Went on date with girl from OLD...texted next day, & haven't heard back

[Marks]

So last Thursday night I met up with a girl that I posted about in another thread--a girl who I messaged on OkCupid and that I initially was supposed to meet with two weeks ago over coffee--a meeting that she ended up canceling because of having to stay late at work (later on she tells me that late nights at work are a common occurrence for her). And even though she offered to meet the following week, I didn't actually expect her to follow up on that, and so I figured that I hit a dead end with her.

 

However, later on the following week she ended up texting me apologizing for not getting in touch, saying she had been sick, and offered to meet over dinner the week after. I agreed, worked out the details with her, and met her for the first time last Thursday night.

 

To be honest, I wasn't really expecting much since the track record with online dating has been very poor so far (and the fact that this girl canceled on me the first time we were supposed to meet), but to my surprise I have to say I felt that this date went waaaay better than I expected. In fact, I left feeling kind of giddy afterwards, which was unusual because I normally leave these things feeling kind of lousy about how things went.

 

First off, I have to say that I found her to be really cute...even more so than I initially thought. I really liked the way she carried herself, her facial expressions, the way she talked, the way she would play with her hair from time to time...she made quite the impression on me. And best of all...the conversation was great! There weren't really any dull moments and things just flowed pretty well. She would tell stories, elaborate on things, offer insight...she seemed really sharp and intelligent and I found that we agreed upon a lot of things. All in all a seemingly great experience.

 

We ended up staying at the restaurant for almost three hours. Eventually I figured that it was getting late, so we called it a night. This is usually when things get a little awkward for me because I don't always know what to say at the end of a date...but upon leaving the restaurant we hugged and she asked me "Talk to you later?" (literally asking me if we were going to talk later, not in the usual "cya" kind of way), to which I answered "definitely." Then we wished each other good night, and parted ways. I felt like that goodbye went well.

 

The only weird thing that happened after the date was that once I got to my car and drove off, I got two text messages that once I got home, I saw were from her. I thought they were going to be something along the lines of "hey, I had a good time tonight", but they actually ended up just being duplicates of the last texts she sent me before we met. Kinda odd. I was tempted to text her back and ask if she was trying to text me (and that maybe instead there was a glitch that just sent duplicates of her last texts), but I held back because I figured that a glitch like that was highly unlikely, and I didn't want to come off as the eager beaver who was already texting her shortly after the date.

 

So there I was the next day, thinking that things went well, and started contemplating when to get in touch with her. I was really conflicted because on one hand, a lot of people seem to say to not to get in touch too early or you'll risk coming off as too eager/clingy. But then others say that it's okay to text someone as early as one to two hours after a date, letting them know you had a good time, and showing them that you're interested.

 

Honestly, I never had a good feel for these things, so I really wasn't sure what to do. I then recalled what my friend's girlfriend once said--that if a girl is interested in you, then it doesn't really matter what you do. So I figured that I had gotten positive signs from this girl, and that it wouldn't hurt to let her know the next day that I had a good time from the night before, and suggesting that we get together again.

 

So I texted her later in the afternoon the day after we met, asking her how her day was going, saying that I hope it wasn't going to be another long day at work for her, and that she'd get an early start to the weekend. I then texted and told her that I had a good time with her last night, and that we should meetup again soon.

 

Of course, I haven't heard from her since...and now I'm pretty bummed. I know I shouldn't be too invested in this (especially with girls from OLD), but I thought things had gone well and figured that she'd be receptive. I guess I misread the situation once again.

 

Obviously one of the explanations for her lack of response is that she's probably going out with other guys in the meantime. If that's the case, then I'm guessing that I lost out on the competition, and now I'm left wondering where I went wrong again. I mean, did my texting the next day sway her one way or the other? Or did it even matter? I think one thing that convinced me that she'd respond was that she asked me if we were going to talk later...but now I'm thinking that she was just being nice/polite. I don't really know.

 

So I'm not sure what it is that I need to work on to be more successful with dates and even just getting a second one... I mean, am I just boring? Is my sense of humor not to their liking? Did I say something dumb during the date? Is there something wrong with my appearance? Is it my crooked teeth or pimple on my face? It's so frustrating to have a date seem to go well and then find out that the person doesn't want to talk to you anymore

[Mo_Do]

Don't put it past a girl to read a text, then take forever to respond while she "thinks it over". If she shot back "thanks but no thanks" then you'd be dead in the water, so the fact that she hasn't responded with anything can still mean no news is good news.

 

Right now though, you have to line up more dates to stay in the game. Dont put all your eggs in one basket!

[kaylan]

Shes not interested. Move on. Youre a backburner guy at best.

[Marks]

Shes not interested. Move on. Youre a backburner guy at best.

 

The truth stings, but yeah, that's what I figure.

