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How long should I wait?


sweet25lips

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sweet25lips

I am going to try to make this short but I am in desperate need of some input.

 

Ok so I reconnected with a boyfriend almost a year ago. We had dated for a year when we were younger, circumstances beyond our control happened and i ended having to move 2000 miles away. We lost contact and that was that. I always loved him but life happened and I had to accept it.

 

I married then lost my spouse almost three years ago to a death. I moved back home and thats when I reconnected with my bf.

 

So he was living about three hours away and we did long distance thing for about 6 months. He was living with sister taking care of his brother. During holidays he stayed with me for two months but had to go back to take care of things and prepare to move back home near me cause his brother was now here locally with his mom.

 

His sister passed away unexpectedly a little over a month ago. He is taking her death hard and I am trying to be as supportive as I can.

 

He is back here locally and is staying with him mom. We planned to marry and make a life for our selves. However since is sister passed away he talked with me and told me that he is going to have some baggage now.

 

The sister that passed away was living with mom so now she will need help around house and rides to doctors appintments. He said he has some land near his mom and he wants to build a house on it. It would make him feel better to be closer to his mom and brother. I was ok with this because i understand the circumstances.

 

He was visiting often and staying about every other night with me after our talk. About a week ago his brother had unexpected surgery and is a rehabilitation center. This made my bf even more depressed because now he is pressured into staying with his mom for time being because she does not want to be alone.

 

So we have not been seeing each other as often due to his moms needs ext..

 

Let me just say that he is 35 years old, his other sister is older and so his his brother. None have been married or had kids and I believe its do to the fact that there mother is manipulative and demanding,

 

So I dont know how to go about and approach this situation. I understand that his mom just lost her daughter. I feel for her. She lost her spouse about 4 years ago as well. I am trying to be sensitive to the situation and trying to understand that bf feels he needs to be there for his mom. I get that.

 

However a also feel a line has to be drawn at some point and I dont know when it should be and I dont know how to approach my bf. His family confided in me that his mom is demanding and expects them to cater to her every need. Just yesterday my bf text for a bit then said he was going to bed cause he feels run down.

 

I dont know if I am asking for too much or being unreasonable. We were supposed to marry sooner but his sister died so it was put on hold. I kinda feel that he needs to say something but he wont. I have brought it up once and he feels offended by it so I stopped. I know he is grieving so I have not said nothing and see him when he can which sometimes means i have to stop my life or else we couldn't see each other as often. I dont like doing that.

 

How would you handle this???

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Wait for him to marry you?

You seem a little selfish here.

What if he doesnt marry you. How about that?

 

Do you want to lock him down for some reason?

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sweet25lips

I guess I worded it wrong but NO marriage is the least of my concern right now. What I am talking about is the fact that this is draining him and it is affected his social life and relationships.

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