anotherstranger Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 So I went on a first date with a dude about 3 weeks ago. It went great and while on the date we made plans to meet the next week. After the date, it took him 6 days to text me to confirm plans. We confirmed and met for our second date (which was valentines day). We had a good time then as well and made plans to meet for brunch 3 days later. We met for brunch and then went to central park. It was a lovely time. While on the date, we made plans to meet the coming weekend. So we met up and again we had a great time. I ended up spending the night, but didn't really hook up. Everything but type of scenario. SO the next morning it was good, i ended up leaving at noon. This was a Saturday. It was Monday and he had not texted me. So I decided to take the initiative and send him a text asking him out for dinner on Thursday. He replied with a "Hey there pretty girl!" and said he had to work until 9 all week (i had forgotten he had told me this on our previous date) and that we should meet on Saturday. I'm out of town so we are not meeting until Sunday. He said that he is looking forward to dinner. He deleted his okcupid account, which is a plus, but could be that he just doesn't want to be on it anymore and it has nothing to do with me. We don't text in between dates! But how slow is too slow? He is 11 years older than me so it may be that he doesn't want to scare me off or he is just from a different generation that doesn't text that much. Thoughts on this? Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Hmmm... I'm leaning towards player. If I really liked a girl I would be texting and talking to her on the phone between dates. I wouldn't be behaving like him unless I were seeing other people at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Think u cracked it for yourself in the last paragraph x x older generation x Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Well, I think you are quick calling him a player only based on his communication style. About you set the pace? Text and calls work both ways. When he text you tell him hearing from him makes you happy, you'd like to hear from him more often. That's called 'positive reinforcement' when a man does something you like then make sure he knows it! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I don't see player in there anywhere, not even if I squint. Players are all over you. When you texted & asked for dinner, a player would have replied, I'm working 'til 9 but why don't you swing by my place at 10? Booty call all the way. He didn't do that. He set up another proper date on a different day. As a generalization, if he's over 40 he's used to dating when we didn't have 24/7 access to each other. He may hate texting. Don't make decisions based on how frequently he texts. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Hmmm, I think you don't know what player means because he's not it. A player is someone who PLAYS you for a fool. They can do so by playing with your emotions filling you with BS stuff like that. Seems like this guy is being honest with you so far. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Players come in different forms. He's being meticulous with plans and how he is texting her for a reason. I say he is seeing other women and OP is just an option for him. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Players come in different forms. He's being meticulous with plans and how he is texting her for a reason. I say he is seeing other women and OP is just an option for him. You don't know that, He does work until 9 pm routinely so he could just be busy. I'm not saying your theory is implausible but we don't know for sure. The fact that he took down his dating profile, also negates a conclusion of player. Unless his "dance card" is already full. Dating multiple people or not being exclusive also is not the only hallmark of player. Players have more of a user / selfish vibe more so then simply someone who isn't ready for exclusivity. That said, OP does need to determine if she's the only one he's dating. She may be since she gets all the Saturday nights & she got Valentine's Day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 You don't know that, He does work until 9 pm routinely so he could just be busy. I'm not saying your theory is implausible but we don't know for sure. The fact that he took down his dating profile, also negates a conclusion of player. Unless his "dance card" is already full. Dating multiple people or not being exclusive also is not the only hallmark of player. Players have more of a user / selfish vibe more so then simply someone who isn't ready for exclusivity. That said, OP does need to determine if she's the only one he's dating. She may be since she gets all the Saturday nights & she got Valentine's Day. You're right, I don't know. I'm just giving my opinion. What's that saying? "Playing the field" ... he could be playing the field, keeping the OP at an arm's distance while he plays with other women. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Listen, a lot of people past teenage years don't want to text all the time. It's a f'in hassle and basically only serves to let someone keep tabs on you but is otherwise meaningless minimal-type communication. There's plenty of people who don't want to get that started, no matter what their intentions. How about after your next date, you switch over to phoning and see how that goes. But if he feels that every time he's talking to you, you're asking for a date commitment, that may get old as well. Call him sometime just because something reminded you of him or you heard something funny, not to put him on a spot about making the next date. See how that goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author anotherstranger Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Right...okay, good suggestions. Its so confusing dating and having technology involved. He's 33 and I'm 22, so I'm used to dudes in their 20s blowing up my phone. He has been a complete gentleman, so we will see how this next date goes. It is the 5th and a player would have bailed if we hadn't slept together yet. BUT then again you never know. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Caution is your best bet. Ask if he is dating other people. You don't have to express a preference for exclusivity but you can. If he's got the kind of job that he works until 9 p.m. routinely he doesn't have time to blow up your phone the way a college boy does. Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 You are about the ages I guessed that you were after I finished reading the first post. I'm 36, and everybody my age or older that I've spoken to about this thinks it's strange how people in their early 20s are all constantly texting on their phone. It seems like such an impersonal way to get to know somebody you're dating. Why would you even trust texting over something more real? No, I don't think he's a player. Link to post Share on other sites
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