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Boyfriend wants nude pics?


Cadenza

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Hey, I am new here. Lurker for quite a while. As a background, I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 23. We met at work and have been official for approx. 5-6 months. I gave my virginity to him as well very early on in the relationship (I know, I should have waited) . This is my second relationship I've ever been in. At first earlier on, he's been asking for teasing photos and I've declined since I don't feel comfortable sending that... Computers and phones can be hijacked and hacked. Plus I've heard it can come back to bite you later on in life or after a break up. I definitely don't want that. Lately though, he's been asking me for nude pics, or pics while I've been taking a bath or something like that. He once said, "You're my girlfriend. You should want to satisfy your man." which made me feel bad since I gave my virginity to him and I even tried new things in bed for him. Yesterday was his birthday and he really started pressuring me into sending him a nude pic since "it's his birthday" and all that jazz. I didn't send any, but now I feel like he's not respecting what I'm comfortable with and what I'm not. He sorta pressured me into trying to go down on him too... Which made me feel icky . it was "I went down on you once, baby. Why don't you return the favor."

Now, I know he texts another girl, I saw it on his phone when she texted him while he asked me to look up something on his phone for him and I saw what she texted. He has a picture of her on his phone and her name as a contact is just one letter.... I know it gets sometimes flirty. He's been talking to her before I came along so it's not like I can say anything about it for now, correct? Also, while he was on his computer downloading a movie for us to watch, I saw a couple top less photos of girls. I don't know if it's his ex, random girl, or the girl he's always talking to. I don't mind if he watches a little porn and stuff like that, but for some reason, those photos bothered me. When he saw I might have seen them, he exited out of the window. He can keep photos of girls on his phone or computer, but I can't on mine. I was teasing him about keeping teasing pics of men and he's like "You better not." He's very jealous sometimes too.

How do I bring this up to him so he'll understand? I honestly don't know what to do, I'm seriously new to this whole relationship thing..., haha. He has been a good guy through the relationship though. He'll pick me up for dates, protect me from weirdos at work, makes me laugh, and overall does treat me well. We click very well .. Also, lately he's been more affectionate and stuff like that. He has also been wanting to see me and calling more often the past few weeks... His whole birthday yesterday he spent with me as well. Nobody else. Does this also mean something? Any input I can get would be amazing. Thank you guys.

 

-Cadenza

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He's controlling and manipulative and clearly not averse to trying to use emotional blackmail to get his way.

 

Sorry hun, I see his mounting affection as trying to get round you with 'lurve' if asking you directly hasn't worked.

 

You don't need this kind of guy in your life - he's disrespectful and a bully.

 

Walk away.

 

And please don't protest by saying you can't, or that actually, he's really sweet all the time, it's just this....

 

He's a manipulative flake and you deserve better.

If you had a younger sister and her BF was behaving this way - what would you tell her??

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This guy is not treating you well if he pressures you to do uncomfortable things, and flirts with other women. He has no business looking at topless ex-GFs when he is with you. This guy does not have his mind in the right place. Be observant of his behaviors... this is how abusive relationships start.

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You have asked and answered your own questions. You know that you probably shouldn't but then you have him pressuring you for them.

 

Do as Tara said. Walk away.

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He's controlling and manipulative and clearly not averse to trying to use emotional blackmail to get his way.

 

Sorry hun, I see his mounting affection as trying to get round you with 'lurve' if asking you directly hasn't worked.

 

You don't need this kind of guy in your life - he's disrespectful and a bully.

 

Walk away.

 

And please don't protest by saying you can't, or that actually, he's really sweet all the time, it's just this....

 

He's a manipulative flake and you deserve better.

If you had a younger sister and her BF was behaving this way - what would you tell her??

 

Thank you for your input. I agree, he is a manipulator. I know his previous relationship ended in a fist fight. He won't tell me why, he lived with her and continued to live with her after they broke up until she moved out and married some other dude in June or something last year. For more of his background, I know he was raised by his mother. He's not close to his father. The mother and father divorced when he was younger. Why is it so hard to walk away from him when I know he doesn't take my best interests in mind and manipulates? I know we have different morals and values, yet I'm finding it hard to walk away. I was gonna talk to him today and mention all of this or show him my post. And did it didn't work, I'd leave him. I always thought it was just how he was raised since he has a "I don't give a f&ck attitude" anyway. I'm just finding it hard to walk away now :( I'm not sure why. Sometimes I think I love him or may be falling for him. Especially recently.... now I'm just realizing it's all for just what he wants :/

