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Flaky behaviour?


lovesickpuppy

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lovesickpuppy

I've been speaking to this guy I met online since the beginning of February. We have spoken pretty much every single day, about anything and everything, we've been open with each other and I do like him. We first arranged to meet at the end of last month, the day after Mother's Day. Right before we were due to meet, he cancelled last minute claiming that because it was near to Mother's Day and his mums mother had died recently that his mum was too upset to be alone in the house and needed company. I totally understood although I was a little confused as to why he didn't cancel earlier seeing as he already knew it was Mother's Day and if he's so close to his mum he'd know she didn't like being alone during this time? We then rearranged for the following Monday, which we did finally meet, and as far as dates go I am sure it went amazing, we just talked as if we'd known each other for years and by the end we couldn't keep our hands off each other..yet he still had an excuse that he had to leave early because he'd made plans with friends.. Again, fine by me but annoyed me a little as I was expecting to spend a little more time with him because we got on so well.

Fast forward to today, we've had this date planned even before the other dates, so I expect that he's all prepared and ready. Yesterday he text, telling me he's sorry but he can only stay until 6ish, but he will come to see me earlier, fine by me. I get a text this morning telling me his dad has fallen off a ladder..and for some reason I just don't believe him. There always seems to be an issue with us meeting, where I end up getting cancelled on, and if not cancelled on he can never stay the full date, he has to leave early.

I don't understand? I don't get why you would invest time in speaking to me every single day yet when it comes to meeting there always seems to be an issue? I'm upset, I haven't told him that but I'm starting to think I am wasting my time. What do you guys think?

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sounds he is telling you excuses.. don't know why some guys do that rather than say us they are not interested straight away...however I would start to be less available if I were you... if he is really interested he will contact you.

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PegNosePete

You don't have to understand why he's doing it. All that matters is that this kind of thing is unacceptable, you should not allow yourself to be treated this way. Cut him loose and find someone who is respectful of you and your time.

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It's kind of unusual, I don't know if I would draw any conclusion yet. Do you have his full name? Does he live with his parents? How old?

 

Also tonight's date, I would tell him I would like to reschedule to a day I can have his entire attention instead of little bits here and there.

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I think he's married.

 

you think? ...

 

Oh yes, definitely....

 

I've been speaking to this guy I met online since the beginning of February. We have spoken pretty much every single day, about anything and everything, we've been open with each other and I do like him. We first arranged to meet at the end of last month, the day after Mother's Day. Right before we were due to meet, he cancelled last minute claiming that because it was near to Mother's Day and his mums mother had died recently that his mum was too upset to be alone in the house and needed company. I totally understood although I was a little confused as to why he didn't cancel earlier seeing as he already knew it was Mother's Day and if he's so close to his mum he'd know she didn't like being alone during this time? We then rearranged for the following Monday, which we did finally meet, and as far as dates go I am sure it went amazing, we just talked as if we'd known each other for years and by the end we couldn't keep our hands off each other..yet he still had an excuse that he had to leave early because he'd made plans with friends.. Again, fine by me but annoyed me a little as I was expecting to spend a little more time with him because we got on so well.

Fast forward to today, we've had this date planned even before the other dates, so I expect that he's all prepared and ready. Yesterday he text, telling me he's sorry but he can only stay until 6ish, but he will come to see me earlier, fine by me. I get a text this morning telling me his dad has fallen off a ladder..and for some reason I just don't believe him. There always seems to be an issue with us meeting, where I end up getting cancelled on, and if not cancelled on he can never stay the full date, he has to leave early.

I don't understand? I don't get why you would invest time in speaking to me every single day yet when it comes to meeting there always seems to be an issue? I'm upset, I haven't told him that but I'm starting to think I am wasting my time. What do you guys think?

 

The phrase 'family first' comes to mind, and I don't mean parents, I mean wife and kids.

 

Oh yes. This guys is definitely married.

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Like Marta said, don't be so available. He might be married or in a relationship with another girl who knows.

 

Let him invite you on a date and if he cancels again then stop talking to him because it's not worth wasting your time for nothing.

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lovesickpuppy

Thank you for the responses.

I don't think he's married, he still lives at home with his parents. This whole time, I've had a gut feeling that something isn't quite right, I just can't put my finger on it. He is 27, I am 22.

