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Dealing With Shy/Awkward Guys


Chalkdust89

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I have a little crush on my friend's friend (who I have only met a few times, but he seems to be friendly but super awkward around girls). My friend decided to take it upon himself to tell him that I like him and give him my phone number about a week ago. He has not texted me yet, which might have something to do with the pressure of Valentine's Day, etc. We saw each other very briefly since then and he approached me very confidently to say hi, but as soon as we started talking he became really awkward and didn't really talk for too long. He said we should hang out some time, but our conversation got cut short due to other things going on and we never had time to make plans. Apparently he was really excited to get my number when my friend have it to him...but I'm just wondering if I'll ever actually hear from this guy. I don't have his number, so the ball is in his court at this point. I'm unfortunately used to guys who are super clingy and text me all the time, so assuming that this guy likes me (which I don't even know is fair to assume since we don't know each other too well), I don't know what to expect from him if he is shy. We don't really know each other that well and I'm worried that he might feel pressured from my friend giving him my number (which I did NOT ask him to do). I'm not expecting him to be my boyfriend right away or anything but at the very least I would like to hang out with him individually to get to know him better. I am just wary of making a move because I don't want to freak him out.

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The next time you are doing any group activity try to include him. At least send out the offer of an invite.

 

 

As much as I hate it, try becoming his FB friend & get his # from your friend so you can say things like "hey a bunch of us are going to XYZ, why don't you come along?" Perhaps spending more time with you, when you are friendly will help him relax.

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If he is awkward and has a hard time contacting someone/making the first move, you may have to bite the bullet and contact HIM. (And consider yourself lucky, for that matter, as most of us awkward guys, if anything, have a tendency to be a bit overzealous in trying to establish communication with a new girl).

 

As an awkward guy myself, I can attest that it took me a LOOOONG time to absorb the fact that I was expected to initiate absolutely every stage in the evolution of my involvement with a woman - from early contact, to initiating dates, to initiating physical intimacy, etc. So I often sat around for an embarrassing amount of time waiting to get some kind of "signal" from the object of my affections. That could be what this poor sap is waiting for as well.

 

Good luck, and happy trails.

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My friend decided to take it upon himself to tell him that I like him and give him my phone number about a week ago.

For a start you need to give your friend a lesson in data privacy. It is NOT OK to give your number out to random people without your permission. If he wanted to set the two of you up then he should have asked you "can I give XXX your number", or told his friend "hey XXX likes you can I give her your number".

 

Then after you've raged at your friend a bit, say well now XXX has got my number, tell him to use it will ya?

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I would say just wait. My understanding was he asked for your number so I was going to say just wait, he will contact, but if your friend was the one that gave him the number and he hasn't called, I'd say forget it. He KNOW you like him, he HAS your number, anything he doesn't do now is because he's not interested.

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I would say just wait. My understanding was he asked for your number so I was going to say just wait, he will contact, but if your friend was the one that gave him the number and he hasn't called, I'd say forget it. He KNOW you like him, he HAS your number, anything he doesn't do now is because he's not interested.

 

 

This would be true if the guy wasn't shy / awkward. With shy awkward guys, the girl has to give more clear signals & make it abundantly clear that a request for a date will be met with a positive response.

 

 

Allowing somebody else to give out your Number doesn't send that kind of a clear signal.

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I am a shy guy and I focus fully on making a girl like me. A girl could make a complete idiot of themselves and it would not make any difference to me because I am focused on how I am coming across to her.

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Forget all the etiquette sent him a private message on Facebook and just ask him if he likes to hang out with you some time in a place where no known people are around. Perhaps you guys have shared hobbies that might give some ideas. The fact that he was nervous around you says enough, he likes to meet you.

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Forget all the etiquette sent him a private message on Facebook and just ask him if he likes to hang out with you some time in a place where no known people are around. Perhaps you guys have shared hobbies that might give some ideas. The fact that he was nervous around you says enough, he likes to meet you.

 

I agree, I am a shy guy and I know if a girl I liked asked me to hang out I would jump at the chance.

Also if he refuses, don't feel embarrassed because if it was me I would spend the whole time beating myself up for possibly making the girl feel bad for refusing her.

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I did send him a Facebook message last week asking what his schedule was like since we never got to make plans the other day. It says that he read it a few days ago but never responded. Haha! I hate that you can see when someone reads your messages; it makes me kind of feel like a stalker.

 

I'm wondering if I was maybe too forward, or maybe he was just offering to hang out in the first place to be nice/he felt pressured. In the meantime, another nice guy has asked me out for drinks, so I'm not going to put my life on hold to try to figure out what his deal is. Maybe this is different for shy guys, but I feel like at this point if I push any harder, it will come off as trying too hard or like I'm not able to take a hint.

 

Also, yes, I am really embarrassed that my friend gave him my number and we did have a little talk about boundaries when trying to play matchmaker.

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I do not think you were to forward. And who cares what others think, or what he thinks :) What matters is that you are happy with what you did. I would like it if a woman reached out to me like that. I know that if i would have gotten a number when i was young I probably would have thought that you guys were making fun of me. In hindsight i have been blind a couple of times. Perhaps you can try one last time if you are still curious to him. If he still not reacts then you know for sure that he is a fool, or a very passive guy.

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Allowing somebody else to give out your Number doesn't send that kind of a clear signal.

 

Weird. As a shy guy myself (or I just not as open as other people are), getting a woman's phone number from someone else would be quite a clear signal to me.

 

The only thing I would question is why is this outside source giving it to me and not her? When this happens, it is typically someone playing games with me.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Chalkdust89

Update: he told my friend that he never messaged me back because he likes staying home by himself on the weekends. Moving on!

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Itspointless
Update: he told my friend that he never messaged me back because he likes staying home by himself on the weekends. Moving on!

So the conclusion is that he has bad manners. You deserve better than that. I am sorry to hear.

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Make the move, it's a ridiculous notion that men have to be the ones who make all the advances. You know what you want, yet you're content to just sit there and pretty much do nothing. Get his number and chat him up individually and make something happen. If you don't want to freak him out, just do hang outs for the first bit, then move on from there. You are in control just as much as he is.

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Make a move, as a guy - I know that *most* guys are shy and *even* though they KNOW they should approach girls. They find it very hard. They are afraid of rejection. That's a fact.

 

Seriously, just get in touch with the guy and stop over thinking everything.

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Chalkdust89
Make the move, it's a ridiculous notion that men have to be the ones who make all the advances. You know what you want, yet you're content to just sit there and pretty much do nothing. Get his number and chat him up individually and make something happen. If you don't want to freak him out, just do hang outs for the first bit, then move on from there. You are in control just as much as he is.

 

What? This has nothing to do with gender roles. He got my number from my friend and said he would text me. If I had somebody's number and they didn't have mine, I wouldn't expect them to be the first one to make an advance, regardless if they were male or female. However, as one of my other posts said, I did initiate contact even after he said he would, and he never responded.

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