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organizedchaos
Thank you for your input. I agree, he is a manipulator. I know his previous relationship ended in a fist fight. He won't tell me why, he lived with her and continued to live with her after they broke up until she moved out and married some other dude in June or something last year. For more of his background, I know he was raised by his mother. He's not close to his father. The mother and father divorced when he was younger. Why is it so hard to walk away from him when I know he doesn't take my best interests in mind and manipulates? I know we have different morals and values, yet I'm finding it hard to walk away. I was gonna talk to him today and mention all of this or show him my post. And did it didn't work, I'd leave him. I always thought it was just how he was raised since he has a "I don't give a f&ck attitude" anyway. I'm just finding it hard to walk away now :( I'm not sure why. Sometimes I think I love him or may be falling for him. Especially recently.... now I'm just realizing it's all for just what he wants :/

 

 

I stopped reading at this point. WTF, OP? What are you doing with this guy? Walk away now.

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It's hard to walk away partly out of pity for him, and partly because you want it desperately to be something it isn't.

 

But in the end, there are no excuses for his behaviour - he is who he is out of choice, not out of circumstance.

And you can wish it better all you want - if he won't 'give' you can't 'have'....

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Google "Ex girlfriend porn" or "revenge porn" and realize that guys like this post pictures of their "girlfriends" all over the internet.

 

Don't jeopardize yourself and your well-being by being one of those statistics of girls whose naked images are out there for everyone to see.

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He's controlling and manipulative and clearly not averse to trying to use emotional blackmail to get his way.

 

Sorry hun, I see his mounting affection as trying to get round you with 'lurve' if asking you directly hasn't worked.

 

You don't need this kind of guy in your life - he's disrespectful and a bully.

 

Walk away.

 

And please don't protest by saying you can't, or that actually, he's really sweet all the time, it's just this....

 

He's a manipulative flake and you deserve better.

If you had a younger sister and her BF was behaving this way - what would you tell her??

 

I stopped reading at this point. WTF, OP? What are you doing with this guy? Walk away now.

 

He said it was self defense and she attacked him first when they had this huge disagreement. And yeah, I dunno why I am. Sometimes he can be really sweet and Taras right, I'm just holding on to what I want it to be. For instance, I have a horrible allergy to wheat and he just texted me, "Hey I got some gluten free pizza dough so I can make you pizza when you come over. And some of your cherry Coke. I hope you like my cooking. Lol" and that make some forget for a while until he says something that upsets me like asking for a bj or a pic or something. How do I walk away if I see him everyday at work?

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Easy.

You explain it's over because he wants more than you can give, and you want what he can't give.

Then you treat him precisely like any other work acquaintance/colleague.

 

Read the No Contact Guide in my signature.

It will help.

 

:)

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He said it was self defense and she attacked him first when they had this huge disagreement. And yeah, I dunno why I am. Sometimes he can be really sweet and Taras right, I'm just holding on to what I want it to be. For instance, I have a horrible allergy to wheat and he just texted me, "Hey I got some gluten free pizza dough so I can make you pizza when you come over. And some of your cherry Coke. I hope you like my cooking. Lol" and that make some forget for a while until he says something that upsets me like asking for a bj or a pic or something. How do I walk away if I see him everyday at work?

 

Ugh, the dangers of dating within the workplace...:(

 

1. Let him know you don't want to see him anymore. It's over. Perhaps he'll keep away voluntarily

2. After #1, have as little contact with him as possible

3. Be prepared for sabotage, gossip and act accordingly (go to superiors)

 

One should NEVER give up naked, compromising pics of oneself to someone you are dating.

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Respect works both ways. Nude pictures never go away in this digital age. Don't do it, especially if your BF is texting other women. I suspect he won't be your BF for long.

 

 

Since this is your 2nd relationship the best advice I can give you is trust yourself. If you feel uncomfortable about something, don't do it. Be very wary of people who want you to do things you are not comfortable with.

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QUOTE=dit'sivain;5593069]Respect works both ways. Nude pictures never go away in this digital age. Don't do it, especially if your BF is texting other women. I suspect he won't be your BF for long.

 

 

Since this is your 2nd relationship the best advice I can give you is trust yourself. If you feel uncomfortable about something, don't do it. Be very wary of people who want you to do things you are not comfortable with.