He has only just apologised now, saying he will speak to me later. I'm just ignoring him. I don't want to waste my time. I'm already upset, I can't make any other plans because I told all my friends I was busy so they've gone off to do their own things in this amazing weather, and I'm laid in bed with a face like a slapped arse.

I don't know which way to go from here, I really liked him, he text me the minute he left after our first date, and continued to be in constant touch with me since, all the giveaway signs that he likes me and yet he's so flaky! I'm no idiot either, I know when a guy likes someone he will move mountains to see her. This guy clearly just isn't as invested as he is claiming to be and I've been taken for a ride :(

My actions from here? I hate the moment you think something is finally going right for you and BAM, turns out to be like every other **** situation.

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Thank you for the responses.

I don't think he's married, he still lives at home with his parents. This whole time, I've had a gut feeling that something isn't quite right, I just can't put my finger on it. He is 27, I am 22.

He has only just apologised now, saying he will speak to me later. I'm just ignoring him. I don't want to waste my time. I'm already upset, I can't make any other plans because I told all my friends I was busy so they've gone off to do their own things in this amazing weather, and I'm laid in bed with a face like a slapped arse.

I don't know which way to go from here, I really liked him, he text me the minute he left after our first date, and continued to be in constant touch with me since, all the giveaway signs that he likes me and yet he's so flaky! I'm no idiot either, I know when a guy likes someone he will move mountains to see her. This guy clearly just isn't as invested as he is claiming to be and I've been taken for a ride :(

My actions from here? I hate the moment you think something is finally going right for you and BAM, turns out to be like every other **** situation.

 

Now now, stop acting like a little girl.

 

1. Do not ignore him he offered to explain then listen to him

 

2. You judge him based on not much

 

3. Everything could be explainable but you will only know if you hear him out.

 

4. You know nothing of him, maybe one of his parents suffers from Alzheimer or any other illnesses, I am extrapolating here but could be a legitimate excuse.

 

5. Stop acting butt hurt, He has not done anything horrible yet.

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No, he's not living with his parents.

He's living with his wife and the mother of his children.

 

He just uses his parents as an excuse, because it's a lot more convenient, credible and 'heart-warming' to make it sound as if he's 'helping the aged' rather than doing what he knows he should be doing - like, focusing on his wife and kids....

 

"I can't get away, to marry you today -

My wife won't let me!"

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I'm feeling sorry for myself, sorry about the last post guys.

 

we have all been in those kind of situations you dont have to be sorry if you are upset!

why dont you call your friends and tell them you are free and join them? dont waste the beautiful sun ( I live in London and its marvelous over here ) inside cause you will get even more depressed.

dont wait for him, just go out and try to enjoy yourself with your friends :)

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I think he's married.

 

^^^ This, or maybe not married but atleast he has a girlfriend. Cancelling and cutting dates short usually means there is someone else. After his date he goes home to his wife/girlfriend.

 

Could be something else though, but this smells fishy.

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A long time ago I went on a couple of dates with this guy who was also limited with his time. Turns out he had the sole custody of his quadriplegic 10 years old. It's not something he wanted to put in his profile or talk about on a first date.

 

Lets just hear what he has to say.

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A long time ago I went on a couple of dates with this guy who was also limited with his time. Turns out he had the sole custody of his quadriplegic 10 years old. It's not something he wanted to put in his profile or talk about on a first date.

 

Lets just hear what he has to say.

 

Yeah, let's hope he will be honest .....

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meh.... he says he lives with his parents.

But the original post is full of red flags and even the OP had a gut instinct he was lying.

 

I'd ask him where he lives so I could send his dad a get-well card.

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lovesickpuppy
meh.... he says he lives with his parents.

But the original post is full of red flags and even the OP had a gut instinct he was lying.

 

I'd ask him where he lives so I could send his dad a get-well card.

 

Hahaha, I think I might just do that!

 

I have done some online stalking, everything seems in order, there's just definitely something fishy regarding his relationship status.

Ah well, another one bites the dust!

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How many misunderstanding couples would avoid if they would just stop 'assuming' and would just 'talk and listen'.

 

OP do you have his full name? Looking up if someone is married is easy nowadays.

