Weird response (verbal attack) and your own experiences

[Trapito]

Hey LS,

 

I just put a dating app (Tinder) on my smartphone. It is connected with your profile pics on FB. You set the age, distance and gender you prefer. You get to see pics and either swipe them to the left (not interesting), or to the right (interested). If you are both interested, you can chat and get to know each other. Sounds good!

 

After I've been single for three years (with a couple of dates, nothing serious), I have decided to take a look around. Online dating (and dating by app) is getting lesser and lesser of a taboo (The Netherlands).

 

I've got a couple of nice matches and I am starting to enjoy the chatting (a little bit scary because it's new for me).

 

One guy who is my match said: Hi, you are delicious!

 

Me: Hi, you are very direct.

 

Him: Is that a problem?

 

Me: No problem. I understand that Tinder is for getting to know each other, chatting and dating. Of course it is also for other things (hookups). I'm not interested in the last one. I wish you fun and good luck.

 

I thought I handled it nicely and with respect. I can understand we are not looking for the same, no problem. We each go our own way. Apparently he got mad.

 

Him: Hahaha! You are not 100%

Him: You are craaaaazy!

Him: You need to go find a psychiatrist!

 

I was not expecting this reaction. If I saw his intentions wrong, he could just tell me, instead he told me I apparently have mental problems.

 

I blocked him. Problem solved.

 

Did I see this all wrong? I have been out of the game for quite some time, so maybe I did something wrong. Or he is just an assclown.

 

Anyone else with weird experiences with Tinder or a similar dating app?

Edited April 15, 2014 by Trapito

[hoping2heal]

Never used tinder or a dating app

 

But, if I had gotten a response such as that from someone I would be assured I made the right decision to kiss that sucker goodbye.

 

(Warning: polarizing statement) No guy of value is going to respond in such a childish and petty way.

[GorillaTheater]

I wouldn't know a dating app if I tripped over one, but this is interesting.

 

I think you read too much into his statement that you're "delicious". That could mean he was looking for a hookup, but not necessarily.

 

However, your instinct that he may have been an assclown seems to have been right on target.

[Trapito]

Thanks for your response.

 

I thought I was just being polite by telling him I was not interested, but that I hope he finds what he's looking for.

 

Next time I will not respond to guys like this.

[slizl]

I think he was being playful and you took it too far by assuming what his intentions were. Granted, I wouldn't tell a girl she looked "delicious" on a first text, but basically he was saying that you were cute. I'm sure he is an ass in real life, but I would be a little wierded out by your responce. I hate when girls assume that a guy is just out for a hookup (even though most of the time, that's all it is).

[GemmaUK]

I have no knowledge of Tinder but on dating sites I have experienced nasty first mails and second ones when I have simply said I didn't think we were a match and wished them well.

They happen fairly often. Moreso around a full moon I find.

 

This is the reason many women just don't reply when mailed on OLD as abusive responses are pretty common.

 

Just block and ignore.

[Trapito]

Hmm, I thought 'delicious' was quite obvious. He could have said 'cute' or 'pretty' or 'nice looking'. That's why I thought he was being very direct. I had exes tell me in the bedroom I was 'delicious', so I thought his 'Hi' was quite sexual.

 

Oh well.

[hoping2heal]

I think he was being playful and you took it too far by assuming what his intentions were. Granted, I wouldn't tell a girl she looked "delicious" on a first text, but basically he was saying that you were cute. I'm sure he is an ass in real life, but I would be a little wierded out by your responce. I hate when girls assume that a guy is just out for a hookup (even though most of the time, that's all it is).

 

I can agree, that maybe her assumption of a hookup was too forward. But, even if she was mistaken - that was a petty way to respond. He could have showed some class but he doesn't have any to put on display.

[deathandtaxes]

It is generally agreed that Tinder is a hookup app. Nothing more. Nothing less. If you're not wanting to hookup, OP, stay off Tinder.

[Trapito]

It is generally agreed that Tinder is a hookup app. Nothing more. Nothing less. If you're not wanting to hookup, OP, stay off Tinder.

 

Aah, thanks!

 

I thought it was a dating app. I have friends who met their partners on there and I read the first Tinder marriage is a fact. I also have friends who had some awesome (and some not so awesome) dates.

 

I'm not really looking for a hookup. Yes, they can be fun, I know. I'm just dipping my toes in the dating pool and I will see what comes of it. Right now I'm chatting with a guy that seems nice and smart. I'm keeping my hopes low and will ignore/block if necessary.

