MsLady79 Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Summary: -Known each other for two years; in the last 6mos we've became closer and yes sex has come into play - he has some financial stuff he trying to take care -says he's not ready NOW for a relationship; on the flip side I told him I'm not either b/c 6 mos ago I started a 1yr contract job 180mi; I come home once every 3 or 4 weeks. - I gave him the key to my home when I left so he'd keep an eye on it (he checks it once a week- shoveled snow, checks w/ neighbors, and etc). -About 2 weeks ago, I told him I was going to rent part of my home out particularly to a male b/c women (friends) haven't been working out for me. He added that he might consider taking the place but was hesitant b/c its a little out his way when heading to work (adds 30mins to his commute) - Five days ago, during the convo where we discussed where we where... stated he adored me but just wasnt ready right now for a relationship, he knew he couldn't do what we was suppose to and didn't want to be that guy. - In the same convo, he say he gonna move in around June to help me out ( I have a mortgage and I'm renting in the state that I work; he works crazy hours, his family stays at his house so he's gonna let them "have it" n stay at my place b/c it will be peaceful). -He's in his early 40s and I'm a mid 30s. there's no doubt there's feeling from both our ends, no games have been played to date, he's respectful, honest, trusting ( hell I gave him my key) and so on...my question is, Why is he doing all of this...is this a game or does he really want me? Is trying to keep me close until he taken care of his business so we could. enter a relationship? I'm going to keep my options open but he will always be the one I want...just don't know where to put him, so to speak. Is he a sheep in wolf's clothing? I dont' believe he is, but if he is, he has a damn good seamstress Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Why does it have to be black or white? A man can care for a woman, wants what's best for her, wants to help her but doesn't want a relationship with her. I am not ready for a relationship = I am not ready for a relationship with YOU. It's man talk. When in love there is no such a thing as wrong time, too much distance, and too many bills to pay. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RamiTia Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 There are a couple ways to look at this, but none of them seem good. First, he's never told you to wait from what I'm hearing. He's clearly telling you he doesn't want to be in a relationship. Therefore, it's never going to happen. Second, are you wanting a relationship? Because you've never told him. Or you've implied that you're okay with keeping the current arrangement going. I don't think he's necessarily a wolf in sheep's clothing; it sounds like he's being upfront with you. But are you listening? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsLady79 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 the conversation started w/ me letting him know, dishonesty, and him switching up on me are not options for him and that I am not signing up to be someone he kicked it with or FWB...he thought I was accusing him of these things and I clarified saying that these are things I don't want to occur w/ us and that I enjoyed his company, enjoyed talking to him and etc but understand when I come home this fall I'm going to want more and if we are still talking and getting to know one another he will be the one I'm going to want it from... he verbalized the active listening cues like "alright" "understood" and etc while I was speaking then he said some things amongst which was I adore you...but I'm just not ready right now.(so we both saying right now isnt good) Then he goes on to tell me he will help me out by moving in... Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 He doesn't want a relationship with YOU. If the right girl came along and he fell madly in love, he would absolutely have a relationship with her. He likes you, he even adores you and you add a lot to his life, he likes having you as a friend to sleep with, who he probably has minor romantic feelings for. He is not, however, super into you..... he is not smitten with you. Move on before he finds "that girl" who he is nuts about and decides to have a relationship with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RamiTia Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 It may not be *you*, it may be ANYONE. He's in his 40's and single. Sounds like its for a reason: he doesn't WANT a relationship. Also, you KNOW it's a bad idea for him to move in. Don't let that happen. You're setting yourself up for a world of hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsLady79 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 He is a truly good person...I was just hoping he was one in a however many whom truly just need time and not what y'all say he is doing Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 - In the same convo, he say he gonna move in around June to help me out ( I have a mortgage and I'm renting in the state that I work; he works crazy hours, his family stays at his house so he's gonna let them "have it" n stay at my place b/c it will be peaceful). Please find a renter that you do not have emotional ties with to help you with the mortgage. You're creating possible drama and chaos for yourself by allowing a man that you are emotionally involved with to move into your home, a man that you aren't really sure as to what his motives are, a man that is possibly toying with your emotions, a man that isn't ready to get involved with you, etc. You're creating a bad situation for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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