[CC12]

You have nothing to lose by giving it one more try. Ask her if she'd like to meet up on _date_ at _time_ for _event_. I think people are more likely to respond to a specific invitation.

 

And call her instead of texting or messaging through OKC. If she doesn't answer, leave a voicemail. It's possible she never got your texts the next day. But she's definitely going to see either a missed call or and/or a voicemail. If she still doesn't respond to that, then you have your answer.

[Marks]

Everyone, STOP THE PRESSES! Lol...

 

She finally texted me back this morning, apologizing, saying she had a really busy weekend, but that she too enjoyed dinner.

 

What am I supposed to make of this? I feel like I'm definitely on the backburner here, because otherwise she could've easily said that two days earlier.

[FortunateSon]

Still sounds like you are on the back burner, but she is keeping in touch in case other things don't pan out. Is anyone REALLY too busy to send a text over the course of a weekend? Keep an open mind, but I wouldn't get your hopes up with this one...

[Babolat]

Everyone, STOP THE PRESSES! Lol...

 

She finally texted me back this morning, apologizing, saying she had a really busy weekend, but that she too enjoyed dinner.

 

What am I supposed to make of this? I feel like I'm definitely on the backburner here, because otherwise she could've easily said that two days earlier.

 

Uh, plan the next date, maybe?! You are thinking too much my friend. Pick a day/time, ask if she can meet then, if not, and she likes you, she will reply with an alternate day/time.

[organizedchaos]

Everyone, STOP THE PRESSES! Lol...

 

She finally texted me back this morning, apologizing, saying she had a really busy weekend, but that she too enjoyed dinner.

 

What am I supposed to make of this? I feel like I'm definitely on the backburner here, because otherwise she could've easily said that two days earlier.

 

Dude, chill the ef out. Don't think you're the backburner guy just because one person on here made a snide comment. She was busy, she enjoyed dinner. Ask her out again!

[ktya]

Shes not interested. Move on. Youre a backburner guy at best.

 

Your mistake (that you can learn from) is that you didn't kiss her at the end of the date. So shes probably not sure if your interested, or not sure if you have the kahunas that she wants.

 

There are a million ways to land that first kiss, and it can be nerve wracking moving in for the kill at times. If the situation just doesn't scream out for it, you can always just hold her and ask, "Can I kiss you?". Other times the situation does scream out for it and you just have to go for it.

 

When I first tried OLD back in 2008 after breaking up with my fiancee, I made this bozo clown error many times. I'd have a great three or four hour date yakking with a great girl, who would then say to me, "Lets do this again sometime" and then the very next day she'd fall off the radar completely and upon following up tell me something like she didn't feel a connection.

 

Its a good radar for you too. If you move in for a kiss at the end of a good date and she outright rejects you, shes probably not that into you and you can cut your losses. Some girls want to wait, but if they like you they'll explain the rules of engagement at least.

 

Just do it gently. You want to avoid the asking if at all possible, but by holding the girl and moving in for the kiss nice and slow but deliberately, she'll know whats going on and you can read her body language and abort the mission if she starts to turn away or push you back to save face. Start with a lips peck, if shes responsive go for another and use your intuition to feel out the situation as to whether she wants to go for the full on. Putting your hand gently on the back of their neck tends to get them in the mood.

 

[hasaquestion]

Your mistake (that you can learn from) is that you didn't kiss her at the end of the date. So shes probably not sure if your interested, or not sure if you have the kahunas that she wants.

 

There are a million ways to land that first kiss, and it can be nerve wracking moving in for the kill at times. If the situation just doesn't scream out for it, you can always just hold her and ask, "Can I kiss you?". Other times the situation does scream out for it and you just have to go for it.

 

When I first tried OLD back in 2008 after breaking up with my fiancee, I made this bozo clown error many times. I'd have a great three or four hour date yakking with a great girl, who would then say to me, "Lets do this again sometime" and then the very next day she'd fall off the radar completely and upon following up tell me something like she didn't feel a connection.

 

Its a good radar for you too. If you move in for a kiss at the end of a good date and she outright rejects you, shes probably not that into you and you can cut your losses. Some girls want to wait, but if they like you they'll explain the rules of engagement at least.

 

Just do it gently. You want to avoid the asking if at all possible, but by holding the girl and moving in for the kiss nice and slow but deliberately, she'll know whats going on and you can read her body language and abort the mission if she starts to turn away or push you back to save face. Start with a lips peck, if shes responsive go for another and use your intuition to feel out the situation as to whether she wants to go for the full on. Putting your hand gently on the back of their neck tends to get them in the mood.

 

 

Absolutely. Some older women will complain about this but judging by OPs post in the Tinder thread I'm assuming he's somewhere in his early 20s.

 

If you think the first date went well, go in for the kiss and you'll find out whether to pursue a second one.

