Jump to content

Did I give him the wrong impression? [update]


ShiningMoon

Recommended Posts

We're both 24. We went on a date which ended with a kiss. He started with a soft kiss and then it turned into a small make out. At first, he was just holding my head and had his hands on my waist.

 

However, since I'm very attracted to him, I unconsciously wrapped my leg around his and started rubbing it gently. That's when he started groping me, and rubbing my thigh, strongly pulling my body against his, kissing my neck. Mind you, I was wearing a short skirt with sheer tights!

 

Now, I'm not planning on having sex on date #2 and date one lasted around 7 hours (we have a lot in common and he asked me on date #2 in the middle of date #1).

 

Do you think I gave him the impression that I might put out easily?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Not at all.....You just showed him you're not the 'frigid' type. (haha!)

Probably best if you didn't have sex on date #2 just in case he did get the wrong impression, but to be honest, who's to say you shouldn't?! You obviously have a lot in common with this guy and you get along really well....if it feels right then it feels right.

 

Just go with your gut.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I disagree with the above post.

 

Based on years of experience, I would hold out. People can blah blah blah about do what you want and if he's a good guy and really likes you he'd stick around anyway......but I highly recommend waiting because you know NOTHING about him yet.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

If I were the guy in question I would think I'm getting laid on the second date. Is it strategically located near one of your residences?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
If I were the guy in question I would think I'm getting laid on the second date. Is it strategically located near one of your residences?

 

Nope! Oddly enough, he asked me to choose the venue for date #2! Coincidence? I think not.

 

 

Regardless, he's not getting laid on date #2, it's my time of the month. So no way.

Edited by ShiningMoon
Link to post
Share on other sites
Nope! Oddly enough, he asked me to choose the venue for date #2! Coincidence? I think not.

 

 

Regardless, he's not getting laid on date #2, it's my time of the month. So no way.

I have no problem with sleeping with women before dating them let alone sleeping with them on date #2. Do what you want.

 

I'm just saying that usually things progress and you left off somewhere between bases 1 and 2. At the very least I'm thinking HJ or Oral if I play my cards right which also means (and I'm not above admitting this) I'm probably playing those cards right and delaying the show and tell of my personality for later.

Link to post
Share on other sites
If I were the guy in question I would think I'm getting laid on the second date.

 

Just because you "think" you will get laid, doesn't mean you will. This notion that is out there that after certain things have occurred - sex must occur! - has the unfortunate conclusion on many instances for people where they are forced into non-consensual sex.

 

Just because OP made out with the guy - it is NOT an open invitation for sex. When she is ready to go there, then all power to her. If the guy she's dating get's the sh*ts about it, then he's only in it for the sex and not her as a package.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I have no problem with sleeping with women before dating them let alone sleeping with them on date #2. Do what you want.

 

I'm just saying that usually things progress and you left off somewhere between bases 1 and 2. At the very least I'm thinking HJ or Oral if I play my cards right which also means (and I'm not above admitting this) I'm probably playing those cards right and delaying the show and tell of my personality for later.

 

Yep, I made things evolve a little too quickly! He just went for a "kiss goodbye" while we were waiting on my subway to arrive, and it turned out into a cinematic make out session. My fault, I was way too attracted to him. But then again, date #2 will determine whether or not he's in it for the right reasons.

 

When you mean "delaying the show" as in? Delaying the fact that you're just looking for a hookup or what?

 

We both know we have many things in common, we spent 7 hours talking about everything under the sun!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Just because you "think" you will get laid, doesn't mean you will. This notion that is out there that after certain things have occurred - sex must occur! - has the unfortunate conclusion on many instances for people where they are forced into non-consensual sex.

 

Just because OP made out with the guy - it is NOT an open invitation for sex. When she is ready to go there, then all power to her. If the guy she's dating get's the sh*ts about it, then he's only in it for the sex and not her as a package.

 

Agreed. There's nothing wrong with giving a guy a little 'preview'. If you're interested in him, and he's interested in you, he'll embrace the anticipation - it makes everything so much more fun!!

 

If you like him and intend to sleep with him at some point (and we know, pretty quick, whether a guy is 'bed worthy' or not), then give him a little preview. The problem comes when you tease a guy and you have NO intention of sleeping with him at some point. In which case, it's important to send that message loud and clear.

Edited by pickflicker
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Things moved at the pace you wanted them to. There's no reason to state it any other way. He was attracted to you and went for it. You were attracted to him and allowed it.

 

Who says I was just looking for a hook up? Maybe I do want to date you? In those previous seven hours did I say that I only wanted a fling or FWB?