 

Thanks guys, this really helps. I really don't feel comfortable giving him a bj. Is it too much to ask that I don't and he stops bothering me about it? He says everybody does this and sends pics... Why don't I feel comfortable doing this? Idk, I am 90 percent sure the woman he's texting is flirty.... I have guy friends, but I never flirt with them. Okay, I was a little curious so I did peek at a couple messages in his phone with her and I didn't see any sexy pics or really bad stuff, some small flirty comments though. I don't know who she is... Would it be wrong for me to ask?

I am going to confront him with this and if he doesn't stop, I'm bailing. I don't care what he says about me at work.

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Thanks guys, this really helps. I really don't feel comfortable giving him a bj. Is it too much to ask that I don't and he stops bothering me about it? He says everybody does this and sends pics... Why don't I feel comfortable doing this? Idk, I am 90 percent sure the woman he's texting is flirty.... I have guy friends, but I never flirt with them. Okay, I was a little curious so I did peek at a couple messages in his phone with her and I didn't see any sexy pics or really bad stuff, some small flirty comments though. I don't know who she is... Would it be wrong for me to ask?

I am going to confront him with this and if he doesn't stop, I'm bailing. I don't care what he says about me at work.

 

Please, please please!

 

Don't even bother with this!

You KNOW what his behaviour is like!

This is actually just a desperate move to create something that isn't there - a plea for change which he will not answer!

 

Don't even!

You're just setting yourself up for just more disappointment!

Why do that to yourself?!?

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This guy does not respect you and you can't expect him to act respectfully with naughty pics of you.

 

He is also an abusive douchebag and I agree with everyone who said you should kick his ass to the curb.

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What an *******! Tell him he's never getting nude pics of you and as a matter of fact, he's going to have to go off memory from now on. Pressured you to go down on him? Get the **** out of that situation immediately.

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organizedchaos
Thanks guys, this really helps. I really don't feel comfortable giving him a bj. Is it too much to ask that I don't and he stops bothering me about it? He says everybody does this and sends pics... Why don't I feel comfortable doing this? Idk, I am 90 percent sure the woman he's texting is flirty.... I have guy friends, but I never flirt with them. Okay, I was a little curious so I did peek at a couple messages in his phone with her and I didn't see any sexy pics or really bad stuff, some small flirty comments though. I don't know who she is... Would it be wrong for me to ask?

I am going to confront him with this and if he doesn't stop, I'm bailing. I don't care what he says about me at work.

 

Listen, you're young. Very young. This isn't the only relationship you're ever going to have. You aren't meant to spend the rest of your life with this guy. You guys are not compatible. End it now before things get worse.

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I really don't feel comfortable giving him a bj. Is it too much to ask that I don't and he stops bothering me about it? He says everybody does this and sends pics... Why don't I feel comfortable doing this?

 

My guess is you don't feel comfortable doing it because he isn't exactly inspiring you to BE comfortable.

 

He's pressuring you about the pics and BJ with no regard about how you feel about it.

 

He's guilt-tripping you about it.

 

He's making you feel like some kind of freak since "everybody does this".

 

And of course, he's talking to other girls, getting nude pics of them, etc.

 

You are NEVER going to have a great relationship with him. He's a jerk. Doesn't matter if he does nice things for you. He's cooking a pizza because he wants to cook a pizza. But when what you want and what he wants aren't in alignment, he wants what he wants, period.

 

Something tells me that when you get into a relationship with someone you trust who really loves you, you will be able to give BJs, no problem.

 

But never send nude pics, unless you want them shared with the world.

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...and also it NEVER matters what "everybody else is doing".

 

Always make choices based off your own values, not off what you think you are supposed to be doing.

 

And never let anyone pressure you into being someone you don't want to be.

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What an *******! Tell him he's never getting nude pics of you and as a matter of fact, he's going to have to go off memory from now on. Pressured you to go down on him? Get the **** out of that situation immediately.

 

No it was "He sorta pressured me into trying to go down on him too."

A. Sort of pressured. (likely tried to sweet talk her into it, and not grabbed her around the neck and pushed her down)

B. She didn't.

C. He had just gone down on her. (seen plenty of posts on here of women who get pissed off when guys don't reciprocate)

D. I can tell you know most guys are going to disappointed if their gf is not into giving head. (if she does not want to do it, then he has to respect that she is new to sex)

 

I'm not going to jump on the 'he's an abusive controlling douchbag' wagon here, since you said he treats you well outside of this issue. As long as his '"I don't give a f&ck attitude" doesn't start to feature you over time. Lots of girls & guys send their bf/gf nude pics. Its quite possible an ex has done it and or a number of his friends have their gfs doing it. I know it doesn't mean that you have to, but many a young guy is going to ask his girl. Though many don't have to as their gfs just do it to titillate their guy. I gather he is just asking and not badgering you, or belittling or threatening you over it. You said no and he ultimately has to respect that, though its clear he is disappointed. Yes it is quite possible for nude pics to come back to haunt you if the guy turns out to be a jerk.