 

Just move in for a kiss at the right moment at the end of the date. If she's not interested in you, she'll let you know there and then by pulling away. If she's either interested, or on the fence (a kiss doesn't mean you are "in"), she'll let you do it.

 

What she will not think, is "gee how rude of this cute guy, who I like, to try and kiss me goodbye". No girl your age gets out of bed and says "boy, I sure hope a cute guy doesn't make a move on me today".

Edited April 14, 2014 by hasaquestion

[ktya]

Further to me and hasaquestion's commentary on going in for the kill at the end of the date...

 

The first date starts out as an interview with OLD. You are going from almost exclusively cold, pragmatic text messages and analyzing some profile and pictures, to maybe talking on the phone a little bit, to meeting in person.

 

By the time the first date ends (whether you met in OLD or IRL) you are still in the friend zone. A girl can go out for dinner with a perfectly platonic friend and have a great conversation and a good time.

 

That first kiss transcends that boundary from friend zone to romantic material. Ironically, I've had first dates that went pretty badly (like me flirting with the hot lesbian waitress in front of my date) but once you nail that kiss its like endorphins rip through the girls brain and sends them into a spiral of confusion. Confusion for women in romance means opportunity for men. I'm not advocating that you do weird crap to actually confuse them, just highlighting that that first kiss means everything, and it's worth a try even if the date didnt go well at all.

 

Women are likely to flame me for saying this, but it's true - I usually get the girl in the sack for at least a makeout if not the full enchilada on the first or second date - and the reason why is that first kiss. It's got to be as incredible as you can make it be, because women remember that first kiss for the rest of their lives and it can literally set the stage for the whole relationship.

 

First kiss a light peck maybe with a bit of tongue: You will be that cute sweet guy

First kiss full on tongue but a bit awkward: Could go either way

First kiss full on makeout session with a lot of passion: You are hot and turn her on

[Mo_Do]

Further to me and hasaquestion's commentary on going in for the kill at the end of the date...

 

The first date starts out as an interview with OLD. You are going from almost exclusively cold, pragmatic text messages and analyzing some profile and pictures, to maybe talking on the phone a little bit, to meeting in person.

 

By the time the first date ends (whether you met in OLD or IRL) you are still in the friend zone. A girl can go out for dinner with a perfectly platonic friend and have a great conversation and a good time.

 

That first kiss transcends that boundary from friend zone to romantic material. Ironically, I've had first dates that went pretty badly (like me flirting with the hot lesbian waitress in front of my date) but once you nail that kiss its like endorphins rip through the girls brain and sends them into a spiral of confusion. Confusion for women in romance means opportunity for men. I'm not advocating that you do weird crap to actually confuse them, just highlighting that that first kiss means everything, and it's worth a try even if the date didnt go well at all.

 

Women are likely to flame me for saying this, but it's true - I usually get the girl in the sack for at least a makeout if not the full enchilada on the first or second date - and the reason why is that first kiss. It's got to be as incredible as you can make it be, because women remember that first kiss for the rest of their lives and it can literally set the stage for the whole relationship.

 

First kiss a light peck maybe with a bit of tongue: You will be that cute sweet guy

First kiss full on tongue but a bit awkward: Could go either way

First kiss full on makeout session with a lot of passion: You are hot and turn her on

 

Tongue kiss on first date? LOL...good luck with that. If I tried that on the 30-somethings I've been dating I'd likely be sprayed with mace.

 

I've been on something like 12 dates in the last 2.5 months, I got the cheek on the first 3 I tried it on and haven't bothered since.

 

I think only 2 out of the rest were expecting a kiss at the end, and I know one took it the wrong way when I didn't - If I legitimately feel its the right time, then I will, but I just give them a hug if I do not.

[hasaquestion]

Tongue kiss on first date? LOL...good luck with that. If I tried that on the 30-somethings I've been dating I'd likely be sprayed with mace.

 

I've been on something like 12 dates in the last 2.5 months, I got the cheek on the first 3 I tried it on and haven't bothered since.

 

I think only 2 out of the rest were expecting a kiss at the end, and I know one took it the wrong way when I didn't - If I legitimately feel its the right time, then I will, but I just give them a hug if I do not.

 

Yeah I would never try a tongue kiss on the first date. Just lips, more than a peck but less than a makeout. Then you zoom out again and give them the "there's more where that came from" smile and walk them to their car.

[ktya]

Man you guys make me feel like I have killer game lol

 

I've tongue kissed every single girl I've gone out with on an actual first date since I became single in December. Banged 2 on the first date, 2 on the second date and have had zero fails with my technique on the first date kiss, even if I got bored of them and deleted their number later. All of them in the 30-40 age range.

[organizedchaos]

Man you guys make me feel like I have killer game lol

 

I've tongue kissed every single girl I've gone out with on an actual first date since I became single in December. Banged 2 on the first date, 2 on the second date and have had zero fails with my technique on the first date kiss, even if I got bored of them and deleted their number later. All of them in the 30-40 age range.

