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Met a cute guy but didn't do anything about it


thecrucible

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thecrucible

I was on a trip today with kids' group I volunteer with at my local nature reserve. And there was this really handsome guy who works there who I took an instant liking to. I actually recognised him from university, but I'm not sure if he recognised me. I meant to ask him but never got round to it.

 

We got chatting a bit, just incidental talking, as I was quite busy keeping an eye on the kids and I didn't want to come across eager, not knowing whether he's taken or not. I am quite shy, not brilliant at first impressions, and missed out on the opportunity to flirt. Feel like I missed out on a chance there. I must have been single for too long. :o

 

Anyway, I kind of want to talk to him again. He seemed like a good guy. :love: But how do I find an opportunity to do that without looking like a complete stalker?

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Go back to the nature reserve this weekend and chat him up (if he is there). Tell him you enjoyed it so much you wanted to come back when you were not distracted by watching children.

 

You might have to go back a few times to catch him there. Asking the staff his work schedule might come off as stalkerish (but might not). I don't think a woman would be suspected of stalking as much as a man would.

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Go back to the nature reserve this weekend and chat him up (if he is there). Tell him you enjoyed it so much you wanted to come back when you were not distracted by watching children.

 

You might have to go back a few times to catch him there. Asking the staff his work schedule might come off as stalkerish (but might not). I don't think a woman would be suspected of stalking as much as a man would.

 

I've actually forgotten how to chat a guy up because I've been out of the game so long. Too shy ahh :o

 

Oh gosh I feel like a giddy teenager again! Thing is (I know this sounds stalkerish) I found his facebook but still can't tell whether he's single or not.

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Go back and bump into him!

 

If not possible...was he your main contact at the reserve? You could send him a thank you note.

 

If not...did he provide any info to your group? If so, email him via the reserve and tell him something was fascinating and think up a further question about the question. Make him feel important.

 

Go on the hunt. If not, this will gnaw at you with 'what if'.

 

I have no time this weekend to 'bump into him' so I will have to go early next week.

 

I think I would like to send him a thank you note although I don't personally have his details. I didn't organise the visit so I'm not sure who the main contact is. The only thing I know is his facebook which is a bit creepy haha. We didn't ask for names, I only saw his name tag.

 

So yes, what to do? Maybe going back again would be a plan, and since I recognise him from university, I have a topic of conversation I can work in.

 

I definitely don't want a 'what if?' situation but it'd be a bit out of my comfort zone.

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I've been come onto by many girls, in person and through various other mediums. Never once have I felt creeped out or thought she was creepy.

 

I was either interested, or not interested.

 

I don't think guys experience the same creepiness feelings that girls do, because its so uncommon.

 

 

Just my experience though.

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Just a quick question. I am going to message him but would waiting until next week be too long? I have a couple of dates next week and I don't want to be talking to more than a few guys at once. I'm not even assuming he'll reply of course...When does the window of opportunity pass for this kind of thing?

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Networking is the entire purpose of facebooks existence. What do you have to lose ?

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Wait it could be creepy....how did you find him on FB?

 

Thanks for the response. I haven't messaged him yet. Didn't want to do anything rash.

 

I only know his name from his name badge and that's how I found him. Perhaps it's better if I just go back to that place in about a week or whenever they have an event on, you know just play it cool. It's so hard to know what to do haha

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If he liked you too, or at least thought you were cute, it's pretty unlikely he would be creeped out by you finding him on Facebook. This is actually how things started with my ex-- we met randomly while travelling, and I reallllllly liked him but was too shy to get any contact info. I hated the thought of never seeing him again so, using only his first name and the school he went to, I found him on FB (this was back when you could search by school etc-- I don't know if it's possible now). I sent him a kind of lame probably obvious message being like, heyy, this might be weird but I was just wondering how the rest of your trip had gone. He said it was maybe a bit weird but nice and he added me.... there were a few more steps in between but we ended up together for a meaningful while and were pretty great for each other in a lot of ways.