 

Its up to you, but you could compromise maybe and send him a shot of you in your bra/panties or bikini. You could send him a nude pic but with with your legs crossed or an arm over your breasts or maybe with it a little out of focus and in semi dark and with your face not showing. Maybe a nude shot taken looking down at your cleavage, so its not an identifying selfie. Just suggestions for a compromise.

 

As for the other girl on his phone. You don't know exactly who she is yet, and we can't jump to conclusions, since you said you had a look at the conversations and its nothing much. He may have let you see her name on the phone deliberately to let you know there are other girls out there interested in him. If you mention it chances are he will brush it off as just a friend and the topless pics as stuff he grabbed from a soft porn site. Going forward, don't be made to feel bad for doing the same as him (ie talk to other guys or have erotic pic on your PC/phone)

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No it was "He sorta pressured me into trying to go down on him too."

A. Sort of pressured. (likely tried to sweet talk her into it, and not grabbed her around the neck and pushed her down)

B. She didn't.

C. He had just gone down on her. (seen plenty of posts on here of women who get pissed off when guys don't reciprocate)

D. I can tell you know most guys are going to disappointed if their gf is not into giving head. (if she does not want to do it, then he has to respect that she is new to sex)

 

I'm not going to jump on the 'he's an abusive controlling douchbag' wagon here, since you said he treats you well outside of this issue. As long as his '"I don't give a f&ck attitude" doesn't start to feature you over time. Lots of girls & guys send their bf/gf nude pics. Its quite possible an ex has done it and or a number of his friends have their gfs doing it. I know it doesn't mean that you have to, but many a young guy is going to ask his girl. Though many don't have to as their gfs just do it to titillate their guy. I gather he is just asking and not badgering you, or belittling or threatening you over it. You said no and he ultima[/b]tely has to respect that, though its clear he is disappointed. Yes it is quite possible for nude pics to come back to haunt you if the guy turns out to be a jerk.

 

Its up to you, but you could compromise maybe and send him a shot of you in your bra/panties or bikini. You could send him a nude pic but with with your legs crossed or an arm over your breasts or maybe with it a little out of focus and in semi dark and with your face not showing. Maybe a nude shot taken looking down at your cleavage, so its not an identifying selfie. Just suggestions for a compromise.

 

As for the other girl on his phone. You don't know exactly who she is yet, and we can't jump to conclusions, since you said you had a look at the conversations and its nothing much. He may have let you see her name on the phone deliberately to let you know there are other girls out there interested in him. If you mention it chances are he will brush it off as just a friend and the topless pics as stuff he grabbed from a soft porn site. Going forward, don't be made to feel bad for doing the same as him (ie talk to other guys or have erotic pic on your PC/phone)

 

This is possibly the worst, uncaring, arrogant and inconsiderate advice I've read in a long time.

 

No means no.

it doesn't mean 'maybe', or 'i'll change my mind, just to keep you happy', or 'it might work this way'.

it means No.

And don't push it, because that is just abusive.

 

My response would be "Phukk right off."

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A. Sort of pressured. (likely tried to sweet talk her into it, and not grabbed her around the neck and pushed her down)

 

Nobody said physically forced. Pressured is pressured. If you ask someone to do something and she says "NO", then you ask again and add that other people do it, and that she SHOULD be doing it because she is his gf, and that he did it to her so she should do it to him, then yeah, that's PRESSURING.

 

C. He had just gone down on her. (seen plenty of posts on here of women who get pissed off when guys don't reciprocate)

 

And if getting head is really important to him, he has a right to say "this isn't working for me" and going on to find a human vacuum cleaner. He is not stuck in this relationship.

 

I can tell you know most guys are going to disappointed if their gf is not into giving head.

 

Sure. But nobody gets 100% of everything they want. He needs to continue talking to her so he can understand WHY she doesn't want to, and then they can work together to see if she changes her mind and decides to try it. And if she doesn't, he has to decide if the good in the relationship outweighs what he's missing.

 

Just suggestions for a compromise.

 

Her compromise is that he gets to see her nude in person. That's good enough. He'll live without nude pics of her.

 

He may have let you see her name on the phone deliberately to let you know there are other girls out there interested in him.

 

What a douche move that would be. "Yes, I like it when my girlfriend feels insecure."

