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Is he being flakey or am i thinking too much?


Shashasha

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Met this guy on Tinder - had amazing dates with him. He doesn't live in the same country as me but comes down every month. we text everyday and all he wants to talk about is sex and dirty talk. I explained to him that I want more than sex and something more meaningful. He says he feels the same way...and I give it a few more days.

 

 

He still doesn't ask much about me in texts but just really general conversations. I feel like he's not interested in something serious? I told him we should stop talking and he's asking why and I said that looks like we cant give each other what we both want. He said I am probably going a bit too fast on this. I think I might just be...what do you guys think? Should I take a step back and give him more time or should I let him go? I noticed he doesn't text much after this conversation I had with him.

 

 

I don't want to come across as clingy and he's coming down next week. I am clueless what to do...

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Met this guy on Tinder - had amazing dates with him. He doesn't live in the same country as me but comes down every month. we text everyday and all he wants to talk about is sex and dirty talk. I explained to him that I want more than sex and something more meaningful. He says he feels the same way...and I give it a few more days.

 

 

He still doesn't ask much about me in texts but just really general conversations. I feel like he's not interested in something serious? I told him we should stop talking and he's asking why and I said that looks like we cant give each other what we both want. He said I am probably going a bit too fast on this. I think I might just be...what do you guys think? Should I take a step back and give him more time or should I let him go? I noticed he doesn't text much after this conversation I had with him.

 

 

I don't want to come across as clingy and he's coming down next week. I am clueless what to do...

 

 

DAMN! Just be honest with him & tell him what your looking for. I do know that most guys only want sex anyways so that's why as a girl we gotta be smart & steer them in our direction.

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DAMN! Just be honest with him & tell him what your looking for. I do know that most guys only want sex anyways so that's why as a girl we gotta be smart & steer them in our direction.

 

 

 

I know! I did twice already and now I feel I am a nag. He says he is who he is and just seems to be wanting to be horny all the time. He doesn't want to talk on the phone sometimes and when he said I am moving too fast - I thought maybe he's right...maybe I expect too much from him? He usually messages every morning and today he didn't after our convo last night. I messaged him a good morning message and he seems fine but still have this weary feeling...

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Well you told him that you guys should stop talking. So what do you think he's going to think.

 

I think youre not talking to him about any substance, you're just doddling along with this guy and not really telling him things that make you seem like a functioning human being, so he just sees you as a sex object.

I think youve also failed to tell us that, youve been sexual with him also, in your conversations.

 

Anyway, I think that its great that you 2 are meeting, youre not a fantasy anymore, and you can show him what a wonderful person you are, whether you want to do that sexually or not, its up to you

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Well you told him that you guys should stop talking. So what do you think he's going to think.

 

I think youre not talking to him about any substance, you're just doddling along with this guy and not really telling him things that make you seem like a functioning human being, so he just sees you as a sex object.

I think youve also failed to tell us that, youve been sexual with him also, in your conversations.

 

Anyway, I think that its great that you 2 are meeting, youre not a fantasy anymore, and you can show him what a wonderful person you are, whether you want to do that sexually or not, its up to you

 

 

 

True..sees me as a sex object? we haven't had sex and I told him I don't have sex so quickly until I feel ready? I just don't know what to do right now - whether I should start pulling away or give him more time.

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ExpatInItaly

If you've already let him know what you want and it isn't happening, why waste more time? If your gut is telling you that he primarily seems interested in a physical relationship, you're probably right. I would pull back a bit. His response to that will tell you everything you need to know.

 

But isn't Tinder primarily a hook-up tool? I don't have it, but that seems to be the reputation.

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Met this guy on Tinder - had amazing dates with him. He doesn't live in the same country as me but comes down every month. we text everyday and all he wants to talk about is sex and dirty talk. I explained to him that I want more than sex and something more meaningful. He says he feels the same way...and I give it a few more days.