 

I'm not necessarily saying 'do it'-- I think if you can stop by his nature place and chat naturally, definitely do that first!! But sometimes, well, you just have to take a leap.... ;)

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'what if' situations are annoying i know from experience, best to take a chance, you never know!

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Yeah I sent him a message asking if I could add him and chat. He messaged me back and said this:

 

"Yeah go for it, thanks for getting in touch, would be good to chat. We seem to have some interesting mutual friends, did you study at [x]?"

 

He doesn't sound particularly interested but maybe I made a new friend. What do you think? And how do I keep conversation going? I'm so bad at this haha :o

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But sometimes, well, you just have to take a leap.... ;)

 

Thanks hon :) I probably do look like a creepy stalker. Oh well too late now :o

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I've been come onto by many girls, in person and through various other mediums. Never once have I felt creeped out or thought she was creepy.

 

Really? But you wouldn't find it kind of clingy in a way? Do guys see girls who do that as desperate? That's my biggest worry.

 

You know I'm glad I did this whatever the outcome as I have social anxiety and find it difficult to break through the dreaded fear of awkwardness. I feel a bit more confident now. :)

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Really? But you wouldn't find it kind of clingy in a way? Do guys see girls who do that as desperate? That's my biggest worry.

 

You know I'm glad I did this whatever the outcome as I have social anxiety and find it difficult to break through the dreaded fear of awkwardness. I feel a bit more confident now. :)

 

Good for you! I'm glad you're more confident having taken this chance.

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I think his response is just fine. I would probably say the same thing. Don't worry about appearing clingy. For some men, like me, I really respond to a woman who knows what she wants and is willing to make it happen.

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One of my exes did this to me. Yes I was kind of weirded out at first. Note weirded out not creeped out. I was wondering what she wanted and me been the dolt I was didn't realise she had a raging crush on me.

 

We talked for a bit and then the penny dropped and I asked her out. Things went from there. Also I don't find it desperate when girls express interest. I find it flattering. then again I'm the quiet, reserved type. Most of my exes have been women who have shown interest in me first. Trying to get me to chase them... um yeah doesn't work on me. I will chase after I know they are interested and not before that.

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I think if you had come across as a creepy stalker he wouldn't have replied nor added you as a friend.

 

His message was fine, he's asking things about you. :)

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I think if you had come across as a creepy stalker he wouldn't have replied nor added you as a friend.

 

His message was fine, he's asking things about you. :)

 

Yeah I replied, answered his question and asked him another little one about how long he'd been at the nature centre for. Okay that was a pretty boring question - maybe I should say something more interesting? Just wanted to see if he'd take the bait though. I'll see if he replies to that, and if does, I'll start saying more interesting things haha. Didn't want to start off over keen.

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99% of the time this sorta of threads are started by a guy. It's amusing to see girls going through this. :laugh:

 

Maybe I am a pioneer :) haha

 

The way I see it, I am interested in people for who they are...would be cool if something romantic came of this but if not, I'm pretty cool with just chatting to someone new and interesting. I might try and be a bit more proactive in general - so I can make more friends and get to know more people. It's just that I don't want to cross that line between interested and desperate.

 

So yeah it's all good. Hopefully he will get back to me at some point. If not, no worries. :)

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Maybe I am a pioneer :) haha

 

The way I see it, I am interested in people for who they are...would be cool if something romantic came of this but if not, I'm pretty cool with just chatting to someone new and interesting. I might try and be a bit more proactive in general - so I can make more friends and get to know more people. It's just that I don't want to cross that line between interested and desperate.

 

So yeah it's all good. Hopefully he will get back to me at some point. If not, no worries. :)

 

You sound great. Keep that attitude. :)

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You sound great. Keep that attitude. :)

 

Thanks. Yeah my intuition tells me I'm pretty much in the 'friend' category as chat isn't flirty at all. Think I'll keep talking to him but I won't try to flirt with him. He doesn't ask me personal questions - it's just talking about what we do for work and that sort of thing so not greatly interesting. I don't want to attempt to up the ante before he does (which he probably won't lol)

 

Meanwhile, I'll keep talking to those guys on okcupid.

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