[Gaeta]

It's not just a hook up app. It is also a dating app. You will just find a lot of crap on it like on POF.

 

When I got messages on POF saying : You look delicious I would answer 'get lost'.

 

If he'd get back to me with something else then I would let him have it. Very therapeutic. I did regularly shed all my frustration of the online jerks.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Tinder is not solely for hooking up. I met my current boyfriend on there, and while I was using it actively met many great, high quality guys, the ones I chose to meet weren't looking just to hook up either. Sure, many people are on there for that, but you can deduce that pretty easily from their messages. And if they do pull the wool over your eyes, and you meet up and they try it on well, just don't sleep with them and move on.

 

Anyway I think that you probably read too much into his initial message. It just sounded flirty and a way of telling you that you were hot. If you're on an app which basically involves rating whether or not you're attracted to the other person's pictures, I would assume a certain amount of flirtatiousness. But something like that just sounds like banter to me, it's not a 'hey, wanna ****?'

 

Additionally if someone messages you and you're not interested based on their message or whatever, simply don't reply, or block them. Replying with a negative, after they feel like they've gotten lucky with a match, is not unlikely to cause some kind of retort. This is why most women don't reply 'no thanks' politely on internet dating sites. I would reply with a negative if the person actually asked me outright why I had clicked 'yes' but not spoken to them, but otherwise I just would leave it.

[Poppyolive]

Yah that's the thing with tinder, pof, online dating in general.. It can be mostly positive & fun but there will be a few nutjobs to weed out....

 

You did the right thing, block, next! I use both aps if I don't like the message sent I immediately block. I have some weird forward comments and I just don't entertain it, i did the first few times but found myself getting worked up.. After all its easy to hide behind a screen and say awful, forward things! Stay safe have fun!

[Trapito]

It's not just a hook up app. It is also a dating app. You will just find a lot of crap on it like on POF.

 

When I got messages on POF saying : You look delicious I would answer 'get lost'.

 

If he'd get back to me with something else then I would let him have it. Very therapeutic. I did regularly shed all my frustration of the online jerks.

 

 

Hèhè! That sounds like fun and indeed very therapeutic

 

But I will just ignore or block from now on. I guess I just have to look out for myself.

 

I have dated in the past few years with men I meet when I'm out dancing with girlfriends. I look very young for my age and I often get hit on by men many years younger. After two dates, I just see them as my little brother or something. So I thought I would try something else.

 

Other than the assclown, this is fun! I'm starting to have nice and fun conversations (not to mention the huge ego boost). I'm trying to go with the flow and to keep it light with lots of humour.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I would ignore or block especially on a site like Tinder, where you have invited contact by clicking 'yes' on them, even moreso than a site like POF where anybody can message you without you indicating your interest. It can feel a bit of a slap in the face to some people that you've indicated your interest but then told them directly you're not interested. Especially when many men don't get too many matches compared to most women (who get TONNES!) so when they do get one, they notice it. Whereas lots of people don't check it daily or whatever so if you don't receive a reply it's not exactly a huge deal, you can just tell yourself they haven't seen it if you're the type to get too overinvested

[Trapito]

I would ignore or block especially on a site like Tinder, where you have invited contact by clicking 'yes' on them, even moreso than a site like POF where anybody can message you without you indicating your interest. It can feel a bit of a slap in the face to some people that you've indicated your interest but then told them directly you're not interested. Especially when many men don't get too many matches compared to most women (who get TONNES!) so when they do get one, they notice it. Whereas lots of people don't check it daily or whatever so if you don't receive a reply it's not exactly a huge deal, you can just tell yourself they haven't seen it if you're the type to get too overinvested

 

 

Thanks! Will do!

 

Like I said, this is all new for me. I'm trying to figure it out. I'm now engaging in multiple conversations (jeeej me!). I have never multi dated, but I think I will give it a try (if I find mre than one guy interesting).

[acrosstheuniverse]

Thanks! Will do!

 

Like I said, this is all new for me. I'm trying to figure it out. I'm now engaging in multiple conversations (jeeej me!). I have never multi dated, but I think I will give it a try (if I find mre than one guy interesting).

