dating after first date and my folks

[joel]

i am a 23 yr old male go to college, the thing with my folks is they don't like the idea of my going out yea going out, they say i should just stay at home and study yea and that is all day sat and sun. thank god i have fridays off. some of the other memebers in other forums have told me to say u have a freind and would like to study together with em. -with that apporach my folks might be more open to that.

what i am askin is after the first date and if it happens and she and i still both want to date each other how can we if my folks don;t like the idea of me going out. i can say i have to go to the library which they love for me to go-but sometimes they check to see if i am actually there. my folks are really controlling and dictatorship ppl -my way or highway mentaility. also they don't like the idea of my sibling and i going out at night-too parnoid -they get it from the local news(shootings, beatings,drunk drivers ...negavitve images). what do i say to my date my folks won't let me go out at night even though dates in the evenings are usually what is set to be. do i do the lunch and afternoon thing only and if she asks for a evening endavour what do i say-i can;t b/c of mom and dad. this is the truth i need help. yes i am chinese.

[shamen]

Wow. This is a tough call Joel. Obviously your family has some cultural issues with dating, as you're 23. But the rules they are putting on you sound as if they are from HS here in the States.

 

I assume that you still live with your parents?

 

The lunch/afternoon thing sounds like the way to go for now. Is there no way that you can discuss what you would like (evening dates) to do with your parents. You are 23... If not, you have 3 choices...

 

1) Lie and go on evening dates.

2) Tell your parents that you are going to go on evening dates and possibly anger them.

3) Don't go on evening dates

 

So, the next question is, which person would you rather be? Is it that important to do what your parents say? Do you want to be honest about it? Or do you want to keep doing what you're doing by not going out in the evening?

 

Personally, I would try to talk to them and do #2. But, I am an independent and fiery bird. Just MHO.

[puppybear]

I agree with shamen. "Tell your parents that you are going to go on evening dates and possibly anger them." If they want you to survive in this world, they have to let give you the freedom to be an adult. I don't believe it should matter which ethnicity you are. You're 23. If you don't tell your parents what you want to do and follow through with it, they will control your life forever and you will start resenting them. By all means, do not lie.

 

(Not that it makes any difference, but I'm of Asian/Pacific-Islander descent.) My parents were semi-strict when I was younger. I'm the oldest of 3 siblings. Up until I was about 21, they told me I had to be home by 11:00pm, I had to study, not go out and not have any boyfriends. It was tough to sneak in at 3:00am. I'd get caught. I studied hard, worked 2 part-time jobs, and partied every weekend. My parents would always get mad. I hated them. I wanted to move out of the house so bad. That was 10 years ago. Now, I tell my parents almost everything about my life. I consider myself a successful professional (stereotypical "asian" engineer), independent, happy, living on my own about 100 miles away from my parents. I have nothing to hide and they treat me like an adult (...they should!). It's kind of funny and ironic that they recently asked me "When are you going to get a boyfriend?". I love my parents. They're SO MUCH more mellow now and fun to talk to. I just wish they would call more often. You're 23. It'll take a while to "soften them up". Just don't give up.

[joel]

wow i be very happy with a 11 pm curfew.

parents are like that once u got the money and all they are all nice once u lack money that is when they can control u and all, once u have money u are free to do what u want-party, move out, date whoeverf......etc

 

Originally posted by puppybear

I agree with shamen. "Tell your parents that you are going to go on evening dates and possibly anger them." If they want you to survive in this world, they have to let give you the freedom to be an adult. I don't believe it should matter which ethnicity you are. You're 23. If you don't tell your parents what you want to do and follow through with it, they will control your life forever and you will start resenting them. By all means, do not lie.

 

(Not that it makes any difference, but I'm of Asian/Pacific-Islander descent.) My parents were semi-strict when I was younger. I'm the oldest of 3 siblings. Up until I was about 21, they told me I had to be home by 11:00pm, I had to study, not go out and not have any boyfriends. It was tough to sneak in at 3:00am. I'd get caught. I studied hard, worked 2 part-time jobs, and partied every weekend. My parents would always get mad. I hated them. I wanted to move out of the house so bad. That was 10 years ago. Now, I tell my parents almost everything about my life. I consider myself a successful professional (stereotypical "asian" engineer), independent, happy, living on my own about 100 miles away from my parents. I have nothing to hide and they treat me like an adult (...they should!). It's kind of funny and ironic that they recently asked me "When are you going to get a boyfriend?". I love my parents. They're SO MUCH more mellow now and fun to talk to. I just wish they would call more often. You're 23. It'll take a while to "soften them up". Just don't give up.