makes you want to tone down your own butterflies?

Again; it is RARE to feel butterflies to begin with, since most people do not find partners who match their values and want a long term thing, yet who they also get butterflies over.

The fact you even got butterflies to begin with is not the norm for long term R's, most people settle for solid, reliable partners, not men they get butterflies for.

 

The fact you STILL feel excited and these butterflies is rare, perhaps your guy is not the kind of man who feels butterflies or gets giddy like a teen?

[Smilecharmer]

What the disparities are in how you act? What you do vs. what he does?

 

 

 

What I am getting at is how do you know he doesn't feel the same? This is not that unusual. I feel the same for my husband and we have been married for many, many years. I know he feels the same way too because I have talked to him about it. It is a good indicator of compatibility along with chemistry to feel like this so I wouldn't worry that it is somehow a bad thing. I just think he may feel the same but just doesn't share it with you for the same reason you don't share it with him.

What I meant by disparities are things you do...like.... Sometimes I can hear his truck pull into the driveway and I feel like a giddy romantic schoolgirl anticipating seeing his face. When I hear his voice, my heart just starts beating out of my chest and my palms sweat. I can smell his smell and I just grin like a crazy woman longing to touch him.

It isn't a bad thing to still be enamored with your bf.

[Leigh 87]

What I am getting at is how do you know he doesn't feel the same? This is not that unusual. I feel the same for my husband and we have been married for many, many years. I know he feels the same way too because I have talked to him about it. It is a good indicator of compatibility along with chemistry to feel like this so I wouldn't worry that it is somehow a bad thing. I just think he may feel the same but just doesn't share it with you for the same reason you don't share it with him.

What I meant by disparities are things you do...like.... Sometimes I can hear his truck pull into the driveway and I feel like a giddy romantic schoolgirl anticipating seeing his face. When I hear his voice, my heart just starts beating out of my chest and my palms sweat. I can smell his smell and I just grin like a crazy woman longing to touch him.

It isn't a bad thing to still be enamored with your bf.

 

 

Thank god there is hope!

 

I am the type that needs that sort of relationship too. I have just yet to see one beyond my friend and her bf. Where both parties feel the same way.

 

Oh. Phantom220 on this website has that sort of relationship. So two people I know of have it.. plus now you!

 

IDK, in my experience it is quiet rare?

 

EDIT: wait, there is a pretty girl in the beauty salon I frequent once a month who feels the same way about her bf; her bf tells her that after 4 years he still feels just as excited for her to walk through the door....

 

I guess it is not that rare as I thought. Perhaps the OP can have that talk with her bf?

 

The Poster Ruby Slippers suspected her ex wasn't crazy about her in the way she was for him. Turns out he admitted this, saying he "didn't get crazy" about women and he was practical about picking a long term partner who would be a good mother over crazy, teenage love which he didn't place any merit on.

Edited April 18, 2014 by Leigh 87

[True Gent]

Lixxy I'm so jealous of your man

 

I hope to find a woman like you someday.

[Els]

However, the one thing that niggles me, is that I'm still very "swept up in him" - not to the extent that I do not see his faults - but that I still get that "weak in the knees" feeling, the butterflies, the knot in my stomach, etc, and I don't think he feels any of that, which makes it awkward for me to communicate with him on that level. - I don't feel like I can tell him how I feel about him because of this, and I don't want to make him feel awkward if he doesn't reciprocate that stuff.

 

Why don't you think he feels any of that?

 

I just wish the intensity of my feelings could calm down so we could be more balanced.

 

It seems he has settled into the stage of calmer, matured love faster than me, whereas I still feel like a giddy teenager at times, so I wish there was some way I could sort of get myself to that stage but at this point I'm worried it might not come.

 

Anyone else experienced a similar thing? Any help or advice is much appreciated!

I don't think feeling like a giddy teenager is bad at all, unless you are putting up with poor treatment because of that. I mean, if he's treating you well, AND you feel giddy over him - is that really such a bad thing?

 

I'm very happy with my R of an almost similar duration as well; I admit I don't feel giddy ALL the time (there are other things in life to deal with after all), but I do sometimes. I don't see it as a problem. I don't think anyone can tell you with a certainty whether all feelings are 100.000% equal, but I'm fine with just knowing that he feels enough to do all the sweet, loving things that he does to make me happy.

[xxoo]

We are like this (giddy school kids in love) a lot of the time. But you wouldn't necessarily know it by his words. He's not that verbally expressive.

 

But if I need a dress for an event, he pushes to go dress shopping, even dragging small kids along, and enjoys buying it for me.

 

And when a romantic or sexy song comes on the radio, he grabs my hand in the càr and squeezes in a way that makes my heart pound. And sometimes my loins ache.

 

I could mention dozens of other small ways he shows his adoration, but he's not likely to put it in words more than a couple times a year.

 

He definitely shows it in bed. He's still very interested and very attentive on that dept.

 

Reading about "love languages" may help. Maybe he's expressing it and you don't recognize his language.

Edited April 18, 2014 by xxoo

[Ninjainpajamas]

I'm 5 months older than him.

 

I'm 27, he's 26.

 

Well that's surprising! there's been a strong trend going on in LS, so had to filter that one out first (I wish all posts included ages, it would make things a lot easier instead of having to fish for information.

 

It's great that you still have these feelings, it could be because you're obsessive or actually in love, but based on his behavior it seems clear he's not on the same level, so the advice is a bit surprising.

 

I see a lot of guys in relationships with women that are just kind of lazy and dependent, don't really have the skills, motivation to move on and of course they can still love the woman just clearly not in love with her. He's very young and inexperienced, he doesn't know or remember anything different if this has been his life for the past six years. And how would you know you're in love if you were never in love before? Love can be a tricky thing at a young age, but that's for people to figure out for themselves.