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organizedchaos
No it was "He sorta pressured me into trying to go down on him too."

A. Sort of pressured. (likely tried to sweet talk her into it, and not grabbed her around the neck and pushed her down)

B. She didn't.

C. He had just gone down on her. (seen plenty of posts on here of women who get pissed off when guys don't reciprocate)

D. I can tell you know most guys are going to disappointed if their gf is not into giving head. (if she does not want to do it, then he has to respect that she is new to sex)

 

I'm not going to jump on the 'he's an abusive controlling douchbag' wagon here, since you said he treats you well outside of this issue. As long as his '"I don't give a f&ck attitude" doesn't start to feature you over time. Lots of girls & guys send their bf/gf nude pics. Its quite possible an ex has done it and or a number of his friends have their gfs doing it. I know it doesn't mean that you have to, but many a young guy is going to ask his girl. Though many don't have to as their gfs just do it to titillate their guy. I gather he is just asking and not badgering you, or belittling or threatening you over it. You said no and he ultimately has to respect that, though its clear he is disappointed. Yes it is quite possible for nude pics to come back to haunt you if the guy turns out to be a jerk.

 

Its up to you, but you could compromise maybe and send him a shot of you in your bra/panties or bikini. You could send him a nude pic but with with your legs crossed or an arm over your breasts or maybe with it a little out of focus and in semi dark and with your face not showing. Maybe a nude shot taken looking down at your cleavage, so its not an identifying selfie. Just suggestions for a compromise.

 

As for the other girl on his phone. You don't know exactly who she is yet, and we can't jump to conclusions, since you said you had a look at the conversations and its nothing much. He may have let you see her name on the phone deliberately to let you know there are other girls out there interested in him. If you mention it chances are he will brush it off as just a friend and the topless pics as stuff he grabbed from a soft porn site. Going forward, don't be made to feel bad for doing the same as him (ie talk to other guys or have erotic pic on your PC/phone)

 

Worst advice ever.

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No it was "He sorta pressured me into trying to go down on him too."

A. Sort of pressured. (likely tried to sweet talk her into it, and not grabbed her around the neck and pushed her down)

B. She didn't.

C. He had just gone down on her. (seen plenty of posts on here of women who get pissed off when guys don't reciprocate)

D. I can tell you know most guys are going to disappointed if their gf is not into giving head. (if she does not want to do it, then he has to respect that she is new to sex)

 

I'm not going to jump on the 'he's an abusive controlling douchbag' wagon here, since you said he treats you well outside of this issue. As long as his '"I don't give a f&ck attitude" doesn't start to feature you over time. Lots of girls & guys send their bf/gf nude pics. Its quite possible an ex has done it and or a number of his friends have their gfs doing it. I know it doesn't mean that you have to, but many a young guy is going to ask his girl. Though many don't have to as their gfs just do it to titillate their guy. I gather he is just asking and not badgering you, or belittling or threatening you over it. You said no and he ultimately has to respect that, though its clear he is disappointed. Yes it is quite possible for nude pics to come back to haunt you if the guy turns out to be a jerk.

 

Its up to you, but you could compromise maybe and send him a shot of you in your bra/panties or bikini. You could send him a nude pic but with with your legs crossed or an arm over your breasts or maybe with it a little out of focus and in semi dark and with your face not showing. Maybe a nude shot taken looking down at your cleavage, so its not an identifying selfie. Just suggestions for a compromise.

 

As for the other girl on his phone. You don't know exactly who she is yet, and we can't jump to conclusions, since you said you had a look at the conversations and its nothing much. He may have let you see her name on the phone deliberately to let you know there are other girls out there interested in him. If you mention it chances are he will brush it off as just a friend and the topless pics as stuff he grabbed from a soft porn site. Going forward, don't be made to feel bad for doing the same as him (ie talk to other guys or have erotic pic on your PC/phone)

 

He finally got me to give him head and I did and felt like sh*t afterwards. I don't like giving it. I wouldn't mind if he never went down on me. That's just who I am. I gave my virginity to this guy, I'll give him hand jobs, I'll go out of my way to make him feel special, I give him lots of attention, etc. I just don't wanna suck him off or send him nude pics. I really regret giving in when he kept telling me to go down on him.

I'm not gonna send him any sexy pics. As for pressuring me, he told me I'm his gf and should want to satisfy him. He wouldn't stop pestering me about it on his birthday, and make me feel bad about not sending them. :/ he wanted me to give him a bj while he was driving and stuff like that which I DONT want to do.

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