 

Multi dating is the way forward! It would take forever to find the right person if you dated each person consecutively I think. I reckon after a couple dates you generally know if you can see it going anywhere and that's when you can reduce down to that one person, and I wouldn't personally be multi dating once I got sexual with somebody, but it sure helps to take your mind off focusing too much too soon on any one person before anything has really warranted that much enthusiasm and focus and like I say, it stops you wasting a whole heap of time. When I multi dated I could go on dates with three guys in a week easily, and discover I wasn't really that into any of them. That discovery therefore took a week to eliminate three people rather than three weeks. Sounds cold and brutal but it's the way dating is these days I think. Once I met someone I liked I happily gave it up, and I never had any hard feelings whatsoever about being one of many dates a guy was having with different women including me.

[Trapito]

Multi dating is the way forward! It would take forever to find the right person if you dated each person consecutively I think. I reckon after a couple dates you generally know if you can see it going anywhere and that's when you can reduce down to that one person, and I wouldn't personally be multi dating once I got sexual with somebody, but it sure helps to take your mind off focusing too much too soon on any one person before anything has really warranted that much enthusiasm and focus and like I say, it stops you wasting a whole heap of time. When I multi dated I could go on dates with three guys in a week easily, and discover I wasn't really that into any of them. That discovery therefore took a week to eliminate three people rather than three weeks. Sounds cold and brutal but it's the way dating is these days I think. Once I met someone I liked I happily gave it up, and I never had any hard feelings whatsoever about being one of many dates a guy was having with different women including me.

 

This is what I intend to do. I'm not planning on sleeping with multiple people when dating, I want to get to know them before I would go anywhere further. By then, I think I would have dated lots of guys to make sure we click.

[Trapito]

Aaand.. Blocked number two.

 

We were just chatting, when I got a phone call. In the time of my phone call, he sent multiple messages. The last ones were: "I don't have any gass in my car, can you come over here?" Did he really expect me to drive over to him? A guy I have never met..

 

It's late here in The Netherlands, not appropriate. Block. I think I'm getting the hang of it. I had men in bars ask me to come home with me before (drunk and horny), but asking someone you don't know to come over late at night? Are there actually women who would do this?

[ThatMan]

So apparently you are not 100%

What does that even mean?!

 

And why can I not stop the voice of Richard Simmons from narrating inside my mind while reading the messages from the random man who thinks you're simply delicious. That has to be the most flamboyant pickup line I've ever heard. Real men who aren't in the closet will call you beautiful if they're polite and something else if they're in the gutter. What the heck.

Edited April 16, 2014 by ThatMan
phone

[Trapito]

Thanks for your response.

 

I think it's a dutch thing: You're not really 100% = there is something wrong with you.

 

I also thought calling someone you don't know 'delicious' (like I am food or something), was weird.

 

Swiping through profile pics can be quite weird too: man with fish, man with car, another man with a big fish, a penis.. A PENIS? Yikes! I wonder if mr. Penis gets many matches.

[Hello_is_it_me]

OP you overreacted whereas he was just giving you a "hello." (albeit in a very direct manner lol) I don't blame him reacting that way after he greets you and you basically tell him off, assuming his intentions (which he never even made) lol.

[RonaldS]

I've told girls (IRL and on Tinder) that they're delicious even when I had no intention of hooking up with them. It's actually a compliment; it's just that it's a very flirty compliment.

 

'You're pretty' or 'you're beautiful' are about the most generic, lamest things you can say to a woman. 'You're delicious' isn't tons better, but when complimenting somebody you don't know, you don't want to go too overboard.

 

Had I said that to you, and you responded the way you did, I never would have responded back. Not because I was just looking for a hookup and you weren't down, but because that message indicates that you're probably wound too tight, and there would be no reason to have further conversation.

 

Next time, maybe say 'thanks', and continue the conversation. Maybe even flirt back a little. It's supposed to be...you know...fun.

[Trapito]

Thanks for the responses, I really appreciate your contributions.

 

I see now I just thought it was weird, first time on a dating app/site. Hmm.. I now have two options, ignore/block or just look where it leads to. That's why I posted this thread, to learn more. I just thought he was flat out looking for a hookup, and he was (maybe) just being friendly. Aaah, we live and learn

[deathandtaxes]

It's not just a hook up app. It is also a dating app. You will just find a lot of crap on it like on POF.

 

When I got messages on POF saying : You look delicious I would answer 'get lost'.

 

If he'd get back to me with something else then I would let him have it. Very therapeutic. I did regularly shed all my frustration of the online jerks.

 

 

 

I wouldn't use Tinder if I seriously wanted to date anybody. There's way better. It's an almost purely visual approach. And you don't think the guys are swiping right on every person? It takes the worst of dating sites and makes that the primary raison de etre.

 

 

Hope you have luck with whatever avenue you use, OP. Please come back and post with your success or horror stories