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Too late to start?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 7th April 2014, 6:34 PM   #1
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Too late to start?

Hi all, just decided to pop in for a "quick" discussion.

My parents never allowed me to date when I was in high school because it was a "waste of time and energy". Then I went off to university (all 10 years of it, undergrad + grad), where I had virtually no free time and thus never dated anyone.

All that work paid off and I now have a good career and well, quite frankly, life is good, except this little void in which I cant really fill (although its quite easily ignored).

My friends and family (ironically) have been badgering about meeting someone but my usual response is "why? everything is good". At this point I'm so used to be single and its perks, going without a significant other is second nature to me.

At this point, I'm just thinking that I should bypass the whole relationship thing altogether and do what I've always done... Which is whatever, whenever, and however I want. Since I suspect that women in general wouldn't want anyone that's self centered and lack a dating history anyways (I'm 30, never kissed a girl lol, huge downside of being academically and career focused for so long)...

So... I guess what I'm asking is that... well, is it too late for me to start the whole dating and relationship thing... or am I better off just doing my thing for the next 35 years or so...

Thanks in advance!

Last edited by UnlitCandle; 7th April 2014 at 6:45 PM..
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Old 7th April 2014, 6:50 PM   #2
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I'm sorry to hear that friend, that must make you feel a little insecure.
But don't worry I'm sure your not alone, it just doesn't happen for some.
You have a good reason also, you have been making a good life for yourself in other areas. Funnily enough, areas that women will appreciate - a good education and a good job.


You need to get yourself out there. Go to pubs, join classes, coffee shops. Sports? Look at those in your work also. Make lots of friends and the more you are out of your house the more you will meet and greet. Eventually you'll meet girls and boom .


Also, dating sites. But use these with a pinch of salt because the success rate for all people isn't high, but its another option!


Never too late, dig your heels in and just make light conversation with girls you meet, wherever you meet them. Humour and non clinginess is important also
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Old 7th April 2014, 6:53 PM   #3
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It's never too late. Don't think about "I dont have experience", we all have to start somewhere.

We only live this ONE life. Don't you want to experience one of the greatest human emotion called love (the romantic kind of love)?

Give it a try, you won't how much you'll like (or not like) being in a relationship without first hand experience.

GOOD LUCK!!
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Old 7th April 2014, 7:09 PM   #4
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I'm not sure anyone here is equipped to answer a question as huge as "Should I forsake relationships for the rest of my life?" That's really something you have to figure out for yourself.

Some people do end up living like that and it's fine for them. Maybe that will be the case for you.

But most would argue that there is real value in experiencing love (even if it ends in pain/hurt) and for linking your life with another person's (even temporarily). It'll turn your world upside down and make you see everything in a new light.

Being a 30-year-old virgin without any dating experience whatsoever, you'll face some obstacles. But if you do feel an inclination to explore this, you shouldn't let that stop you. It's not too late.
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Old 7th April 2014, 8:28 PM   #5
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Don't let your past dictate your present.
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They say to have something you've never had you have to do something you've never done.
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Old 7th April 2014, 10:53 PM   #6
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If you want a significant other go for it.
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Old 7th April 2014, 11:24 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyLove View Post
Don't let your past dictate your present.


Dang skippy. All past is prologue!


OP, from some of my time on dating sites, there are women out there that are probably just like you! They mention that they are now just getting to the point of wanting something relationship-wise because they were school/career-focused for so long. You're not alone!!
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Old 7th April 2014, 11:38 PM   #8
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The way how they said it's a waste of time/energy is probably because they wanted you to focus on your studies instead of your dating life. In today's world, it seems like dating is harder lol. Education really comes first because without that you probably won't be getting a good job.

Now that you got your career, you should still try to seek out for a girl. Maybe either use dating sites or find some outside. I'm sure that for a guy that is really capable of getting a career, you should be able to find a date regardless of experience. Just try it and see!
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Old 7th April 2014, 11:46 PM   #9
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Light that candle and see what happens! You can start by dating casually you know. Just to test the waters and see what type of person you like to be with.
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Old 7th April 2014, 11:47 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnlitCandle View Post
Since I suspect that women in general wouldn't want anyone that's self centered and lack a dating history anyways (I'm 30, never kissed a girl lol, huge downside of being academically and career focused for so long)...
Well it's never too late. There are people here who started later than you.

However, you ought best to consider being "self centered" - ask yourself if that's a personality trait or a lifestyle. If the former, maybe you would do yourself and any lady a favor by staying single. If it's just a lifestyle that you're willing to change, then why not try to see if a relationship would add to your life?
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Old 8th April 2014, 1:52 AM   #11
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Thanks all for the feedback and encouragement! Its nice to have comments from an unrelated 3rd party.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyLove View Post
Don't let your past dictate your present.
I like that quote, I'll quote you some day haha...

Quote:
Originally Posted by lollipopspot View Post
However, you ought best to consider being "self centered" - ask yourself if that's a personality trait or a lifestyle. If the former, maybe you would do yourself and any lady a favor by staying single. If it's just a lifestyle that you're willing to change, then why not try to see if a relationship would add to your life?
Honestly, I don't really know... I mean I've always been there for my family and friends. Whenever they ask me for help, I do what I can within my power, even if its out of my way. Its just that its always been me, the way I want it and that's pretty much it. There never was any discussion about it, no debate, and no compromises were ever made.

***

The way I see it, my life right now is safe. Its a set amount of good and fun (lets say 7.5/10) on any given moment. The way I've seen how relationships go, its kind of a wild card. There's nothing I can do to predict it (goes against my professional training). My parents didn't work out, and I've lent out my couch more than enough times to know that when it gets bad, it gets really bad. That being said, I have never been on the good side, so I can't really tell if its really "worth it". So my view is obviously skewed in a certain way.

Beyond that... I have no idea where to begin... I go out regularly with my group of friends, I workout and participate in a good variety of sports, I always go for interesting classes (French cooking was meh... Wine tasting was good... Scotch tasting was amazing) and there's plenty of women there (minus the scotch tasting class, that was all older gentlemen).
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Old 8th April 2014, 2:04 AM   #12
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Oh forgot to mention, my buddies regularly point out that I'm completely oblivious when it comes to women. Apparently, there were more than a couple of occasions where I'm chatting with some girl, and they would later point out that the girl really liked me (or so they claim) and if I got her number or a date or whatever.

So it would appear that I have absolutely no idea how to really talk to women beyond the friend stage and my nickname is "Sir/Dr. Oblivious" to a large number of friends.
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Old 8th April 2014, 5:46 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnlitCandle View Post
Oh forgot to mention, my buddies regularly point out that I'm completely oblivious when it comes to women. Apparently, there were more than a couple of occasions where I'm chatting with some girl, and they would later point out that the girl really liked me (or so they claim) and if I got her number or a date or whatever.

So it would appear that I have absolutely no idea how to really talk to women beyond the friend stage and my nickname is "Sir/Dr. Oblivious" to a large number of friends.
Your probably better than your think, if you find it easy to chat and be friendly around girls, that's practically how it starts. You just have to look fro signs that they like you and look to those that you like the look of.


Ask a few girls out that you chat to and you never know!!
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