 

I can want to have sex with you and still want a relationship. Why can't I figure out whether we'd be a good fit while having sex if you also feel the same way? Or maybe I'm pretty certain you're what I want and I'm just trying to figure out if you feel the same?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Things moved at the pace you wanted them to. There's no reason to state it any other way. He was attracted to you and went for it. You were attracted to him and allowed it.

 

Who says I was just looking for a hook up? Maybe I do want to date you? In those previous seven hours did I say that I only wanted a fling or FWB?

 

I can want to have sex with you and still want a relationship. Why can't I figure out whether we'd be a good fit while having sex if you also feel the same way? Or maybe I'm pretty certain you're what I want and I'm just trying to figure out if you feel the same?

 

The thing is #2 is way too soon. I barely know him! Of course, I'm very attracted to him, and obviously, if I weren't I would have turned down the date #2 invitation. Hence, you can't date someone if you have no intentions of sleeping with them at some point, in my opinion.

 

He never mentioned FWB or fling, on the very contrary!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

See you didn't give him the wrong impression. You do want to sleep with him.

 

Now it's just a matter of bargaining over when to do it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
See you didn't give him the wrong impression. You do want to sleep with him.

 

Now it's just a matter of bargaining over when to do it.

 

Yep!

 

How can I let him know I'm very attracted to him but want to wait a little before jumping in? I don't want him to think it's gonna turn into something platonic.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Share your decision with him in an honest manner.

 

One of my best relationships started a date two by saying, "Look, Brad. We're probably going to f--k but you need to date me first to get there."

 

I loved the honesty. Grew to love the woman. It's sad that she was relocated overseas. It's one of those relationships most adults still look back very fondly on and wonder what could have been if only ... and she's my only "if only" story.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers
How can I let him know I'm very attracted to him but want to wait a little before jumping in? I don't want him to think it's gonna turn into something platonic.

You can maintain the level of physicality you've established so far, and very slowly let it escalate.

 

Obviously you can do what you want, but I agree with mammasita - you know next to nothing about this guy right now, so you're taking a big risk if you have sex with him without knowing him at all.

 

In addition, you're depriving him and yourself of the excitement of letting the anticipation build. Early dating is an exciting time that fires up a lot of good masculine and feminine feelings. I think when you have sex too soon, you kill all that slow unfolding that is quite delicious, and reduce it to something much more shallow.

 

Generally, a man who only has to wait a date or two to get you into bed has low motivation to please you. A man who has developed feelings and attachment over time has much higher motivation to please you and deepen the emotional connection with you - which yields way better sex.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

He may be thinking you will have sex on the second date or he may not.

 

At the end of the day it's not like it matters if he thinks you will or won't, what matters is that you already know you won't and on date 2 he will realize this. If he really likes you and isn't in it for the sex, he will gladly come back around and ask you out and see you some more and wait for sex.

 

A grown man should be able to handle some heavy making out without thinking it means automatic sex the next time and a man who actually likes you and is interested in you as a whole person will be excited at the future prospect of sex not be demanding or act like you "led him on" because you don't put out the next time.

Edited by MissBee
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ShiningMoon

Why would a man ask you to plan date 2 if he's the one who asked you out on date 2 and already chose a specific day?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ShiningMoon
Did you complain about date #1?

 

Not at all :)

 

It's just we went to a restaurant which he picked, and I didn't exactly like my meal. It wasn't his fault obviously, it's just that the meal had a certain ingredient which I didn't like at all (I wasn't aware of it). Hence, I barely touched my plate.

 

But still, I told him it was no big deal (he likes junk food, and I'm a vegan) and we could go to his favorite spots instead.

Edited by ShiningMoon
Link to post
Share on other sites
Driftking102

He wants it to be an equal thing. You plan one and he plans one. I think thats fair for just getting to know one another. I would start off with dinner at your favorite restaurant, then a movie which is traditional. Or if your not comfortable with him yet, then a really long dinner. Restaurants are the best way to get to know someone.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ShiningMoon
He wants it to be an equal thing. You plan one and he plans one. I think thats fair for just getting to know one another. I would start off with dinner at your favorite restaurant, then a movie which is traditional. Or if your not comfortable with him yet, then a really long dinner. Restaurants are the best way to get to know someone.

 

We already spent like 7 hours total at a restaurant and another bar. Hence, I thought about coffee / ice skating / pizza.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe its his way of finding out more about you, and seeing some investment in effort from you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yep, maybe he wants it to be an equal thing, like he chose the first one, so now you can choose the second one. It shouldn't be anything to be nervous about. Plan what you would enjoy and it will be a blast for the both of you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...