Jump to content

I am perplexed


girlygirl8

Recommended Posts

I have been talking and going out with a guy for six months. We never dated other people but also we were never official. When we did hang out it was fun and he was affectionate. I never slept with him because I didn't want to unless we were official. He respected that. In December I got upset because I saw on one of his friends' facebooks he delivered desserts to her work. I deleted him from facebook because I was upset. He explained to me she was just a friend so I said ok.

 

He never added me back on facebook said I rely on it too much. He was stressed with a work project in February and became distant. He was out of town on business all of February and part of March. I know for a fact it was on business because my neighbor said he was out of town for the same project and works for the same company. Before his trip I mentioned being in a relationship and he said I was going too fast and he doesn't want to be serious before a trip because it didn't work out with someone else in the past before a trip. I was sad but I accepted it. During his trip he texted me every day and called a few times. When he came back we got in a fight because he didn't make plans with me and he said I didn't understand him that he's dealing with a lot right now and it's nothing against me.

 

I said I understand you're dealing with a lot but you could have made time for me. He said sorry but he doesn't have time to give me now because he's dealing with alot. We didn't talk for about nine days. Then he started talking to me for almost two weeks without asking me to hang out. We got in a fight one night because he got mad that I said if I find someone who wants a relationship while he's in Oklahoma I'd go with him. I said sorry and I didn't mean it and I texted him a lot that night because he was ignoring me and he called me crazy but then he apologized and said he forgave me. So we started talking again and I thought he'd ask me to hang out. Two weeks ago he went with his family on a trip and was talking to me during his trip too. He was talking to me every day the past two weeks until last weekend when he didn't ask me to hang out when he came back.

 

I asked if he was seeing someone else and he said no. He never liked my insecurities and I told him I'm working on it and he knows I was cheated on by my ex and my dad has been emotionally abusive so that's why I've been insecure. I told him I was going out and he said cool. While I was out I snapped at him in a text. I said I'm moving on because I hadn't seen him in almost three months (I understand he was out of town for 6 weeks out of those two and a half months) but I deserve someone who makes more time for me. He never responded. I don't know if he just doesn't care or is shocked I said that.

 

I felt guilty for what I said so the next day I said sorry for being harsh I just am upset you didn't make plans with me. Every day this week I've been trying to get in touch with him and he ignores me so I've given up. What do I do? I want him to see that I'm worth a relationship and worth spending time with again. I sent him a pic of me in sunglasses yesterday saying I'm confident now and don't need him or any guy to make me happy and that he shouldn't mess with me meaning he can't hurt me and shouldn't try to hurt me.

 

Again no answer so I've stopped trying because I don't want to seem more desperate.What should I do? Just give it time? :(

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Link to post
Share on other sites

Is this the only man available in your State? that you have to throw yourself at him like this.

 

He doesn't want a relationship, he doesn't have time for you, he can go long periods of time without seeing you, he even told you to go get another man.....What else do you need to hear to understand he does NOT want you as a girlfriend?

 

Yes, time to move on. Block him, no contact, move on! The world is FULL of nice man that will treat you right!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

He never told me to get a new man. When I told him I would if I find one that wants a relationship he got upset. He gets jealous and doesn't want me with anyone else but also doesn't want a relationship now (eventhough he specifically said he might want one soon). And whenever I asked if he liked me he said he did and doesn't want me dating others. Before I told him I'm moving on he'd ask who I'm with and what I'm doing

Edited by girlygirl8
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Any girl would be emotional if a guy wasn't treating her right and the only time I was clingy was when he ignored me. I'm not clingy anymore

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I know. Which is why I've just stopped trying because he hadn't been treating me well. He was initiating convos but didn't make time for me when he came back and that's why I told him I'm moving on eventhough my actions didn't show that the past week they are now

Link to post
Share on other sites
What do I do? I want him to see that I'm worth a relationship and worth spending time with again. I sent him a pic of me in sunglasses yesterday saying I'm confident now and don't need him or any guy to make me happy and that he shouldn't mess with me meaning he can't hurt me and shouldn't try to hurt me. Again no answer so I've stopped trying because I don't want to seem more desperate.What should I do? Just give it time? :(

 

This is absolutely crazy.

 

First off, you don't force a guy to see your worth. He either sees it or he doesn't. And if he's not choosing to spend time with you, that's your answer.

 

You sent a pic of yourself in sunglasses? That's depicts confidence? No, that only made you look more desperate and clingy. Someone that is confident doesn't send silly pics with passive and angry messages.

 

"Any girl would be emotional if a guy wasn't treating her right and the only time I was clingy was when he ignored me. I'm not clingy anymore."

