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Poor eye contact, any ideas?


avoforastig

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avoforastig

I went out on two dates with a very beautiful woman recently. I've noticed she doesn't seem to have an appropriate level of eye contact when we are talking, far too little. We have some similar interests and she seems nice enough. She just seems a bit off in that regard. It is very puzzling. I thought she was just nervous or shy, but she seems pretty open talking about any subject and I spent the night at her place the other night(no sex).

 

Is there any reasons she might not be making an appropriate level of eye contact? I'd hate to reject someone over something petty but it is an important part of non-verbal communication.

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I think you maybe need to give examples of what you consider appropriate eye contact and where she is not doing this before people can offer their opinions.

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Some people aren't very good with eye contact. I am one of these people :p Not sure why, just struggle with it a bit. If the conversation seems ok otherwise then I wouldn't worry :)

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Some people just don't do much eye contact and it has no bearing on the amount of interest they have. It probably won't change much in the future, so if it bothers you that much, move on.

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This is seriously something people worry about on dates? I am horrible with eye contact. Especially if I'm nervous. It'd be awhile before I am able to make good eye contact with someone.

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regine_phalange
I went out on two dates with a very beautiful woman recently. I've noticed she doesn't seem to have an appropriate level of eye contact when we are talking, far too little. We have some similar interests and she seems nice enough. She just seems a bit off in that regard. It is very puzzling. I thought she was just nervous or shy, but she seems pretty open talking about any subject and I spent the night at her place the other night(no sex).

 

Is there any reasons she might not be making an appropriate level of eye contact? I'd hate to reject someone over something petty but it is an important part of non-verbal communication.

Because I always look people in the eyes when we talk, I would feel very uncomfortable with such situation. It would give me a feeling of insincerity, or being ignored. On the other hand, there are indeed people who can't handle eye contact because it's too much stimulation for them. It would still anoy me though, non-verbal communication is as important as verbal communication for me.

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HeartbrokenNewbie

I'm terrible with eye contact & even more so if I really like someone x I wouldn't read too much into it honestly x

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I can't look someone in the eye if they are new aqua intense or if I like them

It's just so hard. I don't know why people relate eye contact with honesty or true feelings. Some of the best liars and cheaters will look you in the eye and say they adore you!

However, after I get to know them, it would be a natural thing to look at them.

 

Just wait for a little while......

Edited by Noproblem
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Bruce Leigh
Is there any reasons she might not be making an appropriate level of eye contact? I'd hate to reject someone over something petty but it is an important part of non-verbal communication.

 

Simple solution is to ask her. Some women are like that, some aren't.

The funny thing is that certain times when these women attempt to make eye contact, you might be caught glancing at their chest.:D

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ExposedBrick

This happened to me too. It took me two dates to figure out what seemed off with the interactions. If you are sitting across from someone speaking, why would you not look in the direction of the person you are speaking? It just seems to make the conversations feel disconnected. How many dates should it take for someone to relax and have fun?!

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thegreatesthumphrey

It could take quite a bit of dates lol. and you are right. It makes the conversation seem disconnected. That is one of the reasons why.

 

Im almost 99% certain these are the two reasons. I myself have this problem, and have actually done research on why I am this way.

 

1. She is very insecure.

 

2. She fears attachment. One of the quickest ways to connect with someone is through eye contact, she is avoiding that. Why she fears attachment I could not tell you, but it will have something to do with attachments she had made in the past that hurt her and it repeated.

 

The relationship will be hard that is a given, but these women tend to be loyal and have big hearts if you can break through that.

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It could take quite a bit of dates lol. and you are right. It makes the conversation seem disconnected. That is one of the reasons why.

 

Im almost 99% certain these are the two reasons. I myself have this problem, and have actually done research on why I am this way.

 

1. She is very insecure.

 

2. She fears attachment. One of the quickest ways to connect with someone is through eye contact, she is avoiding that. Why she fears attachment I could not tell you, but it will have something to do with attachments she had made in the past that hurt her and it repeated.

 

The relationship will be hard that is a given, but these women tend to be loyal and have big hearts if you can break through that.

I agree with this, option 2.

I have seen it two people in my lifetime.

 

EDIT: Cut out the rest >_>

Edited by FrostBlaze
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ExposedBrick
It could take quite a bit of dates lol. and you are right. It makes the conversation seem disconnected. That is one of the reasons why.

 

Im almost 99% certain these are the two reasons. I myself have this problem, and have actually done research on why I am this way.

 

1. She is very insecure.

 

2. She fears attachment. One of the quickest ways to connect with someone is through eye contact, she is avoiding that. Why she fears attachment I could not tell you, but it will have something to do with attachments she had made in the past that hurt her and it repeated.

 

The relationship will be hard that is a given, but these women tend to be loyal and have big hearts if you can break through that.

 

It's very off-putting and makes her seem distant. I agree she does seem insecure and probably fears attachment. It's just frustrating and leaves me feeling a bit cold with this type of interaction. I find it difficult to fathom any sort of intimate relationship with a person acting in this matter. Is there anything that helps?

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thegreatesthumphrey

Honestly I would say just leave it alone, because with either issue or both, eye contact will not be the only issue. If you are not invested already, then dont. They only advice I can give is trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible. Oh wait! Take the lead. Gently hold her chin and pull her face to look at yours. not forcefully and look her in the eyes. You are breaking the ice for both of each other. Once its done she wont be so nervous about it. Trust me that will work. She might smile, giggle, and turn her head back, but do it one more time if she does. Insecure women like to be lead. It is highly attractive.

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ExposedBrick
Honestly I would say just leave it alone, because with either issue or both, eye contact will not be the only issue. If you are not invested already, then dont. They only advice I can give is trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible. Oh wait! Take the lead. Gently hold her chin and pull her face to look at yours. not forcefully and look her in the eyes. You are breaking the ice for both of each other. Once its done she wont be so nervous about it. Trust me that will work. She might smile, giggle, and turn her head back, but do it one more time if she does. Insecure women like to be lead. It is highly attractive.

 

 

I'm not sure what you meant by "if you are not invested already." Do you mean I should not pry or just move on altogether. It's not like she never makes eye contact, she just seems to talk while looking down or to the side in addition. Either way, it's tough to assess.

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Bigcitydreamer

She is most likely just shy. I wouldn't ask her about it or make any fuss about it. Just give it a few more chances if you like her, it's highly unlikely she will always be like this once she gets to know you more.

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Bruce Leigh
Challenge her to a staring contest.

 

Asked one of the women i was dating why she couldn't look me in the eyes, she challenged me to a staring contest, made me laugh, she won too. But she was more relaxed that evening and the dates after. She had a fantastic sense of humour too.

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avoforastig
She is most likely just shy. I wouldn't ask her about it or make any fuss about it. Just give it a few more chances if you like her, it's highly unlikely she will always be like this once she gets to know you more.

 

I have a third date set up with her on a weeknight. Would an invitation to my place be too forward or intimidating?

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Bruce Leigh
I have a third date set up with her on a weeknight. Would an invitation to my place be too forward or intimidating?

 

What did you do for the 1st two dates?

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