 

A lot of the time when men aren't in love that's when you start to hear things like "well he's just not expressive or that way" or "he shows his love in other ways" but I know men really well and sometimes that's really just a scape-goat, but women always give men the benefit of the doubt, after all its not like you're trying to prove he doesn't love you the same, it's not like you want "throw away" the last x amount of years, so you're trying to convince yourself that he does feel the same way and you'll settle for the evidence that supports that, all the guy really has to do is say or do a few things and for most women that's enough....unless of course she doesn't really love him so she doesn't really care as much.

 

What you need to do is just communicate with him at this point and figure out what he sees in his future and where he sees the relationship going...is he just comfortable the way it is? Or does he love you enough to make a bigger commitment? If the man loves you he's going to see an automatic future with you, whether he's in love or just loves you, either way it can move forward depending on the kind of man he is, some are fine the way things are others aren't in it for the Long haul necessarily but fine with things for now.

[Lixxy]

Enjoy your relationship for what it is, what makes you question whether or not your partner is not super into you still?

 

He has told me he doesn't get those feelings. Doesn't make him love me any less of course, but simply that he doesn't really get those feelings.

 

No offence but why aren't you married? After 6 years? Do you fundamentally disagree with the institution?

I know that the man that I know of who is still getting butterflies over his gf will propose around their 1 year mark. He is 27.

 

Neither of us desire marriage, (or children). The thought of proposal after just one year to me is crazy, but just mho!

 

What about his behaviour concerns you and makes you want to tone down your own butterflies?

Again; it is RARE to feel butterflies to begin with, since most people do not find partners who match their values and want a long term thing, yet who they also get butterflies over.

 

I'd just prefer to not feel as extreme if his emotions don't match. But I also see this as being petty on my part, being as beneath this, our relationship is great. I don't feel like I should be hung up on this when the rest is so great, you know? It's just annoying to feel extremes of passion I don't feel like I can talk to him about, lest there's some disconnect. It doesn't seem worth it to me to regale him with tales about my endless passion for him when he won't be able to reciprocate that, you know?

 

The fact you even got butterflies to begin with is not the norm for long term R's, most people settle for solid, reliable partners, not men they get butterflies for.

 

That's the thing though: We have a solid, reliable partnership. I just get "butterflies" (going to use that as a broad term for these feelings that don't match his, lol), for him atop of everything else.

 

We work well together, have the same kinds of goals, ambitions, desire for the future, we share the same morals, ethics and takes on many things. Essentially we are perfect for each other, I just wish I could grow out of this zone I seem to have settled in whereby my romantic passion is very high and his is very low.

[Grumpybutfun]

Ninjas post is right on, and I will just add this...he isn't as into you as you are him and if that doesn't bother you, then don't worry about all the superfluous stuff. Personally I want the same measure of feeling, but I get that not all people do. Men do feel this "butterflies" you speak of, I can't remember not feeling that way about my woman. It is a level of awareness and intensity that other people just have never invoked and a tightness in my chest, a flutter in the pit of my stomach and an excitement to her presence. Most people don't need this though so just Enjoy your relationship and accept that you are just more into him. Nothing wrong with that.

Best,

Grumps

[Ruby Slippers]

Was he "swept up in you" at first and is no longer? Or was he never moony over you at all?

[Leigh 87]

Did he ever get butterflies for you, lixxy?

 

Do you think he is incapable of feeling "crazy" about any girl? Is he just a practical guy who doesn't seek out the butterflies? Or is he not the type who can get all "excited" about a girl, in general?

 

I am unsure of this answer myself.

[todreaminblue]

My fifteen year relationship that ended was intensely passionate.....a fair whack of it was long distance so the passion existed longer i feel.......the passion was from both sides however highly sexual and affectionate relationship.....we touched all the time......we had kids so we weren't inappropriately touching but kisses and hugs and things like that it continued pretty much all the way......

 

 

now when he wasn't around i still felt passion for him but couldn't express it, i was loyal......so i would throw myself into raising my children and looking after my home and study, dancing, aerobics ,yoga, jogging with my dog,planning getaways when he did come home, holidays, paying bills, kickboxing and i would volunteer at the school tuckshop and i also had a few close female and friends i would also spend time with ........i got extremely fit..but i also got sick i took on a a little too much for the multitudes......and didn't leave anytime for my heart to rest

 

 

so what i am saying might help is activity...dancing is awesome for emotions that you dont express so maybe even a dance class..i helped othrs...i fidn that satisfying......and physically and mentally draining...i would question how affectionate he is with you and whether you are often feeling down and dissatisfied however.......because then maybe there is a deeper underlying issue that needs to be addressed as you have previously said .....you have discussions and arguments calmly and rationally you guys might be able to come up with a solution together.........hugs....deb

[hoping2heal]

Do you really think it's the honeymoon phase. BD & I are same as you describe 5.5 years in. There are times I get totally giddy and over the moon, weak in the knees or intense longing, etc. But, it isn't like that every day, every second of the day either. I think of the honeymoon phase as that period where you can't possibly focus or see anything else. I think I definitely love him (and know him!) way more deeply than at the start and we both have our own things going on that we need to be focused for. But there are always those moments when we are just so cute it would make a bystander puke :love::love::D:D:D:D:D.

 

Could it be you are having trouble "reading his cues" because they aren't the same as yours? No doubt he is crazy over you still.

[Els]

He has told me he doesn't get those feelings. Doesn't make him love me any less of course, but simply that he doesn't really get those feelings.

 

How does he express his love to you, in that case?