OhLove Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, live together, engaged without a ring etc etc (basically, we're together forever and we both know it happily). We are both heavy social media users, but things keep bugging me more and more... My boyfriend has always told me that he gets along better with girls, has always had more girl friends than guys, and I'm alright with that. It's normal, and it happens. What I don't feel comfortable with, is how close he gets with them, namely one. Drop dead gorgeous, on a completely different level than me (and that's no exaggeration), definitely gives a girl that 'threat' feeling. She started working with him at the end of last year, and of course their friendship blossomed. They've added each other to all social sites (FB, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat), and it bugs me just how much time he spends talking to her, and specifically sending snaps to her. At first it was the occasional like on FB. But now it's to the point where he's sending her upwards of 30 snaps a day back and forth (while he either sends me 1 or 2, or just won't respond at all). They text constantly. Things that used to be 'our thing' are now 'their thing', and I feel like I've been replaced in that aspect. I've told him repeatedly how much it bugs me that he constantly talks to her at home and while we're out, and his response is to get upset/angry/annoyed and insist that they are just friends. I know she has a boyfriend too (or did, I'm not sure now), but she will write things on her Twitter such as 'acccents though' (my boyfriend is English), 'it's just so much better to be friends with guys than girls', 'it's so great working with a guy who gets me like I get him' and so on and so forth. When my boyfriend and I fight, she will post things about being with someone who brings out the best in you, don't settle for a crappy significant other and the timing just seems too coincidental. I feel extremely jealous that he is giving this 'friend' all of this attention, and feel like I should be getting at least close to the similar amount. I admit, I watch his Snapchat score rise throughout the day, and she is his #1 person on it, while I get nothing. His reasoning is that because he sees me at home and texts me, why should I care and it's not a big deal at all and I am overreacting. Am I? I am curious to know about his day, I enjoy getting little pictures sent to me just like any other person does. And if I'm not so crazy, how do I make him see how much this all upsets me? I've tried explaining it to him plenty of times, and his response is anger and he feels I'm accusing him of cheating. In a way, I do feel emotionally cheated though... Thanks for any responses. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Engaged without a ring? That's a thing? Anywho, sounds like you have every right to be upset. Sounds like he's having an emotional affair. Sorry but I think a fiancé of all people who will eventually be your husband?! Should not be so close to another woman! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
theediblewoman Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I don't think you're crazy for feeling jealous, it seems like is an extreme amount of contact here. I mean sure he lives with you so I could understand not feeling the need to text all the time,but you say they work together so why would they need to be snap chatting all the time? Seems odd and so does the status thing. Honestly though I don't know what to suggest in this case, if he is not responsive to how you feel and what your saying that's not exactly the best sign. It sounds like this wouldn't be as much of an issue if you didn't feel neglected. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I dont like the sound of this and I think u have every right to be upset x I do not send any of my friends male or female up to 30 messages a day but I do with a BF x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I think you better check the expiration date on your "together forever" status. I'm a big flirt but I have always said one of the reasons my DH (& other guys I dated prior ) were OK with it is because they get more attention & better attention. That's not happening with your BF & this OW. He's got to dial it back. You have to be # 1. If you are not, that's a problem. Also pre-existing friends, --women he knew before he me you -- are part of the package . She came along later so you he needs to be more cautious. Good luck but you may have to vote with your feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, live together, engaged without a ring etc etc Engaged without a ring and without a wedding date means you are boyfriend/girlfriend. I've told him repeatedly how much it bugs me that he constantly talks to her at home and while we're out, and his response is to get upset/angry/annoyed This is highly disrespectful of you and your relationship to be talking to her constantly when you are together and even when you are out doing couple things. When my boyfriend and I fight, she will post things about being with someone who brings out the best in you, don't settle for a crappy significant other and the timing just seems too coincidental. There is no coincidence. He probably tells her you disagree with their friendship and she's all worked up about that except he did not tell her what a sheety treatment he has for you when he's home with you. how do I make him see how much this all upsets me? I've tried explaining it to him plenty of times, and his response is anger and he feels I'm accusing him of cheating. Move out, simple. You are living with a teenager, someone that doesn't understand the meaning of commitment and respect. He is insensitive to your feelings, he doesn't care this is hurtful, and this hurt is justified. Don't fool yourself hon, there is NO wedding waiting for you with this man. Move OUT! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Every BF/GF initially thinks they will be together forever. No ring, no wedding date means no engagement (as stated above). If he doesn't act like he's engaged, and if he doesn't show that he's engaged, then he is not engaged with you. You need to have a talk. Hard to break up when you are living together. Men tend to lax on giving attention once they have you. Sorry... I don't think this is looking good. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Sounds like they've got mutual crushes on each other, OP. Their level of contact , particularly when compared to how much/little he communicates with you, is worrisome and to me indicates that there is an attraction there. Be firm and let him know you think it's inappropriate and that you feel hurt. Don't attack him, but do stand your ground. if he can't understand why it bothers you, you have to re-evaluate whether this is really the guy for you. It doesn't sound good, in any case. Link to post Share on other sites
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