lovebirds Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I am lightly flirting with one of my guy friends. Here's my problem: I am not sure if we fit together. I am attracted to him because he is highly intelligent, likes travelling, nature and exudes confidence (about his life, his career, his knowledge). I also feel attracted to him in a physical way but I do not think he is very handsome. It is hard to explain but I wonder if I can get over that. He has a nice body but his face... i just don't like it that much. I do fantasize about kissing him etc. I know this must sound awfully superficial. I just wonder whether I could fall in love with him with these contradictory feelings/thoughts/sexual instincts. I'm not sure why I would care about his face. Not sure how to proceed. Confused and new to all this kind of stuff! I guess I don't really have a question, I'll just see where this all takes me. Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I had that happen to me once. I was attracted to this guy that was not at all my type and not even particularly handsome. Weird. Nothing ever came of it but I didn't understand why I got the butterflies around him. Link to post Share on other sites
Barbarossa Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 This guy sounds like me thus I say go for it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MrMeh Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 If you aren't attracted to him then I think you are setting yourself up to fail in the long run. Good luck though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 If you aren't attracted to him then I think you are setting yourself up to fail in the long run. Good luck though. She is attracted to him. She clearly says that. She's just trying to talk herself out of it for some reason. OP, go for it. You know you want to. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExposedBrick Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 I'd say as a man, you have to have something you are attracted to about them physically. I dated a girl who had some significant acne scarring on her face but her body and personality more than made up for the shortcoming. If you are already platonic though, it may be a whole additional set of circumstances. Good friends are equally hard to come by. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 as long as there is *some* physical attraction on your part then it can definitely grow into more. if he is completely hideous to you then it won't ever work no matter how awesome his character is. if you can imagine kissing him, hugging him, and being physical with him then give it a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
abby_tx Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 I have a male friend like this. Sometimes I'm attracted to him (dim lights, right clothing), other times not. He's totally 100% bald. He shaves his entire head since he has receding hairline and looks like he has cancer because he's so pale too. I can't get over his looks. I say be less shallow than me and give it a try. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 I am lightly flirting with one of my guy friends. Here's my problem: I am not sure if we fit together. I am attracted to him because he is highly intelligent, likes travelling, nature and exudes confidence (about his life, his career, his knowledge). I also feel attracted to him in a physical way but I do not think he is very handsome. It is hard to explain but I wonder if I can get over that. He has a nice body but his face... i just don't like it that much. I do fantasize about kissing him etc. I know this must sound awfully superficial. I just wonder whether I could fall in love with him with these contradictory feelings/thoughts/sexual instincts. I'm not sure why I would care about his face. Not sure how to proceed. Confused and new to all this kind of stuff! I guess I don't really have a question, I'll just see where this all takes me. SO basically hes sort of good enough to bang (maybe), but youre not intensely physically attracted to him. Ok, well dont date him. No biggie. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Keep your hands on his body and close your eyes when you go in for a kiss like most people do and it should be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
potestatum Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 It can work. If you give it a try (and you are physically attracted to him) you will fall in love! Be warned though. At the end you may fall so much for him that you may see him as the most handsome guy ever! I am a guy and something similar happened to me with a not so pretty girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 It would be enough initial attraction for me. If I fantasize about a guy kissing me, it's enough chemistry for me to want to get physical with him. If you are sexually compatible, it will only grow anyway. Who cares whether he is conventionally good looking or not? What matters is that you are attracted to him. Attraction goes way beyond looks. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 I am lightly flirting with one of my guy friends. Here's my problem: I am not sure if we fit together. I am attracted to him because he is highly intelligent, likes travelling, nature and exudes confidence (about his life, his career, his knowledge). I also feel attracted to him in a physical way but I do not think he is very handsome. It is hard to explain but I wonder if I can get over that. He has a nice body but his face... i just don't like it that much. I do fantasize about kissing him etc. I know this must sound awfully superficial. I just wonder whether I could fall in love with him with these contradictory feelings/thoughts/sexual instincts. I'm not sure why I would care about his face. Not sure how to proceed. Confused and new to all this kind of stuff! I guess I don't really have a question, I'll just see where this all takes me. The fact that you dont like his face says it all for me. How can you ever look at each other with love if you dont like the face of the person you are looking at? Not even sure if its workable. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 The fact that you dont like his face says it all for me. How can you ever look at each other with love if you dont like the face of the person you are looking at? Not even sure if its workable. I disagree. When your attraction and your love grows for someone, you see them differently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Obviously you are attracted if you fantasize about kissing him. Go for it. If it works out and you fall in love, his face will become your favorite face. Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 I disagree. When your attraction and your love grows for someone, you see them differently. But she has already said that she does not find his face attractive. No amount of feelings will change that fact to her. She hasnt said that he is reasonable looking or not bad looking, that would at least be workable. I would let him find someone who thinks about his face in some positive manner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Yeah this doesnt sound good to me. She doesnt sound too smitten. Usually when a girl fancies a guy, she wont outright say his face is unattractive to her. She may acknowledge that hes not conventionally what many other women may like, but shell say hes still handsome or cute to her. OP hasnt said this. I felt the same way about my ex. While I could acknowledge the fact that she may not have had the prettiest face to most guy, she was a 10 to me. I always found her adorable even when my friends who didnt originally like her told me I could do better. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 But she has already said that she does not find his face attractive. No amount of feelings will change that fact to her. She hasnt said that he is reasonable looking or not bad looking, that would at least be workable. I would let him find someone who thinks about his face in some positive manner. "I also feel attracted to him in a physical way but I do not think he is very handsome. It is hard to explain but I wonder if I can get over that. He has a nice body but his face... i just don't like it that much. I do fantasize about kissing him etc." This is what the OP said. I dated men I didn't think were particularly handsome, their face didn't make me turn and look again to put it mildly. Yet when we got together the chemistry just grew and I loved everything about them. The other person doesn't have to be objectively perfect for you, what matters is attraction. If she didn't find him attractive enough, she wouldn't fantasize about kissing him. You kiss the mouth on the face, after all. Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 That happens a lot to me, I may not be the best looker out there, in fact I look like a Hispanic version of Gerald Butler, but darker, but my intelligence and maturity attracts some of the girls that I study/work with. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 If this was a man posting, I would say no. But since it is a woman, sure I think you should go for it. Women grow to feel more attracted to men they emotionally bond with. Link to post Share on other sites
Canucklehead Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 I think you might not know for sure if you two have the right chemistry until you experience that first kiss together..... Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 The fact that this guy appears to have his **** together is good. If you do decide to date him and it doesnt work out, at least he should be able to pick himself up quickly. Cant help but wonder what he would say if you were totally upfront about how you think of him. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 OP, IMO your description is what I call 'fair to middling' attraction and is the impetus of my caution in another thread about this issue as it relates to appearance. *If* you experience fair to middling attraction and *if* your attachment style largely turns upon such attraction, I would strongly suggest avoiding people you are attracted to in a fair to middling way simply because with insufficient attraction for your style, an inevitable bobble in the other factors you share can cause the overall attraction to quickly fall below your threshold to continue. As life throws us change and challenge, it's only fair to start with a strong foundation, both in the attraction and compatibility/synergy areas. Each of our styles of melding the physical and psychological is different and each is valid. Stay true to yours. BTW, the phrase 'fair to middling' comes from the measurement of cotton fiber strength, and is commonly used around here, since we grow a lot of the country's cotton, and is appropriate, as it measures the strength needed to pull cotton boll fibers apart. It measures their bond. Attraction is a bond which can be pulled at. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovebirds Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 Thanks for your replies, some encouraging, some confusing. I have to say that I am the type of person that only falls in love when the other person shows that they feel the same way. I guess I am not a head over heels kind of person... I sometimes feel he does like me back, so that is part of why I am so attracted to him and that I can allow that feeling (apart from him being a great guy and being attractive in his own way). HIS FACE IS NOT THAT BAD BY THE WAY! Let's hope he never reads this thread if I do end up with him - I feel a bit bad about it now. In my culture (Western Europe), at least in my circle, dating does not really exist. You don't go out on dates to test if you are compatible or have sex or kiss with people you are dating. Kissing and sex are either for drunken nights out/one night stands or full-on relationship. There is no in-between really, that's why I'm cautious to jump into this, although I feel that I want to! I have only had one relationship and it lasted six years, so I'm fresh on the market and am quite inexperienced. I'm just full of excitement and emotions, horniness etc so I think I am in a good place to get to know this guy even better. Thank you for your encouragement, making the post has made things clearer for me already! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 That's why I laugh when people say looks matter more to men..op you say he's not that bad looking but you're not that attracted to his face do you mostly date conventionally good looking men? Link to post Share on other sites
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