 

You know he's not treating you right so why do you keep hanging onto him? You will always be clingy because his hot/cold behavior will always trigger you to do so.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I've stopped contacting him. And the caption said I'm confident now and don't need you or any guy to make me happy

Link to post
Share on other sites
I've stopped contacting him. And the caption said I'm confident now and don't need you or any guy to make me happy
So why do you ask if you should give him time?
Link to post
Share on other sites
I've stopped contacting him. And the caption said I'm confident now and don't need you or any guy to make me happy

 

Yes, it didn't depict confidence. It sounded bitter and immature.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Because I have feelings for him eventhough he hurt me. I guess it did sound bitter and immature. :/ I'm working on my confidence and trying to be strong now and I'm not contacting him.

Edited by girlygirl8
Link to post
Share on other sites
Because I have feelings for him eventhough he hurt me.
It's not because you have feelings for someone that you have to give them chances. When someone does not want you in their life you let them go and with time you stop having feelings for them. You move toward someone that actually do want to be with you and grow feelings for THAT person.
Link to post
Share on other sites
Because I have feelings for him eventhough he hurt me. I guess it did sound bitter and immature. :/ I'm working on my confidence and trying to be strong now and I'm not contacting him.

 

Hun, when a guy isn't treating you the way you want him to, you can't overlook it just because you have feelings for him. Meaning you can't keep sticking around hoping for him to change. You have to move on. He's shown you many times over that you aren't a priority. I know it's hard and you are emotional but if you let go, you give yourself the opportunity to allow someone in your life that can actually give you what you want. If you stay, you'll always be in this push and pull game. Feelings are feelings but it doesn't justify keeping yourself in a bad situation.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I know. He made me think though that he wanted me in his life because he said he forgave me and he was talking to me every day until I said I'm moving on because he didn't make plans. He was initiating most of the convos.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I know. He made me think though that he wanted me in his life because he said he forgave me and he was talking to me every day until I said I'm moving on because he didn't make plans. He was initiating most of the convos.

 

He was doing the bare minimum to keep you where he wanted you to be. There's more effort to be made when you really want a relationship. Not seeing you for three months is a strong indicator that he wasn't willing to put in any effort.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I know. He made me think though that he wanted me in his life because he said he forgave me and he was talking to me every day until I said I'm moving on because he didn't make plans. He was initiating most of the convos.

 

He doesn't want to be in your life the way you want him to be. He wants you there when it's convenient and on his own terms. He is more interested in having a text friendship with you than anything else.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I know. He made me think though that he wanted me in his life because he said he forgave me and he was talking to me every day until I said I'm moving on because he didn't make plans. He was initiating most of the convos.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I know. He made me think though that he wanted me in his life because he said he forgave me and he was talking to me every day until I said I'm moving on because he didn't make plans. He was initiating most of the convos.
Did you understand what I meant? That is ALL he wants, conversations over text. Nothing else.
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yes but before he left for the business trip we hung out once a week sometimes twice a week. I don't know what happened after the trip he became distant. Maybe because he knew I wanted a relationship soon. He told me he was hurt a lot in his past and that's why he was going slow. I'm just really sad right now because I know I'm attractive and sweet and fun and don't know why he became distant with making plans with me

Edited by girlygirl8
Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes but before he left for the business trip we hung out once a week sometimes twice a week.
That was more than 3 months ago, that doesn't count anymore.
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

No actually it was two and a half. six weeks out of those months he was out of town. recently he was still flirty and always said I was beautiful and sexy. I just wish he'd make plans with me again. If we get in an argument he always ends up contacting me again.

Edited by girlygirl8
Link to post
Share on other sites
No actually it was two and a half. six weeks out of those months he was out of town. recently he was still flirty and always said I was beautiful and sexy. I just wish he'd make plans with me again. If we get in an argument he always ends up contacting me again.
girlygirl, what is it worth if a man tells you you're beautiful but doesn't make time to see you?. It means nothing. Compliments are easy and cheap especially compliments about your looks.
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yeah. I know. He also said his friends call him cheap and he doesn't spend a lot on himself. He said he doesn't go overboard with girls because he did in the past and has gotten hurt. He did pay for most of the dates though. We went on about 20 dates in 4 months

Edited by girlygirl8
Link to post
Share on other sites

If you were experienced and you were savvy with men, you wouldn't be perplexed.

 

Here is what all clued up and savvy women know about men:

 

 

- if a guy is into you, he doesn't need 6 months to figure out whether he wants to be with you and make the effort

 

- men can call you beautiful, gorgeous, and amazing on a regular basis without having strong feelings for you, or any feelings for you for that matter

 

- no guy is too busy to make it known to a girl he is REALLY into, that she is a priority

If he was busy 6 or 7 days a week, he still has to eat and poop; he would take the time to send a few messages to a girl he REALLY cared about, telling her she is on his mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After 6 months he didn't want to label things; NO man who is really into you would be like this after 6 months!

 

 

 

 

 

 

To succeed in dating you MUST know all this!

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...