 

 

He still doesn't ask much about me in texts but just really general conversations. I feel like he's not interested in something serious? I told him we should stop talking and he's asking why and I said that looks like we cant give each other what we both want. He said I am probably going a bit too fast on this. I think I might just be...what do you guys think? Should I take a step back and give him more time or should I let him go? I noticed he doesn't text much after this conversation I had with him.

 

 

I don't want to come across as clingy and he's coming down next week. I am clueless what to do...

 

 

I've been in this position before. Where you want to get to know someone and all they can talk about is seeing your boobs and bending you over the sofa.

 

Tell him exactly what YOU want. If he doesn't like it he can get lost! It's as simple as that.

 

You didn't state that I saw if you'd slept together yet however it sounds like he just wants someone to have sex with while he's there. Realistically him living in another country isn't a good thing, what happens when he stops travelling back to your country? It ends.

 

This probably isn't worth your time and please don't do things to make him happy only... You'll regret it

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Tinder + meaningful connection/relationship does not go....its mostly a hookup sits with him visiting every month....and who ever else he's visiting.....

 

I'm sorry but I don't think you'll find substance on tinder.....

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and all he wants to talk about is sex and dirty talk

 

/\ its as plain as day - not to mention, you met on tinder.

 

I don't think you can really expect anything meaningful from this guy.

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acrosstheuniverse
Tinder + meaningful connection/relationship does not go....its mostly a hookup sits with him visiting every month....and who ever else he's visiting.....

 

I'm sorry but I don't think you'll find substance on tinder.....

 

This is not necessarily true, just screen guys for being interested in nothing but hooking up as you would meeting them through any other channel (OLD, through acquaintances, in a bar)

 

I met my current bf on tinder, and whatever happens with us (only been a couple months) neither of us were looking for casual sex and he asked me to be his gf after two or three weeks of meeting up and dating, we didn't have sex until we were together either.

 

I dated many other guys from tinder before him (maybe 8?) and none pushed for casual sex, they were literally all great, decent guys, interested in dating me properly and seeing where it went. Sure, I spoke to many guys who made it clear they wanted sex but that made it easy for me to screen them out quickly :) I know plenty of people who are on tinder and dating and meeting partners or possible partners.

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Tinder is a hook up app for easy sex. He's telling you LOUD & CLEAR that's what he wants! LISTEN TO HIM!!!!!!! Don't go crying a month from now when he gets what he wants and leaves you in the dust. He's being very clear!

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acrosstheuniverse

But yes OP, this guy is a loss. He isn't even trying to pretend he wants anything more than sex. At least he's being honest.

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travelbug1996

He's telling you what he wants but you're not listening. Stop talking to this creep. A guy that was interested in getting to know you would not be talking about screwing. Those guys give me the heebie jeebies. Ugh

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You dont think she was talking about screwing too?

If you other women think that, you must be the most naive bunch on the planet. hahahahahaha

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If you've already let him know what you want and it isn't happening, why waste more time? If your gut is telling you that he primarily seems interested in a physical relationship, you're probably right. I would pull back a bit. His response to that will tell you everything you need to know.

 

But isn't Tinder primarily a hook-up tool? I don't have it, but that seems to be the reputation.

 

 

 

Yeah, you are right. I am definitely pulling back - I have this feeling he's going to call over the weekend to meet him!

 

 

Tinder's a hook-up tool, but you can find nice guys there :)

 

 

Thanks for hearing x

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I've been in this position before. Where you want to get to know someone and all they can talk about is seeing your boobs and bending you over the sofa.

 

Tell him exactly what YOU want. If he doesn't like it he can get lost! It's as simple as that.

 

You didn't state that I saw if you'd slept together yet however it sounds like he just wants someone to have sex with while he's there. Realistically him living in another country isn't a good thing, what happens when he stops travelling back to your country? It ends.

 

This probably isn't worth your time and please don't do things to make him happy only... You'll regret it

 

 

Yeah, I definitely agree with you!! :) I am pulling back now. Thanks :)

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He's telling you what he wants but you're not listening. Stop talking to this creep. A guy that was interested in getting to know you would not be talking about screwing. Those guys give me the heebie jeebies. Ugh

 

 

 

Yeah, I should steer clear!

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