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Hello_is_it_me
A long time ago I went on a couple of dates with this guy who was also limited with his time. Turns out he had the sole custody of his quadriplegic 10 years old. It's not something he wanted to put in his profile or talk about on a first date.

 

Lets just hear what he has to say.

 

Yeah, but there's something about the whole "I can't stay past 6 pm" thing that sends off red flags. I'm leaning more towards married/relationship than caregiving mama's boy.

 

But even if the real reason was that he was doting on his parents, he has still shown very early on where his priorities lie. This guy should have anticipated beforehand about the mother's day thing being an issue (and it wasn't even mother's day. It was the day after). But yet he cancels last minute. So even if he's truly helping out the parents he's being disrespectful to the OP. I would cut him loose, or give him one last chance. I can't stand serial flakers.

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Standard-Fare

People are flaky as hell with online dating. I've been in this same situation before, with people canceling on me last minute and botching my evening. It's really inconsiderate and aggravating, but unfortunately I think it's sort of becoming the norm.

 

And people do often use serious excuses, like funeral/injuries/family members in trouble. It's the same tired stuff they used for handing in their paper late in high school. They do that so you can't call them on it and get pissed.

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PegNosePete
People are flaky as hell with online dating.

Well, my experience doesn't match that at all. I've been on many online dates and only once have I had a first-date cancellation, with around 24 hours notice given. Second or subsequent dates, never had a single cancellation.

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I've been speaking to this guy I met online since the beginning of February. We have spoken pretty much every single day, about anything and everything, we've been open with each other and I do like him. We first arranged to meet at the end of last month, the day after Mother's Day. Right before we were due to meet, he cancelled last minute claiming that because it was near to Mother's Day and his mums mother had died recently that his mum was too upset to be alone in the house and needed company. I totally understood although I was a little confused as to why he didn't cancel earlier seeing as he already knew it was Mother's Day and if he's so close to his mum he'd know she didn't like being alone during this time? We then rearranged for the following Monday, which we did finally meet, and as far as dates go I am sure it went amazing, we just talked as if we'd known each other for years and by the end we couldn't keep our hands off each other..yet he still had an excuse that he had to leave early because he'd made plans with friends.. Again, fine by me but annoyed me a little as I was expecting to spend a little more time with him because we got on so well.

Fast forward to today, we've had this date planned even before the other dates, so I expect that he's all prepared and ready. Yesterday he text, telling me he's sorry but he can only stay until 6ish, but he will come to see me earlier, fine by me. I get a text this morning telling me his dad has fallen off a ladder..and for some reason I just don't believe him. There always seems to be an issue with us meeting, where I end up getting cancelled on, and if not cancelled on he can never stay the full date, he has to leave early.

I don't understand? I don't get why you would invest time in speaking to me every single day yet when it comes to meeting there always seems to be an issue? I'm upset, I haven't told him that but I'm starting to think I am wasting my time. What do you guys think?

 

I would think he's married or involved with someone else.

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lovesickpuppy
Yeah, but there's something about the whole "I can't stay past 6 pm" thing that sends off red flags. I'm leaning more towards married/relationship than caregiving mama's boy.

 

But even if the real reason was that he was doting on his parents, he has still shown very early on where his priorities lie. This guy should have anticipated beforehand about the mother's day thing being an issue (and it wasn't even mother's day. It was the day after). But yet he cancels last minute. So even if he's truly helping out the parents he's being disrespectful to the OP. I would cut him loose, or give him one last chance. I can't stand serial flakers.

 

You know, I've taken a step back and thought to myself 'maybe I'm over reacting' and after reading your post I cannot agree with you more. I have no problem with his closeness to his parents, if he is telling me the truth that is. My issue is his last minute cancellations and the fact he can't commit to spending more than a few hours with me so we can get to know each other better. However, if he is lying, which I suspect, I had a feeling last night this was going to happen to be honest, then it just shows what type of person he is and exactly where his priorities lie. I'm going N/C, if he decides to contact me to rearrange, again I'll give him the benefit of the doubt one more time. BUT, as far as I'm concerned, right now, he's made his impression on me, and it's not a very good one because of his flaky actions, so I'm taking my eggs elsewhere!

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