 

Pretty much same results for me too.

[Hello_is_it_me]

The older you get, the more you realize "why waste time?"

[Mo_Do]

Man you guys make me feel like I have killer game lol

 

I've tongue kissed every single girl I've gone out with on an actual first date since I became single in December. Banged 2 on the first date, 2 on the second date and have had zero fails with my technique on the first date kiss, even if I got bored of them and deleted their number later. All of them in the 30-40 age range.

 

Are they large ladies? 1-4's, Single mothers?

 

Those anyone could....

[Joaquin]

I have found drinking really helps and that girls usually have no qualms going home with you on the first date when they've had a few.

 

So if in doubt, or you find yourself wondering what she's thinking, just get another round in.

[sagetalk]

Everyone, STOP THE PRESSES! Lol...

 

She finally texted me back this morning, apologizing, saying she had a really busy weekend, but that she too enjoyed dinner.

 

What am I supposed to make of this? I feel like I'm definitely on the backburner here, because otherwise she could've easily said that two days earlier.

 

This isn't rocket science, ask her out again!

[ktya]

Are they large ladies? 1-4's, Single mothers?

 

Those anyone could....

 

hahahaha um... no

 

Porn star hot Korean, sickeningly cute Filipino, tight bodied Chinese girl. Ok the teacher was probably a 6 bit big in the backside. The girl I kicked out of my house was probably a 3 or 4 but I didnt even try to make a move, misleading pictures

 

Hot girls want to feel hot and want to be with guys that make them feel as hot as they are. Most guys are terrified of annoying them so when you just bust a move on them they love it because they see you as assertive and knowing what you want.

 

And something I've noticed. Its always the fat chicks that play hard to get and overrate themselves. Its not easy game at all with them its a pointless waste of time. Hot girls know they could drop you and get with someone else in a heartbeat they are much more confident about these things. They know your not going to ditch them in a nanosecond for something better, because they are the something better.

 

But hey I even get escorts personal cell numbers for free fun later... what do I know.

Edited April 15, 2014 by ktya

[Chubbi]

Your mistake (that you can learn from) is that you didn't kiss her at the end of the date. So shes probably not sure if your interested, or not sure if you have the kahunas that she wants.

 

There are a million ways to land that first kiss, and it can be nerve wracking moving in for the kill at times. If the situation just doesn't scream out for it, you can always just hold her and ask, "Can I kiss you?". Other times the situation does scream out for it and you just have to go for it.

 

When I first tried OLD back in 2008 after breaking up with my fiancee, I made this bozo clown error many times. I'd have a great three or four hour date yakking with a great girl, who would then say to me, "Lets do this again sometime" and then the very next day she'd fall off the radar completely and upon following up tell me something like she didn't feel a connection.

 

Its a good radar for you too. If you move in for a kiss at the end of a good date and she outright rejects you, shes probably not that into you and you can cut your losses. Some girls want to wait, but if they like you they'll explain the rules of engagement at least.

 

Just do it gently. You want to avoid the asking if at all possible, but by holding the girl and moving in for the kiss nice and slow but deliberately, she'll know whats going on and you can read her body language and abort the mission if she starts to turn away or push you back to save face. Start with a lips peck, if shes responsive go for another and use your intuition to feel out the situation as to whether she wants to go for the full on. Putting your hand gently on the back of their neck tends to get them in the mood.

 

 

As a girl

 

 

Umm... this seems

 

 

kinda hot. Yeah, do this op.

 

Of course it depends on if she's like "hell no" or if she's like "I don't know". The latter situation is best.

[Vyliss]

I agree with ktya. Listen to him, he knows what he is talking about (and I'm a girl btw). Basically he described it perfectly, most guys that seem nice and great completely drop the ball by not making the move. When guys do this, I don't develop any feelings and then I just don't bother wasting anymore time on him unless I'm bored and just want a text buddy or guy to hang out with when I'm lonely every now and then.

 

If a guy doesn't make a woman feel wanted, desired and like she turns him on, then she'll feel nothing and she'll lose interest very quick (probably the second she says goodbye to you realizing you did not make a move when you could have).

 

Most guys do not make the move, therefore the guy who does make the move, always gets my attention, even if I'm not interested in him. I usually end up developing feelings too. Like kyta says hot girls like to feel hot and desired. Not saying I'm a hot girl or anything but I do like to be desired like any woman.

[ktya]

As a girl

 

 

Umm... this seems

 

 

kinda hot. Yeah, do this op.

 

Of course it depends on if she's like "hell no" or if she's like "I don't know". The latter situation is best.

 

PM me your number.

[Omei]

Ask first...

 

Im in my 20s and I hate kissing on first dates too much pressure.